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Found 34 results

  1. i m new on this page

    hello, i tried to control masterbation for 40 days but on 41th day nightfall happened. i could'nt control myself. i masterbated once n now i feel regret about this. how to transfer this enrgy to the brain. i have lots of question but not able to find the answer. plz help me regards
  2. Hello Does anyone practice Roberts Bruce methods from Astral Dynamics?
  3. I'm not sure if the Kundalini is absolutely necessary for realization, awakening, enlightenment. Or is it? What are your thoughts bums? If it is a prerequisite, should one worry about attaining it (prioritize)? Or will it unfold naturally as one progresses among a humble path to samadhi/realization through Samatha and Vipassana? Meaning no direct intention on energy work required as the natural unfolding of ego and dualism fades (disclaimer: I know it may be hard to distinguish because energy is interconnected to all thoughts, emotions, state of being, etc. but you get the idea) Also - Bonus question(s): Does the connection between the third eye and crown energy centers need to be opened before hand, or will the kundalini just blow through it all? Is there a difference in effect of a partially open and fully awakened third eye?
  4. Does anyone here know what the difference is between Kundalini and MCO? They both send energy up the spine. I've been working to store chi in the lower dan tien but during the day I have ecstatic surges of energy rush up my spine, straight to the crown. These rushes happen when deep feelings of connection and purpose occur. For example, the other day I was at a court hearing and saw this young guy get sentenced to 40 years in prison. I was then overwhelmed by a feeling that people in society need inspiration. Every time a thought would hit me about how to do that, why it should be done, how to inspire people, etc. I would immediately get that ecstatic rush. If I think about doing something I'm genuinely passionate about or sometime that is meaningful to me at a deep level, those same rushes will hit me. Imagine if something amazing happened at a stadium and suddenly the whole crowd jumped up and roared in applause. Or imagine countless numbers of people roaring before a battle. That is sort of what it feels like. The only thing that worries me is that since my goal is to store energy in naval chakra, I want to avoid "spending" it so to speak. So if the energy is leaving the dan tien and creating a rush, then I would prefer to avoid that. However, if it's kundalini or something else that has no affect on energy storage in the lower dan tien, then I'm all in. Any thoughts?
  5. Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours. These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension. At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to a kundalini awakening gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it. At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line. Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share.
  6. kundalini crisis, maybe

    Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours. These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. In effect I feel like I have been poisoned. There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension. At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to kundalini arousal gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it. At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line. I'm sorry if this is way too much information to post in the Welcome section. I guess I don't know how else to present myself. Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share.
  7. Howdy

    Liking what I'm seeing here. I've had my share of mythical experiences. Kundalini Energy and other explainable stuff. Seemed to have chosen me so I'm going carriage before the horse. Better late than never. Howdy
  8. Hey everyone, I've got a black mark on my third chakra and I need some answers lol. Let me put it into context: I've been seeing a bioenergetic therapist for about 2 years now and as time has gone by I couldn't help but notice a strange black mark on my solar plexus chakra. It came to my attention because that is precisely the chakra I've been working on lately. And what has made itself obvious to me as I progressed through my energy work is that the more I moved forward with what I was doing the more the black mark became increasingly smaller. My therapist says it now has the shape of an "S" or a snake (Kundalini serpent?). What possibly could have happened to me--and it seems more and more likely the more I go into this stuff--is that I have been a victim of black magic, where some individual (Or individuals) have targeted my solar plexus chakra, the seat of your energetic system, and litteraly sucked the life out of me for all these years. Is it a coincidence that the more my energetic levels go up, the less visible the black symbol becomes; and the stronger I become, the less I attract those people who drain my energy levels. It's no coincidence. I've come to the point where I feel the need to discuss this with somebody (Other than with my therapist). I hope I've come to the right place. Thank you for your time. Best regards
  9. Drawn to the Occult

    Hey everyone, I've got a black mark on my third chakra and I need some answers lol. Let me put it into context: I've been seeing a bioenergetic therapist for about 2 years now and as time has gone by I couldn't help but notice a strange black mark on my solar plexus chakra. It came to my attention because that is precisely the chakra I've been working on lately. And what has made itself obvious to me as I progressed through my energy work is that the more I moved forward with what I was doing the more the black mark became increasingly smaller. My therapist says it now has the shape of an "S" or a snake (Kundalini serpent?). What possibly could have happened to me--and it seems more and more likely the more I go into this stuff--is that I have been a victim of black magic, where some individual (Or individuals) have targeted my solar plexus chakra, the seat of your energetic system, and litteraly sucked the life out of me for all these years. Is it a coincidence that the more my energetic levels go up, the less visible the black symbol becomes; and the stronger I become, the less I attract those people who drain my energy levels. It's no coincidence. I've come to the point where I feel the need to discuss this with somebody (Other than with my therapist). I hope I've come to the right place. Thank you for your time. Best regards
  10. Where do I go from here?

    I wrote a post on my blog it is pretty lengthy but is very genuine. I have quoted it below. I am wondering if I should continue on the path? Or change yet again to something else. What about an enlightenment course? Or is there a point where you just give up? I don't necessarily mean suicide either. Note: therapy seems pointless because it only works on the ego and not the Self below (or above) it. Which is my target (Self Realization). I have had some glimpses of no-ego and it is an amazing place to be. Entheogens seem like the next best option.
  11. Powerful dreams last night, repeatedly over and over again all night. Signs and symbols of crossroads and great change. Anyone else experiencing something similar?
  12. sex and spirituality

    I am a new member on this forum.Sex has always been a confusing matter to me.Sometimes it makes me feel ecstatic and sometimes it makes me feel low.So, i decided to find answers to my questions regarding sex and how it influences my attitude towards life. During my search i came to know about left hand path of tantra which talks about achieving the highest goal of life by using some techniques and methods.These methods also involve sex as a important part to reach the highest goal of life that is kundalini awakening. However the path of tantra is very hard and not easy to follow. I think following tantric practises without a guru can cause much harm to the body and also it is very diffficult to find true and authentic gurus under whom these practises can be followed. I would really love to share the knowledge on this forum and meet people who also want to reveal the secrets of life and sex. I also read mantak chia book- the multi orgasmic man. i found that both tantra and tao talk about conserving the same thing and moving it upwards. In tantra it is called bindu and in tao it is called chi.Moving this energy gives tremendous power to a human being. I would really love to meet the people interested in both tantra and tao and i want to become more aware about these topics. However, i also believe that only one path should be used to reach a certain goal and that path must be choosen with utmost care and responsibility. Hope i will get to know which path should i choose in life using valuable advices of people on this forum.
  13. I was browsing kindle and on suggested reading, found this book "Kundalini - An Untold Story" by Om Swami. I had some pressing questions on Kundalini based on experiences I was going through. The book was given free with Kindle Unlimited. I thought, why not check this book out real quick? I started reading and surprisingly I could not put the book down. I put down after completing the book. I haven't done such reading from cover to cover (single sitting) in a long time. The narration is simply brilliant, capturing the attention of the reader. My initial thought, this must be another book on Kundalini with pictures on chakras that talk about raising this sleeping snake. The stars on chakras, their colors, the visions, the siddhis, the whole nine yards.... To my surprise the book was completely different. The title is apt, it is an 'Untold Story'. Not only is Swami's experience enthralling. Swami explains the entire process of Kundalini in a new light, starting with the story of Daksha Prajapati, the great yajna he conducted. How, he chose to insult Shiva. How Sati choses to leave her body. The metaphorical meaning of the entire story explained is simply beautiful. This story seems to happen in all of us. Due to the ignorance of Daksha in all of us, the shakti goes dormant in muladhara in each one of us. Then she takes the birth as Himavati (Parvati). From a human body, she had to raise up, transcend the human body, climb up with bhakti and dedication, to reach and become one with Shiva again. This story seems to play out in all of us. Those who had read parts of Shiva Purana or Skanda Purana must be familiar with the story of Daksha. One can be familiar with the story from reading comics also The book starts with this story of Daksha, continues narrating, how this knowledge of tantra, was first taught by Lord Shiva to sage Agasthya. How by a series of steps, it comes to Sri Veda Vyasa. Then it tells the story of how Lalitha Sahasranama was revealed by Sri Hayagriva. Those who have chanted Lalitha Sahasranama will know, that it talks about all the Chakras. It talks about Brahma Granthi, Vishnu Granthi and Rudra Granthi. All of these are the names of divine mother. The book goes on to expound Kundalini purely from the perspective of Lalitha Sahasranama. It is a very interesting read. Here is the link for the book, "Kundalini — An Untold Story: A Himalayan Mystic's Insight into the Power of Kundalini and Chakra Sadhana"
  14. Hello from Scotland

    Hi, I just joined the forum in order to get contact information of a member, I read one of snowmonki's posts, and noted he was in the UK, and wanted to find out more about him/her. I'm a long time Zen student who taught Tai Chi up till about fifteen years ago, when various circumstances - mainly physical - conspired against continuing it. I am now quite old. I am also interested in Chan, and also in Taoism. But my main study is Zen. I've been at this so long, that I see it as part of my identity I guess. Some three years ago my Kundalini awakened on a Chan retreat, and I've been dealing with the aftermath of that since then. It is a very difficult subject to get any useful help on, and I eventually started on Mahamudra studies in order to get access to experience from that path. The Tibetans are very broad in their views and very helpful.But I've just recently got my Vajrasattva initiation, and the Six Yogas of Naropa part of the study is still some years away, so I am still in limbo. I found that my Zen teacher doesn't value this direction, which is disappointing, particularly as this Zen school, like most of them, think the world of Hakuin, who in fact rated its usefulness highly. However, there does appear to be a prejudice in some spiritual traditions against the physical/emotional/energetic aspects of K. I can understand that K awakening may causes issues for students and in groups, but if it is unsought, then the path should be broad enough to include them, if it is a valid way. I think. The problems can lead to benefits too perhaps, though it might take time. I've recently been reading Nan Huai Chin, and it is disappointing that his particular branch of teaching doesn't appear to have made it to the UK. He says, that while this energetic/physical path is a left hand path, a side door, "a side door is still a door. One cannot ignore or deny this completely." I realize their are more modern approaches, like KAP, and teachers like Chrism. But somehow they are not for me. Traditional Yoga - as it is practiced in this country - doesn't interest me either. I wish I could find a teacher like Huai Chin.
  15. Hello Everyone . Ive joined this forum in hopes of finding help for my constant head pressure. I believe I have kundalini syndrome, have the constant kriyas or spasms that jerk parts of my body a little , electric sparks along my spine sometimes, lip quivers and change of heart beat, it beats harder and kindof shakes my body. This happened all after my parents caught me high on LSD and it was kind of an emotional tramuatic event for me. After all this ive been more aware of energy flowing through me. But im just scared about the head pressure. It has made me significantly less focused,mentally debalitating and results in me being tired all day everyday :[ please help.
  16. I've found that most books about kundalini, laya yoga and tummo are commercial crap. Can anyone please recommend a good book on awakening kundalini/tummo? Thanks.
  17. I've been doing a Taoist meditation for the past few years, and one thing my Shifu likes to do is get me to experience things myself and never explain (as many traditional teachers and masters are wont to do). Recently, during meditation, I have a burning sensation from my lower dantian and going up to my heart, almost like having taken hot tea. Now, I feel this as well in deeper states after about 30-45 minutes of meditating, it feels like the skin on my back is burning like it's exposed directly to sun and I'm indoors. I also feel this burning sensation after having orgasmed too and it stays for a long time after. Anyone have any explanation for this and what it may or may not have to do with kundalini?
  18. New to this site

    Hello My name is Peter, I just wanted to introduce myself. I have been on a spiritual search for decades and am still seeking absolute truth. I have determined that righteousness and meditation are major keys to consciousness and enlightenment. It has been quite a nightmare wading through the jungle of religions and lies which have been strewn across the pathway to Truth. I am here to learn and understand more. Thank you for listening to me.
  19. New to Taoist Cultivation

    Hi all, Im relatively new to the whole esoteric Taoism + neidan cultivation practices but I've always had an interesting in philisophical Taoism ever since I read the Tao Te Ching in high school. I've always self-identified as a Taoist philisophically but until now I've not explored what it means to live life according to those principles in a conscious way. Some background on me -- - I practice westernized Vinyasa Yoga 5 days a week, and have been for about 2.5 years. - My introduction to esoteric Taoism/neidan cultivation started with Mantak Chia's book "The Multi Orgasmic Man". I also have his book "Awakening Healing Energy Through the Tao". I don't follow the practices to the letter but rather just take the parts that work for me, like the microcosmic orbit and inner smile meditation. Why I'm here -- - I've reached a point in my neidan cultivation where I don't think books and videos will cut it anymore. I want to meet other practitioners and ultimately a master/sifu who can guide me in my practice so I don't hurt myself or needlessly waste my efforts. - Yesterday I experienced what I believe to be a "kundalini awakening". At the point where the energy reached the crown of my head I began to experience a disintegration of my ego into a larger consciousness, but I pulled back from it by bringing the energy back down the functional/front channel of the microcosmic orbit. I feel normal again today but im left wondering what path I should continue to take in this journey of spiritual development. Thanks all and I hope to become a contributing part of your community.
  20. move to the last 3 paragraphs if you want brevity hello, i’ve avoided posting at places like this [though i’ve read posts] until now as i’ve been looking for wisdom around me and have thought/been able to deal with the crises that have emerged so far on my own. of course, finding an actual teacher has not been easy, with all the misunderstanding of kundalini in seekers and its relative prevalence. plus good teachers don’t seem to take on many pupils. okay, i’ll try to keep this precise and incisive. i will address the questions through a life history. male, 22 now apparently depressed for life [increasingly] and have always been very emotional/energetic [when young only] and philosophical, attempting to understand possible psychological influences now that the time is right for understanding kundalini woke up a little bit when i first felt emotion [ever] for 1 second at 19 in romance of an apparent true nature. at the same time i had an experience of entering a rainbow elevator and entering another dimension where a prototypical alien head radiated rainbow energy into my mind. still don’t know how to interpret that. soon after lack of emotions/processing of the self-caused failure of that romance due to inaction [the most positive event in my life so far] and rashness led to entering what has been technically described in all the traditions as the lowest level of hell [i had been to apparent visionary hell many times before, but not as bad or lucid] through a prolonged extreme seizure that grasped onto the unprocessed psychological baggage [mouth foaming/eyes all over the place, paralysis but conscious at times, perception of extreme dehydration and suffocation, etc]. this left me feeling like my mind was broken/something intangible was missing to which i still don’t really understand. i had broken my leg badly and whatnot but this confirmed that psycho-spiritual pain accesses a brain faculty that can go rampant in a way no external or emotional-biological pain can match. probably. later kundalini experiences have seemed to confirm this, which is why i am posting - the most recent one. this event spurred extremely healthy diet, and beginning meditation. eventually diet would evolve into my own version of super nutrition, which again will fade out into less concerted but more ethical yet still healthy eating once i normalize. sometime in here i had an apparently ‘channeling’ experience after i entered my 8th cakra for the first time where it felt like my crown cakra was the top of a hill with a radio antenna where i perceived so many thoughts as sort of a mental-tactile manifestation of non-sensory meaning that emerged from this background [non-perceptual] television screen fuzz. this was managed easily. eventually a doctor in the nuclear family suspected i was depressed as it/mental illness runs in the entire genealogy on both sides. first drug worked euthymically for a week, then full initial-stage of stage 1 [body/cells having sex with itself] kundalini appeared in the course of 5 minutes with my first ever real sensation of my body [depersonalization being the clinical heading for anhedonia/energy/emotional blunting] followed up by the creating-destroying involution of meaning Mystery as i looked at the exact same object and simultaneously realized was the same object i had looked at as a kid when i first felt kundalini. the strange thing is when i was that kid i remember looking at that fountain and thinking ‘this moment will become relevant to me later in life and i will know it when it happens.’ i do this every now and then. this was my first hint at the understanding of intuition, memory, deja vu, and the true nature of time. that was so cool. experiences got much better and much worse. meditation was enhanced, i would see my fully developed golden third eye and smell amrita simultaneously, astral project every now and then, eventually feel real emotions, think in more simultenaity, feel the beginnings of peace, need a little less sleep, etc etc. with a little more time, downside was i would wake up as if mentally prodded in the time between 2-4 am and seemingly perceive many small demons around my first experience of my aura fiending for my soul. i was not physically paralyzed, so this probably wasn’t primarily clinical sleep things like paralysis. essentially, this felt like a minor version of the seizure experience, where my soul felt torn apart by demons pulling it apart while it exploded with fire of pure pain from the inside. but i could resist this time. no one so far really understands this, obviously, and until the recent experience, the point of this post, i fluctuated between spiritualizing and psychologizing the demons of this particular experience. anyway i appeared to learn how to deal with that [my 3rd chakra was slowly developing as i got used to my emotions] while feeling like i would go insane due to the pain in the moment, the shock after waking up, the lack of understanding around me, and the fear of going to sleep. then i got much better at self control and further refined diet and i began to push/pull the bright clear kundalini up the spine and fill up the chakras, getting as far as the crystalline jewels of manipura and the first emergence of real kundalini energy, while lakshmi and saraswati nadis filled up. i could tell my crown was not open, so i started on it and opened it in 6 mos. with manipura, it was nauseatingly pleasurable, as the kundalini began to take on the crown-like shimmery reflective crystalline aspect before the heart showed itself. i never got to the heart, as an external factor caused a mixed mania, after which my brain was never as firm, and i progressively became depressed and dissociated from my body and more in tune with my crown chakra [opening it fully], eventually causing me to spontaneously get sucked up into my 8th chakra and float above my body controlling it like a puppet with strings. this went away, and the next day i woke up with a new sensation as if i was being pulled out of my crown chakra into my 8th but because of the body dissociation due to depression this was perceived as my nervous system being ripped out of me – an imbalance of body-mind. this felt like a variation of the pain of the demons, but without the idea of demons being present. this lasted for many weeks and absolutely nothing helped, and i felt like i would either go insane or kill myself. i couldnt really tell anyone as they’d just be annoyingly minimizing-consoling [friends], blame me [teachers], or not believe/not understand [family]. i was in the fetal position, sweating, shaking, all day trying not to scream [i was at school, supposed to get ready for finals] and trying to make myself pass out. all i could think was ‘why is this happening,’ as part of the 4 same initial thoughts [what is going on, what did i do to deserve this, how is this possible] i felt when kundalini first appeared in earnest. irony is important philosophically.. at that point i called the dr. and got clonazepam and it went away immediately. i wish i remember how i got to the store like that.. ok, so then i had a clear light experience where i saw my nadis and floated up into light, which was a fuller manifestation of what i’d had before kundalini fully appeared. that was pretty cool, but i had fear [depressed] and retreated – the defining theme of my reaction to the most emotionally significant moments of unknown change throughout my life. then i think at that point chitrini filled up. still depressed at this point, but meditating and doing yoga and japa more and more... depsite the body-mind dyssychrony, due to a desire to facilitate what was happening anyways. and it helped the depression. then i felt the front nadis all connect from ajna to svadisthana in an intricate web-like fashion. then i had a dream of kali, which was horrible. then there was some dream where i passed thru sushumna through brahma and burst into the 8th cakra. scary. then i saw the moon send energy into ajna. then i saw ganesha’s white elephant. this made me seriously wonder about hinduism. then i began to experience emerald-purple tripur sundari in ajna as i did more japa. i was exploring the strange dream space of bindu visarga. then the kicker, my heart opened up all of a sudden into the hridayakasha and i fully left my body/self/reason and experienced ecstatic vibrational love in the fiery vajra heart of mystery void. due to the depression and over-rationality, my rational faculty manifested and the experience didn’t last long. but, this laid the experiential foundation for true faith, and i am now left with attempting to notice and accept the mystery of the unanswerable questions that the experience brings up. i saw the experiential counterpoint to the philosophical mysteries i love. ok, then i began to have a mild version of the rod entering my spine and perceiving something mental i can only describe as the fuller manifestation of the manipura energy combined with this tactile-mental manifestation of pure colorful sensory perception. this was good, like a follow up but not fully developed manifestation of the heart experience. then i woke up one day and my entire body was vibrating with the ecstatic heart. again a further follow up, but this lasted only 1 day due to external/not endogenous factors that interacted with the depression. then another external substance made me manic, and everything went down again. sooo there have been good times since then, but pretty inconsistent. i see now that while you do have to inculcate things while depressed, it’s more about lifestyle stuff and consistency and attitude/tendencies. many perceptual things don’t transfer, and can only be learned during the euthymic and moreso the heightened state. unfortunately the personality tendencies of the depression have been ingrained, the worst outcome possible, as kundalini only makes this harder to deal with. but it’s definitely possible/happening to move past it. ok ok finally, i have found something that works, but as i get better the negative experiences [demon] are returning. unfortunately mystical philosophy is more mood-contingent than some hyper-rational western philosophy, which is wonderful, but it means the conclusions we come to sometimes take forever to be teased out from mood fluctuations, as is the nature of the history of philosophy, the more self-aware philosophy. those two are very similar. i believe kundalini pleasure states are effective for bringing up traumas [beyond just oh my body’s shaking and i feel emotions and energy blockages, but the content of actual spontaneous flashback-like mysterious emotional processing in the granthis/elsewhere], but this despair has shown me the true nature of memory as the seat of worldly consciousness that allows us to fully process the pain so that the bliss can be transformed into the neutral mind. i wasn’t able to do this the first time around, but i have learned a little by now. funny enough, the first time around i realized i would only be able to do this effectively if i was thrown back into depression for a while. well.... okay so the actual question: i had a dream last night after i restarted yoga and meditation for the first time in many months. i was with my mother and searched ‘kundalini flowers’ or something on google and clicked first page. at the top was a horizontal picture with flowers on the right ¾ and a big ass demon face on the left. my mother saw it and immediately was like ‘WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THINGS LIKE THAT!?!?’ well i hadnt taken a close look, and i’ve heard not to look such things in the eyes.. but being that i am increasingly noticing the subtleties of the eyes as emotion and Being, and communication as creative spontaneous expansion of the self.. so i looked at the eyes closely and saw a depth of evil i have never seen before [in any of the prior demon experiences] – it was a depth and firmness of soul i can only equate to divinity as consciousness and existence [but without the power of Bliss] but with such intense hatred of pure desire to joyously torture. true evil, the essence of evil, something i philosophically [socially, pragmatically] had deconstructed but theologically believed in. this was not a dream. i tried to be firm and use a few cakras, but i am too weak and havent accepted myself through the pure presence of the moment, so i could tell i clearly failed and would be violently murdered if this was real. it was like it was saying ‘i am waiting for you, if you mess up, or i will come for you anyways’ and i realized if i am to continue with this kundalini i must become unimaginably stronger. i am certain this was a very powerful demon, a very high order demon... or even satan itself. by far the most frightening thing i’ve ever experienced.. worse than hell. i may have at one point asked the universe to ‘give me all it’s got.’ i am rash at the times when it’s least useful..and i try to control it in all the wrong moments [mistrust due to my rashness], as i learn from experience [i don’t think anyone has the capacity to have all knowledge of experience to be able to act purely on theory/advice without being dogmatic, unless they are a perfected creature upon birth]. my concern is, when previous similar stuff happened i was either able to make it somehow, or have faith that kundalini would progress at a slow pace for me to be able to not only integrate, but more importantly, get strong enough to deal with those extremely increasingly negative situations [let alone accept the strange neutral but not pleasurable ones that constitute transition phases]. i have no idea what will happen, and i’m not sure if i’m getting stronger at the right rate to be able to do this. i am having past traumas reprocessed automatically in a deeper degree as i get better/kundalini can work, but i feel like, as usual, my mind is racing ahead. this is not just a matter of simple grounding, or other menial mitigation techniques.. i have no idea what this is. i have only experienced absolute euthymia once in my life, and that was for 45 minutes. it was a familiar deep peace that emerged consistently when i meditated a lot during depression before the heart opening and follow up experiences, and i was able to interact with people effectively, but there was no sense of pleasure or emotions. it’s sort of possible it would have emerged with time as had happened before... but also before after 1 week exactly it blossomed into kundalini, not just normal emotions. obviously i can’t predict anything related to that. unfortunately this can be interpreted as over-identification with the heightened state, but having been depressed for my entire life, and only having experienced a sense of self and emotions [in a healthy way] through such experiences, how can you really blame me. i realize it is possible that finding self through a normal/boring state would teach me things i need as a prerequisite, and stuff i’ve read seems to imply that, not to mention old style yogic progression of practice. i mean the people who are born with experiences and become ascetics – how do they develop a sense of self, or do they really have it fully developed at birth? but obviously, none of that still doesn’t really answer anything – should i shoot for something i may not get [euthymia] [and abandon the one medication that works] that potentially may not be necessary [euthymia] with the risk of never entering the heightened state again [i value creativity and true compassion, not to mention the depth of self that only such states can give] in order to help deal with these increasingly extreme experiences? advice?
  21. Kundabuffer

    Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I wouldn't know where else to put it. Several schools are talking about the Kundabuffer organ, or the remains of it, and that it should be destroyed first by the new soul, before it rises through the Shushumna. Is the Kundabuffer merely the ego, or is it something else? Does anyone have firsthand experience?
  22. After an individual has successfully raised their Kundalini to the crown chakra, producing the satori/enlightenment experience, what is the next stage of progression? What does living with an activated kundalini present that is not present in an inactive kundalini? I have felt some awesome things mostly working with energy - after a little qigong (i.e. many hours a day consecutively for a few months) I find myself able to build up globs of energy and mould them into shapes. It feels fairly difficult to do this as it needs hours of movement work to build the energy into one ball of momentum. What does kundalini give to the person who has activated it?
  23. I like reading liturgies of any tradition as they are instructive and horizon broadening. This liturgy on arousing kundalini (http://www.fellowshipofisis.com/liturgy/mel4_orig.pdf) is worth a read. It's from the Fellowship of Isis. The small print says that the ritual is to be performed by Fellowship of Isis members only, but a lot can still be gleaned from it nevertheless.
  24. KUNDALINI SHAKTI & SIDDHIS I'd like to discuss in this thread the paranormal powers & phenomena which can arise with a so-called "Kundalini-awakening". Any experiences? EDIT: My 2.100th post btw.
  25. Had a guy create this video and post to my channel saying that I needed to watch it. All the stirring up his emotions & growling made me feel uneasy-- not going to say that his energy was giving something off-- I'll just say I felt uncomfortable. My bestie told me to stop watching, but I told her that I felt like I at least owed it to him to finish the video. "If you can't see what's going on, there's something wrong with you." >> I didn't like how he kept making that statement. What if I don't see anything other than him stirring up his emotions and pissing himself off to create some sort of hormonal response & calling it "kundalini" (which it can be...that's sort of what happens in KAP's Secret Smile, but nothing like what he's doing) Anyway, just thought I'd share-- and Pearish, if you happen to be a member of the Tao Bums, no harm, bro-- I'm just looking for a few other opinions before I post a response--