cloud444

My personal hell, kundalini, kidney energy deficiency, neuropathy/ damaged meridians., Looking for help!

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this is a long story, and im looking for help or anyone that can send me in the right direction. Im going to sum It up as short as I can. When I was younger I abused alcohol and weed, and was always tired. Really draining my Jing at a young age. Later on I went through benzo withdrawal trying to get off pills I really drained the Jing there as well. Where I am now. I had a very very bad head injury that lead me to develop a minor type of epilepsy, then I had to go on more shitty seizure pills that drain yin and Jing. Western medicine wouldn't help me and after a year I did meditation, deep breathing and yoga without knowing what I was doing ( thinking I would heal my body ) My kundalini one day arose and I had a lot of psychic phenonema, dreams of snakes, out of body experience and too much prana or whatever in the body. Once you open this up it won't go away I soon discovered, But the snake only risen half way through my chakras and not piercing the heart.  so as long as I did masturbation it would go down and stay away. . Finally the snake went down and all my symptoms went away after about 4 months of grounding. I am now left with a frail damaged body, with no energy,. Low kidney energy and it literally hurts to get an erection in my lower back, all my joints ache and crack. The only way to keep the kundalini away is too masturbate at least once a week and it will stay away, if I dont then ill start to have dreams of snakes and bliss at my spine and it will start to raise again, but if I DO masturbate ONLY once within a week or so then ill get extreme bad pains in why lower back due to low Jing/ kidney energy and I kept doing this because I felt sooo scared and just sick of living life and not wanting to go through a kundalini awakening while being so ill. I kept doing this for 2 years after it awakened but basically laid in bed. Eventually because of all the emotional stress, my yin Jing or yin went too low and my back pains were so bad it damaged all my nerves permanently. I now have constant, numbness tingling, burning in all my limbs. In Chinese medicine its called bi or Wei syndrome and it permanent and for life and its getting worse starting to make my muscles weak. SO my situation now is this, very low Jing and kidney yin, damaged kidney essence and damaged meridians, it is constant and stuck in bed and the neuropathy is growing and now affecting my limbs as well and my eyesight. Also if I dont masturbate at all my kundalini tries to raise again and I dont want to go through it. IM NOT abusing my sexual energy, its just my kidney energy is so low that I cant even do it once in a couple weeks. Im so screwed because I cant dig my way out of this. I worked SO hard to try and be healthy and heal and balance my body, but now that this Wei syndrome or bi syndrome has started because of all the meridians being damaged and damaging my nerves I dont have It in my to move forward. I consulted with some Chinese medicine people and they say that I can't reverse the nerve problem. So whats the point in even going through with the awakening if im going to be like this forever. I avoided the awakening because before it happened I had suffered for 7 years and just wanted freedom. Being slapped with an awakening and to go through more hell I would have rather died, but now my situation is even way worse. I feel helpless and my body is degernating with nothing I can do about it. I try to be positive and work towards fixing it but whats the point if its degenerating faster then I can fix

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It is natural to fear the unknown, but with kundalini, it is counterproductive. It won't permanently go away, nor will it "give up". If it cannot complete its job, then it will remove the obstacles preventing it from completion. This can manifest in bad luck, bad health, mental issues, physical issues, etc. The more you attempt to avoid the kundalini awakening, the more hell it will give you. Take the time off and go through the awakening. It may suck as you get used to the new status quo, but it will be much, much better than attempting to avoid kundalini if it's already woken up.

 

As for advice on getting through the awakening with as little bumps as possible, I highly suggest practicing zen meditation. The basic gist of what I practice is to get comfortable, clear your thoughts gently, and focus on the feeling you get while breathing. It can and will change at times, and sometimes you'll end up not feeling anything, but the main point is to gently clear your mind as much as possible and allow your body to do what it needs to do.

 

Other than specialized meditations, the keys are to listen to what your body "needs". You may feel abnormally tired, if so, sleep. If you do not feel the need to sleep, then do not sleep. If you feel that certain foods just don't sound good to eat, even if they are foods that you used to love, then try something new. If you get bad feelings about certain people or things in your life, then try removing them temporarily and see if things improve. 

 

The awakening doesn't need to take months, let alone years. Those that end up dragging it out do so because they fight against it, instead of cooperate with it. Become like water and simply flow without fighting. 

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Posted (edited)

only a tiny percentage of people are qualified to give or should give personal advice on Kundalini over the internet;  also a very high  percentage of  those doing some type of yoga or energy practice are not qualified to give advice on Kundalini since it is really an advanced practice such as done by trained yogi's under a real master so "buyer beware" !  Most of these Kundalini and even some well meaning but half baked hatha yoga classes (which can lead to Kundalini problems) located all over America are like kids playing with loaded guns imo..     There is some good generic advice given by some schools or teachers that can help reduce symptoms now and in the meantime* so there is hope.   (with the *meantime meaning when or if you are fortunate enough to find a true master that can actually and personally intercede  on your behalf)

Edited by old3bob
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A lot of people here are fans of Damo Mitchell. I think he has excellent advice for kundalini syndrome - stop all your practices. Then do stuff for your body; go for a run, play tennis, go swimming. 

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2 hours ago, Vajra Fist said:

I think he has excellent advice for kundalini syndrome - stop all your practices. Then do stuff for your body; go for a run, play tennis, go swimming. 

 

@cloud444

 

Yup - this is basically the advice from my teacher who used to treat qi deviations, meditation sickness in monks and so on.

 

Stop all internal practice.

 

Don't concern yourself with anything energetic. Get your life in order with the basic fundamentals - sleeping well (not too much not too little - in bed by around 10pm) - eating well (cook fresh ingredients - not ready meals or packaged foods) - include goji berries, leafy greens, a bit of red meat (if you eat it) eggs, beans, seeds and nuts.

 

Then it's physical activity - if you feel very depleted and out of shape, you must transition slowly - start with walks, make them longer over weeks, then transition to jogging or some other sport and build up to a reasonably intense physical training regime ('sweat don't pant' is the guideline to aim for, for the first 6 to 9 months - then you can pant too). Make sure to do something physical daily - especially when you don't feel like it. Get out in nature - daily walks in the park or wooded areas is ideal.

 

You must find a way to stop agitating your mind. Don't focus on yourself too much. As long as you're taking action to improve your situation, then you're moving in the right direction - you don't need to think about it, analyse it, research it etc. Instead focus on a project outside yourself - your work, volunteering, some sort of hobby etc. Stay away from people, media and subjects that get your emotions stimulated (even the 'good' emotions). Cultivate a sense of calm - not by working on yourself, but by setting up your environment and by curating what your attention can focus on.

 

Each part of the above advice has to be in place for your situation to start improving. It may take a while to get all of the above advice to be habitual... but once it is, it may still take a long while for you to recover. Don't be tempted to jump back into the fire as soon as  you feel a little better (this is very common) - assume that this process will take at least 3 years. That might sound long - but those 3 years will go by whatever you do - either they go by while you're moving in the right direction or they go by while you move in the other direction.

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4 minutes ago, freeform said:

Stay away from people, media and subjects that get your emotions stimulated (even the 'good' emotions).

 

Hmm - except for perhaps love or companionship... Just avoid the overly strong, volatile versions of these...

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Hi.  I wanted to post a reply to you because I feel your pain.  A couple of decades ago I believe my kundalini was provoked.  If you read my post in the occult forum, I describe it as wires entering my penis, anus and plexus, and brain.  I think it was kundalini because there was a snake that rose from below and up to my brain and it took a big bite.  This serpent ate my brain and body and my sense of awareness rose and fell, fell very far down, and it destroyed me over and over again.  Its been Hell, lots of hallucinations, lots of physical stuff, and no one can explain it to me.  I dont really understand the purpose of it all, though I have watched this serpent overtake my glands and now, finally, the torment has stopped and Im in a static state, I think it has regulated my hormones.  I dont see this as a positive experience, Ive had to fight for understanding, and it was only after I came to understanding that the voices said "You know enough" and took away the part that was causing hallucinations.  I dont have an answer for you.  For me, I had to study philosophy and contemplate meaning and reason in order for it to stop.  I wouldnt say I was that ignorant to begin with, but it took 20 years to prove to these Gods that I now understand, and in retrospect I dont think any of this was that necessary, as truth is small in a big world of Will and desire.

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On 2020-07-20 at 5:48 AM, freeform said:

 

@cloud444

 

Yup - this is basically the advice from my teacher who used to treat qi deviations, meditation sickness in monks and so on.

 

Stop all internal practice.

 

Don't concern yourself with anything energetic. Get your life in order with the basic fundamentals - sleeping well (not too much not too little - in bed by around 10pm) - eating well (cook fresh ingredients - not ready meals or packaged foods) - include goji berries, leafy greens, a bit of red meat (if you eat it) eggs, beans, seeds and nuts.

 

Then it's physical activity - if you feel very depleted and out of shape, you must transition slowly - start with walks, make them longer over weeks, then transition to jogging or some other sport and build up to a reasonably intense physical training regime ('sweat don't pant' is the guideline to aim for, for the first 6 to 9 months - then you can pant too). Make sure to do something physical daily - especially when you don't feel like it. Get out in nature - daily walks in the park or wooded areas is ideal.

 

You must find a way to stop agitating your mind. Don't focus on yourself too much. As long as you're taking action to improve your situation, then you're moving in the right direction - you don't need to think about it, analyse it, research it etc. Instead focus on a project outside yourself - your work, volunteering, some sort of hobby etc. Stay away from people, media and subjects that get your emotions stimulated (even the 'good' emotions). Cultivate a sense of calm - not by working on yourself, but by setting up your environment and by curating what your attention can focus on.

 

Each part of the above advice has to be in place for your situation to start improving. It may take a while to get all of the above advice to be habitual... but once it is, it may still take a long while for you to recover. Don't be tempted to jump back into the fire as soon as  you feel a little better (this is very common) - assume that this process will take at least 3 years. That might sound long - but those 3 years will go by whatever you do - either they go by while you're moving in the right direction or they go by while you move in the other direction.

i have been doing all that already and my body doesnt seem to be getting better. my perepheral neuropathy is permanent so i have just hit a wall. even the diet you are saying i have literally already been doing, including the goji berries. my legs, arms and now my head are burning numbness and tingling so bad and its started to affect my autonomous nervous system as well and my blood pressure. it is literally hell to be in this body everyday in pain. and it hurts even more because i worked so hard for 7 years only to be slapped in the face with this. i feel like its useless to keep going because even if i somehow magically cure the uncurable nerve damage then i have to deal with the fucking kundalimi demon the rest of my life. my life is just the embodiment of frusterstion and anguish . even if i do the things mentioned it cannot cure immune disorders so i dont know how i can " move forward" if my body is too fucking stupid to quit falling apart while i try to fix it  

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On 05/08/2020 at 5:40 AM, cloud444 said:

i have been doing all that already and my body doesnt seem to be getting better. my perepheral neuropathy is permanent so i have just hit a wall. even the diet you are saying i have literally already been doing, including the goji berries. my legs, arms and now my head are burning numbness and tingling so bad and its started to affect my autonomous nervous system as well and my blood pressure. it is literally hell to be in this body everyday in pain. and it hurts even more because i worked so hard for 7 years only to be slapped in the face with this. i feel like its useless to keep going because even if i somehow magically cure the uncurable nerve damage then i have to deal with the fucking kundalimi demon the rest of my life. my life is just the embodiment of frusterstion and anguish . even if i do the things mentioned it cannot cure immune disorders so i dont know how i can " move forward" if my body is too fucking stupid to quit falling apart while i try to fix it  

 

There's an excellent kundalini sub-reddit filled with people with similar experiences to yours. The mods are excellent and might be able to point you in the right direction better than us here. I wish you the best, sounds like a rough ride. 

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Moderator Note

 

Topic has been moved as it is not related to Buddhism and will likely get more traffic in General Discussion.

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If your body is very weak or sick,  masturbation/sex is about the worst thing you can do. 

If you are already very unwell, then allowing kundalini to take its course, if that is what it really is, 

can't really be much worse, can it? Let whatever is going on, go on as it will. 

Eat healthy and exercise. See what happens. That's what I would probably do,

based on your description anyway... Life is a journey. Most of us don't know where it is going to lead. 

Allow the journey to unfold as it will. Keep a positive frame of mind. What will happen, will happen. 

 

Edited by Iskote

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I've been K-active for many years.  I have gotten used to the constant buzzing and weirdness.  I'm not sure I've ever read anything that really gives a good answer as to Why the K-energy arises.  I've participated in K-forums.    But does anybody have a real answer as to why this develops, and what it's good for?   I imagine it has something to do with development of the third eye

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50 minutes ago, manitou said:

I've been K-active for many years.  I have gotten used to the constant buzzing and weirdness.  I'm not sure I've ever read anything that really gives a good answer as to Why the K-energy arises.  I've participated in K-forums.    But does anybody have a real answer as to why this develops, and what it's good for?   I imagine it has something to do with development of the third eye


You experienced tinnitus too, didn’t you? 
 

I recently noticed my experience of tinnitus has cleared, and couldn’t actually say precisely when - only that it seems to have correlated with taking up dream yoga practice (which does have a third eye correlation.)

 

(Of course I have no real answer for you - just some random personal thoughts and observations.)
 

On 8/9/2020 at 11:04 PM, Iskote said:

 

If you are already very unwell, then allowing kundalini to take its course, if that is what it really is, 

can't really be much worse, can it? Let whatever is going on, go on as it will. 

Eat healthy and exercise. See what happens. That's what I would probably do,

based on your description anyway... Life is a journey. Most of us don't know where it is going to lead. 

Allow the journey to unfold as it will. Keep a positive frame of mind. What will happen, will happen. 

 


This I would tend to agree with, struggling against what ‚Äúseems intent‚ÄĚ on being expressed and experienced seems a sure route to further suffering to me.


(Speaking from personal experience, silence, stillness and space were the only way ‚Äúthrough‚ÄĚ for me.. and drinking lots of water.)

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