Loveherbs

Daoist way to leave porn addiction?

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I tried everything to leave this but i just can't leave porn. I don't have any significant goal in life. I just waste my parents money and masturbate to porn. i sit around all day in house don't go out. i feel anxiety and social awkwardness around people. help. plz help. i just wanna remove porn from my life but i can't.

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I think its got to be holistic, ie making major changes in your life.   Some sort of boot camp or personal coach you have to answer to and be responsible to.   Someone who'll take away your electronics or put child guards on them to prevent going to sites.  Someone who'll make you do uncomfortable things.. get up early, eat better, join positive groups and stay with them.  Could be exercise, could be writers groups, could be dog walkers, life coach..anything that requires long term discipline. 

 

Removing porn should be a side effect of major life change that puts you on a more constructive path.  A good path should make you feel crappy at first.  And thats fine, cause you feel crappy now, so finding something or someone who has the leverage to force/watch/convince you to have a positive structured routine is the ticket. 

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I think there's a sex addict Anonymous, or something close.  Working the steps of recovery will do it.   If you check into this, do get a sponsor, as an outside pair of eyes is crucial at the beginning.  You seem really self-honest, and if you've got that going for you, you're going to have a wonderful experience all the way around.  For the rest of your life, actually.  

 

(the AA program worked for me and has kept me sober for 39 years.  The program has expanded now to include every addictive behavior imaginable!)

 

Best wishes to you -

 

 

 

Edited by manitou
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I have a close friend who studied TCM in China, practiced internal martial arts, went on vipassana retreats and maintained a long term meditation practice, and is also an observing Jew who prays daily and regularly attends services. He has quite a bit of affinity for Daoism and visited a holy mountain with me, so he had no shortage of friends to share bits and pieces of Daoist thinking and practices with him over the years. There was sincerity in his approach, so his study and practice added depth to his life, but he never found anything along the path that gave him what he needed to break his porn and masturbation addiction. Finally in real despair (he was at risk of ruining his marriage and the mood swings his masturbation apparently caused were leading him to fly into rages with his small children) he Googled his problem and came upon SLAA. He has been "sober" with them for a few years now, and he tells me that due to the nature of his addiction he needed to find people who knew the specific "medicine" for his disease (it is he, not I, who stresses that addiction is a disease). Most interestingly, in addition to helping him break his addiction, the 12 step program has also very clearly deepened his religious and spiritual life.

 

After seeing similar processes unfold in two other addicts I know (one was an alcoholic who, like this friend, pursued a TCM education, meditation, and martial arts), I read the AA Big Book. I would say it is something that anybody with spare time and interest in spirituality should read. One need not be an addict to glean insight from this text. 12 step programs are not a magic bullet and they do not work for everybody, but my friend tried Daoism + Buddhism + Judaism + TCM + internal martial arts to no avail, while SLAA's teachings and community clearly worked. 

Edited by Walker
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try forcing yourself into a new environment, go on a trip or a retreat for a week or two. it's insightful to have some sort of detox and how it feels when you're unable to boot up the porn for a while. maybe find employment that forces you be around people and breaks some of the anxiety. also cold showers. can be a long path if you've buried a lot of stuff under this addiction, seek guidance from a teacher if possible. getting grounded and sinking energy is something to work on if you've spammed your brain with all this stimulation and arousal. good to have an exercise routine and make a habit of going outdoors daily.

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On 10/12/2019 at 7:30 PM, Loveherbs said:

I tried everything to leave this but i just can't leave porn. I don't have any significant goal in life. I just waste my parents money and masturbate to porn. i sit around all day in house don't go out. i feel anxiety and social awkwardness around people. help. plz help. i just wanna remove porn from my life but i can't.

 

Heaven is known for its easefulness, the earth for simplicity and the Dao for its uselessness.  Being easeful, simple and useless is the Daoist way.  You may feel anxious and awkward because you haven't grasped the way.  Don't hurt yourself anymore.  Don't hate yourself anymore.  Not wanting to watch porn makes you watch porn (?)  Have you thought about it this way?

 

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sounds like one step along the way is loosening ones grip on how you feel about this particular habit and predicament in the first place. less fuel on the fire, as it were.

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might also be useful to google 'nofap' and look at all the stuff that's been written about porn addiction (increasingly common) and the methods people have used to overcome this particular habit. dare i say you'll probably get more mileage than anything eastern or more esoteric in nature unless you're really good at connecting dots and/or can find an in-person teacher.

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Loveherbs,

 

I¬īve got the feeling that you are ashamed of your porn usage.¬† I bet that shame around watching porn is a bigger problem than the porn itself.¬† You are not a bad person.¬† Really.¬† Watching porn might get in the way of other things you want to do in your life but it doesn¬īt make you a bad person.¬† All the advice about 12 step groups and such is good but sometimes focusing on the "problem" just makes it bigger.¬† You could become a professional porn addict, a recoveree¬†with a busy meeting schedule.¬† This isn¬īt so bad and many people have turned it into a viable spiritual path.¬† But it¬īs also possible to just do something else.¬†

 

When you¬īre in the grip of porn it probably seems next to impossible to put it down.¬† Do something else though and I think you¬īll find the spell is broken.¬† Bottomline, sex just isn¬īt that important.¬† OK, well it¬īs sorta important.¬† But there are so many other things to do in a day and when you start doing them sex will stop being the be-all-end-all.¬† Go for a walk.¬† Talk with a friend.¬† Then, if you go back to watching porn afterward, don¬īt beat yourself up about it.¬† The time you spend watching porn doesn¬īt cancel out the good you did when you weren¬īt watching porn.¬† You are more than your porn usage.¬†

Edited by liminal_luke
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On 12.10.2019 at 8:30 PM, Loveherbs said:

I tried everything to leave this but i just can't leave porn.

 

And you inquired specifically about a Daoist way to handle this. So I will try to reply from a Daoist perspective. ;)

 

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I don't have any significant goal in life.

 

That's fine. The way is the goal!

 

It seems to be mostly a Western idea that you always need to have a goal in life. Instead of simply living in the here and now.

 

This is not to say that it is always wrong to have goals. But I suggest that you don't try to set one for yourself. It will find you - when you are ready.

 

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I just waste my parents money

 

According to Chuangtzu, the Daoist sage has plenty og of money to spend, yet doesn't even know where it comes from. What you are describing actually seems to approach that ideal.

 

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and masturbate to porn.

 

If you do that alot, then it might indeed be considered a waste of kidney qi.

 

Now the Daoist approach of dealing with any kind of undesired behaviour is not to resist it, but to observe it. Be with your addiction, study it, find out at what moments it most likely befalls you? What increases it?What diminishes it? What do you get from it? What does it take from you? Don't fight it... It will fight back and most likely get the better of you. Rather, use it as a springboard for introspection and self-exploration.

 

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i sit around all day in house don't go out.

 

According to Laotzu, the sage travels everywhere without even stepping out of his house.

 

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i feel anxiety and social awkwardness around people. help. plz help. i just wanna remove porn from my life but i can't.

 

Do you have a girlfriend? It will be hard to leave this addiction if you don't have another way of satisfying your natural sexual desire.

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