stasia

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  1. kundalini crisis, maybe

    Thank you, WayofChi. I'm not sure I know enough about what that means to be totally comfortable with it just yet, but thank you just the same. The truth is I don't know anything about any of this. I don't even really understand what kundalini is, much less how it works or why. I certainly don't know what to do about what is happening to me. If there is some kind of technique I can implement, some kind of spiritual or emotional work I need to do, some way I should be eating or some set of questions I should be asking... This is what I am trying to discover because–– and I'll be very honest–– I just want the pain and panic to stop. I am in a constant state of agony and desperation. If kundalini can be awakened, can it not also be slowed down? I have read here and there that meditation can make it worse. Actually, just thinking about it or talking about it much makes it worse. One book that my brother's friend passed along was Living With Kundalini, the autobiography of Gopi Krishna. I read the chapter in which he describes his awakening and I had to put the book down because it resonated so much with me that it actually seemed to catalyze something, so that the more I read the more intensely I felt the pressure and buzzing building up in my head and I couldn't handle it. Also, why does energy feel like it gets stuck in various parts of my body? Is it actually getting stuck, and if so, how can I help it to flow or release more effectively? I was previously jogging, stretching, and doing a bit of yoga, but since all the bizarre stuff began I barely have the strength to stay out of bed during the day. I am sometimes able to walk a mile or two, but I have to be very careful because too much physical exertion also makes everything worse. Again, thank you all in advance.
  2. Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours. These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension. At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to a kundalini awakening gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it. At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line. Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share.
  3. kundalini crisis, maybe

    Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours. These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. In effect I feel like I have been poisoned. There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension. At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to kundalini arousal gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it. At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line. I'm sorry if this is way too much information to post in the Welcome section. I guess I don't know how else to present myself. Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share.