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  1. Hey guys, A truly beautiful experience happened to me yesterday. I was with a friend. And as we were talking and getting to know each other, I let the idea that I wanted to meditate slide into the conversation. The reason bringing that up wasn't weird was because we were discussing spiritual subjets, and one of those happened to be meditation. So it wasn't outside the theme of the converstation. Anyway, I can drive energy from my head to my toes, I told her. She looked at me puzzled and curious at the same time. I interpreted the silence as an invitation to show her what I was talking about so I reduced the distance between the two of us and sat in front of her, a few centimetres away. I extended my hand. She grabbed it And I said, "I'm going to send you my energy now. You're going to feel electricity (That's the best way I could describe it)." The technique I use to meditate, without going into how I'm able to do it, is to squeeze a part of my brain using my willpower. The effect of this is the same as when you squeeze a sponge and water comes out. Obviously instead of water energy would come out. The way you percieve it is like a rain of white energy that massages your whole body and relaxes you. So I began meditating and she started having all kinds of sensations: crawling sensations on the skin, strange visions about birds and lakes, etc. Another person, on another day, in a whole diferent set of circumstances, told me that she saw a white aura around me and felt electric-like sensations on her face after I had meditated. I have to mentionne that both these individuals are extremely sensitive to energies around them. I doubt "normal" people would've noticed anything. Do any of you have any explanation for all of this? Truly apreciated Regards
  2. Does anyone know of a good Teacher of Wu 108 Long Form in the Everett, Washington area?
  3. What are some of the main techniques in classic Taoist meditation? It would be very helpful to hear some simple explanations on some of the fundamental techniques. There are many different techniques that have been developed such as the Inner Smile and Micro Cosmic Orbit, but as I understand these are just thought forms given to processes that occur during meditation and the movement of energy through the body, and are just different ways to achieve the same goal. Going back to the origins of Taoism, and man's essential nature, there are no words or techniques, just feelings. How did these masters meditate and achieve immortality? It is doubtful that they were practicing a wide variety of techniques and visualizations, each with their own catch phrases and number of repetitions. It is more likely that the early Taoists practiced a simple form of meditation, with little technique, just basic guidelines from experience masters, such as collecting the mind and breath in the lower dantian. What is the classic form of Taoist meditation? It would be great to hear some opinions on the basic steps. Thanks.
  4. Hi there My name is Alex, 27 years old. I really enjoy reading taoist literature and after discovering Mantak Chias books I aim to take the written knowledge and create some experiential understanding. Hoping along the way that can find some junior bums on this forum to start up on the path with and make use of the experience already gained by those who have kept up the practice for a long time. I have experience with meditation and completed a 10 day vipassana course with S.N. Goenka,.. I had known about Mantak for some time after a friend of mine had explained how he had been to Tao Garden 20 years ago and loved it, a few months after I went to vipassana and then on my first day back into normal life Mantak Chia had done an interview with on my favourite youtube channels called 'London real', it was literally one of the first things I saw when booting back up my phone. Tao Garden have given me contact details for one of Mantaks instructors who is sometimes in Bangkok (my current place) and willl start some work with her when possible. I am focusing for now on the inner smile which I find to be a relaxing and rejuvenating exercise and with the teachers guidance I hope to open the micro cosmic orbit. During that time I have started to do some of the exercises in multi orgasmic man. Mainly just the PC pull ups as am using the time to calm my mind away from quite strong sexual urges. It's been 23 days since that started and have been quite strong is resisting the urge and thoughts. This is welcoming and surprising as have had previous attempts in life which never seemed to go past 10 days, this process seems to be much more about the ease and think that this will help the Qi Gong journey. Not directly linked Taoism/Daoism? but am also doing breathing exercises from a book called 'The oxygen advantage' which is about retraining the body and mind to breathe calmer, slower and deeper through the nose at all times even when sleeping and even though he goes about things in a much more western scientific approach he quotes Lao Tzu and Taoist literature once or twice. He has also attended vipassana retreats so I believe he is well into this kind of stuff but for marketing purposes has chosen to position his books in a certain way. However anybody who is interested and would like to try the exercises please send me a message and I look forward to assisting where I can. Thank you for taking the time to read and look forward to this journey.
  5. Hello to all! I have been meditating for about 40 yrs. My third eye opened many years ago and I can offer comments on all of the tag lines that I have included in this topic. Currently I have taken up Qi Gong I am not well versed within this discipline though I can feel and follow fine movement within me and without. When I was 15yrs old my lower dan tien became very active one day and an intense warmth moved throughout my body - I was literally steaming (on a ski slope) with this hot ball inside me just below the navel and in a bit. This happened again when I was about 39 yrs old.during a difficult breakup with my girlfriend. Recently I was creating Qi Gong exercises for myself before I knew they existed as Qi Gong - what a wonderful teaching it is! I appreciate practical discussion ( since the original post I have studied with a Qi Gong and Kung Fu Grand Master 4-6 days a week in addition to personal practice)
  6. The food we consume - is the all that we take in We bring in through the eyes vast cubic miles every day The ears hear a thousand vibrations we never notice The nose speaks directly to our ancestry in each breath Our skin sinks to the marrow Please share here beauty that you have found so that it might be a well of delight and wonder
  7. I make time to meditate every day. I don't always make a lot of time, but that's a different issue. Sitting in silence is a strange thing. Sitting. Breathing. Observing. Sleeping? The sudden fall of my head that wakes me before I realize I'm beginning to sleep. Dreaming? My emotions run in cycles. I'll be fine for weeks. More than fine, I'll be content, maybe a little bored, feeling like I'm going through the motions, like it's just a silly game. Then BAM! I dread meditation - hate it - , start looking for excuses to not do it. I'll wake up in the morning, chest heavy, and start crying. Or I'll be driving my car, think of a deceased loved one and start laughing. I can smell their cigarettes, right next to me! Sitting in silence is a strange thing. I don't know where this road leads. In my youth I wanted "enlightenment". He he. Young people want a lot of things. Now I just want truth. Peace is always appreciated. Happiness is good, too.
  8. Taoist GrandMaster Wang Li Ping will be teaching a ten day intensive in China, starting on the afternoon of Dec. 21st and ending at noon on the 31st. Mr. Richard Liao will be translating. Please email dragongate.central@gmail.com for complete details. www.dragongate-academy.org Our goal is to build a bridge between Master Wang Liping and everyone interested in Taoism. We wish to benefit all to communicate their experiences during their practice to learn the Taoist Golden Elixir system. We hope the heritage of Dragon Gate shall live on in the new era to enrich lives everywhere.
  9. Does anyone practice Zazen and in particular the style closely resembling Shikantaza ("nothing but precisely sitting")? This is a method of practice that lineages like the famous Soto Zen tradition of Kōdō Sawaki & Kōshō Uchiyama are famous for. Famous monasteries and training locations like Antai-ji, Gyobutsuji Zen Monastery, and Sanshin Zen Community all belong to this school. I would be interested to know how Daoists approach and view this practice in their own words. Then if some are interested I`d love to dialogue a bit about on it
  10. So, I saw that there's a lot of good stuff on this forum, and, after downloading some ebooks, I thought it would be good to retribute back somehow. So, here is my first "donation" to TTB library of awesomeness: http://www.highexistence.com/the-wim-hof-method-revealed-how-to-consciously-control-your-immune-system/ It's the meditation technique that Wim Hof practice and teach in his workshops. As I mentioned some time ago, it's a mix of pranayama and tummo, but in a different manner (somewhat simpler imo). The main focus of this method is to stimulate and strenghten the immunologic system. I am applying this meditation for two months (I'm still a beginner), and I feel some good improvements, not to mention a slow, but ever-growing resistance to colder temperatures. He also has a book on this subject, called "Becoming the Iceman." I'd like to tell more about it, but I haven't readied it, so I think I'll just leave the torrent link where I found the ebook Link Removed here. Hope it serves to anybody. Namaste,
  11. Greetings. I need help. I am not very sure what to start and what to quit doing, but I've got to change something in my life. It's been about 6 months since I stopped trying hard, and tried to go back to basics. A short background: I've got very ill at the age of 19, after just about 2 months of living by myself in a new city. I hated the university, ate terribly, slept for 4-5 hours and practiced guitar for 10-12. Pretty soon I got stressed and depressed. Next I got carpal tunnel syndrome, inflammation of wrists and all the joints and muscles/tendons in my hands. Got more depressed. Few months later I ended up in hospital, because of severe stiffness of lower middle and upper back. Not able to sleep, not able to focus, had blurry vision, and was just awfully miserable. Shallow breath. Barely functioning. Oh I forgot. I had acute hyperacusis and tinnitus even prior to that. Nothing helped much, time healed some of the issues, to a certain degree. OK so 2 years later I did a 14 day water fast, followed by a 30 day water fast. Cured the inflammation, ears and back problems and CTS to about 70%. I'm finally able to use computer keyboard and even play guitar a little, which is nice. Cool but now I have some digestive issues(very fragile stomach) and have some trouble gaining weight( I'm 5'9'' and 118lbs). During the fast I felt a lot of tension around and below my navel. My stomach now is very sensitive and when I'm frightened or even surprised it hurts as if electrically shocked(previously I felt neck tension and head pain when under stress). I'm glad I'm so much more emotionally and mentally stable and don't have panic attacks and paranoia tendencies as I used to. I'm not depressed anymore. The downside is I'm still regaining strength 3 months after the fast and it's kinda slow. Still have a shallow breath and get exhausted pretty easily. I Think I need some sort of plan guys! If anybody could take time to address any of the following points, I would be most grateful. I feel somewhat stuck. No.1 Diet, sleep and basic activities. I've been following raw vegan fruit based diet since the fast and it was great for a number of reasons, but recently I started to see some limitations. Main problem is I guess lack of enough ripe fruit available here in Europe. So I started introducing cooked millet, potatoes, lentils and diary. Diary is fine, but over all I just feel week, lazy and lethargic. I tend to overeat on these things, since non of them is as satisfying as ripe fruit. It's really a pita. Will this last until I regain all my weight? I used to weigh about 75kg. I use cronometer.com and try to get about 3500-4000 calories daily now. I started following ayurveda for my dosha(vata) and it's amazing! Different foods like peppers, mushrooms eggplants, beans and other things always gave me problems, and now as I follow the guidelines I don't have to fear the food I'm eating lol. I try to get a litre of water before each meal, I can then eat normal sized portions. I try to sleep... as much as possible lol. In a few days I'm coming back to work. Walking around a warehouse picking up items for shipping( luckily not very strenuous). Anything to change here? Is the Chinese method of eating worth exploring?(Don't know anything about it, heard it's kinda complicated). Would it be a good idea to go to a Tibetan Medicine centre? I'm open. No.2 Meditation, Martial Arts and Qigong. I'll give you my goals: -fix my body posture( I have very weak back, slouch, my shoulders are tight and high. Shoulder blades stick out like crazy and it's hard to relax sitting or standing. -improve circulation(it used to be terrible before the fast, but still could be better), -spontaneity(you know in life, in guitar improvisation, even in conversation I feel the lack of flow) -Calm the fucking Dan Tien(lower, and perhaps middle I'm not sure my whole stomach is a mess recently) I'm trying Zhan Zhuang. Have the book The Way of Energy and watched the YT channel. I find it exhausting, even ust the1st position. I tried it a dozen of times over past few months and couldn't hold it for more than 3 minutes. It's appealing, I see the potential and acknowledge it is a foundation, but it's harder than this Anyway, the second I heard about Baguazhang, I didn't want to look back anymore. At anything, even Taiji. I'm sold for life. I don't know why, I'm totally mesmerised. Something about the spinning circle flowing motion... and I see myself as somebody who's trapped in cycles anyway so why not lol? Do you think it could be appropriate for someone like me? Right now? How can I find a teacher? Do you know anybody who does it in the Netherlands/Germany/Sweden? OR should I already start learning Chinese ? I understand it's even less popular then real Taiji. Is it really so rare? And before I find a teacher, would it be ok to learn from books/dvds or I'd be better off joining Taiji classes? One Taiji instructor I met even suggested I should go back to Karate and do that for some time, before I get into the internal styles and qigong... I'm confused. As for meditation, I always did like a simple body scan relaxation, or progressive muscle relaxation, and rarely got satisfying results. Only recently I had some success with BK Frantzis Taoist Meditation CD's. I'm sort of used now to breathing from the belly and the back and focusing on the Lower Dan Tien is kinda effective. I feel it. Still it's hard for me to stick to the practice. If I do it one day properly for few minutes, the next day don't even feel the interest and get bored easily if I try. It's like it stirs my body energy, and then I lose the drive to repeat the exercise. Same with Qigong massage I tried few days ago. I yawned like crazy, and didn't feel too good afterwords... I know I have a tendency to overdo everything, but for Dao's sake- is there anything I can practice for more than a minute and not feel totally exhausted??? I would really love to get into all the energy meditations, organ massages, moving and manipulating chi inside the body... you know, the fun stuff. How can I get there? What should I read? Most Importantly: what I SHOULDN'T be doing? What could hurt me? And again, how can I look for a teacher of meditation and qigong? I also occasionally do Trauma Releasing Exercises, which are awesome: Has anybody heard of this? And I'm also interested in the Alexander Technique... No.3 Would something like Initiation Into Hermetics by Francis Bardon or other such curriculum contribute in any way to my vitality? I'm still kind of clueless about all the occult stuff. Would appreciate some feedback on that as well. I'm interested in inducing trance on the fly. Why? I'm not sure. But you've got to be able to in order to play like Jimi Hendrix, am I wrong? I would also appreciate any magick and spiritual inspired fiction and "fiction" books. Novels perhaps. I really dug Carlos Castaneda a while ago. Finally, and this is minute but can you share with me what type of shoes and clothing do you use for walking, and practicing martial arts? I recently realized it also matters. What type of materials? I'd like to get some loose(traditional/modern Chinese perhaps) clothes that would be socially acceptable lol. Any good sites? Kinda love shopping To end this huge lament of a noob I'll just throw some titles on you and if you want share your thoughts on them( just your general opinion): Book of Five rings - Musashi Baguazhang - Hidden Knowledge in the Taoist Internal Martial Art Ywing-Ming-Yang-PHDThe-Root-of-Chinese-Chi-Kung The Complete System of Self-Healing by Dr. Stephen T. Chang Way of the inner smile by Michael Winn Daoist Body Cultivation by Livia Kohn Taoist Meditation by Thomas Cleary Becoming Te Iceman. Any recommendations? Peace. PS. Please excuse my English, I know it got a little rusty recently.
  12. I've progressed in my spiritual development and meditative practices and discovered myself to possess Astral Blindness that is a rather persistent problem over the years. Does anyone have any recommendations or practices to begin working on this?
  13. Does anyone else feel that cannabis (marijuana) used in the correct way (emphasis on correct ) it allows you to channel and connect more with your Chi / Qi life force? Smokeable cannabis is from the female part of the herb and I think in men it rejuvanates Qi which women and children generally have more of, according to what I have read.
  14. My name is Jolanda, I think I was here before . Studying Daoism: learning from texts, reading books and scriptures, teaching and doing Tai Chi and Qigong, recitation, meditation, zhan zhuang, circle walk, letting go, returning ... In this moment my Daoist name is Xìn Rù, disciple of Liu De MIng. Living in the Netherlands, wanting to manifest a Dutch Daoist Center in the future, but then again, letting go of desires: just starting with welcoming people to learn, read, recitate and meditate with me, for recognizing the Dao, in a very simple Way ... through email, skype or facebook. Maybe starting a community - group on facebook, if there is interest.
  15. We have some meditators here that are very good technical long meditators - it would be good to mention techniques for staying awake during what I refer to as "hitting unconsciousness". I use breathing techniques but I no longer know from what tradition they came (if any). Ya Mu mentioned a comparison between Zen and Qi people meditating, wherein awareness was quite different and the creative part of the brain was stimulated in the Qi people. I am not sure what the main differences are between a Zen meditation and a Qi aspect but I use a mix of teachings that I have learned over the years and also invented on my own, and staying in an aware state and not sleeping or going unconscious has never been a problem for me during meditation but it may be that Raja Yoga meditation is good at this which was my original early path or? I do not want to imply that I don't hit walls of unconscious energy - I definitely have but I move through them - they usually only last a few minutes but sometimes they are quite tenacious - in any case, I do not stop the meditation. In some 40 years of meditation I can count on one hand the number of times I have fallen asleep or konked out from hitting a wall and I don't think I need all of the fingers. I would say that in those 40 years I have very rarely stopped a meditation short because my body clearly needed sleep and meditation was pointless, probably also something I could count on one hand. I bring this up because one should start meditating with a reasonably good bank of sleep already in ones space so that falling asleep should not be a technical problem ( you don't start if you are exhausted). My point is that I agree with the general notion that it is highly beneficial to sit for long periods - certainly at least 1 hour. But quite a few appear to have problems with the Unconscious Energy Walls and do not sit for more than 40 minutes and usually less than that. If you can offer clear concise techniques that you have experience with for moving past the various walls to long meditation, please offer them up.
  16. I have had this problem for so many years. I have been to monks, I have been to teachers, I have seen my guru many times, nothing ever, ever, permanently fixes this problem. When I meditate, energy moves into my head, it builds into a giant ball of pressure, and then anger, delusion, confusion, and insanity start to arise as a result. For years I have tried to fix it, I have been taught so many techniques to fix it, nothing fixes this problem. When the pressure builds up in my head, it starts to hurt my heart and lungs below. I have felt like I was going to have a heart attack before. Every morning I wake up, there it is, the big ball of pressure stuck in my head, i meditate, it gets worse and worse. Everyday is another day of suffering and misery. Horrible horrible emotions constantly arising day after day due to this energy being stuck in my head. Is there anyone in this world that knows how to fix this problem? I haven't met one yet :\
  17. Does anyone simply walk for exercise and to meditate or reflect while doing so? I am 21 but started moving more when I noticed myself starting to age, youth fading and my body deteriorating. I now try to walk 10,000 steps a day and while doing so I reflect on life. I am a runner as well, but don't do it as much (only about 18 miles a week) because it is more "yang" to me and seems to degenerate the body in excess. The rest of my health practices and body / weight management are via yoga, healthy diet and fasting. But I like walking
  18. Lately, I discovered that my meditation was actually hacked by a mind function that conceptualizes and creates an image of an experience and faked my experience of reality. an example: the experience or state of no-thoughts, at first it was a genuine experience and it felt really nice, during meditation. but after a while i discovered that, during my practices in the past months, I wasn't actually in that state that I started with and i was actually in a thought of no-thoughts. In other words, I was living in a conceptualized image of what i experienced first time i started the practice and the mind automated the process by attracting my awareness into it. which got me question a lot of my experiences, and ask you in this thread: How is it possible to identify whether the experience, state or the feeling we are having is a result of reality and not a fake, mind made image? When i say between myself, i forgive that person for what he did or give love to a person or deep inside pain, how to know whether it is coming from a real feeling, and not from a conceptualized dry image of forgiveness or love? Maybe it is by looking for the intention behind it? In buddhism, they say, you should approach pain with equanimity, and not with aversion, because aversion=resistance= persistence, but wouldn't you try to be in equanimity in order to heal (get rid) of pain which is by itself aversion but in an indirect way? or when you try to allow things to be as itis, but you are allowing it to be as it is, because you want to get rid of that pain (which is not allowing). Thank you,
  19. In course of meditation, often the mind-stuff (mind's contents - aka thoughts) rises up and we can end up getting attached to it. We are not always good at not judging ourselves as the contents of the mind reveals some not so pleasant aspect of us. So a very significant revelation in not such a wholesome way became apparent... Consider for a moment that we have a very wholesome, healthy, balanced diet. As a corollary thereof, our excretion will be smooth, uneventful and will keep us healthy, our digestive system functioning properly. If we have a day or two of binging on really unhealthy dietary choices, the results may be painful the next morning (or later in the day, as our schedule dictates ) No matter whether we had a good BM or a bad one, we don't hold on to the notion that the by-product of the process belongs to us. We let go of it...flushed down the toilet...gone... Same too with when we do cleanses...a lot of deep junk comes out...we let go...flush it down and are happy about it being gone. We feel cleansed after... The mind-stuff is no different. It is a by-product of what our consciousness consumes. If our consciousness consumes wholesome and healthy material, the thoughts that are generated will gradually become wholesome and tranquil. We watch and let go... Even if our mind has had a day or two of binging on unhealthy and toxic stuff...the thoughts that are generated will reflect that. We should still watch and let go. The by-product of what the consciousness consumes (mind-stuff) does not belong to us, any more that what the by-product of what our body consumes is. Similarly, when we do cleanses of the consciousness (mind-body practices, meditation, etc), a lot of deep junk comes out...as mind-stuff. Why then should we feel bad about it's contents? We should watch, let go and be glad that it's gone. We might have to cleanse over and over again...until the consciousness is clear of all the garbage. But that garbage should not define who we are and how we behave. We have to let go... Suffering happens when we hold on to the garbage, thinking that it defines who and what we are. The fact is that we are not. The garbage is just a reflection of what we are impinged with (stimuli - objects of our perception and conception).
  20. I have been noticing that different people use different tools, through which, they get over, or face their issues and fears. Some of different tools so far I knew about: - The use Lucid dreams through which they face the issue in dream world, - visualization. - The use hypoginia state - NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) professional or psychotherapist. - The use the present process, in maintaining focus on the now. - observing thoughts. What are your technique to release your triggers and problems ? how it works for you? did you try any other technique ? and you ever wondered that some technique may fall under the "escapism" way or maybe dualistic approach ? Thank you for your time
  21. For the past couple of weeks, I haven't been able to meditate. I just sit down, and get a sudden feeling as if banana pudding is being spilled in my body and I just cannot go on sitting. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you get through it?
  22. I have been lately doing more meditation where i focus on my nose and feel the breath going in and out, and this helped me in increase my awareness and my ability to observe thoughts as they arise from in my daily life. whenever the thought arise, i notice it and once i notice it disappears, and i m left with a sense of peace and ease. Even though, i did notice how much some of the thought are compulsive and negative too. After the negative thoughts decreased, my mind has been flooding me with "positive" thoughts or more like sending me thoughts that i like or would prefer to engage in or think about, and they are nice, but at the end they are thoughts. But i m trying my best to not dwel. I was wondering if anyone has any idea about the state that i go into when i observe a thought and it disappears ? that state of peace and i call it state of bliss. Even though, that i m able to to observe the thought before getting triggered, would that also help me in releasing fears and problems in my life? do you suggest to continue with such practice? or to move forward with something to deepen it? And do you consider it, an escapism technique or enhance duality? Also do you suggest any book, youtube video or so on that practice to understand it more? Thank you
  23. I am posting this in hopes that it might be useful to someone who is actively trying to reach awakening … it is essentially a road map describing my own journey down the last section of the path to enlightenment… From the very beginning, my meditation was focused on one thing only… silencing the voice of my mind (delusion)… then destroying that voice completely… all of my meditation practice was insight meditation, and because I made steady progress from beginning to end, I never tried anything else… my insight meditation consisted of fixing my awareness on my nose, and passively observing my breath as it went in and out of my nose…while repeating “Buddho – Buddho – Buddho”… then when I became proficient in Samadhi (concentration), I started doing investigation of my mind… I first spent a few weeks at a Theravada Forest Monastery in the north of Thailand… I did this several times, but just when I started to get results, it would be time to leave… so I decided that the next time I would stay for as long as I got results… and I ended up staying for a full year, during which time I got rid of my anger and greed and reached equanimity… then I did solitary meditation at a house in the mountains (here in Thailand) for a year… then spent another year at the monastery primarily doing “body investigation”… then again I returned to a house in the mountains to do solitary meditation … after doing “body meditation” at the monastery I had reached a high level of attainment, but was unsure of what to do next…so I decided that I would attempt to reach awakening, or to at least scout out the territory… but I realized that I didn’t really have a clue where to start… so I decided that since the process of meditation and awakening takes place in the mind, knowledge of how the mind works would be extremely useful… so I surfed the internet looking for research and other information to update my knowledge about how the mind worked… after I digested it all, I wrote a short summary of it for my own use (conscious & subconscious mind… see below) which also includes my own observations and insights… with this information I could see how to proceed, and why… so I then wrote a step by step “road map for awakening” for myself that took me to awakening… see below)… then after my awakening, I wrote a description of what I experienced when I awakened… (awakening … see below)… later I wrote an epilogue describing how I felt 6 months after awakening… see below… Dawg CONSCIOUS MIND & SUBCONCIOUS MIND (Summary of my research and insights) The left hemisphere of your brain was generated from your father’s DNA, and contains your conscious mind, which is the male mind (Yang), and seventh chakra… the right hemisphere of your brain was generated from your mothers DNA, and contains your subconscious mind, which is the female mind (Yin), and sixth chakra (third eye)… the conscious mind is “father sky”, the subconscious mind is “mother earth”… …………………………………. THE CONSCIOUS MIND THE CONSCIOUS MIND IS A SERIAL PROCESSOR (with only one image or thought at a time, in a lineal sequence). The conscious mind can process 40 bits (nerve impulses) per second… the conscious mind understands “words” and “logic”, it is very “rational”… THE CONSCIOUS MIND IS THE MIND OF OUR PHYSICAL BODY AND ITS SENSES… “Consciousness” is usually defined as being aware of the physical senses… if a person cannot see, hear, smell, taste, or touch, they are said to be “unconscious”… NOTE... The “conscious mind” is used to survive in the physical world (world of the body’s senses)… The conscious mind is concerned with our personality and the survival of our body… when a person reincarnates, their past personality and conscious mind becomes a part of their subconscious mind, and a new conscious mind and personality is created… When a baby is born, it is taught (conditioned) how to survive in the physical world (physical survival), and how to survive within the context of the culture that it is born into (personality)… The conscious mind is just a temporary superficial interface that allows our spirit to reincarnate in a physical body, and experience the physical world… while our subconscious mind is the eternal spirit that we are, that is connected to, and is a part of the spirit universe …………………………………. THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND IS A PARALLEL PROCESSOR (with many images and thoughts arranged in many different complex patterns and structures simultaneously). The subconscious mind can process 40,000,000 bits (nerve impulses) per second, so it is 1,000,000 times more powerful, complex, bigger, or faster than the conscious mind… and can think hundreds or thousands of different thoughts simultaneously… the subconscious mind understands “visual images”, “emotions” and “feelings”; and is totally “irrational”… the subconscious mind controls our body… it keeps our heart beating, our lungs breathing, our stomach digesting our food, etc… it repairs and replaces the cells of our body… it creates our health or sickness… this is why the Buddha said that “every man is the author of his own sickness or health”… the subconscious mind is extremely powerful, but we seldom use more than a tiny fraction of its power, because we are unaware of it… If you see someone that you know; your subconscious mind “recognizes them” (visual image), and your conscious mind “remembers their name” (word)… this is how they work together… The conscious mind cannot cope with the simultaneous "multiple images and thoughts” in the subconscious mind, which is the reason why the subconscious mind is subconscious to the conscious mind. The conscious mind is simply unable to process and "be conscious" of the complexity of the "subconscious mind”… NOTE... If a “normal” mundane person were to unwittingly make their subconscious mind conscious, they would “think” (a logical lineal sequence of thoughts in their conscious mind) that they must be going “crazy”; because of the flood of conditioned multiple interacting reflex thoughts that would flood through their mind. Clinical insanity is when the subconscious mind of a mundane person becomes conscious, when he has tapped directly into his “spirit”, and neither the mundane person, nor the mundane world around him, understands what is happening… but this is also why some cultures consider “crazy people” to be “holy”, and why some “holy men” appear to be crazy… likewise a meditator who unwittingly makes his subconscious mind conscious, might “think” that meditating has made him crazy, and so be afraid to meditate any more… but if you recognize it as simply the natural state of the subconscious mind and are not afraid, it is no problem… it is fear of it that is the problem… if you ever fall into fear, simply start repeating “Buddho… Buddho… Buddho…” again and again until you feel safe… it will anchor you to something good, and protect you from fear… NOTE… When our subconscious mind becomes conscious, we have the potential to instantly and spontaneously “know” (with certainty) even the deepest and most complex universal knowledge and truths… NOTE… The subconscious mind simply collects information. It takes in every bit of input whether it is positive or negative. It does not make judgments about the information that it collects since that is the responsibility of the conscious mind. Every sight, sound, taste, smell, or anything we've experienced since the day that we were born (and what is carried over from past lives...karma) is stored in our subconscious mind for future retrieval…. Our subconscious mind is similar to a six-year-old child. It is innocent, naive, and wants to help us in any way it can, but has no idea how to help us. The subconscious mind wants to do the “right thing”, but it can only respond with what it has been conditioned to believe is the right thing (“mundane reality”, usually “ignorance”), so that it does not always make the best of choices… NOTE... The subconscious mind is “telepathic” and can hear the thoughts of other people, and communicate with the subconscious minds of other people, without our conscious mind being aware of it… this is what is called “intuition”… NOTE... Psychologists or behavioral change experts speak about writing goals or affirmations. Affirmations are positive, goal-directed phrases that are worded as if we have already achieved these goals… experts suggest we review our goals or repeat affirmations just before bed or just as we wake up… The reason is at these times our brainwaves are naturally in the correct state (the alpha frequency) for communicating with our subconscious mind. In alpha, the conscious mind is in abeyance, and we can speak directly to the subconscious mind… let's say you wrote the affirmation, "I love to exercise and have a compulsion to leap out of bed and exercise for 30 minutes every morning"… If you were in the alpha state, this message would go directly into the subconscious mind, unchallenged. But if you forgot to repeat affirmations just before bedtime, and repeated them while in the beta frequency (normal awake conscious mind) instead? Do you really think you could say this phrase without, at least, rolling your eyes? And most likely, that little voice in your conscious mind would be saying, "yeah, right"… …………………………………. Our subconscious mind is running our life! We have two separate minds that create our conscious mind’s controlling voice. There is the conscious mind that can think freely and create new ideas “outside of the box of our conditioning”. Then there is the subconscious mind, which is basically a super computer loaded with a database of programmed behaviors, that we carried with us from a past life (karma), or that we acquired before we reached the age of six or seven (when we were most gullible and impressionable) and were taught (programmed to believe) what the adults called “reality” (how to think and act)... The subconscious mind cannot move outside of its fixed programs… It automatically (reflex) reacts to situations with its previously “conditioned” behavior responses; it works without the knowledge or control of the conscious mind. We are usually not even aware that most of our actions are subconscious conditioned reflex responses. Studies from as far back as the 1970’s, show that our subconscious mind begins to prepare for action just over a third of a second before we consciously decide to act. In other words, even when we ‘think’ that we are consciously deciding to act, it is our subconscious mind that is actually making the decision for us...the subconscious mind is controlling us 95% of the time! Neuroscientists have shown that the conscious mind of a normal person provides 5% or less of their cognitive (conscious) activity during the day, and 5% they say is for the more aware people, many people operate at just 1% consciousness. It is the subconscious mind which shapes how we live our life… Note that the reason that an enlightened person is said to be “awake”, is because they are no longer in the “hypnotic trance” of conditioned behavior and sleepwalking through their life… they have awakened. Most of our decisions, actions, emotions and behavior depend on the 95% of brain activity that is usually beyond our conscious awareness, which means that at least 95% of our life is conditioned behavior that comes from our subconscious mind. Our life reflects our subconscious conditioning, because the job of the subconscious mind is to create a “reality” out of our subconscious conditioning. If our subconscious conditioning is negative (caused by negative experiences), our subconscious mind will recreate those negative experiences in our life, again and again. The voice of our thoughts, is not our voice… it is the voice of all the people who have conditioned us… our thoughts are all the “value judgments” and “control trips” that our family and our culture have programmed us with, to control our behavior… our awareness is clean and pure… the defilements in our mind are these conditioned “value judgment” and “control trip” thoughts that other people have filled our mind with. Whatever thoughts that our mind keeps returning to, are unresolved issues… If we have unresolved issues, it is usually because we have been conditioned with contradictory behavior… that is to say that we have been conditioned to do something (because it’s “good”), and also conditioned to not do the same thing (because it’s “bad”)… unresolved issues are usually a result of this situation… this situation produces conflict in our mind, so that we like to do something, but we feel guilty about it, and consider ourselves a bad person because we do it… it is a conflict of two conditioned value judgments… to resolve the issue we must make a choice of one or the other… either we don’t do “it”, or we do “it” and let go of our guilt about doing “”it” (assuming that we are not hurting anyone, including ourselves). “Guilt” is nothing but a control trip that someone has put in our mind to control us… we should not be deceived into thinking that it is a “natural response” to the “badness” of our actions. If we have negative conditioning (caused by negative experiences) in our subconscious mind, 95% of the time we will recreate those negative experiences in our life. Most of the conditioning in our subconscious mind is control trips based on negativity and fear that were put there to control and shape our behavior… we have been conditioned by our parents and other family members, school teachers, religious teachers, friends, enemies, books, newspapers, magazines, radio, television, movies, the internet, the government, etc… For example : if we are repeatedly told that we are “bad”, we are “stupid”, we are “worthless”, we are “incompetent”, we are a “failure”, or we fear what other people are thinking about us, or fear that we will not be accepted loved and respected as we are, fear that we are inferior to other people in some way, etc… these thoughts will keep popping into our mind, and this will cause us to have low self esteem, and a negative opinion of ourselves, and to believe that we are worthless. We then hate ourselves so are unable to accept and love ourselves as we are, and as a result we are unable to love others... Our subconscious mind is conditioned by a form of hypnosis that we call “education”… we are conditioned (hypnotized) when we voluntarily agree to believe what “respected authority” (parents & family, school teachers, religious teachers, government, media, friends, etc.) “suggest” to us… they suggest to us what things are good or bad, true or false… how we should behave, how we should think, what is “normal”… what is “reality”… so that the 95% of the time that we are controlled by our subconscious mind, we are in a hypnotic trance… simply reacting to stimulus with conditioned reflex behavior… our conscious mind’s “ego” thinks that it is making all of our decisions, that it is in control of our fate, but in reality it is just a puppet of the subconscious mind… We are taught to be greedy, and to want as much money as we can get… we are taught to chase pleasure and sex… we are taught to get angry when certain things happen to us… we are taught that what we believe is right… and anyone who disagrees with us is wrong… and so on. And as time passes we forget that we have learned these behaviors from other people, because they become automatic responses, so that we think that they are our natural and spontaneous reactions… and so that we become locked into a mundane hypnotic trance state that we consider to be “REALITY”… we are like “zombies”… THIS CONDITIONED MUNDANE REALITY IS THE IGNORANCE AND DELUSION THAT IS CALLED “AVIJJA”… this MUNDANE REALITY is the “DELUSION” that we must see through to liberate our mind… then it is as if we “awaken” from a long sleep, and see the true nature of our existence. But be warned that Avijja (mundane reality) has one last trick… it will try to convince you that you will “go crazy” if you let go of mundane reality… don’t believe it, you will “go sane”, and you will be free… forever and ever… MY ROAD MAP FOR AWAKENING (My strategy for attaining awakening) …………………………………. MY ANALYSIS (1) ………………MEDITATION……………… Meditation… The whole object of meditation from start to finish, is gaining control of, and silencing the voice of the mind… so that we can investigate the mind and purify it… then permanently destroy the voice of the mind by destroying “Avijja”, the delusion that is the source of that voice… when we have destroyed “Avijja”, all delusion falls away and we become awakened… and we clearly see the truth of our existence… (it does not matter what method we use to purify the mind, and destroy Avijja, that is of no importance… all that is important is that the method works)… Breathing during meditation… When meditating and observing our breath, we should not control our breath with our conscious mind, but instead let our subconscious mind do our (automatic) breathing for us, then we should be aware that by observing our (automatic) breath that we are observing our subconscious mind, and get in sync with it, and then simply let go, and let it “lead the way”… this helps to set up “investigation”, or set up “communication”, and/or “interaction” with the subconscious mind… Meditation in solitude…To reach awakening, it is very helpful (maybe necessary) to have days or weeks of uninterrupted and undisturbed meditation in solitude… away from the sights, sounds, and constant interruptions of the mundane world, away from all other people… to develop and sustain the necessary intensity of “concentration” and “determination”… the sights, sounds, smells, and feel of desolate unspoiled nature is the most ideal environment for meditating in solitude… (2) ……………NECESSARY SKILLS…………… It It is necessary to have concentration… The action or power of focusing one's attention or mental effort… dealing with one particular thing above all others… It is necessary to be deft… moving or acting in a quick, smooth, and skillful way; clever, showing good sense and skill in ... It is necessary to be cool… in a composed and unconcerned manner… It is necessary to be efficient… expending the least effort for maximum result… It is necessary to have determination… unshakable “intent”… (3) ………………STRATEGY……………… TO DESTROY “AVIJJA” (delusion) WE MUST UNDERSTAND : 1)… “WHERE IT IS” 2)… “WHAT IT IS” 3)… “WHAT IS ITS WEAKNESS” 4)… “HOW IT CAN BE DESTROYED” RESULTS OF MY ANALYSIS 1)… “where it is”… the first major insight on my path to “awakening”, was when I suddenly realized that my subconscious mind was my “Citta”… and since I knew that Avijja (delusion) and the Kelisas (defilements) were in my Citta, that meant they were in my subconscious mind… 2)… “what it is”… the second major insight was that a single conditioned reflex response in our subconscious mind is a “Kelisa”… and that the self reinforcing structure of interconnected conditioned reflex responses in our subconscious mind that we call “mundane reality”, is “Avijja”… 3)… “what is its weakness”… so how do we “fight” Avijja” (DELUSION) and destroy it… we can’t punch, kick, bite, stab, or shoot Avijja, nor beat it to death with a big stick… Avijja is not physical, nor is it even “alive”… so how do we fight something that is not physical or even alive… Avijja (delusion) has no awareness of its own, it is just a system of programmed reflex reactions stored in the subconscious mind that we call “mundane reality”… when we realize this, we have understood how the magician (Avijja) does its trick, (how we are deluded) so we are no longer fooled by it… we have discovered both the strength and the weakness of Avijja… and because we now understand its trick, we have already greatly diminished its strength (its ability to control and deceive us)… 4)… “how it can be destroyed”… It is not possible to “delete” anything from the subconscious mind, it remembers and records everything permanently… But we created Avijja (“mundane reality”) in our subconscious mind by accepting and believing mundane information and ideas, that we were taught were “true” (real, reality)... We were taught how we should respond to every possible situation, what we should like and dislike, etc… so that, 95% of our cognitive thoughts and actions are really just “programmed reflex reactions” dictated by our subconscious mind… this is “Avijja”, the “mundane reality” or “delusion” that we want to destroy… But consider that if we created Avijja (“mundane reality”) in our subconscious mind by accepting and believing mundane information and ideas, that we were taught were “true” (real, reality)... it is possible to reprogram our subconscious mind with a stronger new “awakened reality” based on the “truth of our existence”, that supersedes mundane reality, replacing it as the new default reality… This I now realize, is why the monk who taught me, had me do body investigation… body investigation is just a way to reprogram the subconscious mind to see the truth of our body… the truth of our existence… So it is possible for me to use whatever knowledge and skills that I have, and my understanding of the conscious and subconscious mind to reprogram a new awakened default reality… so starting now, the “middle path” of the Buddha IS my new default reality… I will do this by using “concentration”, “deftness”, “coolness”, “efficiency”, and “determination”… by continuously reaffirming to my subconscious mind that “reality” is the “truth of the middle path”… and by “intently” believing ( having my mind and will focused on this one specific purpose) and acting as if it already was the new default reality” (this is important), and I will even “intently” thank my subconscious mind for making it so (this is important too, remember that our subconscious mind is not only aware, but it has more awareness than our conscious mind)… and by continuously reinforcing the truth of the middle path as the existing new awakened default reality, while continuously reinforcing the idea that mundane reality was just childish ignorance… I can make the new “awakened reality” stronger and stronger, as I make the “mundane reality of delusion” weaker and weaker… then when the new “awakened reality” becomes stronger than the “childish ignorance” of mundane reality (Avijja)”, delusion will break up and be permanently destroyed… that will be the moment of “awakening”… AWAKENING (Written days after I awakened) I had been doing intense solitary meditation for many weeks trying many different strategies to get into and reprogram my subconscious mind, and/or trying to establish better communication with my subconscious mind, without any noticeable results… then one day without warning, and when I least expected it, I awakened… One minute I was listening to a bird chirping, and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, the next minute I was inside my subconscious mind and could visually see Avijja (mundane reality) like it was a huge dam breaking up, making deep rumbling loud sounds, and also “zinging” high pitched sounds, that seemed oddly musical… It was like a musical earthquake… This was accompanied by blinding flashes of light, like flash bulbs on a camera going off in my face… And then the sea of information and thoughts (my subconscious mind) that had been held back by the dam (of mundane reality) swept out over me, carrying me away... I could hear the devas (heavenly beings, my spirit guides) excitedly cheering me on, laughing and clapping like fans at a football match… So I felt very reassured that I was “safe”, and that whatever was happening was a very positive development, so I had no fear… Instead of trying to get out of this sea of thoughts which was my subconscious mind (remember I had just spent weeks trying to get into my subconscious mind), I kept pushing deeper and deeper into it… I was like a scuba diver systematically descending into the depths of the ocean... I would go deeper into this sea of thoughts (exploring), and then pause for a while observing what was going on and acclimate myself to the intensity, then go deeper exploring again and pausing to observe and acclimate myself again so that my awareness always remained clear and lucid… I did this for about a day and a half, until I reached “the bottom”... I then spent more than a week, day and night, submersed in this sea of thoughts, feelings, and images exploring and observing, and all the while I was in a state of extreme bliss... I laughed a lot, not because anything was humorous (although many things were), but because a zillion volts of pure joy was shooting up my spine (kundalini ?)… Both my conscious mind and my subconscious mind were conscious to me, and I was in both the physical world and the spirit world at the same time. My third eye was wide open… My two minds (two lobes of my brain) talked to one another as if they were two different people, while I was both of them. At one point I could see multiple copies of myself everywhere doing different things, and each of them could see all the other copies, and I could see all the other copies they were seeing, etc… it was like being in a hall of mirrors… My subconscious mind seemed to have no limitations... It could fragment into a multitude of many minds, all thinking different things, and I could keep up with all of them… the subconscious mind “thinks” with moving images (eyeball movies) like the dreams we have when asleep, or drug hallucinations, both of which occur in the subconscious mind… and with words, feelings, and emotions… It is impossible to describe with words, the many different things that I saw and experienced… There are no words to describe it, and even if there were, no one would understand the words, unless they had personally experienced what the words described… It seemed that the whole universe was available, but most of it didn’t interest me any more… I saw the “Akashic Record”, but things like “’past lives” seemed totally irrelevant and uninteresting, and the only thing that interested me was what my subconscious mind was doing NOW in this moment, in this life… I don’t remember sleeping, but one or both of my minds could have gone in and out of one pointedness (total concentration) without me having any awareness of time passing, without me even noticing… or I could have been “asleep” & “awake” at the same time (asleep in the physical world and awake in the spirit world, or asleep in the spirit world and awake in the physical world), a state that I have experienced many times before... My only awareness that time was passing, was that the sun kept coming up and going down, I was always in the “now” (and still am)… I fasted most of the time, not because I decided to fast, but because I never got hungry and my body didn’t seem to mind, but I drank a lot of water... The devas stayed with me the whole time, which made me feel very safe and protected… It took me two full days to come completely out of my subconscious mind, and totally back into my conscious mind again exploring and observing, pausing and acclimating as I did so… The weirdest and most unexpected part of it all, is that with the destruction of delusion, my subconscious mind which now contained my new “awakened reality”, fused with my conscious mind, and now it is a “soul mate” (??? union of yin and yang ???)…whereas before I never thought much about my subconscious mind, I now love my subconscious mind, and I can feel its love for me… in any case it is my spiritual partner and best friend, who will help me in any way that it can… at first my conscious mind felt that it was really very very very strange having this “other person” (other conscious mind) in my body with it (“what now ? who the hell is this ?”)… until it realized that it was the same subconscious mind... (“is that you Dawg ? I didn’t recognize you”)… “Dawg” is the name of my subconscious mind… my subconscious mind adopted the name “Dawg” several years ago, so that it would “know” for sure when I was talking directly to it… I can say “hey Dawg ! listen up, I want to talk to you”… and Dawg listens… Dawg dictates to me what to write, then edits it after I type it… my conscious mind is just the typist)… my new awakened subconscious mind now makes me feel “whole” and “complete”, so that I love everybody now… (even if I don’t even like them !!!)… “you must love yourself, before you can love anyone else”, comes to mind… although my communication with my subconscious mind (Dawg) is now very much improved, it can still be difficult sometimes because the subconscious mind is so unlike the conscious mind… I have to use the right key words, mental images, and keep it simple… for all of its power and complexity; my subconscious mind (Dawg) is like a small child in some ways... or like a very gentle and brilliant simple minded giant with magic powers who knows absolutely everything… and because Dawg is now enlightened, whatever Dwag tells me is totally trustworthy… the absurdity of it all, still makes me laugh with joy whenever I think about it… Every meditation method that I tried in the weeks before I awakened produced results, not only did I awaken, but I raised the Kundalini and opened my third eye, and also unified the yin and the yang… a grand slam… it was awesome… the smile on my face is still five miles wide… EPILOGUE (Written months later) I can say without any doubt that “I am awake”… because if you are awake there is absolutely no way you could not know that you are awake… even if you were dead, you would still know that you were awake… it is impossible not to “KNOW”… if you wonder “IF” you are awake, you are not awake’’… The extreme out pouring of bliss and love has subsided… I feel so different since I have awakened, but in the best possible way… and so many unnecessary things have dropped away that I feel as if my life before awakening is a “past life”… “I feel as if I have been reborn”… The change is permanent… and it seems that there is no longer any “need” to meditate, because my mind is totally empty, and because there is nothing in it to investigate or meditate about… but I can still call up a thought, observe it, and instantly gain insights, then let it go… although my mind is usually totally “empty”, I see and hear everything, it is just that my mind does not respond to anything…nothing arises in my mind unless I make an effort to cause it to arise, and it disappears as soon as I cease making the effort … I’m never bored, or aware of the time passing, it is always “now”… the normal state of my mind is for it to be filled with silence, which I now realize is “the sound of one hand clapping”… My awareness lives in the present moment, the NOW !... my personality and my body are not “me”, they are just masks that I can put on and take off (as and when necessary)… the only thing remaining that I could call “me”, is pure awareness that is simply aware of being aware… and even that is just a part of a larger universal awareness… but I have never in my life felt so totally “normal”… this is obviously the way physical human existence is supposed to be… When I was a small child I saw the world as a very “magical place” where everything that I saw or heard was “real” and “existed”… George Washington, Mickey Mouse, Dinosaurs, Spiderman, Grandpa and Grandma, Uncle Sam, Santa Claus, angels and devils, bed time stories, movies, etc, etc… were all equally real… when I learned what the adults called (mundane) “reality”, bit by bit the world lost all of its “magic”… but now that I am “awakened” I find myself once again living in a “magical” world where the “magic” is not only real, it is reality… It is the subconscious mind that experiences awakening (a new reality), not the conscious mind… upon awakening, the conscious mind becomes empty with no mundane thoughts to distract it, so it lives in the NOW (present moment), the only place in the physical world that is real… which is the world of the body’s senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch)… NOTE… As a child you believed that santa claus was a reality who brought you Christmas presents… then one day you realized he was not real (you awakened) and realized that your presents were put there by your parents… so you no longer believed in the reality of santa claus … but you still remembered who he was… you can’t just delete him from your memory… the memory remains, but you no longer believe he is a realityl… in the same way you can destroy avijja as a reality, but the memory of it remains… when you destroy the reality of Avijja (delusion), you no longer create any new karma… but your past karma is the memory of avijja, so it remains active until you die (even if you are enlightened)… then it drops away because you go to the highest heavenly realm, and no longer reincarnate… NOTE… You have spirit guides that want to help and protect you, but they can’t help or protect you unless you ask them to help you and protect you, because they would be interfering… talk to them as friends and allies, and ask them to help you, and tell them “how” if you can (they can lead things to you, and you to things, without you even realizing that they are involved)… and don’t forget to thank them… NOTE… Anyone dear to you who has died (parents, siblings, children, grandparents, spouses, friends) can hear you if you talk to them, most of them can come to you in an instant… call them to come… tell them that you love them and miss them, and pour out your heart to them… they are not “dead” (it is impossible to die, even if you wanted to), they are just someplace else… NOTE… Learn to talk to your subconscious mind, ask it to help you… remember that it is more conscious than your conscious mind… and if you let it, it will love you unconditionally, just the way you are… tell it your dreams and aspirations… it can help you in ways that you cannot even imagine… it has complete control of your body…24 hours a day, it keeps your heart beating, your lungs breathing, etc, etc… your subconscious mind is always aware, it never sleeps, it is always taking care of you, every second of your life… and it is always listening to the thoughts in your conscious mind, and those thoughts create your health or disease…
  24. hey, I practice vipassana, even though lately not having time to practice it.... anyways my case is, when i m really feeling and focusing on body, a really painful sensation arises around heart, more like a circle or lines around it (around the middle of my chest where the heart is located). Also, when i investigate other parts of the body (with focus), there is a string of pain (dunno if it is a meridian) coming from my middle finger and moves up my arm to chest and to that circle of pain. usually that string of pain comes like waves of pulsation going into the heart. this pain arises most when its been a time, I didn't masturbate and when i m focused on my body. when i masturbate, the after it goes and decrease and thus i won't feel it anymore up till a period of time. feeling that feeling of pain and trying to deal with it, with watching/observing allowing it to be... didn't work much. Also, the more i focus that pain is very tough and strong... and thoughts of "it seems i won't last much on this earth...etc", it is not like i fear death, i don't mind it but yeah. I do have some kind of throat pain (when to doctor and said there is nothing) that arises from time to time when i focus on my body but that is maybe a different story but currently this is stronger any ideas? any help is appreciated. Thanks