silent thunder

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About silent thunder

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    awaken dreaming

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  1. Contradiction ?

    Not as i experience it lately. Story arises as soon as stimulus triggers the senses. Stimulus arises in senses. Story is interpreted from senses. Story is my personal experience of the stimulus. We see something. We intellectualize it. Our experience of what is seen is no longer what is seen, but our interpretation of it. Our intellectualization of it. The story we tell ourselves about what we just sensed. We don't perceive reality as it is, we interpret reality from the few partial signals that arise from our perceptual sensations. We get only a fraction of what is around us in absolute reality in sensations, and from this fractional input, we generate an interpretation of absolute reality. It is but a slice of what actually is, yet to us, it seems whole. When I look around me, though I see only a fractional percentage of what is there, there are no gaps in my vision. The picture seems whole, but is a fabrication, a projection of partial information into a wider picture, utterly populated with my own unconscious biases, expectations. Stimulus arises in senses. It is only a small part of absolute reality. Yet it is all of absolute reality I can interact with, so for me, it convincingly seems like all of reality. Sort of like how it was, I imagine when folks learned the earth encircles the Sun felt, when going outside and not feeling any sense of motion of the earth. It's counter intuitive to realize we project our version of reality from our Storyteller who interprets all stimuli and creates a story that I associate with absolute reality. Naive Realism: the mistaken notion that we perceive reality as it is. We interpret signals according to our behavioral/social and familial conditioning. This is why we find our breakfast foods normal and those of other cultures seem crazy. Same with hair styles, wardrobe, jewelry, language, songs, passtimes... Unless stripping away awareness to the core... we engage the storyteller, who tells us what the world is. No sharing needed. It's an entirely internal process.
  2. The Cool Picture Thread

    that is pure awesome! get em mate!
  3. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    Repeated, daily actions become unconscious habitual behaviors. These behaviors, sustained long enough become personality traits. Any action done long enough, the body and unconscious becomes better at the action than the mind that originally directed it. Think martial arts movements, or bicycle riding skills to exemplify the veracity of this. Eventually actions repeated enough times become hardwired so to speak and operate unconsciously and automatically when triggered by stimuli. My suspicion lately is that when we become consciously aware of feeling stuck in a rut, our localized awareness is saying to us... 'hey, we're out of the loop. I'm not directing much any more.' Life is happening to me, I'm not engaging. And it seems very true from my experience. I'll paraphrase Dr Joe Dispenza... neuro surgeon (who has studied this deeply and utilized it in his own life when he suffered a horrific injury in a motorcycle accident). If you get out of bed on the same side every day. Turn off the alarm clock with the same finger, go to the toilet, make coffee, drive to work the same route, perform the same tasks at work, among the same people... these will trigger the same responses as yesterday with only very fractional, occasional differences. "oh look, bob brought donuts today..." Performing same actions, prompts same thinking and same emotions from same triggers... how can we expect our experience of life to change? Where in that process is there space for new actions to arise that prompt new emotional engagement where new thought and experience may occur? Our mind is filled daily with mostly the same thoughts as yesterday. These thoughts prompt similar emotional responses which reinforce similar reaction and thinking. When our environments are also usually all the same... we experience routine. Neurons that fire together, wire together. The science on this seems very reliable. This is the basis of the sub conscious mind of the body taking over actions from the conscious mind. Once the neurons fire enough times together, the process forms a highway of signals that bypasses conscious direction and actions become personality traits that happen automatically. Not unlike a circuit board that regulates and automates multiple, repeated, robotic factory processes. Now that I've preached all that, I have to contradict myself with this little gem that has followed me the last thirty years or so: I love my routine... until I get bored. Then I crave excitement... until I get overwhelmed. Then I long for routine again. and here's one of the few curses I've ever cast... I find it to be the most intense. May you live in interesting times... I learned it from a Chinese source, but figure it's universally human. If interested, here's a 17 minute interview with Dr Dispenza regarding this process of automation of behavioral neural personality traits and how to reprogram them. Top notch stuff in my experience. Turns out, interrupting the auto process, is really as simple as meditating. Quieting the body and the mind for a time opens up space. Within this space there arises potential for new insight, which can prompt new action which will bring about different emotional states and new neural pathways. As for mind elasticity, learning an entirely new skill will create new neural pathways and change the structure of brain and mind. I picked up an acoustic guitar a few years ago and began teaching myself... now I can fly and shoot green lightning out my bum. It can happen for you tooooooooooo!
  4. Contradiction ?

    Incidents seem like events, which seem like... a mental concept, a bit of a story, with a beginning middle and end that are utterly arbitrarily assigned by the storyteller and thus, not a reflection of reality, but a reflection of the storyteller's interpretated projection of its impression of reality. From the perspective of what is.. what transpires and co-arising shift... not for me, there are no longer accidents, incidents, or events. There are the co-arising stimuli that I respond to... my response, is my personal reality, but it's mostly story. No real substance. It's all one interwoven fluid unfolding. Any demarcations I perceive are generated by the storyteller and inherently unreal. eta: Guess i just admitted that my reality, is not reality... again. I wonder how i can tell that? hmm... paradox for breakfast again!!... table of one??
  5. Should I or shouldn't I ? mmmm....
  6. Should I or shouldn't I ?

    I know you don't like newer bikes... and I'm all about classics and cruisers too... but a few of these are just... ww!
  7. Should I or shouldn't I ?

    What are you waiting for? Life ain't all about need mate. Your situation sounds ideal for a pleasure bike. My first bike was a Honda 250. In Minnesota. Good starter bike, tough location though. Short season for riding unless you liked being chilly and wet. Which of course, this viking loved, my gal... not so much... but she did it. We sold all our vehicles when we moved to Brooklyn, but upon arriving in Cali, my first purchase was a bike. For four years, she was my only transport in LA. Hardly ever rains, and even when it does... pfft jacket... rode all year round... i miss it. Sold it when my gal got pregnant and cell phones got popular, switched to a Jeep. LA traffic was dumb enough before the phones. I wanted to play with my son, not haunt him, or have him help me into my chair... lol. Plan is to replace it when he's off to college and we retire fully to the country up north away from the city, which is just a few years off now. Just too crazy riding in the city for me. Some days I really miss it... I can taste the memory of those rides along Mulholland Drive and the PV/Portuguese bend area. Cuz when the wild flowers are really kicking, you can taste it. My ride was a shaft drive cruiser, liquid cooled Suzuki Intruder 1400, very slightly chopped. So smooth, I could spend all day on her and not feel it. On the long open straights of the 5 down near San Diego, I'd open it up. Topped out around 135mph. No more of that of course, but some fine memories. What you waitin for mate?
  8. Everyone post some favorite quotes!

    "Who would then deny that when I am sipping tea in my tearoom I am swallowing the whole universe with it and that this very moment of my lifting the bowl to my lips is eternity itself transcending time and space?" -- D.T. Suzuki "Life, according to Zen, ought to be lived as a bird flies through the air, or as a fish swims in the water." -- D.T. Suzuki "The basic idea of Zen is to come in touch with the inner workings of our being, and to do this in the most direct way possible, without resorting to anything external or superadded. Therefore, anything that has the semblance of an external authority is rejected by Zen. Absolute faith is placed in a man's own inner being. For whatever authority there is in Zen, all comes from within." -- D.T. Suzuki indeed... what greater authority exists but awareness?
  9. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    There have been times in my thirty year marriage when I have experienced the same. Deep trauma requires time to process. Suicidal tendencies on occasion have kept me close to home. Sometimes it was me, other times her. Though I have not perceived these times as chains binding me from finding and experiencing truth. They were inroads to uncovering new depth of life right where I am in that moment. To be able to be a healing presence for one I love... what is a higher calling? Is there more meaning in a monestary? Or a job? Or meditating? For me, connection is life's meaning. Twenty years ago it was me, relying on her to stay close and be my hope. Over the last seven years, she has unveiled deep trauma and experienced a total spiritual collapse. I have experienced an unfolding of awareness in my holding space for her and adding my effort to providing a place conducive to healing in our home. Things of this nature are cyclical. Working with it is like peeling an onion. Many layers, seem the same, induce some pain and tears. Remind her in the darkest times, the only constant is change. Life is change. It cannot remain the same. The layers are not the same. this realization arose spontaneously in one of my own suicidal moments: "why make a permanent decision, based on a temporary emotion, or way of seeing the world?" Life skill is developed over the course of a life... let it. It may seem like it's the same pain, but it's another layer. and eventually when peeling to the center of our pain. we found the same thing in both our pain and the onion... nothing was there... aside from mis-identification perhaps with memory and response to stimuli I can whole heartedly endorse that this does not inhibit a full life. We have traveled the globe, performed shakespeare, checkov and ibsen in front of tens of thousands, moved across the continent multiple times, brought a loving son into the world. And in my not abandoning my love for her for convenience or something shiny on the horizon... I have uncovered a shine in my own raw presence of which I was previously unaware. You sound connected and present. Those are rare qualities in my experience. Doubt is a friend I've found. I find it shifts awareness out of complacency into presence. Presence is the one thing I think we can truly offer another. All else may be lost, stolen, broken... but presence... once shared. rings of the eternal to me.
  10. What are you listening to?

    It's intriguing... the occasional reveals of the utterly personally manufactured and projected function of perception. The internal projective nature of my 'external senses' is revealed vividly through... The sounds that arise within hearing, when hearing is restricted to this white noise on headphones. Or the full color open eye visions that arise after a time while sitting in pitch black with eyes open.
  11. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    what determines value? what has most worth? seeking or sitting, striving or accepting? is effort greater than release? did the buddha sit to awaken? or sit while awake?
  12. I feel stuck, purposeless and confused

    Many questions what is there to do? what must be accomplished? aside from you being you? improve the world for others? sounds wonderful. what improves the world for others? what improves it for everyone? who decides what is improvement? when is enough improving enough? do you require meaning for your life? if so, who outside of you can give this to you? or create it for you? who knows you more intimately than you? who are you? what are you? do you owe the universe for your body? are you indebted for your experience of awareness? sit. become still and quiet. when quiet you will hear life. then not only does the teacher appear... all of life is revealed as a teacher. every stone, insect, breeze and leaf. seek, or sit, truth is revealed. even untruth is worthy, as it reveals truth when revealed as untruth. find teachers in everything and realize the anchor of the source is in your very essence you grew out of this world, like a tree grows from soil a natural part of all of nature what are you inherently lacking that could be added to you from outside to make not lacking? who aside from you can know what this may be? stranger on internet? author of book? teacher of sitting in stillness, or breathing and moving? all questions I obsessed, played, rejected, ingested and released time and again as I've explored exactly the sentiments you shared in your opening statement. thanks for reminding me again of the worthiness of every aspect of existence and non-existence. i'm reminded of Shunryu Suzuki again. Everything is perfect, just as it is. And there is room for improvement.
  13. The Harsh Reality of Awakening

    So grateful for the conversation. Reflects many facets of my mind gem recently. that which is harsh... why is it harsh? what makes it so? is it harsh because it is actually harsh? objectively? is it harsh because my story about it tells me it is harsh? is it harsh because it is not how my story says it could be, or should be? is it harsh because it differs from the story i wish it was instead? what is harsh? ETA: sincere open questions... nothing serious... no hard answers implied or even sought... just chewing bones.
  14. Contradiction ?

    From my be ing... ? I appreciate that in english we call ourselves human beings, not human doings, or human havings... that seems significant to me. The life/decay contradiction is a palpable one. Part of my body is always decomposing, while others are still growing. Life energy is nourished by the decay of other life. life and decay are what comprise my being?
  15. Want To Play?

    the rules reveal themselves as such: if there is a box, it's definitely part of the game. unless of course... otherwise revealed in the rules.