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This was originally written in reply to a post within a thread that I cannot find, so I am posting this here as a stand alone piece because it addresses an important spiritual question that many seekers wonder about, namely the nature of challenges in life and its place in spirituality... why do they happen what can we do about it Often, the challenges we face in life- from small to great, can also become some of the most precious gifts in our personal growth and development. This insight with intention and rightful effort to learn, grow and transform is integral to the self-refinement of the spirit (shen)! As with and integral to the nature of karma, the challenges exist because of conditions yet unresolved within ourselves. When we can realize this with appreciation for the reflection and opportunity that it is to cultivate our person and spirit, then we can take responsibility for the way we shape the conditions of our path. When this resolve is strong, it effects the present and changes the future. When this resolve is deep, it transforms our past and thus becomes the erasure of karma through the reversal of cycles (a deep principle within the spiritual movement of the wu xing). With wisdom, this will become the way in which you become Conscious and thus capable of co-creating destiny (ming). It is not to say that challenge and struggle are not without pain- (sometimes tremendous and immense, if not terrifying) or that there is pleasure in such hardships itself, per se. But with insight and compassion about the nature of self-responsibility to refine and become, it blooms the wisdom of strength in humility and grace. The path to Consciousness is through self-realization and in this there is no blame toward others, situations or necessarily even ourselves. Rather, there is continuous recognition that no one can take responsibility for our own given body/form (the po), our own soul (hun shen), and thus our own path (tao) nor our own destiny (ming), but yourself. And as frightening, vulnerable and small as the unconsciousness that is our own karmic pain may sometimes feel, look for the strength in compassion and humility, for these qualities are what imbue us with the radiance and grace to carry forth- they are the radiance of Consciousness; so that the unconsciousness that is burden and previous ignorance will be diminished and through rightful perseverance, entirely overcome. And yes, it is possible to entirely overcome the things you thought would haunt you and hurt you forever... those things which seemed impossible to resolve. For they were once the creation of unconsciousness, but in the light of Consciousness there is only the unifying light of clarity that is True Nature (xing) and this is Peace. This is one of the great processes that everyone goes through as they tend to the elixir and cleanse themselves of all karmic ailments. Because challenging moments and conditions are a necessary aspect of valuable opportunity, it is beneficial not bring more unconsicousness to the unconsciousness that is already contained within these hardships by laying more waste (ie. blame, shame, guilt, hatred, anger); to do so only causes entrenchment and has potential to deepen the hole and prolong the reptitive cycle of experience. The more we resist the opportunity for responsible, integrious and compassionate action, then the more we will continue to experience more of the same hardships or worse. This is not punishment or even the judgement of blame necessarily, rather- and more importantly, it is the principle of unlearned opportunity that is karma, that is the puzzle you own in this lifetime to unravel. In a way, I suggest- especially for those prone to guilt and shame, to not feel so identified or personal about the pain - either as a mark of shame or badged mission to overcome- in short don't attach your pride positively or negatively to challenges or pain. Yet proceed with all the responsbility and devotion, with sincereity and inner strength to take care of what you have been given and presented, for this pain and these challenges are as much your own as they are part of collective. As the Buddha taught, a true teacher- a truly great one, is one who helps you to see yourself- this is not only true of a Great Teacher, but can also be true of the powerful reflections within your own life if you allow it to be. But too often people spend time hating the source that offers the reflection- not realizing that when they hate, blame and react to that source, when they treat their own life and the life of others carelessly and unconsciously; then they only bring more harm upon themselves and thus prolong their own hardships and the collective pain. I can tell you, it is not uncommon that many of the persons who come into Consciousness suffered horrendous traumas. But it is in part because of the depth of their sincerity and willingness to really know the truth within themselves and to care for this Truth with all the resolve that they knew possible that they were gifted with the Golden Seed*; these are the actions of a virtuous being and they integral to the direct process of developing the elixir- to reverse the cycle of experience that is karma and resolve back into pure Unity through refinement of profound insight. So often people deem this process mystical, but it is no more miraculous than practical; it is no more the movement of Tao as it is the stillness of the maturity you find within. Just as grasping and greed for pleasure becomes the bondage of unconsciousness, insight and grace in pain can become liberation in consciousness. Therefore, don't assume the nature of conditions based on the the quality of ease in self-ignorance. Unity contains all things, so learn how to be rightfully in relation to all things. Do not separate the pain from pleasure, but do learn to distinguish rightful stillness and action through the mirage of condition. So I urge you to remember, that challenges are reflections of what is still yet to be learned: unconsciousness waiting to be revealed and resolved through (your) Consciousness. When we blame, despise, resent or indulge the painfulness of these reflections, then we squander the opportunity to refine the spirit and this in turn prolongs the cycle. If instead we can use the energy (qi) we have to transform our consciousness (shen) then we can transmute the potential (jing) into what is true and pure (the yuan). This how you take care of The (three great) Treasures you've been given. Take responsibility for your own Liberation, for your soul is a worthy essence in need and benefit of all the beauty of effort that you can give it! ----- *The Golden Seed is comprised of many components or aspects of spirit in Unity (the 'little shens' and the Great shen). These are not the energies of some kind of post-natal qi (as many would mistakenly believe) but rather of refined shen qi- meaning they are the energies of a purified spirit, that in greater resolved Unity becomes part of the Yuan Shen. Just as Conscious Unity contains the harmony of darkness and light, so too must you discover how to be in harmony amidst the waves; every stroke of moonlight no different than the light of sun- let the weather of nature be your teacher, let yourself be a great student and observer to the life within yourself; to not fear to uncover, discover and adventure across your own ravines and mountains; for somewhere in its inner depths lies the Mysterious Passage- a dimension without place, an entry without lock, a recognition of the true self within the Great Tao Yin.

This sums up my couple months long experience on DaoBums 😂

I would say when you spend your entire life hating what you see in the mirror constantly and then finally you like it. It tends to make one kind of excited LOL

I’m sure TT is one of those particularly gifted, 1-in-a-billion persons

This. This right here might be at the core of a majority of vexation with regards to the topic. For individuals who have not personally experienced a significant enough decoupling of the societally enforced equivalency of the two, i guess i can see how it might be inconceivable that such a thing even exists. Dao Bums needs a "heart" icon. Lacking which, I give you a quasi-mystical photo of the lake and mountain I live next to, in appreciation. (photo by Stephanie Espinosa)

sure! i have a proper dao-bums-relevant introduction thread in the welcome forum, so i'll do the trans-specific one here i'm rose. i started transitioning in late 2021 because i thought it would impress zhuangzi. i'm only half-joking. (before 2021, i spent rather more time than the average cis boy thinking about the zhuangzi as a trans-inclusive text) i do think that 無為 (wuwei) provides a good model for understanding gender. we tend to think of transition as a goal-directed set of changes away from Received Gender toward Desired Gender. but that misses its heart. Received Gender isn't something that comes "for free": it requires lots of active maintenance, both through active performance (為) and actively holding oneself back from behaving as the Desired Gender (不為). i don't think it's useful to define "woman", but if forced to, i would say: woman is what happens when i do nothing. 無為而無不為 (wuwei er wubuwei)—non-doing and non-not-doing.

I get synchronicities nearly every day. Almost enough to convince me we live in a simulation. I vividly remember the very first one -- I was 8 years old, spending a month in a summer camp. Several girls in the corner of a very large room were talking about something while I was reading a book in another corner. A name of a new protagonist came up in my book, a very unusual one -- unusual enough for me to have never encountered that name not only before, but ever again. At exactly the moment my eyes were reading that name on the page, one of the girls across the room yelled it out excitedly -- that very name. Turned out they were trying to remember an unusual name of someone they knew, and did, simultaneously with it appearing in front of my eyes. This particular kind of synchronicity has been happening to me with some regularity. I wish I knew what it means. I have several theories, but no definitive proof of anything...

I have an anti-desire to appear in photographs . I usually use this guy instead and claim he is me ;

I hope everyone's having a good day today! 😊🩷

well now i need a crown of femurs made from my vanquished enemies...

now were's my crown, I did put it somewhere, it must be here, am so forgetful.. well at last I have the age and the befuddled memory of a crone now

No growth of moor or coppice, No heather-flower or vine, But bloomless buds of poppies, Green grapes of Proserpine, Pale beds of blowing rushes Where no leaf blooms or blushes Save this whereout she crushes For dead men deadly wine.

I, being I in this clouded world, Am drawn by base desire and some malevolent duty, To thrust my naked self into the Waterfall, Deluged there by reckless beauty, Submerged in sandy shores and, Named Sharon mysteriously, Washed up on distant shores, Not dead but yet a surrogate corpse, The body of an unborn kind, Transmigrated from this world to the next, Timeless and yet waiting, For the late night bus.

? I would have thought you traveled in a malevolent hearse ?

Well... I thought that too ... until NOW ! No more looking at Maddie selfies for me ! I need all the soul I got ! (At least now I know why you put all them selfies up ! .... Its probably one of those weird immortality Taoist practices ! )

So much of what you said was so relatable. I constantly battled mysterious anxiety and depression my whole life but could not find any obvious source much of the time. When I first became aware of what trans people were I also had a mixture of fascination, and revulsion. I grew up in Texas. A very conservative and religious place. I didn't even know trans people existed and if I had I would have thought to do something like that would be one of the most disgraceful things one could possibly do to themselves. Fast forwarding a lot, one of the main reasons that I became interested in internal cultivation was because of the constant anxiety and depression that I was constantly feeling all of the time. So very early on, on the path I began meditation. At first I was horrified and thought meditation either didn't work or was harmful to my mental health because almost as soon as I began meditation feelings of being a girl came to the surface very quickly. This naturally horrified me and as I fought it my anxiety and depression became worse. I spent several more years meditating, thinking that if I could just meditate enough I could "meditate the trans away". This obviously didn't work and the anxiety and depression only became worse as I continued to meditate. Fast forwarding a little more the fact that I was a girl was becoming this constant internal screaming that I could no longer ignore. Therefore I decided to to an "experiment" and dress like a girl and "indulge" my mind. I fully expected to "get it out of my system" and then that would be the end of my "shameful" cross dressing experiment. So on my day off I went to the thrift store got a girl outfit (my face was red from embarrassment) and took it home. I put it on and instead of feeling ridiculous like I thought I was going to, I felt so comfortable. I realized right then and there that I was trans. I just remember staring at the floor all day in disbelief. The other thing I noticed was once I acknowledged it the constant anxiety and depression that I dealt with constantly just disappeared over night. I could not believe it.

As much as we don't like what Frantzis became only hypocrites will deny the debt they have towards him. Just my assertive humble opinion.

can only give my personal experience, Kundalini came totally unexpected and it cut away ego in one fell swoop. for many weeks I walked around dazed. That one fell swoop had made me realize that those stories that I had always shrugged away as woowoo were true, that ego was made out of nothing, that the phrase "were all one" has substance. but I could not live like that and a new storyline, a new ego built up. again reactive et cetera Now with the underlying knowledge that it is just a story

Thany you but your bookcase is not in focus.

you are wiser than i...

Brother Luke trolls the thread.

yeah but ... ehm, when we were young people were neatly classified in male and female ( as god ordained ) Babies have no idea about male and female, 3 year olds in general have observed this classification. Brothers, fathers and boys are male, sisters, moms and girls are classed as female. But from the time they are babies they are approached according to their sexe. That is outcome of research but I've observed that rearing my son. I got clothing from a sister who had a girl about a year older then my boy. so as a baby he had a nice warm pink babysuit. "oooh, what a lovely little girl, and your momma dressed you warmly to protect you from the cold, what a sweet girl you are" Next week, same bakery, blue jacket and babyjeans, " now you're a sturdy little boy, you can handle the cold eh. You make your momma proud. See those different messages? shaping the expectations our society has from boys and girls, those expectations partly shape our personalities. I found it also interesting that (perceived) babygirls got higher voices cooing over them then babyboys so there's the biological aspect plus the societal aspects that tries to mold us into gender-specific behavior and identification. But also, as a kid I was thus taught there are 2 categories, boy or girl. Nothing else to choose from. Well i was very sure I was not a girl so I had to be a boy. It was not that I wanted a dick @Apech, but i had classified myself as a boy "because i was not a girl" so there was no other choice. I expected to grow a dick as it was needed to fulfill the role of "boy" just as my big sister in those days was growing boobs. During my younger years I have so often wondered what was wrong with me, after a time I sort of decided I was a lesbian, but that was not right to as there were also guys I liked to share my bed with, so then I was biseksual. But why did I lean to be a man...et cetera. For young people it is important to be clear about who they are, where they belong and what their place in a group is. How they identify as it is currently called. But the dichotomy male - female is not true, it is manmade, as there are people who are neither, That's both the intersex people and the trans/nonbinary people. Now that may not be a large group, but many people belong to it. My life would have been a lot easier when i had been aware there exists a third category for those that do not fit in the large dichotomy. The way I lean to when doing nothing ( Thanks @surrogate corpse ) is mostly male, but I can lean female too. The current generation would probably label me nonbinary, for me, after all those decades, I am human and that's okay.

I've seen that more yes. at last the way you look fits with how you feel and that's reason for joy and pictures. like the happiness I felt as a preschooler having told my mom that I did not want dresses anymore. After a slight hesitation she told me "yes, that's okay for me" I was so happy

If you are immortal could you promise never to rhyme Wimbledon and owned again…ever?

ok i apologize for being a little quick to the punch back there. I've seen a lot of the thing Maddie explained where something posed as a question, but amounts to "why do you believe the wrong thing?" inevitably ends up in an exasperated facepalm. I don't think anyone is saying that it does. This. This right here might be at the core of a majority of vexation with regards to the topic. For individuals who have not personally experienced a significant enough decoupling of the societally enforced equivalency of the two, i guess i can see how it might be inconceivable that such a thing even exists.

I think you get the daobums award for the most selfies ever posted here . Haven't you got a 'selfie gone wrong' to show us ? An example of a selfie gone wrong ;

His luminous blobness is in hiding, hiding or not, but you cannot hide you luminosity.

Yes, communication is a tricky thing -- particularly on a forum like this where everything is writing and there are no visual or verbal cues. It´s not surprising that we all get it wrong sometimes. Personally, I don´t feel like my existence as a gay man is challenged. Or maybe I do and am just not describing the experience the way you do? Occasionally I´ll avoid coming out to someone (say a new acquintance at a coffeeshop) because I think they might be judgmental and am just not invested enough in the potential relationship to want to bother. Mostly though I think that that´s something I´m doing to myself. I could be completely out and probably things would be just fine. And if someone doesn´t want to talk to me after they learn that I´m gay is that really such a loss? Probably not. I do think that it´s harder socially to be trans than gay. My mom has a gay son, me, and my mom´s partner Skip has a trans daughter. Skip once confided in my mom that he wished Emily was just gay like me, implying that that would of been easier to deal with. In another twenty years I think it will be much easier to be trans than it is today. At least relatively speaking, you are a pioneer.

@Apech better?

Isn't suggesting to see a psychotherapist a way of saying that he needs help? Help can come in the form of a kind word of understanding. I do not see it as an issue that requires help from a psychotherapist if there is no violent actions that follows those violent daydreams. He is reaching out to forum members for information. Yes, he is asking why ... which shows concern which I believe it means he is not a psychopath or sociopath. It is part of his practice or a result of his practice which makes it a religious discussion. If it were just random daydreams then it would not be religious. Do the daydreams need to be of priest and nuns in order to be religious? But since it comes as a result of his practice of meditation which is part of Buddhism, ...., it becomes a religious discussion. It should not be dismissed. He is asking for compassion and wisdom. Yeah, I know this forum can not handle certain situations and sometimes suggesting professional help is the better alternative to advice given on a forum. What to do? IDK. May be I should stop watching boxing because whatever one feeds the mind is what grows much like Karma. Plant a seed and it will grow. Never knowing for sure when and how it will come back to bite us in the a...

I can´t comment on your malevolence or lack thereof, but I´m not going to forget the penis of feminine power anytime soon.

it means just what it says really, there's an innocence to it that's a bit sinister, like you're luring someone in only to steal their soul once they get close (cannot stress enough that this is a good thing. being vaguely malevolent spirits is our birthright)

Much that is mind gets programmed and stored in the body it seems. Working with the body seems and for me has been an effective means in bringing to awareness deep conditioning and deeply seeded mind blocks and storage when current conditions support release. Though silence and stillness still assert before and after all movement work and are the foundation in my own process.

Strange but true, the author is actually a well-educated student of Lama Zopa Rinpoche, a highly respected Tibetan teacher, and has been since the early 70's. I studied with both Landaw and Rinpoche in the early 2000's for a few years. Both know what they are talking about.

Right, I am off now to practice new kung fu move: Abbot phone-whips monk

How very synchronistic. I've been looking for a summation of different views on synchronicity. I have some theories as well, but am in a theory collecting mode right now. A fun one for me is one day, I went to a particular outdoor mall (Mall X) and decided to sit and watch the people drifting by. My mind drew an analogy to the inner states of mind--- this is how one might observe and relate thoughts/feelings. That night, I went to satsang type of activity. The teacher began to explain how to relax from being caught up in the mind. He said it was like going to Mall X, sitting down, and watching the people wander by. He'd never used that analogy before or since, nor had I explained what I had done.

totally normal behavior for young beautiful women, although i do not have any active intentions anymore, I still like looking at female beauty. Just like I like looking at butterflies and the new flowers now bursting.

scared cow

and the approval to be won from parents is small compared to the approval we want from peers, at least in our younger years.

Thank you. I thought you were being sarcastic -- my mistake, but you often are, so... Anyway, all is forgiven and I'm flattered by your paying attention to my meows. That's the problem with claims -- too many boys cry too many wolves. In my case -- and I don't even remember if I told the story here, must have, I was bursting with this desire to share things ayahuasca for a while but not finding anywhere near adequate words to do it -- but I tried. I talked to everyone about that stuff for a while, even strangers... this only happened to me once before, after my twins were born -- I felt the world needed to know what it was like. Ha! I'm a lot more restrained now about whatever might shake me to the core on impact. But, briefly about what I was referring to. SHE spent 8 hours straight teaching me to control the rainfall, of all things. I never thought it would ever be used after that night, but there was no arguing with her, and while it was going on I sort of got the knack of it, turning the rainstorm in the rain forest on and off many times. By the end of the lesson, it was as easy as turning your shower on and off in your bathroom. And then some time later I had to travel to New York (an unplanned and unexpected necessity trip) and right after I arrived, there was this hurricane Irene warning, a big deal it was supposed to be, they ordered mandatory evacuation for 2.5 million people and issued dire warning for the rest. The night it was to make landfall, I stood outside, remembering and applying stuff ayahuasca taught me. The hurricane totally fizzled out compared to what was predicted/expected. I'll never know if I played a part. All I know is, it seemed like that was precisely what she taught me that stuff for. Interesting. WLP's rationale was, it was for not letting an attacker hit you in the liver should they aim a strike there. He taught us how to move qi wuxing style between five organs first, and then how to increase mobility of the organs themselves. He asserted it's a modern, and abnormal, thing for internal organs to be "stuck" and "glued," similar to (but harder to tackle than) any other manifestation of stiffening, hardening, loss of freedom of movement and control of one's mobility range.

Not mentioned in your proposed list of verifiable signs of having neidan, eh? No "red blood becomes milk?" No growing seven feet tall? No turning into a Buddha who is supposed to be the real verifiable taoist cultivator with neidan? Dismissed! You seem to think that either I'm lying, or I fell for some trick. If I were lying, I'd come up with something other than a phenomenon I never encountered as any sign of anything, I'd go with something more mainstream, like setting stuff on fire with one's bare hands or healing someone's hump or limp, and so on. And if it was some trick, I can't for the life of me imagine how it could be done -- one can hide a rabbit in a top hat but in one's own torso?.. ?? Everybody who has accomplished anything in cultivation is a senior citizen. This is not a young ageist's game -- they all are subconsciously convinced they are immortal by default, and forever young at that -- and someone who has reached an age beyond their reach so far is automatically disqualified. Whereas their real cultivation effort should be focused on becoming a senior citizen, for starters. Nothing is guaranteed to anyone. Real taoist cultivation is about "living out one's human years" to the fullest -- WLP teaches just that, offering the students to set a simple goal for starters, to think of themselves as naturally equipped to live a very long healthy life, take it from there. As for how to deflect a hurricane with magic, that's not WLP, that's ayahuasca's teachings, in my humble case, and I think I said clearly at the time that I've no way of knowing whether it was a coincidence. But that's what she trained me to do, for reasons I didn't understand at the time at all. I wanted something entirely different from her, but it was what it was. Those are all sort of self-defense moves, wait until I'm on the offensive... if the spirit so moves me.

Sorry it took so long to respond, I came across this description from Gopi Krishna recently, I concur with his concept of us as evolving organisms, and that kundalini is the factor that allows the next sense evolution to occur. I’m not sure this is what you were asking actually, as this is the current end game for us as embodied organisms, not just a soul body, but this is all I’ve got! Thinking across disciplines and philosophies, Krishna’s light seems highly likely to be the Shen referred to in Daoism/Neidan. Also the “Stupendous intelligence that I can sense but never fathom, [which] looms behind every object and every event in the universe, silent, still, serene, and immovable like a mountain” sounds remarkably like the Dao.

I’m in hiding and can’t be reached.

I think this just highlights the importance and difficulty of communication. It did not escape my notice that all of the lgbtq+ identifying people assumed I was being trolled and those who did not assume that are not people who have identified as lgbtq+. It's my assumption that when ones existence as an lgbtq+ person gets challenged regularly it makes one more sensitive to certain keywords or triggers. Communication is not an easy thing.

when hungry, eat when thirsty, drink when tired, sleep when dysphoric, transition

@Salvijus deserves credit too. Like some others, I really thought Salvijus was a troll but I was wrong. Sorry Salvijus!

I would not recommend that you sit and hope that your mind shuts up. There will always be activity arising in a healthy mind. The objective is not to quiet the mind but to see it as it is. I would also not be too concerned about noting the content, per se. The content has little to do with this practice. What is important is noticing when you've become disconnected/distracted from your practice, such as it is, and reconnect. There needs to be a sort of passive vigilance that notices when we are being/have been drawn into thought, feeling, or focused perception. Once we notice, we simply reconnect with the practice, and continue. For me this is a releasing or resting of the mental activity, opening to my authentic experience, whatever that may be in the moment, and allowing it to be as it is without engaging, grasping, or pushing anything away. This is an ongoing process and is one of the more valuable benefits of sitting practice. With time and patience we begin to notice our interruptions sooner and find it easier to release and reconnect. Eventually it occurs with less and less frequency and effort until at some point we find a sense of stability, almost an inertia, in the openness of unfabricated presence. It can be a gradual process but there can also be very profound and abrupt experiences of the heart/mind opening into stillness, silence, and spaciousness. As practice becomes stable on the cushion it needs to be exercised off the cushion in all areas of our lives. When you practice for months and years you will notice an infinite number of variations on the theme when it comes to ways we disconnect and reconnect to our practice. Also an endless number of meditative experiences arise, the "good" experiences generally indicative of the release of a particular obscuration or blockage and the "bad" experiences often a sign that we are ttrying to hard. I was taught, and teach, a very specific recipe for this process as well. We use the body, speech, and mind, each of which has an aspect that is related to the mind's essence, rather than its content - stillness of the body, silence of the speech, and spaciousness of the mind. Also, in the Bön dzogchen tradition, zhiné (meditation with an object) is practiced until some degree of stability and insight into the mind's nature are achieved. Only then do we begin to practice with less tangible objects like stillness, silence, and spaciousness always moving towards untethering. My experience is that most people find it much more accessible to have a target, of sorts, and a tether. With practice and time these are gradually released until we are able to jump in to the deep end and find support and stability. Undoubtedly there are people who need little or no support. That was not the case for me. As always, wiser for whom? We need to know ourselves and be honest with ourselves in order to know what we need.

I’ve had this happen at a friend’s house too. Music started playing loud through a speaker that wasn’t plugged into the electric socket or into a laptop. No idea where the sound came from.