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Hello I thought I would make a thread like this primarily because I don't think there has ever been one like this on TDB since its beginning. So yes I am a transgendered woman (assigned male at birth, now female). You may have known me on here previously as dmattwads. Understandably there is some confusion on here when people see old posts of mine talking about male cultivation practices. I realize that the topic of transgenderism is very poorly understood by the general public and so I decided to make a Q&A post. I will NOT however answer super personal questions about my body so its not an AMA (ask me anything). I will though be happy to answer well intentioned questions about what it means to be transgendered because there may be those out there that are questioning for themselves, know someone that is transgendered, or just want to understand this topic better. Maddie :-)

This was originally written in reply to a post within a thread that I cannot find, so I am posting this here as a stand alone piece because it addresses an important spiritual question that many seekers wonder about, namely the nature of challenges in life and its place in spirituality... why do they happen what can we do about it Often, the challenges we face in life- from small to great, can also become some of the most precious gifts in our personal growth and development. This insight with intention and rightful effort to learn, grow and transform is integral to the self-refinement of the spirit (shen)! As with and integral to the nature of karma, the challenges exist because of conditions yet unresolved within ourselves. When we can realize this with appreciation for the reflection and opportunity that it is to cultivate our person and spirit, then we can take responsibility for the way we shape the conditions of our path. When this resolve is strong, it effects the present and changes the future. When this resolve is deep, it transforms our past and thus becomes the erasure of karma through the reversal of cycles (a deep principle within the spiritual movement of the wu xing). With wisdom, this will become the way in which you become Conscious and thus capable of co-creating destiny (ming). It is not to say that challenge and struggle are not without pain- (sometimes tremendous and immense, if not terrifying) or that there is pleasure in such hardships itself, per se. But with insight and compassion about the nature of self-responsibility to refine and become, it blooms the wisdom of strength in humility and grace. The path to Consciousness is through self-realization and in this there is no blame toward others, situations or necessarily even ourselves. Rather, there is continuous recognition that no one can take responsibility for our own given body/form (the po), our own soul (hun shen), and thus our own path (tao) nor our own destiny (ming), but yourself. And as frightening, vulnerable and small as the unconsciousness that is our own karmic pain may sometimes feel, look for the strength in compassion and humility, for these qualities are what imbue us with the radiance and grace to carry forth- they are the radiance of Consciousness; so that the unconsciousness that is burden and previous ignorance will be diminished and through rightful perseverance, entirely overcome. And yes, it is possible to entirely overcome the things you thought would haunt you and hurt you forever... those things which seemed impossible to resolve. For they were once the creation of unconsciousness, but in the light of Consciousness there is only the unifying light of clarity that is True Nature (xing) and this is Peace. This is one of the great processes that everyone goes through as they tend to the elixir and cleanse themselves of all karmic ailments. Because challenging moments and conditions are a necessary aspect of valuable opportunity, it is beneficial not bring more unconsicousness to the unconsciousness that is already contained within these hardships by laying more waste (ie. blame, shame, guilt, hatred, anger); to do so only causes entrenchment and has potential to deepen the hole and prolong the reptitive cycle of experience. The more we resist the opportunity for responsible, integrious and compassionate action, then the more we will continue to experience more of the same hardships or worse. This is not punishment or even the judgement of blame necessarily, rather- and more importantly, it is the principle of unlearned opportunity that is karma, that is the puzzle you own in this lifetime to unravel. In a way, I suggest- especially for those prone to guilt and shame, to not feel so identified or personal about the pain - either as a mark of shame or badged mission to overcome- in short don't attach your pride positively or negatively to challenges or pain. Yet proceed with all the responsbility and devotion, with sincereity and inner strength to take care of what you have been given and presented, for this pain and these challenges are as much your own as they are part of collective. As the Buddha taught, a true teacher- a truly great one, is one who helps you to see yourself- this is not only true of a Great Teacher, but can also be true of the powerful reflections within your own life if you allow it to be. But too often people spend time hating the source that offers the reflection- not realizing that when they hate, blame and react to that source, when they treat their own life and the life of others carelessly and unconsciously; then they only bring more harm upon themselves and thus prolong their own hardships and the collective pain. I can tell you, it is not uncommon that many of the persons who come into Consciousness suffered horrendous traumas. But it is in part because of the depth of their sincerity and willingness to really know the truth within themselves and to care for this Truth with all the resolve that they knew possible that they were gifted with the Golden Seed*; these are the actions of a virtuous being and they integral to the direct process of developing the elixir- to reverse the cycle of experience that is karma and resolve back into pure Unity through refinement of profound insight. So often people deem this process mystical, but it is no more miraculous than practical; it is no more the movement of Tao as it is the stillness of the maturity you find within. Just as grasping and greed for pleasure becomes the bondage of unconsciousness, insight and grace in pain can become liberation in consciousness. Therefore, don't assume the nature of conditions based on the the quality of ease in self-ignorance. Unity contains all things, so learn how to be rightfully in relation to all things. Do not separate the pain from pleasure, but do learn to distinguish rightful stillness and action through the mirage of condition. So I urge you to remember, that challenges are reflections of what is still yet to be learned: unconsciousness waiting to be revealed and resolved through (your) Consciousness. When we blame, despise, resent or indulge the painfulness of these reflections, then we squander the opportunity to refine the spirit and this in turn prolongs the cycle. If instead we can use the energy (qi) we have to transform our consciousness (shen) then we can transmute the potential (jing) into what is true and pure (the yuan). This how you take care of The (three great) Treasures you've been given. Take responsibility for your own Liberation, for your soul is a worthy essence in need and benefit of all the beauty of effort that you can give it! ----- *The Golden Seed is comprised of many components or aspects of spirit in Unity (the 'little shens' and the Great shen). These are not the energies of some kind of post-natal qi (as many would mistakenly believe) but rather of refined shen qi- meaning they are the energies of a purified spirit, that in greater resolved Unity becomes part of the Yuan Shen. Just as Conscious Unity contains the harmony of darkness and light, so too must you discover how to be in harmony amidst the waves; every stroke of moonlight no different than the light of sun- let the weather of nature be your teacher, let yourself be a great student and observer to the life within yourself; to not fear to uncover, discover and adventure across your own ravines and mountains; for somewhere in its inner depths lies the Mysterious Passage- a dimension without place, an entry without lock, a recognition of the true self within the Great Tao Yin.

Psychedelics and some legalized drugs change your internal state via biochemistry. Conversely, meditation involves directly changing one's internal state, thus causing biochemical changes in the body. Drugs are worthless in cultivation. It is similar to taking a hammer, hitting yourself in the head, and then claiming to achieve a "trance," "samadhi," or "advanced" state of meditation. While some people claim there are many benefits, like reducing stress, tension, and sporadic thoughts, many people take it as a medical prescription for certain ailments. This is only partly true. You have to realize that a multi-billion dollar business is behind this, with strong lobby funding and "positive" research. I am pretty sure cannabis is doing some permanent damage to the human brain if you take it consistently over a period of time. Now back to the change of the state of mind, "helping in meditation", or any other spiritual claim of cannabis (THC), Ayahuasca and just about any other psychedelic. They are not even 1/1000 as potent as you can get through proper training and cultivation. If only people would train properly instead of searching for cheat codes and faster/easier ways to progress. Human potential is far beyond that. But how would you know it if your Guru smokes cigars, drinks whiskey, sits with murky eyes and a massive pot belly, endlessly talking nonsense about spiritual cultivaiton?

The Philosophical Convergence of Daoism and Vedanta Daoist and Vedantic philosophies, despite their distinct origins, share remarkable similarities in their views on reality, the nature of the self, and how to live in harmony with the universe. Two core concepts exemplify this convergence: the Daoist principle of reversion and the Vedantic concept of nivritti. Additionally, there's a striking parallel between the Daoist concept of wu wei and the Vedantic principle of nishkama karma. Daoist Reversion and Vedantic Nivritti Feature Daoism (Reversion) Vedanta (Nivritti) Core Concept Cyclical return to the Dao, the source of all being Inward return to the Atman (true Self), which is one with Brahman (absolute reality) Emphasis Non-attachment to transient phenomena Renunciation of worldly desires and ego-based identity Goal Rediscovering natural simplicity and harmony Realization of oneness and liberation Daoist Wu Wei and Vedantic Nishkama Karma Feature Daoism (Wu Wei) Vedanta (Nishkama Karma) Core Concept Non-action, effortless action, aligning with the Dao Action without attachment to results, dedication of action to the divine Approach Intuition, spontaneity, non-interference Focus on duty, surrendering the fruits of action Outcome Flowing with change, inner stillness Inner peace, freedom from ego-driven desires Stillness, Silence, and the Path of Return Both Daoism and Vedanta place great value on the cultivation of inner stillness and silence. This stillness is not merely the absence of external noise but a profound quieting of the mind and its constant fluctuations. Daoism: Stillness reflects a return to the natural state of the Dao. Like still water reflecting the world without distortion, a still mind reveals the true nature of things. Vedanta: Silence and stillness are seen as vital for the inward journey of nivritti. In the silence of the mind, the illusions of the ego dissolve, allowing the realization of the true Self. Key Similarities Across Concepts Return to the Source: Both philosophies emphasize a profound journey of returning to our original, unconditioned state, which exists at the core of our existence. Non-Attachment: Liberation is seen as fundamentally linked to non-attachment, whether to worldly desires, the fruits of action, or even the ego-bound sense of self. Inner Transformation: The realization of these principles requires deep introspection, inner transformation, and a letting go of limiting beliefs and patterns of behavior. Cultivation of Stillness: Both traditions see inner silence and stillness as essential tools for accessing deeper levels of awareness and the wisdom within. While these philosophies hold nuanced differences in their specific ontologies and methods, the profound overlap in their core concepts serves as a testament to a shared human search for meaning, tranquility, and a harmonious way of life. PS: generated using Gemini advanced

This sums up my couple months long experience on DaoBums 😂

I’m sure TT is one of those particularly gifted, 1-in-a-billion persons

I would say when you spend your entire life hating what you see in the mirror constantly and then finally you like it. It tends to make one kind of excited LOL

@Salvijus Eh....I think it was courageous of Maddie to start this thread, and I´m glad it gave us the chance to ask questions and voice opinions about this sometimes divisive topic. It´s gone better than I would of predicted. I think it´s one thing to comment on the science, politics, or societal implications of transgenderism; and another thing entirely to weigh in on somebody else´s personal choices. Maddie says she´s happier now that she has transitioned and I see no reason not to believe her. The way I see it, personal experience always trumps (pun very much not intended) abstract spiritual theory about chi or ghosts or Buddhist doctrine. Maddie is happy, or at least happier, and I am happy for her. What more is there to say?

A few of the mod team have reviewed the reports received on this thread but moderation is a bit sparse here at the moment so we appreciate your patience. The feeling is that if there is interest in discussing this topic publicly we need to expect, and value, some opposing input. It is an area where there is quite a bit of differing opinion and emotional reactivity and we respect the tenor and restraint seen in the thread so far. @Maddie we have a few options: Allow the thread to continue as it is, move it to your PPF where you can moderate as you see fit, or move to Current Events where we try to maintain the controversial and button-pushing threads with more privacy. Let me know if you want to move the thread. Thanks, Steve for the mod team.

No need to be sorry I have thought so much about these things, when I was young the possibility to take hormones and/or surgery simply was nonexistent. I know that those days I would have jumped at the change to take testosterone and have double mastectomy. To become more male, to better reflect my inner being into the physical body But now I am glad the temptation was not there for me, as it has taught me how to live with the body I was born in. It brings its own set of lessons which weren't funny to live through but now I see their worth. I hd to connect with both the maculine and later in life the feminine part of me to find balance, to find I am just human and gender has become negligible ( for me). There has been a time where I thought that the modern term nonbinary is a good fit for me but atm it feels as if its all just past me, that these were all phases to arrive at: BES is a genderless human. But in the current society it's less hard to live as a very masculine woman then as a very feminine man and I keep thinking that it is society at large that has to change, so that feminine men and masculine women can easier find their place in society, without getting pushed in the duality male/female. That we all have to learn that male/female is not a dichotomy but a continuum. Just as not everybody can see colors, accommodate these people, or left-handedness, many things really. although were all human there are big differences between how our bodies and minds function. should we do away with very smart people because they do not conform to the median? how about people with very low IQ and if you say yes to one of those, why is that, and why not the other and who are you to judge? also, i deem the early interventions dangerous. When someone has reached adult age it's their choice as in modern society it is totally normalized to shape the body as you want it. I come from a time were surgery on a classmate of mine with very floppy ears was deemed over the top by many parents. My thinking mind is formed and shaped in those days, I shy away from surgery when the body is healthy.

A number of years ago someone gave me Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" as a gift, with apologies: "I know it's a children's book but I thought you might like it." I did -- particularly the idea of dæmons as human souls which in Pullman's alternative reality were externally embodied as various animals... rather appealing to someone who's always felt part feline. (And the trilogy is part children's book, part very insightful look at society in the tradition of Orwell and Huxley, tackling its another underlying imperative -- the impulse to amputate children's souls.) Reminded me of another book, or rather its title -- "Animals Make Us Human." This wouldn't be a problem if "life sciences" didn't suck so bad at even the mechanical/electrical interactions -- and suck they do due to fragmentation into a zillion meaningless parts while missing what the world (and human beings) is really made of -- patterns. That's why not only demons (most of which are indeed non-embodied, but some do possess actual physical bodies -- I could name names...) -- not only demons is something it misses, but even form-function patterns not limited to one particular organ, like classical Chinese medicine's "triple burner," or acupoints, or dantiens, to say nothing of qi. (The existence of acupoints as electrical phenomena, by the way, was proved by researchers many times, but "our" science chose to simply ignore that research as though it doesn't exist.)

When we think of both dream and supposed waking life, we think they are completely different. However they are different in stability but in actuality they are quite similar. I think analysing dream reality and uncovering it's rules helps us better understand waking reality. Those could say that waking reality is also dream reality just more stable. When we dream our minds projects a reality. Our 5 senses still work, we have a dream body. In most cases when we dream we treat the dream as real and experience suffering due to attachment as similar in waking reality. What's interesting is within a dream, when we come to the realisation we are just dreaming and all experience is unreal/illusion, our attachment to our situation is greatly reduced including our suffering. Looking into Dzogchen togal recently I couldn't help but question the current waking reality we exist in. Maybe just like in a dream, our bodies and dream is just a projection, in waking reality maybe it is no different. We are experiencing projections of our own mind, our body and senses are also projections. Maybe reality like a dream will have less of a hold on us if we start to believe it might not be as real as it seems.

This. This right here might be at the core of a majority of vexation with regards to the topic. For individuals who have not personally experienced a significant enough decoupling of the societally enforced equivalency of the two, i guess i can see how it might be inconceivable that such a thing even exists. Dao Bums needs a "heart" icon. Lacking which, I give you a quasi-mystical photo of the lake and mountain I live next to, in appreciation. (photo by Stephanie Espinosa)

sure! i have a proper dao-bums-relevant introduction thread in the welcome forum, so i'll do the trans-specific one here i'm rose. i started transitioning in late 2021 because i thought it would impress zhuangzi. i'm only half-joking. (before 2021, i spent rather more time than the average cis boy thinking about the zhuangzi as a trans-inclusive text) i do think that 無為 (wuwei) provides a good model for understanding gender. we tend to think of transition as a goal-directed set of changes away from Received Gender toward Desired Gender. but that misses its heart. Received Gender isn't something that comes "for free": it requires lots of active maintenance, both through active performance (為) and actively holding oneself back from behaving as the Desired Gender (不為). i don't think it's useful to define "woman", but if forced to, i would say: woman is what happens when i do nothing. 無為而無不為 (wuwei er wubuwei)—non-doing and non-not-doing.

I get synchronicities nearly every day. Almost enough to convince me we live in a simulation. I vividly remember the very first one -- I was 8 years old, spending a month in a summer camp. Several girls in the corner of a very large room were talking about something while I was reading a book in another corner. A name of a new protagonist came up in my book, a very unusual one -- unusual enough for me to have never encountered that name not only before, but ever again. At exactly the moment my eyes were reading that name on the page, one of the girls across the room yelled it out excitedly -- that very name. Turned out they were trying to remember an unusual name of someone they knew, and did, simultaneously with it appearing in front of my eyes. This particular kind of synchronicity has been happening to me with some regularity. I wish I knew what it means. I have several theories, but no definitive proof of anything...

I have an anti-desire to appear in photographs . I usually use this guy instead and claim he is me ;

I hope everyone's having a good day today! 😊🩷

Fair enough. I once got an energy reading from african shaman Malidoma Some. He threw some cowry shells on my behalf and analyzed how they landed. The upshot was that I had a spirit hanging around me and needed to do a ritual that involved climbing a mountain (well, large hill really), making a circle of ash and then talking to the spirit. Something like that. It was a long time ago and my memory is hazy. Anyway, like a doofus I decided to talk to the spirit before going to bed that night without bothering about the mountain or the ash. In the middle of the night, my stereo turned on full blast all by itself. Very spooky.

My ego wants to kick some people in the nards now and then, but I usually tell my ego "no ego lets not do that, if you're good when we get home I'll give you a cookie :-)" and then my ego is like "I really wanted to kick that person in the nards, but oh boy I do like cookies" 🍪🤤🩷

I'll let you judge for yourself. On the right was the last picture I took of myself as a guy before I started transitioning. On the left is a picture I took a couple weeks ago.

Depressing news from the Buddhists lately: There is no self Global nuclear war in the future Etc etc.

which bit of wanting a penis, a beard , a low voice and no boobs led you to this conclusion?

I think this thread has been productive so far. There is a lot of misunderstanding about being trans as well as LGBTQ+ issues as well. Education is the answer! :-)

I do not know why a minority of people does not feel at home in their bodies, but it is a deep-rooted feeling. And not, what is often thought, a psychological or psychiatric phenomena. Although I guess that currently with all the eyes that are on the alphabet people, some nutty people have gathered under that flag that are mislead ( or worse, misusing it). I would also not rule out that currently some youngsters walk that path just because they can. But at its core these people exist and are now in a same sort of "societal transition-time" as I have seen gays and lesbians go through. Not being pushed into shame and unfit for society, but simply being accepted for having a different sexual attraction then the majority, not a psychiatric condition, no need to "cure" with conversion therapy, just accept us, as we are. I think that there are differences in the fleshbody to be found, but not yet looked for. looking at my own body as a young woman: hands and feet to big ( those feet have never fitted in girl or ladies shoes) too much musclemass ( and a joy to train) brain too analytical, all very unladylike and never have wanted to be that either. ( also hormone levels not fitting into the accepted levels for a female, allergic reaction to estrogens) One day medical people will find physical differences between cis and trans people and as such, when you do want to make groups I guess we will fit in much better with intersex people. here in western society we've tended to make intersex people confirm to being male or female as babies. So as to let them fit in with society. So it is society that cuts humans in 2 different halves and you're not allowed to be different from the norm. But older societies could not do that and have different ways of looking at and integrating ( or not) people diverging from the norm. the first part of my life I lived/masked as a boy/young man. During high-school that was problematic, but after that I became a mechanic and found the same sense of friendship and camaraderie I had with boys when still a child. Oh, they all knew I was a woman, but I was accepted as one of the guys, doing the same chores, and having the same joys. the second part I have tried to live as a woman, it was not successful and it has made me unhappy, the best choice i have ever made was divorce after the kid was of age. That kid interestingly, much later told me: mom, when I was a kid you really were more of a dad then a mom. I never had easy contact with girls, their interests were not mine and it was only deep into my forties that friendships with women developed. I clearly remember the moment when a female friend had to have surgery because of a very high risk on hereditary breast-cancer, a double mastectomy, she told me it hurt her so much as her breasts were part of her female identity just like with all women. I never told her, but at that moment i found myself thinking. Having no breasts would make me happy. Now during the third and last part of my life I am just human, the whole idea of man or woman, one way or the other, has left me. ----- Obviously this whole subject has had my interest for a very long time, I know several trans-people that you would not be able to spot, as they blend so well in the picture we expect with a certain gender. I guess most of us are just trying to blend in were we feel we belong and the portrayal of trans-people as pink and rainbowy dressed up people is cringy to me. there is grumbling about the prides too, too much rainbows and things. but I guess in essence what a pride is...the reversal of shame, I should be ashamed I do not fit in societal norms of what a girl should be, just as back in the days, gays should be ashamed to be attracted to a male, "that's unnatural" I will never forget the teacher that left my primary school because he was a homosexual. Although it was never said out loud by the grownups, all the kids were blabbing about it. Looking back, he was a very feminine man for sure. That was in the sixties lets not repeat such things.

Yin/Yang indeed lol. There have actually been a number of psychological changes that have occurred since I began transitioning. When I began my medical transition I was put on a combination of testosterone blockers and estrogen pills. This completely changed my body chemistry from male to female. This had a dramatic effect on my emotional life and perceptions. For one thing I cry much easier. Before as a man I would rarely cry, maybe once every few years. It wasn't that I was not trying to, it just didn't happen. Now I cry easily several times a week, and often for not obvious reason. This was one of the first changes I noticed. My sense of smell has become more sensitive as well. While many years of cultivation has made me sexually indifferent I perceive men differently than I used to. I used to be completely indifferent to a man's appearance aside from the obvious of realizing a well groomed in shape man was better looking than an unwashed bum (no offense Dao Bums). Now I find attractive men catching my eye in a way that they had not before. I am still not sexually attracted to them (nor am I to women) but I find them more aesthetically pleasing. Now here's one that I don't care for but you take the bad with the good. I have lost significant amounts of muscle strength, especially upper body strength. When I was in college I did jujitsu and did not find sparing with men to be difficult on a strength level, but now I am significantly overpowered when sparring with men. I guess the plus side is this forces me to rely on technique more, which is how its supposed to be in jujitsu lol. Those are a few of the more obvious changes that I was able to think of off the top of my head.

Thank you for posting this Q&A. It might strike some people as odd that this topic confounds me a little. As a gay man, part of the alphabet soup of LGBTQ blah blah blah, a person might think I´d have a good idea of what it means to be trans -- but I don´t. Although we´re grouped together, I think gay people have as many questions about transgender topics as straight people do. At least I do. On the one hand: total respect. Coming out as gay was hard for me, and coming out as trans -- and actually transitioning -- strikes me as exponentially harder. It´s inspiring to see people summon the courage to be their authentic selves. So kudos to you, Maddie. What hangs me up a little is some of the language some trans activists would have us use in the name of inclusivity -- pregnant people and so on. Can men get pregnant? Can women have prostate cancer? I´ll admit: I struggle with this. One of my core values is kindness and the last thing I want to do is make trans people, or anyone really, feel excluded. So why do I have such a hard time accepting this new world where gender is completely divorced from physiology? I´ve been told that I´m closed minded and that´s certainly possible. Perhaps my future self will see things differently than I do now. Anyway, thank you for providing this space for me to share my thoughts. I welcome your response.

I'm more interested in seeing the advanced students rather than the master. They show if the system is learnable. Same with the martial arts, it's not the sensei you'll become, if you're diligent, it's the senior students under them. Are they talented, are they balanced? Or in the case of this thread, do they have similar 'powers'? The masters have given their whole life to the system, huge sacrifice. Top students give a few hours a day, everyday for decades.

The mantra Om is basically a method of this inward collecting process. Om comprises of three syllables and the fourth part being silence - A, U, M (pronounced in Sanskrit as aah, ooh, mmm ). It is a model of the everything (aah) collapsing (ooh) into a singularity (mmm), and then silence/stillness/emptiness. A represents the material universe, U represents the process of returning/reversion, M represents the singularity and silence is emptiness.

Have shared before, but this one bears revisiting regularly...

Hello all! I'm Abby, 5o y/o female. I'm a long-time lurker here, but only decided to post now. While I mostly consider myself a Sri Vidya/Non-dual tantrik Shaivism practitioner, I have had empowerments for and performed Vajrayana sadhanas. That said, my interest in Daoism is what originally led me here. I've had a meditation practice for 9 years now, and have been an MA practitioner for almost 40 years. I consider myself a Devi-Bhakta, a practical mystic, and an all-around witchy-woman

Well... I thought that too ... until NOW ! No more looking at Maddie selfies for me ! I need all the soul I got ! (At least now I know why you put all them selfies up ! .... Its probably one of those weird immortality Taoist practices ! )

yeah but ... ehm, when we were young people were neatly classified in male and female ( as god ordained ) Babies have no idea about male and female, 3 year olds in general have observed this classification. Brothers, fathers and boys are male, sisters, moms and girls are classed as female. But from the time they are babies they are approached according to their sexe. That is outcome of research but I've observed that rearing my son. I got clothing from a sister who had a girl about a year older then my boy. so as a baby he had a nice warm pink babysuit. "oooh, what a lovely little girl, and your momma dressed you warmly to protect you from the cold, what a sweet girl you are" Next week, same bakery, blue jacket and babyjeans, " now you're a sturdy little boy, you can handle the cold eh. You make your momma proud. See those different messages? shaping the expectations our society has from boys and girls, those expectations partly shape our personalities. I found it also interesting that (perceived) babygirls got higher voices cooing over them then babyboys so there's the biological aspect plus the societal aspects that tries to mold us into gender-specific behavior and identification. But also, as a kid I was thus taught there are 2 categories, boy or girl. Nothing else to choose from. Well i was very sure I was not a girl so I had to be a boy. It was not that I wanted a dick @Apech, but i had classified myself as a boy "because i was not a girl" so there was no other choice. I expected to grow a dick as it was needed to fulfill the role of "boy" just as my big sister in those days was growing boobs. During my younger years I have so often wondered what was wrong with me, after a time I sort of decided I was a lesbian, but that was not right to as there were also guys I liked to share my bed with, so then I was biseksual. But why did I lean to be a man...et cetera. For young people it is important to be clear about who they are, where they belong and what their place in a group is. How they identify as it is currently called. But the dichotomy male - female is not true, it is manmade, as there are people who are neither, That's both the intersex people and the trans/nonbinary people. Now that may not be a large group, but many people belong to it. My life would have been a lot easier when i had been aware there exists a third category for those that do not fit in the large dichotomy. The way I lean to when doing nothing ( Thanks @surrogate corpse ) is mostly male, but I can lean female too. The current generation would probably label me nonbinary, for me, after all those decades, I am human and that's okay.

I've seen that more yes. at last the way you look fits with how you feel and that's reason for joy and pictures. like the happiness I felt as a preschooler having told my mom that I did not want dresses anymore. After a slight hesitation she told me "yes, that's okay for me" I was so happy

Yes, communication is a tricky thing -- particularly on a forum like this where everything is writing and there are no visual or verbal cues. It´s not surprising that we all get it wrong sometimes. Personally, I don´t feel like my existence as a gay man is challenged. Or maybe I do and am just not describing the experience the way you do? Occasionally I´ll avoid coming out to someone (say a new acquintance at a coffeeshop) because I think they might be judgmental and am just not invested enough in the potential relationship to want to bother. Mostly though I think that that´s something I´m doing to myself. I could be completely out and probably things would be just fine. And if someone doesn´t want to talk to me after they learn that I´m gay is that really such a loss? Probably not. I do think that it´s harder socially to be trans than gay. My mom has a gay son, me, and my mom´s partner Skip has a trans daughter. Skip once confided in my mom that he wished Emily was just gay like me, implying that that would of been easier to deal with. In another twenty years I think it will be much easier to be trans than it is today. At least relatively speaking, you are a pioneer.

Can I just please compliment Maddie on how level-headed she's been throughout this thread. How she has been able to explain from a position of patience and repose. I find it really difficult to discuss critically things I care about in the face of challenge. Least of all things that would be as personal to me as this. So while I learned a lot I didn't know about the transgender experience, it has been this display of emotional maturity that has been the most instructive part of this thread for me. Bravo.

May I ask you what you identify as? Is there a pure awareness restroom in public I wonder? 🤔

No need to wish! Sitting in open awareness and allowing the mind to become still is all that is required. Most people can begin to have glimpses of resting in awareness in a week or so, all it takes is your sincere wish to end suffering, or understand the nature of mind. This is a nice primer on what you are trying to accomplish and how to start by a lovely, lovely being: https://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-meditate-dzogchen-ponlop-rinpoche-on-mahamudra/

They love a bit of suffering!

Judith Butler is the name I associate with your question. It might be, that there has been someone before, who proposed that conceptual change and also the linguistic turn, but she made the most noise. So it seems to rely on the concept of a performative model of gender, e.g. it relies on language theory (‚performative‘), which originated in the wake of Austin, Searle etc. An act of speaking is conceptually separated into several sub acts, where one of them is ‚illocutionary‘, e.g. creates a reality of itself through speaking, as empirical sense data is frowned upon as a reliable source for observation, language instead is used as the source. Or so I understood it.

Nowhere in particular, I just sit. 🥴 How does one know when or if they are close? Truth be told you are always close, as close as you are to your self. Nothing can promise success and yet it can occur anytime, anywhere, as a result of anything or nothing at all. So why not just sit? Yes, a viable, simple, and accessible path for anyone but it will only be effective if you are fortunate enough to be karmically suited to the approach. The focus on different practices is understandable as we always tend to look outward as opposed to in, but the most important variable is always the practitioner. We all need different things at different times in our lives. Figuring out what that is can be elusive but I feel a quiet mind and open heart can be a more effective guide to what that is than the inner analyst. Anyone can wake up at any time for any or no reason and no one, not even the greatest master, can tell another what is needed in their practice but for that very reason, just sitting is a suitable practice for anyone, even the greenest of beginners. Arguably, the freshness of “beginner’s mind” could be an advantage for many. For me, the moment of kenshō was completely spontaneous and unexpected and did not occur during formal practice. One of the things that came out of the experience was a realization of the contrived and artificial aspect of all practices and an insight into the true meaning and value of “just sitting.” Over time, the value of practice once again became meaningful to me and there has been a waxing and waning with respect to feeling a “need” for practice over time. Practice simply becomes life and life becomes practice.

I would say it depends on the person. For some people, the invitation to give up effort and agenda may be just the thing. For some one else, it may not work at all. Imagine you're running and trying to stop, but you forgot how. One person can say, "well, just slow down more and more and you'll eventually stop." Some one can say, "Run even faster. Trust me." At first, these instructions seem to contradict. But if you run fast enough, you'll eventually exhaust yourself and stop naturally.

I tried the changing my mind route first. I fought and fought these thoughts and feelings and spent years trying to "meditate the trans away". What I found was that the more I tried this the worse things got and then that is when I had the epiphany that I mentioned previously about meditation being about knowing the mind as opposed to controlling it. When I let go of trying to control I had peace of mind.

I second that my friend.

Sunrise at Rainbow Point in Bryce Canyon with my son. He'd never seen anything of it prior. Conditions were absolute perfection. North Campground still open year round. As we were driving up into the snowline in the sleet he turned and said... "well now I know where the other half of my heart has been waiting for me this life..."