oglights

Dissolving meditation not working after 8 years

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Posted (edited)

Hi guys,

 

I’m at a bit of a loss here. I have been into the “spiritual awakening” scene since 2008.  In 2012 I discovered Bruce Kumar Frantzis’ “The Tao of Letting Go” series, aka, the water method or “dissolving meditation”.  

 

I must have listened to the audiobook at least 100 times now, practically knowing it by heart by now, as well as much of his other material.

 

I have been putting in 30 minutes to 5 hours of practice time per day since discovering it in 2012, and unfortunately, I have little to nothing to show for it.

 

On an intellectual level, the concept and the technique makes perfect sense yet when I apply it in real life, it just doesn’t seem to have much of an effect.

 

Admittedly, I am probably a hard case as I have layers of incredibly painful emotions and traumas due to neglect and low self-esteem, but you would think with all the work I have put into it, it would have paid off by now.

 

For those that know the technique, it will take me anywhere from 2-3 hours to get through a few centimetres from the top of my had, as every square inch is blocked.

 

On some occasions, if I manage to “relax” that area, the moment I get triggered with some kind of fear, the whole area tightens up and it’s back to square one.   I have divided my time in different ways and gone farther down the body to the top of my feet, however it seems that the time required to dissolve every square inch of myself would take hundreds if not thousands of years…. If you take into account the amount of frustration the lack of results causes me, you can multiply that by 100x.

 

I swear I have given it literally all I have, and have tried every little tiny variation in technique I could find.  I read the case of Jane Alexander who managed to cure her severe mental illness from using this method, and my hats off to her, that is amazing.

 

All I could get from this experience is that there is something seriously flawed with me, because I have also gone the rounds of pretty much every healing method available under the sun (including heavy duty doses of psychedelic medicines) and have gotten next to nothing out of it.

 

I have applied the method to concrete "agendas" such as grief, and anger, and fear, and even after spending months on a single "energy", there is simply no transformation.   Everything within my being, on an energetic level, is exactly the same as before I started.   The level of pain and suffering is exactly the same if not higher due to the feeling of desperation/frustration.  Yes, of course I know all about the Wu-Wei principle, in that the more you try and the more you want it, the less you are apt to get it.  But I have spent years also, "not trying", and applying this reverse principle, and accepting, and letting things be, and it makes no difference in the end, as pain is pain and suffering is suffering.

 

There was recently a private broadcast where BKF said something akin to “stay away from mentally ill people, they are not worth your time” which I just tried to ignore (I have severe depression, anxiety, etc.) but it really severed my connection to this lineage and method, but for whatever reason I am still persevering and putting in the daily practice… perhaps I should give up?

 

Maybe this is a case of the right means being applied by the wrong person, and with all due respect to BKF, I am sure he would suggest I go look elsewhere.

 

I have left out a lot of information specifically about how I practice and my experience with other methods due to brevity, but this is the gist of it.

 

Honestly, I have not come across a seemingly better method (at least on paper) than the water method, and I am unbelievably disappointed that I am not getting anything out of it.

 

I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful bastard. I know that there are no guarantees in life, and that I should not have any expectations. It should be enough that it works for some people, and I know that I should leave it at that.  However, I cannot help but feel what I feel, too

 

Edited by oglights
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To me mate, you sound dedicated and quite self cognizent.

I don't have an answer, but I empathize deeply with you.

I have much compassion for the hell you are moving through...

 

My wife has echoed similar experiences and sentiments to much of what you shared here, as she has processed severe childhood trauma for years now.  Her approach has yielded some results, but nothing like what she hoped for... not anywhere near that.  And often it feels like regressive, doing more harm than good to keep revisiting it.

 

Her approach has a strong Buddhist leaning, but is not lineage bound, and is a self reflective, mindfulness approach, following thoughts to their source and then dissolving and releasing there.

 

It also involved three failed attempts at Western Psychological Therapy and one bout of trying those pills they like to hand out to change brain chemistry.

 

I found some deep resonance and some comforting insights and revelations to the process of dealing with complex trauma's in @Rocky Lionmouth's personal practice topic on Complex PTSD.  Maybe check that out.

 

Glad you are reaching out here.  There are some remarkable people here, someone may well be able to help.

*hug*

 

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Hi! 

 

The dissolving method might be too passive in nature if you have issues related to depression, anxiety and perhaps self esteem issues. 

 

Actually, working with mental health issues is really hard, and if you are doing it without guidance from a therapist, well, even with professional help it is difficult. 

 

Personally, as someone working professionally with this, I would not recommend anyone to start with the dissolving method. I practiced it for years myself, after learning it from seminars by Bruce including what he at that time called "the most in-depth seminar he had done on the subject", so I probably didn't mis-understand it too much. I have tried it in clinical practice, and then removed it from my toolbox so to speak. 

 

The nature of (some) mental health problems is that you need to build up and follow through in order to complete, the release comes after that. 

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On 28/8/2020 at 8:35 PM, oglights said:

 

I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful bastard. I know that there are no guarantees in life, and that I should not have any expectations. It should be enough that it works for some people, and I know that I should leave it at that.  However, I cannot help but feel what I feel, too

 

 

Hi oglights,

 

You don´t sound like an ungrateful bastard.  More like someone whose spent an amazing amount of effort doing something and not gotten anywhere.  How frustrating that must be!  Are we not supposed to have any expectations about getting results?  That sounds like the kind of thing lots of people say, but honestly, I think everybody has expectations.  It´s natural to want things to work and be disappointed when they don´t.

 

From what you´ve wrote, I´d say you´ve given this technique an honest shot -- and then some.  The question is, what now?  This is obviously a really tough place to be in and I think one of the most important things you can do is not make it any tougher by being hard on yourself or judging yourself in any way.  It´s not your fault this technique didn´t work for you.  Maybe the technique isn´t all it´s cracked up to be.  Maybe it works for some but isn´t right for you.  Regardless: not your fault.

 

I don´t have any suggestions for what you might do next.  Indeed, I´m not sure the internet is the best place to find suggestions, although you never know -- someone might say something that speaks to you.  I just hope you treat yourself with all the kindness and gentleness you deserve.

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That sounds really frustrating oglights.  I was also really taken by Frantzis' material when I first found it, and wanted to use it to heal anxiety and depression and was inspired by Jane Alexander's story.  Now years later I have my likes and dislikes about it.  Jane studied with Bruce in person, including all the various components of his system that aren't in books.  Having learned some of these from his online programs, I would say they are absolutely necessary.  Honestly, I never liked the "dissolving meditation" the way Frantzis teaches it.  Very rigid, kind of mental even, and giving the impression that any  upward movement is something to be avoided.  But if practiced along with the basic movement sets (Energy Gates, Heaven and Earth, Dragon and Tiger) with their internal components, as well as the Daoist Breathing work, it really works for some people.  But you have to have a feeling for qi movement - if you are as blocked as you say (and I was too), there is just no juice for to get the process going.

 

Now I primarily learn from Damo Mitchell.  There are some similarities (he might not like me saying that lol) - his sung breathing practice has similarities to outer dissolving, and his anchoring the breath practice has similarities to Frantzis' Daoist internal breathing practice.  But there are a lot more components that crank up the power, and Damo will tell you don't expect this stuff to fix all your issues (no overselling).

 

Good luck, whatever direction you choose to go.

 

Did you ever do any kind of physically intense practice, like a vigorous hatha yoga practice?  What about "non doing" types of meditations like following the breath?

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Posted (edited)

Hello oglights,

 

correct me if I’m wrong but I detect some guilt in your writing.  As silent thunder noticed, you feel quite dedicated which is a good thing and it seems all is fine with you

 

Basically we sometimes outgrow the method and some tweaking to the practice is needed to take it on a different level, or the method is not for us. Teachers sometimes tell things that might make us feel bitter for a time period, does not mean the teacher spoke about you so no need to take it personally.

 

I don’t know what type of lineages resonante with you exactly so hard to pass any responsible recomendations, however what often works is to set an intention. In this case intention to discower a spiritual practice that is conducive for us and will guide us to reach whatever we want to reach, and then let go of this intention. 

Edited by Kubba

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I do not know much of this particular practice, but I can offer input based on my experiences of healing my own traumas. If a soft method does not work, attempt a hard method. If a hard method does not work, attempt a soft method. If sitting methods do not work, attempt standing methods, and so on. Sometimes, you need to use a bit of force to break through a barrier. After a hole has been breached, the soft methods will expand and maintain it.

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Just take up a simple moving practice like taijiquan. Do it under guidance of a good teacher if possible (online lessons work for beginners too). Forget about dissolving for a few months and do a very gentle form of taijiquan — something focused on relaxation and release. 
 

I’ve written about my own practice and how I worked through some of the issues you mentioned in the OP here — 

 

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12 hours ago, oglights said:

All I could get from this experience is that there is something seriously flawed with me


The flaw is with the practice and the system as you’ve been taught it - not with you. 
 

Seeing such dedication and hard work wasted on a largely made up and ‘simplified for westerners’ system is the most upsetting thing for me.

 

Frantzis doesn’t deserve you as a student.

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14 hours ago, oglights said:

(including heavy duty doses of psychedelic medicines) and have gotten next to nothing out of it.

Could you expand on this somewhat?  Did they not feel efficacious to you at all physically or do you just not feel like you got any lasting benefit after the trips were over?

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Hi oglights,

Welcome to DaoBums. 

Not all practices are suitable or effective for all practitioners.

We are all unique and need different things and that can change with time and circumstances. 

 

Your lack of perceived progress can mean many things.

One thing it does NOT mean is that you are somehow unworthy or flawed.

That is the habitual voice of low self-esteem offering its explanation, which is like a broken record, and about as useful.

It means quite simply that this particular combination of teacher, system, and student is not effective at this point in time.

If you try to loosen a 13mm hex nut with a 3/8 inch wrench and it doesn't work does that mean there is a flaw in the nut or the wrench?

Of course not, it just means you have the wrong tool for the job.

(...and no doubt the habitual voice of low self-esteem would be critical for selecting the wrong wrench! :) )

 

I have no idea what you need or what practice would be effective for you.

Each of us will tend to suggest things that worked for us, or things we feel would help based on our very limited knowledge of you. 

I think that you have tried the dissolution method for long enough and if it had potential to help that would be clear by now.

If you engage in a practice with devotion and reasonable guidance, you should see results within a matter of months; certainly within a year. Otherwise I would suggest moving on. No need to blame anyone, just keep looking until you find a wrench that fits.

 

I studied a credible and comprehensive system for about 12 years and I could see real benefits.

But then I reached a point where I could tell I needed something different.

I had reached a block of some sort and my teacher was unable (or unwilling) to facilitate me getting through it.

My relationship to the practice and teacher was strong but I knew there was something important missing.

I opened my mind and life to the possibility of change, even though it was VERY difficult to do as I felt a strong obligation.

 

Then something wonderful happened, I made a connection to a different teacher in a completely unrelated system and I could tell there was a deeper connection there. Not long after I found in this teacher what was missing from my previous experience.

As a result my practice has deepened and my life and been profoundly enhanced. 

 

Change is inevitable and change is natural.

There is no need to hang onto something that isn't working, life is far too short for that.

There is little in life that is as certain as the fact that everything changes.

We can embrace that change and grow with the newness of the experience.

Or we can fight change and punish ourselves because our experience is not what we expect it to be.

 

Not sure any of this helps but I wish you good luck in finding what you need.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, freeform said:


The flaw is with the practice and the system as you’ve been taught it - not with you. 
 

Seeing such dedication and hard work wasted on a largely made up and ‘simplified for westerners’ system is the most upsetting thing for me.

 

Frantzis doesn’t deserve you as a student.

 

The flaw is with the culture.  It is common to have students toil for many years without real progress for Chinese arts and martial arts.   In China it is more difficult to change your master too, even for today.   Somehow this part is not "simplified for westerner".

 

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Posted (edited)

It's almost obvious for me that you need some good physical practice. Remember that physical practice performs a function of dissolving the same as a sitting practice. If you take Frantzis, his main interest and passion in life was martial arts and moving practices. This is why he succeeded in sitting dissolving - because he put in so much effort in the moving practices.

 

Taiji, daoyin, or yoga for you, but no qigong as qigong will only cement your blocks even harder they are right now.

Edited by idquest
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18 hours ago, oglights said:

I have been putting in 30 minutes to 5 hours of practice time per day since discovering it in 2012, and unfortunately, I have little to nothing to show for it.

[snip]

For those that know the technique, it will take me anywhere from 2-3 hours to get through a few centimetres from the top of my had, as every square inch is blocked.

[snip]

 The level of pain and suffering is exactly the same if not higher due to the feeling of desperation/frustration.  

 

My probably unpopular opinion is that energy work isn't really a good idea for most people for some time. In some regards, it can be tossing gasoline on the fire if you have serious mental/emotional/physical issues. In my limited experience, I have noticed that people who tend to focus on the energy aspects often get more energy, but this only makes jerks into BIG jerks, arrogant people into REALLY arrogant people, and violent people MORE violent. Of course, this happened to me, and so I stopped energy practices for many years. Many people on this forum (again, including me) used to jump willy-nilly into whatever practice came along. I note that many people ended up burned by such an approach, and many of the seasoned folks now practice within a tradition. 

 

I am a Buddhist so the usual order is to first develop one's morals, then develop a calm and peaceful mind (relatively speaking) before increasing the wattage or amps one pours through the system. Starting with basic morality and mindfulness is often a good foundation, because these things tend to calm the mind to the degree that we can look and see what is going on. 

 

I would strongly recommend working with a living teacher rather than trying to give it a go from books or recordings. I don't know a single person who never made an error on the spiritual path--- some might say making errors IS the spiritual path. Having a teacher can really help ensure those errors don't mess you up. This can be especially important if you have mental, emotional, or physical illnesses, which everyone does to some degree. 

 

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13 hours ago, Master Logray said:

In China it is more difficult to change your master too, even for today.   Somehow this part is not "simplified for westerner".


Yes you’re right. In the majority of cases in China, much of the internal practices have been simplified, homogenised and re interpreted to such an extent that there is nothing internal left at all. Just graceful looking choreography.

 

To find a genuine teacher it’s better to follow the chinese diaspora throughout Asia. Most genuine Chinese teachers have left.

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4 hours ago, freeform said:


Yes you’re right. In the majority of cases in China, much of the internal practices have been simplified, homogenised and re interpreted to such an extent that there is nothing internal left at all. Just graceful looking choreography.

 

To find a genuine teacher it’s better to follow the chinese diaspora throughout Asia. Most genuine Chinese teachers have left.

 

It affects external arts more.  Foreigners who go to China to learn martial arts must follow the standard national programmes and styles.  These have no combat value, only for performance and competition, may not even good for health and sometimes dangerous as there are some acrobatic moves.   Taichi used to be around 88-119 moves.  It is why the moving meditation term comes about.  But it is simplified to 24 moves, even have 8/12/24/36/48 moves.  China's researchers themselves say the 24 moves is not conducive to health as the traditional long style.

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37 minutes ago, Master Logray said:

It affects external arts more.  Foreigners who go to China to learn martial arts must follow the standard national programmes and styles.


In terms of numbers of people affected yes that’s true.

China is trying to preserve a controlled appearance of cultural heritage (and in the process eviscerating all life out of it)

 

Some people like all the acrobatic stuff and the nice outfits and so on. I think that’s fine.
 

It’s kind of akin to those ‘traditional Dutch villages’ with traditional windmills, cobbled streets and quaint little houses they built in Japan. Completely fake, but kinda entertaining.

 

But the internal arts are something altogether more valuable than fun costumes and choreography. It’s like losing something as important as the discipline of physics.
 

And these arts can easily be erased by this sort of cultural homogenisation.
 

So in terms of it being a problem of losing precious knowledge, then what’s happening in China now is far more tragic.

 

However, as Taomeow has said before - these arts have survived through many such transitions.
 

And you can certainly still find genuine teachers and practitioners keeping the traditions alive in places like Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan etc.

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6 hours ago, freeform said:


Yes you’re right. In the majority of cases in China, much of the internal practices have been simplified, homogenised and re interpreted to such an extent that there is nothing internal left at all. Just graceful looking choreography.

 

To find a genuine teacher it’s better to follow the chinese diaspora throughout Asia. Most genuine Chinese teachers have left.

 

True story: students in China have sought out my teachers to come back and train them. One even had the offer to be flown there weekly since there was no Xin Yi (not Xingyi) in China at the level he has and teaches.

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@oglights

 

Deeply sorry to hear about your experiences. I know what its like to put so much time and effort into a system and get not much in return. 

 

Just out of interest, have you tried the Wim Hof method? Its a very simple breathing exercise but I've seen dozens of people on the Facebook group over the years who have overcoming their depression through the practice. Only takes about five to 10 minutes to practice a set, and you should know from that one set whether it will help or not (unlike tai chi or other systems that show major results after years of practice, its very fast acting). Its not for everyone, but I hope it helps. 

 

 

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On 8/29/2020 at 2:35 AM, oglights said:

Hi guys,

 

I’m at a bit of a loss here. I have been into the “spiritual awakening” scene since 2008.  In 2012 I discovered Bruce Kumar Frantzis’ “The Tao of Letting Go” series, aka, the water method or “dissolving meditation”.  

 

I must have listened to the audiobook at least 100 times now, practically knowing it by heart by now, as well as much of his other material.

 

I have been putting in 30 minutes to 5 hours of practice time per day since discovering it in 2012, and unfortunately, I have little to nothing to show for it.

 

On an intellectual level, the concept and the technique makes perfect sense yet when I apply it in real life, it just doesn’t seem to have much of an effect.

.....

 

Hi,

 

Apart from anything else I think you are to be congratulated on your persistence.  Clearly you have a considerable reserve of determination and discipline.

 

I am not personally familiar with BF's methods but I think I get the general idea.  There's probably nothing wrong with it as a technique but a path or 'way' is not a technique or even a series of them.  I think you should take all methods as just being tools which can be used to achieve certain results - if they don't work (after a reasonable effort and time spent) then just try something else.  This is not to say you should gad from thing to thing seeking results - but that you should understand that the path is the grand plan and not the bits and pieces.

 

Very often if you find yourself stuck in some way - and it seems unresolvable after a long time spent then it just means you are approaching the problem in the wrong way.  Actually for those who practice without a teacher this is the way we learn.  But you need to give yourself little breaks and re-examine the problem regularly to see if you are looking at it correctly.  There are some quite famous illustrations of this kind of thing.  Like the monkey who sees a tasty nut in a bottle but when he closes his fist around the nut he can't get his hand out the bottle neck.   Or a fish that gets stuck in a net and through struggling to get out winds himself tighter and tighter.  That kind of thing.

 

If you can find a teacher who knows what they are doing they might help you.  But better still just deconstruct your whole problem, examine the parts, decide how it all functions and think of a new approach to try.  Do it for say 3 months and repeat.  The main thing to remember is that you are not the problems, you are the consciousness which is aware of the problems, essentially you are free, you just have to remember how to be free.  Every time you hit a block it is a big lesson  which will help you recover the essential unity and health in yourself.  I know this sounds a little New Agey but hey.

 

Best wishes and good luck.

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A guy named Jeffrey Martin did research about awakening by interviewing lots of people that had achieved some degree of awakening. Amongst those he found six or so methods tended to have been used to get there. He then made a course based on teaching those six methods so people could choose the one or two that seemed most helpful for each individual. Through teaching the course he consistently found that people who had very little success with one method, say Vipassana, could have very fast results with another method, for example self inquiry. So his recommendation was to try out different methods and move on quite quickly if they didn't produce fairly fast results. 

Damo Mitchells Lotus Nei Gong and Michael Lomax`Stillness movement Nei Gong and Gift of the Tao series have gotten rave reviews on this forum consistently over time. Maybe try them out and see if they work out better for you?

I am curious, have you done much physical qigong or internal martial arts? I keep seeing that people who struggle with success in meditation can still often get good results from more body based, movement based and energy based practices. And after achieving good results with such practices meditation often becomes much easier for these people. 

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How is your nervous system? My intuition and experience on a lot of these highly spiritual practices and people that use them (lets say western seekers here mostly), is that we try to go too high before we're ready because of the foundational nature of the problems we are facing and trauma that is propelling us on the journey.

You can meditate and be in your head all you want, but the body needs to be accounted for. Up to the person to figure out the progression of using body, mind, or integration of both practices. I strongly believe that a lot of people's nervous system's are messed and stuck in a sympathetic state, or tend to sympathetic state so easily that they can't get into a parasympathetic state - which is the place where all these mind based meditation practices are so much more effective.

 

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14 hours ago, markern said:

I keep seeing that people who struggle with success in meditation can still often get good results from more body based, movement based and energy based practices. And after achieving good results with such practices meditation often becomes much easier for these people.

 

One of my teachers used to say that if you've 'achieved' neigong (meaning achieved the full gamut of 'internal skill' - channels open, lots of qi etc.) - simply sitting quietly for a while would get you into full samadhi without any technique or effort.

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On 29-8-2020 at 3:35 AM, oglights said:

Hi guys,

 

I’m at a bit of a loss here. I have been into the “spiritual awakening” scene since 2008.  In 2012 I discovered Bruce Kumar Frantzis’ “The Tao of Letting Go” series, aka, the water method or “dissolving meditation”.  

 

I must have listened to the audiobook at least 100 times now, practically knowing it by heart by now, as well as much of his other material.

 

I have been putting in 30 minutes to 5 hours of practice time per day since discovering it in 2012, and unfortunately, I have little to nothing to show for it.

 

On an intellectual level, the concept and the technique makes perfect sense yet when I apply it in real life, it just doesn’t seem to have much of an effect.

 

Admittedly, I am probably a hard case as I have layers of incredibly painful emotions and traumas due to neglect and low self-esteem, but you would think with all the work I have put into it, it would have paid off by now.

 

For those that know the technique, it will take me anywhere from 2-3 hours to get through a few centimetres from the top of my had, as every square inch is blocked.

 

On some occasions, if I manage to “relax” that area, the moment I get triggered with some kind of fear, the whole area tightens up and it’s back to square one.   I have divided my time in different ways and gone farther down the body to the top of my feet, however it seems that the time required to dissolve every square inch of myself would take hundreds if not thousands of years…. If you take into account the amount of frustration the lack of results causes me, you can multiply that by 100x.

 

I swear I have given it literally all I have, and have tried every little tiny variation in technique I could find.  I read the case of Jane Alexander who managed to cure her severe mental illness from using this method, and my hats off to her, that is amazing.

 

All I could get from this experience is that there is something seriously flawed with me, because I have also gone the rounds of pretty much every healing method available under the sun (including heavy duty doses of psychedelic medicines) and have gotten next to nothing out of it.

 

I have applied the method to concrete "agendas" such as grief, and anger, and fear, and even after spending months on a single "energy", there is simply no transformation.   Everything within my being, on an energetic level, is exactly the same as before I started.   The level of pain and suffering is exactly the same if not higher due to the feeling of desperation/frustration.  Yes, of course I know all about the Wu-Wei principle, in that the more you try and the more you want it, the less you are apt to get it.  But I have spent years also, "not trying", and applying this reverse principle, and accepting, and letting things be, and it makes no difference in the end, as pain is pain and suffering is suffering.

 

There was recently a private broadcast where BKF said something akin to “stay away from mentally ill people, they are not worth your time” which I just tried to ignore (I have severe depression, anxiety, etc.) but it really severed my connection to this lineage and method, but for whatever reason I am still persevering and putting in the daily practice… perhaps I should give up?

 

Maybe this is a case of the right means being applied by the wrong person, and with all due respect to BKF, I am sure he would suggest I go look elsewhere.

 

I have left out a lot of information specifically about how I practice and my experience with other methods due to brevity, but this is the gist of it.

 

Honestly, I have not come across a seemingly better method (at least on paper) than the water method, and I am unbelievably disappointed that I am not getting anything out of it.

 

I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful bastard. I know that there are no guarantees in life, and that I should not have any expectations. It should be enough that it works for some people, and I know that I should leave it at that.  However, I cannot help but feel what I feel, too

 



sorry to hear all this man, the one good thing about this story is  that you are one seriously committed person to your growth and development.     with that kind of an attitude theres always a way. 

real quick,  i saw you mention severe depression, anxiety these kind of things.    what results were you looking to obtain by using the dissolving  method?   since its basicly  a technique (and not some  path or ''way'' ) geared at  undoing blocks in your system ,  im kind of assuming you were trying to resolve these issues you were mentioning of trauma, depression, anxiety low sef esteem.  did i assume right?



 

Edited by Takingcharge

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52 minutes ago, Takingcharge said:

real quick,  i saw you mention severe depression, anxiety these kind of things.    what results were you looking to obtain by using the dissolving  method?   since its basicly  a technique (and not some  path or ''way'' ) geared at  undoing blocks in your system ,  im kind of assuming you were trying to resolve these issues you were mentioning of trauma, depression, anxiety low sef esteem.  did i assume right?
 

 

The name "dissolving meditation" sounds like a technique than a system, more like a tool than for long term progress.  The tool type method should be discontinued once the purpose is achieved or proved not working. 

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