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  1. Ok so I'm confused as hell, what even is neidan at this point? I feel like the rabbit hole I've fallen into has become about 20 times deeper What's the purpose + has anyone tried it or does it currently? Is it even worth it (all benefits seem sort of lackluster in the grand scheme of it all? Why are their so many schools and sects and which ones should be avoided and seemed out? (idek like mantak chia and so on) Or should I just go all the way back to the Dao de ching and firm my own opinion on it? I doubt anyone will have the answer to all of these so at least one is fine So many questions, not enough answers 😫 Thanks in advance
  2. Hi All.. This is my first post on this forum. First of all i will tell you my symptoms that i have been living for 1 year 3 months now. I just did meditation for 10 month, and all of the imbalance thing happened. I guess its because i was just too focused on my third eye and crown chakra area, not doing any kind of grounding, and not prepared. 1. feeling bumps in the head( forehead, around the eye sockets, crown, and both of my temples) 2. depersonalization and derealization, feeling disconected from reality ( people, places, enviroment, myself, and my mind) even i dont feel its me whose typinh right now, and my hand that typing right now now syncronized very well with my brain because i just feel so disconected. 3. brain fog, loss creative, indecisive, hard thinking prossess, cant read or understand a deeper topic on books, when the first time i experienced this is just so much harder,, i cant understand 1 sentence from books. 4. losing motivate to do anything. because everything looks heavier than before. 5. depression, panic attacks everyday, anxiety.. feeling like what happening in this world is too much for my brain to take. 6. every concepts in the world seems confusing, i cant understand a thing anymore 7. losing the sense of self, like i have been born again. 8. plants and tress look vivid and crystal clear, so beautiful.. except objects, animal, and human.. still looks the same but it disconected way. I have been doing energy follow attention to reduce all of the energy that got trapped in my head the techniques is pretty much similiar with the MCO ( but just for the front channel to drown the energy down, not the spine because it can bring more energy to my head and i dont want that), and also i did grounding visualization and its worked. I have been using all of the techniques for 2 months, and its give relief day by day.. But i feel the energy still so much in my head, and theres also energy got trapped in my throat. Like i feel there is something in my throat, but when i try to get it out, i just burp. So i burping everyday to get out the energy that stucked in the throat. My family thinks im weird, and made me want to go to the Doctor, but i dont want them to spend money to go to the doctor, while the problem obvisiously just about the stucked energy in my throat. Thank you so much, for anybody who kindly helped me out through this!
  3. Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours. These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension. At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to a kundalini awakening gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it. At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line. Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share.
  4. kundalini crisis, maybe

    Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours. These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. In effect I feel like I have been poisoned. There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension. At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to kundalini arousal gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it. At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line. I'm sorry if this is way too much information to post in the Welcome section. I guess I don't know how else to present myself. Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share.
  5. The story you're about to hear might sound terrifying, but, at the same time, it can be a great lesson for you all - I beg you to not make the same mistake as I did. Before I start, I'd like to say that I'm very happy that I found this forum. It's my pleasure to meet you all! As much as I'd like to write about something positive and share some good vibes with the community, I really can't - I'm in pain for more than 2 years, and I need your help. Traditional western doctors can't help as they are totally incompetent and "intellectually impotent" when it comes to the following phenomena.. Ok, so where do I start... Like many of you, I've been excited to learn and practice Qigong for many years. I first started practicing martial arts, and kept doing it for close to 5 years and literally fell in love with kungfu, meditation, qigong, and everything related to Taoism and the like. I enjoyed great health, vitality and happiness for many years. And then it happened, a stupid foolishness, a terrible action out of curiosity and the desire to be healthy and retain my sexual energy and vitality. I found some courses on the jen-mo acupressure point. The One-Million-Dollar point they say...or, perhaps, the One-Million-Regrets? At the beginning, I was pressing this point successfully and was able to have orgasm without ejaculation. Whether I was still losing the energy through urination I didn't know - for all I knew was that I could enjoy multiple orgasms with my girlfriend and have a good sexual life. It all seemed almost magical, I was even more excited to get more involved with spiritual Qigong, explore it in deeper depths. But I didn't. Instead, I became miserable. I lost many things, it became harder for me to enjoy happiness. It happened one day, when I was pretty sick from a terrible cold. I had a very strong chronic cough which lasted for weeks. I moved to a country in the North, and my body was not used to the climate there. Being a fool (Yes, I admit it, an idiot is probably a more proper word to describe myself) - I started practicing this exercise believing that it will help me recover faster... Now up to this day, I still have no idea what actually happened. I probably pressed the point to strong, I also did it closer to my anus because before that I was perhaps not pressing it correctly. I have no memory now if it was painful at that moment. I think I felt a mild pain but nothing serious. From that day, my life turned into a nightmare. I was not aware what was happening to me, and worse, I didn't even know that it was connected to pressing the million-dollar-regrets point. I started having a severe pain while sitting and when trying to stand up. Coming from a patriarchal family and being taught that "one needs be a man", I didn't complain for many weeks, but then the pain was becoming more and more severe. There were times when I literally had to use my hands in order to stand up from a chair, the pain was so severe that felt I could collapse. Worst of all? I had no idea what's happening. I thought at first it was a tailbone pain (become I felt it around that area, around the rectum). I went to every single doctor and none could find anything wrong with me. First, they checked my tailbone and inside rectally to check for prostate enlargement - nothing. Then on X-ray they found some slight misalignment, but it turned out it's nothing, some old injury and so on and so on. Then for months I did all kinds of medical analysis and examinations - x-rays, MRIs, all kinds of blood tests to check for infections, urologists, gastroenterologist, orthopedist, neurologists, only God knows all the trouble I went through - at the end? Nothing. I was going in circles. Diagnose: A hypochondriac.They made me a lunatic.Stop this craziness, go out and have some fun, there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly healthy, you're too young to be a hypochondriac. At the same time, I was doing my own research. I went through all kinds of medical books and journals to find what's wrong with me. Pudendal Neuralgia, Pudendal Nerve Entrapment, Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome, Chronic Prostatitis, and on and on the list goes (I even discovered all possible bacteria and viruses which might cause an infection in that region that might cause a pain like that and did all examinations privately). Nothing, folks, perfect blood samples, beautiful MRIs and X-rays, seemingly a healthy and strong young male. But was I? The only thing I found to be helping me at least temporarily to manage it, was to take B-Vitamins (Neurobion), to lose underpants with a hole around the tailbone with very elastic jeans so that the pain is minimized. Well you say, not that bad, there are many worse things happening to people, at least it wasn't a cancer. I agree, but I don't wish this to even to the most evil of foes - the story doesn't end here. I soon caught the same virus, and I started having the same strong chronic cough. A terrible virus, strong chronic cough for almost 2 months. Ready for this one? New pain, now in the upper left back (with time, I found out that the pain was more intense on the left side of my tailbone/rectum, so it was the left meridian). It became also chronic in nature, I felt it at certain movements, while sleeping (waking me up), when lifting, practically at all times except when lying straight on my back. So now I was not only not able to sit, but I had hard times sleeping, going to work (I couldn't wear my backpack), and many other crappy things. Ah that jen-mo point.. It finally occurred to me - it was all happening on my left-side bladder meridian, perhaps I somehow had closed the flow of chi when I pressed that point. I found this to be true not only from these 2 chronic pains, but once I was running and started having pain in my Achilles tendon, which is also the same pathway for the bladder meridian. I am still in this condition up do this day and I am doing everything to manage it. I am emotionally stable and can control myself, but the pain greatly affects my everyday life. I still have hope that somehow, someone (including myself), might be able to help me. Is there anyone here on this forum with a similar experience? Are there any senior Qigong masters that might be able to help me and suggest some practical chi gong exercises that might unblock this channel? I found some threads related to the jen-mo acupressure point. - This one being the main one: I know and understand that you have no motivation at all to spend time researching this and just to try to help me. I am no one in your life after all... But I'm honestly hoping that there will be someone emphatic enough to try and understand my situation and help another sentient being. Last but certainly not least - FORGET about that million-dollar-crap, like I said, I was doing this successfully for years, but one bad pressing caused me so many terrible things.. Well, any suggestions?
  6. Looking for a sign

    Hi, firstly I'd like to say that I'm glad that I've found this place, it's filled with lots of information and good (and not so good) people Before I go into telling the story I'd like to state my goal first, which is finding evidence that this force within really exists (chi, qi, life force) whichever term works for you, but I have no idea what I'm doing so any input is highly appreciated. 1. journeys out of the body robert monroe http://www.amazon.com/Journeys-Out-Body-Robert-Monroe/dp/0385008619 I started out with this book, the author seemed like a pragmatic man (not too crazy) so I said, why not give it a try. The method he describes there is pretty simple, you relax, close your eyes, stay on your back with your head direction north (would be nice to find out why exactly north but..), then you focus your attention above your eyes, about where your hands would be if you'd stretch them out, and after a while you move your attention somewhere above your head (I'd say where you crown chakra is but I'm not sure) and wait for a miracle to happen. didn't have any success with this, but I'm still trying from time to time I'm also playing with this 2. John Chang (Mo Pai) http://spiritualteachers.proboards.com/thread/1320 I tried to do what that guy said there for the first level for about a month, and realized that there's no way that I can empty my mind just like that, so I'm doing something different right now. I'm sitting in half lotus, breathing in through the nose, "forcing" in as much air as I can, until I reach a point that I feel some kind of pressure around that point where the lower dantien (I meant to say solar plexus) is supposed to be, and when breathing out I'm pulling in my stomach and huiyin (perineum) until I fell the pressure in the same place. I like this more then just trying to empty your mind because, I have a point at which to focus and the second one is after a while of doing this kind of breathing I transpire a lot but only in that region (around the abdomen and lower back) which is a good sign, right ? 3. Opening the Dragon Gate: The Making of a modern Taoist Wizard I stopped reading this one after I saw that you have to be able to sit in full lotus for at least 4 hours (which took that guy around half a year to achieve), and I'm only able to do half lotus for ~2 hours max, and even that feels like torture What do you guys think ? (I'm sorry that I've made you read all that)
  7. Hey, so somebody I know purchased the statue in the photo and it has somehow made its way to me. I'm curious to know if anybody has any idea which deity or sage the statue is of. I was thinking Fukurokuju, one the seven lucky gods but the figure seems too tall and slender... Anyway if anybody has any idea help would be appreciated.
  8. NOTE: To anybody reading this, there used to be a post here regarding side effects that I was experiencing that I thought was caused by meditation... I deleted the post because I now know that it had NOTHING to do with the meditation... I was going through a lot of stressful things in my life and I stupidly though that the meditation was the cause. There were a lot of people that have read this post and I apolgize if I have scared anyone into not doing mediation. Mediation is a GOOD thing and I hope that I did not discourage too many people into not doing mediation. Please ignore the title... Thank You. . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . ... . . . . . .
  9. New here. Need help.

    Hello. I have experience with topics being discussed here, only I have never deliberately tried to learn about them. It all happened by accident at a very young age, and only in the last year have I begun discovering that there are words to describe this things that groups of people actually understand and use to converse. One of such sources is this forum. After reading threads in search of answers for many months, I have finally decided to register for an account to contribute as well as more specifically address that which I seek answers for. I would appreciate all input and perspectives in future threads, but for now I need help with something else-- How can I edit my profile information? When I view my profile and click 'edit profile' in the upper right hand corner, I am redirected to the settings page where the only options available are for changing my email or password. Nothing I've tried has worked so far. Is this some type of site maintenance problem or am I just unable to do that until I have made x amount of approved posts? Perhaps I'm just doing something wrong. Anybody have the answer? I would love to get started here as soon as possible. Thank you in advance. --Feral Heart
  10. Hello Fellow Lovers of the Tao

    Hello. I am really interested in taoist thought, practice, and ways of living. I consider myself a student and seeker of truth, which means while I understand philosophies and their place I realize the most important part of anything is how it affects me...in short I like practicality and to prove and experience things for myself. I've read and researched many "spiritual" philosophies and practices and would like to be able to eventually experience them all for what they can offer. I am most interested in chi right now, and to understand if what I have been feeling is the same thing as some of you...please reply if you think you can help me. Lately I have been noticing vibrating tingling like sensations mostly in my fingertips and through my hands, sometimes in other parts of my body. Incidentally as a result of focusing on these vibrations inwardly in a way they increase...now I have noticed to that wrinkles and lines have begun to form and appear on my hands that were not there before. I am worried that I am doing something harmful to myself, which sucks, because I wanted to understand chi and its healing benefits. Am I actually feeling chi? Or just nerves? Is there a difference? It's almost as if I think I am accelerating the aging of my body, and I thought meditation and feeling chi would lead me to reduce the aging of it...? Have I stumbled on the "dark side" of the force? I have never had a meditation teacher, and I have only read books on these subjects, which is why I am posting this here now. I wish there was someone in Ohio, which is where I live, who is actually able to personally help me. Please respond if any of the things I have said interest you, or if you think you may be able to help me understand some of these things. Thank you.
  11. HELP!

    Hello im an 19 year old from Slovenia. Have just finished high school and going to study electro engineering. I have had an interesting upbringing and am a atheist and a nihilist. I have a long term relationship with my girlfriend. I wanted to improve our sex life and after searching i found the book Taoist secrets of love: cultivating the male sexual energy by Mantak Chia. I have read the book and had began to practice testicle breathing and scrotal compression. Because I had some problems with SC i did a search and got really confused. So i want to ask you, since you have experiece: HOW BEST TO BEGGIN? I want do practice sexual tao and later move on to other stuff, since doing this is already new for me. I want to be able to last long in bed and bring amazing orgasms to me and my girlfriend. What is the best way to do this. Should I go by the book? Or as some have suggested open the MCO. Also what to do about sex and ejaculation? If you could post a schedual of how I should proced I would be most grateful. Much thanks
  12. What is right for me?

    Hello, So I am interested in meditation which will lead to 'higher' planes. I have started with trying to find my spirit guides, and think I have contacted them once. I am also interested in magick but the only references I have are franz bardon. the type of magick i would be interested in would be, if possible, to do through knowledge gained in meditation or something I can do alone, but without alot of space. I am just very interested, as a beginner, for where to start so I can see/experience what my journey. I like it to feel as 'real' as possible. I don't have a set place but I am looking for the start place so I can become more spiritually aware and then deicide my path. Thanks!
  13. I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I recently started my journey to becoming a realized being through Taoist practices. I bought a few books, "secrets of the dragons gate", "opening the dragons gate", "secrets of the golden flower" and of course "magus from java". at the moment I can sit and meditate for a half hour. I use the eyes half open method. which means eyes locked on the tip of my nose and my mind concentrating on my minds eye, with my will fixed on my abdominal. Im trying to cultivate stillness or get to the point I can see my thoughts through my minds eye visually, but my only success in that area happened while I was sleeping. I can't imitate it through my meditations while I am awake. I'm not certain what my first steps should be, so I decided to join a community. I currently reside in Thailand, but I am an american. I'm a retired muay thai fighter, that came to the realization that my need to fight other men was a personality flaw. Now I spend my time with my wife (she came with me from america) and attempt to understand the "tao". I'm looking for answers that I can directly experience, not a belief system and it's important whoever decides to help me understands that. I'm not looking for a god, however I am searching for a way to save my wife and I from the afflictions of not pursuing the "tao". Here I am and that's my story Sincerely, Taoist Yawa.