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Hello I thought I would make a thread like this primarily because I don't think there has ever been one like this on TDB since its beginning. So yes I am a transgendered woman (assigned male at birth, now female). You may have known me on here previously as dmattwads. Understandably there is some confusion on here when people see old posts of mine talking about male cultivation practices. I realize that the topic of transgenderism is very poorly understood by the general public and so I decided to make a Q&A post. I will NOT however answer super personal questions about my body so its not an AMA (ask me anything). I will though be happy to answer well intentioned questions about what it means to be transgendered because there may be those out there that are questioning for themselves, know someone that is transgendered, or just want to understand this topic better. Maddie :-)

Sunrise at Rainbow Point in Bryce Canyon with my son. He'd never seen anything of it prior. Conditions were absolute perfection. North Campground still open year round. As we were driving up into the snowline in the sleet he turned and said... "well now I know where the other half of my heart has been waiting for me this life..."

This was originally written in reply to a post within a thread that I cannot find, so I am posting this here as a stand alone piece because it addresses an important spiritual question that many seekers wonder about, namely the nature of challenges in life and its place in spirituality... why do they happen what can we do about it Often, the challenges we face in life- from small to great, can also become some of the most precious gifts in our personal growth and development. This insight with intention and rightful effort to learn, grow and transform is integral to the self-refinement of the spirit (shen)! As with and integral to the nature of karma, the challenges exist because of conditions yet unresolved within ourselves. When we can realize this with appreciation for the reflection and opportunity that it is to cultivate our person and spirit, then we can take responsibility for the way we shape the conditions of our path. When this resolve is strong, it effects the present and changes the future. When this resolve is deep, it transforms our past and thus becomes the erasure of karma through the reversal of cycles (a deep principle within the spiritual movement of the wu xing). With wisdom, this will become the way in which you become Conscious and thus capable of co-creating destiny (ming). It is not to say that challenge and struggle are not without pain- (sometimes tremendous and immense, if not terrifying) or that there is pleasure in such hardships itself, per se. But with insight and compassion about the nature of self-responsibility to refine and become, it blooms the wisdom of strength in humility and grace. The path to Consciousness is through self-realization and in this there is no blame toward others, situations or necessarily even ourselves. Rather, there is continuous recognition that no one can take responsibility for our own given body/form (the po), our own soul (hun shen), and thus our own path (tao) nor our own destiny (ming), but yourself. And as frightening, vulnerable and small as the unconsciousness that is our own karmic pain may sometimes feel, look for the strength in compassion and humility, for these qualities are what imbue us with the radiance and grace to carry forth- they are the radiance of Consciousness; so that the unconsciousness that is burden and previous ignorance will be diminished and through rightful perseverance, entirely overcome. And yes, it is possible to entirely overcome the things you thought would haunt you and hurt you forever... those things which seemed impossible to resolve. For they were once the creation of unconsciousness, but in the light of Consciousness there is only the unifying light of clarity that is True Nature (xing) and this is Peace. This is one of the great processes that everyone goes through as they tend to the elixir and cleanse themselves of all karmic ailments. Because challenging moments and conditions are a necessary aspect of valuable opportunity, it is beneficial not bring more unconsicousness to the unconsciousness that is already contained within these hardships by laying more waste (ie. blame, shame, guilt, hatred, anger); to do so only causes entrenchment and has potential to deepen the hole and prolong the reptitive cycle of experience. The more we resist the opportunity for responsible, integrious and compassionate action, then the more we will continue to experience more of the same hardships or worse. This is not punishment or even the judgement of blame necessarily, rather- and more importantly, it is the principle of unlearned opportunity that is karma, that is the puzzle you own in this lifetime to unravel. In a way, I suggest- especially for those prone to guilt and shame, to not feel so identified or personal about the pain - either as a mark of shame or badged mission to overcome- in short don't attach your pride positively or negatively to challenges or pain. Yet proceed with all the responsbility and devotion, with sincereity and inner strength to take care of what you have been given and presented, for this pain and these challenges are as much your own as they are part of collective. As the Buddha taught, a true teacher- a truly great one, is one who helps you to see yourself- this is not only true of a Great Teacher, but can also be true of the powerful reflections within your own life if you allow it to be. But too often people spend time hating the source that offers the reflection- not realizing that when they hate, blame and react to that source, when they treat their own life and the life of others carelessly and unconsciously; then they only bring more harm upon themselves and thus prolong their own hardships and the collective pain. I can tell you, it is not uncommon that many of the persons who come into Consciousness suffered horrendous traumas. But it is in part because of the depth of their sincerity and willingness to really know the truth within themselves and to care for this Truth with all the resolve that they knew possible that they were gifted with the Golden Seed*; these are the actions of a virtuous being and they integral to the direct process of developing the elixir- to reverse the cycle of experience that is karma and resolve back into pure Unity through refinement of profound insight. So often people deem this process mystical, but it is no more miraculous than practical; it is no more the movement of Tao as it is the stillness of the maturity you find within. Just as grasping and greed for pleasure becomes the bondage of unconsciousness, insight and grace in pain can become liberation in consciousness. Therefore, don't assume the nature of conditions based on the the quality of ease in self-ignorance. Unity contains all things, so learn how to be rightfully in relation to all things. Do not separate the pain from pleasure, but do learn to distinguish rightful stillness and action through the mirage of condition. So I urge you to remember, that challenges are reflections of what is still yet to be learned: unconsciousness waiting to be revealed and resolved through (your) Consciousness. When we blame, despise, resent or indulge the painfulness of these reflections, then we squander the opportunity to refine the spirit and this in turn prolongs the cycle. If instead we can use the energy (qi) we have to transform our consciousness (shen) then we can transmute the potential (jing) into what is true and pure (the yuan). This how you take care of The (three great) Treasures you've been given. Take responsibility for your own Liberation, for your soul is a worthy essence in need and benefit of all the beauty of effort that you can give it! ----- *The Golden Seed is comprised of many components or aspects of spirit in Unity (the 'little shens' and the Great shen). These are not the energies of some kind of post-natal qi (as many would mistakenly believe) but rather of refined shen qi- meaning they are the energies of a purified spirit, that in greater resolved Unity becomes part of the Yuan Shen. Just as Conscious Unity contains the harmony of darkness and light, so too must you discover how to be in harmony amidst the waves; every stroke of moonlight no different than the light of sun- let the weather of nature be your teacher, let yourself be a great student and observer to the life within yourself; to not fear to uncover, discover and adventure across your own ravines and mountains; for somewhere in its inner depths lies the Mysterious Passage- a dimension without place, an entry without lock, a recognition of the true self within the Great Tao Yin.

Psychedelics and some legalized drugs change your internal state via biochemistry. Conversely, meditation involves directly changing one's internal state, thus causing biochemical changes in the body. Drugs are worthless in cultivation. It is similar to taking a hammer, hitting yourself in the head, and then claiming to achieve a "trance," "samadhi," or "advanced" state of meditation. While some people claim there are many benefits, like reducing stress, tension, and sporadic thoughts, many people take it as a medical prescription for certain ailments. This is only partly true. You have to realize that a multi-billion dollar business is behind this, with strong lobby funding and "positive" research. I am pretty sure cannabis is doing some permanent damage to the human brain if you take it consistently over a period of time. Now back to the change of the state of mind, "helping in meditation", or any other spiritual claim of cannabis (THC), Ayahuasca and just about any other psychedelic. They are not even 1/1000 as potent as you can get through proper training and cultivation. If only people would train properly instead of searching for cheat codes and faster/easier ways to progress. Human potential is far beyond that. But how would you know it if your Guru smokes cigars, drinks whiskey, sits with murky eyes and a massive pot belly, endlessly talking nonsense about spiritual cultivaiton?

We each experience reality from the center of our own awareness and that experience always seemingly alights in awareness as whole and complete with no holes or ommissions. Yet this does not imply that we experience the all of reality... just that our experience is whole and full for us. My gal is navigating a process by which one of her eyes has ceased to function accurately at all. She's nearly blind in one eye. The lense has become distorted and dimpled and so refracts light in myriad directions, not just a single direction (which is readily corrected for by glasses/lenses). She is amazed when looking at the same picture with each eye seperately and how vastly different they appear given how the signals are received by the conditioned perceptual system and it trying to rectify imaging through the usual process. The reality for her is that when it's not reconcilable for both eyes to contribute to a picture of the world that reconciles as complete, her brain simply shuts down the input from one eye and ignores it utterly, so as to compensate for the experience of wholeness. Yet her experience of seeing is not diminished in her experiential process at all. It still seems complete and whole, (unless she closes the dominant eye and forces the subbed eye into operation). We learned about this with our son when he was in 4th grade and one of his teachers realized his eyes were not tracking accurately. Through working with an optometrist and a set of exercises, we were able to aid him in developing more accuracy which allowed him to read and process more readily... but in the process of finding out where his alterations of perception lay... there were clear indicators of when his brain was simply shutting off input entirely from one eye, depending on conditions and fatigue, etc. It was utterly fascinating to witness first hand. And this is perhaps why Naive Realism is still so rampant among humans to this day, even though it's been summarily dismissed since the age of the Stoics. It is a compelling notion that our experience of life is whole, complete and accurate, and it's also very comforting to assume we see the world as it is, entirely accurately when it's all actually interpretation, storytelling, projective and assumption/conditioning based. At this point much of the cultivation process seems like a dance with the process of bringing awareness to the process of the Storyteller who crafts elaborate and detailed stories about the nature of reality, from the few parcels of signals that we receive from our perceptual process. It's quite disconcerting (or downright horrifying) to come face to face with the aspects of our assumptions about perception and the universe and realize they are wholly innacurate illusions. At this point for me, the realm of absolute certainty is the realm of the arrogance of ignorance. And it's entirely understandable that so many folks retreat from such processes of awakening when they get glimpses through the veil, it's quite disorienting and uncomfortable and so rather than pursue the path of truth, they dig back in deeply to the comfort of Naive Realim and the absolute certainty of former interpretation versus exploring what is... edit to add: Adyashanti has two statements that resonate on this point for me: "Most of us want to feel better, we don't actually want to see that we're misperceiving things. But that's the core of spirituality. And the only way to really wake up is to realize that the way you perceive yourself is not true." Adyashanti " Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It's seeing through the facade of pretence. It's the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true." Adyashanti

This sums up my couple months long experience on DaoBums 😂

I’m sure TT is one of those particularly gifted, 1-in-a-billion persons

I would say when you spend your entire life hating what you see in the mirror constantly and then finally you like it. It tends to make one kind of excited LOL

@Salvijus Eh....I think it was courageous of Maddie to start this thread, and I´m glad it gave us the chance to ask questions and voice opinions about this sometimes divisive topic. It´s gone better than I would of predicted. I think it´s one thing to comment on the science, politics, or societal implications of transgenderism; and another thing entirely to weigh in on somebody else´s personal choices. Maddie says she´s happier now that she has transitioned and I see no reason not to believe her. The way I see it, personal experience always trumps (pun very much not intended) abstract spiritual theory about chi or ghosts or Buddhist doctrine. Maddie is happy, or at least happier, and I am happy for her. What more is there to say?

~~~ admin comment ~~~ I banned Yae. Standard op procedure is stepwise warning/s, suspension/s, etc before ban. I took exception in this case: straight to perma-ban. He’s not right for this community. - Trunk p.s. Thank you to member/s for reporting offending post/s. ~~~ admin out ~~~

This. This right here might be at the core of a majority of vexation with regards to the topic. For individuals who have not personally experienced a significant enough decoupling of the societally enforced equivalency of the two, i guess i can see how it might be inconceivable that such a thing even exists. Dao Bums needs a "heart" icon. Lacking which, I give you a quasi-mystical photo of the lake and mountain I live next to, in appreciation. (photo by Stephanie Espinosa)

sure! i have a proper dao-bums-relevant introduction thread in the welcome forum, so i'll do the trans-specific one here i'm rose. i started transitioning in late 2021 because i thought it would impress zhuangzi. i'm only half-joking. (before 2021, i spent rather more time than the average cis boy thinking about the zhuangzi as a trans-inclusive text) i do think that 無為 (wuwei) provides a good model for understanding gender. we tend to think of transition as a goal-directed set of changes away from Received Gender toward Desired Gender. but that misses its heart. Received Gender isn't something that comes "for free": it requires lots of active maintenance, both through active performance (為) and actively holding oneself back from behaving as the Desired Gender (不為). i don't think it's useful to define "woman", but if forced to, i would say: woman is what happens when i do nothing. 無為而無不為 (wuwei er wubuwei)—non-doing and non-not-doing.

I get synchronicities nearly every day. Almost enough to convince me we live in a simulation. I vividly remember the very first one -- I was 8 years old, spending a month in a summer camp. Several girls in the corner of a very large room were talking about something while I was reading a book in another corner. A name of a new protagonist came up in my book, a very unusual one -- unusual enough for me to have never encountered that name not only before, but ever again. At exactly the moment my eyes were reading that name on the page, one of the girls across the room yelled it out excitedly -- that very name. Turned out they were trying to remember an unusual name of someone they knew, and did, simultaneously with it appearing in front of my eyes. This particular kind of synchronicity has been happening to me with some regularity. I wish I knew what it means. I have several theories, but no definitive proof of anything...

I have an anti-desire to appear in photographs . I usually use this guy instead and claim he is me ;

I hope everyone's having a good day today! 😊🩷

Fair enough. I once got an energy reading from african shaman Malidoma Some. He threw some cowry shells on my behalf and analyzed how they landed. The upshot was that I had a spirit hanging around me and needed to do a ritual that involved climbing a mountain (well, large hill really), making a circle of ash and then talking to the spirit. Something like that. It was a long time ago and my memory is hazy. Anyway, like a doofus I decided to talk to the spirit before going to bed that night without bothering about the mountain or the ash. In the middle of the night, my stereo turned on full blast all by itself. Very spooky.

My ego wants to kick some people in the nards now and then, but I usually tell my ego "no ego lets not do that, if you're good when we get home I'll give you a cookie :-)" and then my ego is like "I really wanted to kick that person in the nards, but oh boy I do like cookies" 🍪🤤🩷

When we think of both dream and supposed waking life, we think they are completely different. However they are different in stability but in actuality they are quite similar. I think analysing dream reality and uncovering it's rules helps us better understand waking reality. Those could say that waking reality is also dream reality just more stable. When we dream our minds projects a reality. Our 5 senses still work, we have a dream body. In most cases when we dream we treat the dream as real and experience suffering due to attachment as similar in waking reality. What's interesting is within a dream, when we come to the realisation we are just dreaming and all experience is unreal/illusion, our attachment to our situation is greatly reduced including our suffering. Looking into Dzogchen togal recently I couldn't help but question the current waking reality we exist in. Maybe just like in a dream, our bodies and dream is just a projection, in waking reality maybe it is no different. We are experiencing projections of our own mind, our body and senses are also projections. Maybe reality like a dream will have less of a hold on us if we start to believe it might not be as real as it seems.

I'll let you judge for yourself. On the right was the last picture I took of myself as a guy before I started transitioning. On the left is a picture I took a couple weeks ago.

Depressing news from the Buddhists lately: There is no self Global nuclear war in the future Etc etc.

which bit of wanting a penis, a beard , a low voice and no boobs led you to this conclusion?

I think this thread has been productive so far. There is a lot of misunderstanding about being trans as well as LGBTQ+ issues as well. Education is the answer! :-)

I do not know why a minority of people does not feel at home in their bodies, but it is a deep-rooted feeling. And not, what is often thought, a psychological or psychiatric phenomena. Although I guess that currently with all the eyes that are on the alphabet people, some nutty people have gathered under that flag that are mislead ( or worse, misusing it). I would also not rule out that currently some youngsters walk that path just because they can. But at its core these people exist and are now in a same sort of "societal transition-time" as I have seen gays and lesbians go through. Not being pushed into shame and unfit for society, but simply being accepted for having a different sexual attraction then the majority, not a psychiatric condition, no need to "cure" with conversion therapy, just accept us, as we are. I think that there are differences in the fleshbody to be found, but not yet looked for. looking at my own body as a young woman: hands and feet to big ( those feet have never fitted in girl or ladies shoes) too much musclemass ( and a joy to train) brain too analytical, all very unladylike and never have wanted to be that either. ( also hormone levels not fitting into the accepted levels for a female, allergic reaction to estrogens) One day medical people will find physical differences between cis and trans people and as such, when you do want to make groups I guess we will fit in much better with intersex people. here in western society we've tended to make intersex people confirm to being male or female as babies. So as to let them fit in with society. So it is society that cuts humans in 2 different halves and you're not allowed to be different from the norm. But older societies could not do that and have different ways of looking at and integrating ( or not) people diverging from the norm. the first part of my life I lived/masked as a boy/young man. During high-school that was problematic, but after that I became a mechanic and found the same sense of friendship and camaraderie I had with boys when still a child. Oh, they all knew I was a woman, but I was accepted as one of the guys, doing the same chores, and having the same joys. the second part I have tried to live as a woman, it was not successful and it has made me unhappy, the best choice i have ever made was divorce after the kid was of age. That kid interestingly, much later told me: mom, when I was a kid you really were more of a dad then a mom. I never had easy contact with girls, their interests were not mine and it was only deep into my forties that friendships with women developed. I clearly remember the moment when a female friend had to have surgery because of a very high risk on hereditary breast-cancer, a double mastectomy, she told me it hurt her so much as her breasts were part of her female identity just like with all women. I never told her, but at that moment i found myself thinking. Having no breasts would make me happy. Now during the third and last part of my life I am just human, the whole idea of man or woman, one way or the other, has left me. ----- Obviously this whole subject has had my interest for a very long time, I know several trans-people that you would not be able to spot, as they blend so well in the picture we expect with a certain gender. I guess most of us are just trying to blend in were we feel we belong and the portrayal of trans-people as pink and rainbowy dressed up people is cringy to me. there is grumbling about the prides too, too much rainbows and things. but I guess in essence what a pride is...the reversal of shame, I should be ashamed I do not fit in societal norms of what a girl should be, just as back in the days, gays should be ashamed to be attracted to a male, "that's unnatural" I will never forget the teacher that left my primary school because he was a homosexual. Although it was never said out loud by the grownups, all the kids were blabbing about it. Looking back, he was a very feminine man for sure. That was in the sixties lets not repeat such things.

Yin/Yang indeed lol. There have actually been a number of psychological changes that have occurred since I began transitioning. When I began my medical transition I was put on a combination of testosterone blockers and estrogen pills. This completely changed my body chemistry from male to female. This had a dramatic effect on my emotional life and perceptions. For one thing I cry much easier. Before as a man I would rarely cry, maybe once every few years. It wasn't that I was not trying to, it just didn't happen. Now I cry easily several times a week, and often for not obvious reason. This was one of the first changes I noticed. My sense of smell has become more sensitive as well. While many years of cultivation has made me sexually indifferent I perceive men differently than I used to. I used to be completely indifferent to a man's appearance aside from the obvious of realizing a well groomed in shape man was better looking than an unwashed bum (no offense Dao Bums). Now I find attractive men catching my eye in a way that they had not before. I am still not sexually attracted to them (nor am I to women) but I find them more aesthetically pleasing. Now here's one that I don't care for but you take the bad with the good. I have lost significant amounts of muscle strength, especially upper body strength. When I was in college I did jujitsu and did not find sparing with men to be difficult on a strength level, but now I am significantly overpowered when sparring with men. I guess the plus side is this forces me to rely on technique more, which is how its supposed to be in jujitsu lol. Those are a few of the more obvious changes that I was able to think of off the top of my head.

Thank you for posting this Q&A. It might strike some people as odd that this topic confounds me a little. As a gay man, part of the alphabet soup of LGBTQ blah blah blah, a person might think I´d have a good idea of what it means to be trans -- but I don´t. Although we´re grouped together, I think gay people have as many questions about transgender topics as straight people do. At least I do. On the one hand: total respect. Coming out as gay was hard for me, and coming out as trans -- and actually transitioning -- strikes me as exponentially harder. It´s inspiring to see people summon the courage to be their authentic selves. So kudos to you, Maddie. What hangs me up a little is some of the language some trans activists would have us use in the name of inclusivity -- pregnant people and so on. Can men get pregnant? Can women have prostate cancer? I´ll admit: I struggle with this. One of my core values is kindness and the last thing I want to do is make trans people, or anyone really, feel excluded. So why do I have such a hard time accepting this new world where gender is completely divorced from physiology? I´ve been told that I´m closed minded and that´s certainly possible. Perhaps my future self will see things differently than I do now. Anyway, thank you for providing this space for me to share my thoughts. I welcome your response.

I'm more interested in seeing the advanced students rather than the master. They show if the system is learnable. Same with the martial arts, it's not the sensei you'll become, if you're diligent, it's the senior students under them. Are they talented, are they balanced? Or in the case of this thread, do they have similar 'powers'? The masters have given their whole life to the system, huge sacrifice. Top students give a few hours a day, everyday for decades.

I don't think it means this. Any more than we can recall the past with 100% accuracy. If you're speaking of predicting the future, there is no future. It is now. We're watching it unfold now. This is what enlightenment offers. You become infused with a greater essence; it seems that it is infused from elsewhere, but it isn't. It's infused from the god-mind inside you. We become the god-mind, there is the enlightenment. There is no need to refer to websites any longer, your information is directly from the source. The god-mind only needs to be open to the answers to receive them. It does appear that time, our lives, are stretched out like a Slinky. In reality, time and space are the very same thing, and time and space is how our god-mind expresses itself. It's not really stretched out. Both metaphysical reading (metaphysics = the true dynamics that are shared by all viable religions) and having a light understanding of quantum physics, together, will explain the disparity between what appears to be true (slinky time and distant space), and the real Original Intent., The metaphysics are not found within a religious structure.) We ARE time and space.

Misunderstandings of the dzogchen and nondual teachings are often related to conflating the characteristics of the natural state with the characteristics of the practitioner. The natural state has no likes or dislikes but people do. We can approach wisdom in our lives but as long as we have a mind and body we are living in samsara and collecting karma and we will have likes and dislikes. I think this quote is potentially misleading, at least in my limited experience and understanding. In receiving and studying dzogchen teachings, I've never encountered the advice to 'reject the distinction between good and bad in the sphere of my own mind' [sic]. Furthermore, we don't generally deal with thoughts in one way and actions in another. What the teachings are saying to me is that distinctions between good and bad exist in the mind and only in the mind. Such distinctions do not exist in the nature of mind which is free of all partiality. We cannot free ourselves of such distinctions through rejection or denial. As practitioners, we are naturally subject to partiality and we need to be honest with ourselves about that. On the dzogchen path, nothing is rejected and all experiences are taken onto the path. When we get a taste of the nature of mind through our practice we can get a sense of what it is like to be free of judgements and distinctions but that is not our ongoing condition with very rare exceptions. To the extent that we are able to allow the activity and reactivity of the mind to liberate spontaneously, we create no karmic traces and experience no distinction between good and bad. For most of us, this is not a continuous flow of self-liberation so we need to deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly in one way or another. With regards to engaging in harmful or negative actions due to a misinterpretation of these teachings it is said that the dzogchen view should be as boundless as the sky and actions should be as fine as tsampa. This means in the state of the enlightened view (that is, the nature of mind) there is no distinction between good and bad but in the actions there is only the direct manifestation of enlightened activity defined and informed by the four immeasurables - joy, compassion, unconditional love, and equanimity.

That´s good to know -- thanks! Part of the trouble with this kind of law is that people aren´t clear about where the boundaries are and will likely self-censor to keep themselves safe. Even if nobody actually goes to prison, the threat of legal action throws a pall over free speech. J. K. Rowling´s celebrity may be protective; the authorities know that imprisoning her would cause a huge stir. I suspect ordinary people will be more vulnerable. (Oops -- I´m current eventing again. @steve Just a heads up in case you feel this discussion should be moved.)

I find turning my thoughts from what I don't want to what I do want shifts the gear from becoming drained to feeling wholesome. It's not always as easy as said, but a good place to start

... everyone.

sometime in the seventies I was adopted by a fierce wild kitten. I had let it be known I would like a cat and someone came along with a box, telling me: I have 2 kittens, you want them? So I carefully opened one of the flaps, a red streak jumped out and vanished somewhere in my room. I quickly closed the box and told her that it seemed the cat had arrived. It was a wild little thing, scared out of his wits, born on a farm mom a farmcat, dad probably a tomcat living in the wild. Had not had any contact with humans apart from being caught and put into that box. Took much patience to earn this trust but eventually we became friends, he even was nice with visitors too. I fed it chopped heart, minced meat and chopped chicken. Every day he licked clean the plate I used to eat my oatmeal from, thereby having added some milk. He grew up to be a beautiful tomcat .

@Taomeow your last post brought to mind that growing up in England in the 1950's (yes I really am that old) the fruit and vegetables we could buy were all seasonal. You could only get strawberries, cherries, bananas and so on at certain times. Also the vegetables were very varied and mostly locally produced. They varied in size, shape and quality. There was still some rationing from the war and even oranges were a rarity (we had bottles of condensed orange juice). But it was quite natural and unaffected by sprays of chemicals and wotnot. We always hated having salad for school dinners because the lettuce invariably had bugs in it - and we got the large outer leaves which tasted bitter. This was all made worse by the fact that I had spent some of my childhood in the USA (North Carolina and Cali.) and could remember all the tomatoes and oranges. Anyway later, particularly in the 80's and 90's they invented large supermarket chains (replacing the green grocers and grocers I was used to) and they increasingly supplied carrots, tomatoes, apples and so on which were uniform and identical. I don't think taste was the priority just appearance. In fact I think they prioritised blandness When I started to visit Portugal about 20 years ago it was a revelation because all the food was locally sourced - and I experienced again the strange sight of oddly shaped carrots and turnips. But the taste was wonderful. I rediscovered peaches and plums which had actual taste - in the case of ripe peaches and melons so strong and juicy it was beyond imagination. I think the Dao likes variety as per the 10,000 things - if I may be so bold as to attribute like and dislike to the way. I think that although we were once more the same as you say - the layers of difference we have accumulated over the years - the actions, interactions, combinations and permutations might actually be the point of it all. So when we bite the apple we don't know if it is going to be joy or disappointment. We can then rejoice in the changes.

We were supposed to be equal. I remember a taoist source (but forget which) that asserted "people of old" were much more similar to each other than they are today. (Keep in mind that the source's "today" was taking place some 2000 years earlier than our "today.") The analogy was given -- if you plant some seeds (forget which, let's say cabbage), under normal conditions all of them will have the same soil to germinate in, the same amount of it to spread out in, access to equal amounts of sunlight, water, and care. After a while, they will all sprout on the same day, grow at the same rate, have the same level of health and resilience, look pretty much the same, mature at the same time, flower and bear fruit together (unless harvested, in which case they will all taste the same), and so on. But if different parts of your plot are uneven in quality, you will find that you plant some of the same seeds in fertile black soil, some on rocky terrain, some on a sandy patch in full sun, some on a muddy one in the shade of large trees, and so on. Try planting some seeds so close to each other that they have to compete for space. Then try watering some but not others, overwatering still others, pulling weeds around some but not others, and so on. You will soon see vastly different plants that do not germinate or grow simultaneously, don't mature in unison, some will shoot up and others will wilt, some will be healthy and some, sickly, the development of some will be stunted while their peers will thrive, and so on. The source asserted humans are only very different from each other for exactly the same reasons. I'd add, thousands of reasons, thousands of factors. Sometimes it's blatant -- you can tell how someone came to be the way they came to be -- but more often it's impossible to know. Which nutrients were missing from that particular patch of the soil? Which poisons present? Who knows...

No growth of moor or coppice, No heather-flower or vine, But bloomless buds of poppies, Green grapes of Proserpine, Pale beds of blowing rushes Where no leaf blooms or blushes Save this whereout she crushes For dead men deadly wine.

I, being I in this clouded world, Am drawn by base desire and some malevolent duty, To thrust my naked self into the Waterfall, Deluged there by reckless beauty, Submerged in sandy shores and, Named Sharon mysteriously, Washed up on distant shores, Not dead but yet a surrogate corpse, The body of an unborn kind, Transmigrated from this world to the next, Timeless and yet waiting, For the late night bus.

you are wiser than i...

I've seen that more yes. at last the way you look fits with how you feel and that's reason for joy and pictures. like the happiness I felt as a preschooler having told my mom that I did not want dresses anymore. After a slight hesitation she told me "yes, that's okay for me" I was so happy

Oh I do that too. Shall we play a bit of Where's Waldo? or in this case mischievous Maddie.

Soto Zen teacher in the Shuryu Suzuki lineage here. Sorry if sharing this annoys anybody. I have practiced since 1990 in the Nyingma/Dzogchen tradition, and for the last 7 years in the Soto Zen tradition. Shikantaza is the same as Dzogchen - resting in enlightened mind. It is sitting without any crutch of a technique, allowing enlightened mind to be as it is, and is therefore the SAME as enlightened mind, only in most people there is no insight into its nature. The Rinzai teachers I am friends with would agree with this summation, only they would simply use the term "zazen" to refer to their meditation. Shikantaza, to me is a more specific and detailed assessment of what it means. I started sitting in Dzogchen at the age of 23 and it has been my primary practice until now. I was introduced to the non-dual "nature of mind"/beginner's mind/buddha nature at that time, and became increasingly better at this meditation until it "stuck", and a moment of complete non-dual insight opened everything up almost 10 years ago. Since that point, it has become a permanent perspective, supplanting the previous frame of duality permanently. Now mind is ALWAYS in shikantaza/dzogchen. IF you can practice by resting the mind in it's enlightened (actual) nature, I would do so as often as I possibly could knowing what I do now. It IS a very direct path to enlightenment for those that are able to see the non-dual nature, and have some faith in what it is. ALL of my 7 or so teachers (and their teachers) sat this way and realized the nature of things. It requires giving up on results, and the belief in agency, and requires a faith in the practice that comes from seeing that even BEFORE awakening it is transformative. Feel free to message me if you have any questions.

I think before things get to sidetracked and go down the rabbit hole of conspiracy or whatever else I want to redirect to what the actual issue is. A transgender person is born with a brain that is one gender and a body that is another sex. This isn't just speculation MRI scans show that the brain is actually different in transgender people. That being the case what doctors and psychologists say is the best and the only solution to what is called gender dysphoria is to transition one's body. I can attest that this is correct due to my personal experience. I tried to fight it over a long time by working on my mind and that did not work in fact it made my anxiety and depression much worse. Almost as soon as I acknowledged that I was transgendered and began hormone therapy and came out to live as I truly am this anxiety and depression ended immediately and I'm a much happier person in spite of all of the friction I get from society and my family. This is why people transition.

Not on this specific topic as much as on this among all others I'm not very trusting of the motives of those who promote anything that happens to be fantastically profitable for the medical cartel. The minds of the recipients of any and all of their offerings are manipulated very skillfully, in every possible area, and I'm not saying all of their offerings are corrupted by ulterior motives (money, power, 'fame and fortune' as a taoist would put it) -- but failing or avoiding to consider them as a factor is IMO a mistake in many cases. I don't know how sex/gender dysphoria would be different in this respect from a multitude of over-diagnosed, over-treated, mis-treated conditions going hand in hand with a multitude of under-diagnosed, under-treated, and again mis-treated conditions. I could give a million examples... For instance, antibiotics resistance is directly responsible for millions of deaths every year, yet research into new antimicrobials has been stagnating for decades, because, to quote a PubMed publication titled "There Is No Market for New Antibiotics," "By the early 1980s, private investment in antimicrobial research ebbed as a result of (...) a broader reorientation of private research and development (R&D) towards more focused investment in expensive yet lucrative noncommunicable (e.g., cancer and lifestyle) medications. The decline in private investment was exacerbated by the parallel closure of formerly successful public R&D efforts, as a result of the contemporary political emphasis on privatization and marketplace-oriented research." In other words, they figured they get more bang for their buck if they invest in chronic conditions requiring continuous indefinite (often lifelong) use of their medications. No one is interested in financing whatever can be cured by efficient new antimicrobials, hence their nonresearch, nondevelopment, and nonexistence. (And no media>public outcry despite an incomparably wider population affected.) Nothing personal -- they just don't care if millions die from this nonresearch and nondevelopment, as long as they can develop something that guarantees repeat customers. On the other hand, any agile kid bored with school will be diagnosed with ADHD in the blink of an eye -- and the fact that it was proved in court (sic) that there was indeed a conspiracy (sic) entered in by pharmaceutical companies and doctors aimed at overdiagnosing this condition was only mentioned in small print somewhere no one is looking... except the likes of me of course, because if I trust, I trust, and if I don't, I look closer. Cats and curiosity, you know... except I believe the proverb is misguided. Curiosity actually saved many a cat. They investigate instead of rushing into things headlong... but don't let me digress. So, I do believe that one has to look very very VERY closely in each case, and I agree with Snowmountains that Which of course would only be working if the psychiatrists weren't all indoctrinated and kickbacked in exactly the same standard of care, otherwise one or three or thirty is all the same. They will uphold whatever standard they are instructed to uphold and won't rock the boat. How do you protect a teenager, let alone a child (it's puberty blockers for children as young as 6, 7, 8 that are part of the current approach that make me go, Jesus quilt-knitting Christ...) in this situation? Like in any other -- keep your fingers crossed and spit thrice across the left shoulder?.. I've heard stories (youtube had many interviews, don't know about now, may have been censored) from young people who were brainwashed by parents who wanted a boy/wanted a girl and wouldn't give up despite the fact that the child they got was not the one they desired; by peers; by their own mistaking, due to young age and inexperience, of a plethora of gender-nonspecific behaviors and feeling (like an interest in a particular style of clothes of lack thereof) for specific for the opposite sex, and so on. I don't know. I asked a friend who is a psychiatrist with a lifetime of experience (in two very different countries) and a lot of compassion and caring. She told me she could help in 19 cases out of 20, and the remaining 1 in 20 was a case of genuine sex dysphoria, far as she was able to tell. I have no idea what these figures signify in the wider world though, but I suspect that out of some other 19 out of 20, some may not get a really good psychiatrist on their case -- let alone three of them -- and may regret the route they have taken. It is not an easy thing to resolve by cavalry attacks on "bias" and hasty irreversible interventions. But it's not different in this respect from many other things that are not easy to resolve. I think modern society in general is a helluva lot better at creating problems than at solving them.

Hang on ... there's something about the formula 'old foggy = Apech' which I don't warm to. lol.

"He who neglects to drink of the spring of experience is likely to die of thirst in the desert of ignorance" - Li Po

I assume if you searched her posts you'd find she was sending curses left and right. Odds are they're a nasty ignorant person looking for attention. That kind of threat only comes from an insecure immature person. Studying a real art means discipline and maturity. In other words imo, you have nothing to worry about.

I worked very hard and managed to become an uncommon schmuck.