2ndchance

How to Develop 1) Loving-Kindness / Benevolence (Metta) 2) Compassion (Karuna) 3) Empathetic Joy (Mudita) 4) Equanimity (Upekkha) towards your most hated enemies?

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How to Develop 1) Loving-Kindness / Benevolence (Metta) 2) Compassion (Karuna) 3) Empathetic Joy (Mudita) 4) Equanimity (Upekkha) towards your most hated enemies?

 

It's easy to celebrate the success of those around us when things are also going well in our own lives. But the universe has a way of throwing us curve balls just as someone close to us nails a major accomplishment.

 

It is even worse when your most hated enemy keeps getting accomplishments in his or her life while you keep falling down.

 

1) Your enemy receives the promotion he was up for just as you fall victim to a round a layoffs.

 

2) A baby shower invite arrives after another failed attempt to conceive.

 

3) Your ex-wife moves in with her significant other as you're calling it quits with your current wife.

 

4) What’s that slight sting when the guy/gal who you really weren’t even that “in” to, looks better than the last time you saw them?

 

5) What is that unsettling, unexplainable peace that comes with someone else’s failure, turmoil, or misfortune?  

 

6) When people tell me their good news or great fortune, I’m happy for them—on the surface. Internally, I’m focused on what their good news means for me.

 

7) When my enemy scored an awesome summer position, I was annoyed because I still had no plans.

 

8) When an enemy received rave reviews from our boss, I was jealous and resentful, thinking I deserved just as much praise.

 

Please Share Your Stories of How You Cultivate Most Positive Emotions Towards Your Most Hated Enemies Who Hurt You The Most.

 
Edited by 2ndchance

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These look like the 4 Brahmaviharas of the Buddhist traditions, from my understanding true cultivation of these factors are more of an effect after the correct causes have been set in place and followed.

 

It is similar to how how progress is made in several Taoist practices with an emphasis on wu wei (non-action), they take some action merely to set the causes into the right place, then they let their effects play out in time without further action.

 

In terms of your actual question, I believe how one does this is through practicing and living the Noble Eightfold Path (N8P) as suggested by the Buddha, upholding one's precepts, and more specifically by going through the first, second, third, and fourth jhana meditation states. When you come out of these states, the brahmaviharas naturally arise as a result/effect, so the cause to set this in motion is the N8P, acting virtuously, living up to the precepts that all lead you into the deeper states of meditation/consciousness.

 

When one progresses further on this path, they begin to shed and lose the views that one believes to be themselves as the 5 aggregates, and as one relinquishes ignorance, they start to see there is no 'enemy' as what we take as self is really not self.

 

Other than this there are what they call "metta" practices (can look on Youtube or guided meditations) that are done to invoke these qualities, however they start out on focusing on easier subjects working their way up to harder ones.

 

So if you're new to this, you don't start trying to work on building these qualities with your most hated enemies, you start with loved ones first such as family, partners, friends, or pets, and then look to shift and maintain these qualities towards acquaintances, and then neutral people/strangers, then perhaps to yourself, THEN maybe your enemies.

 

For some people however they themselves may be their most hated and worst enemy.  

 

I think forgiveness plays a big role here. That and also viewing things from your 'enemies' perspective. How did they act? Why did they act that way? If you were in their shoes would you do the same? And how could you have conducted yourself better in action to not result in them treating you in such a way etc etc.

 

We're all just stupid ignorant beings at the end of the day. Relax, chill out, what's the point of getting yourself all worked up over this and making enemies and experiencing negative emotions. Just laugh and think about how silly these mental games that you play on yourself are, taking life too seriously and thinking all "me, me, me" 

 

Just my 2c, I'm still practicing all that I've shared here and am nowhere near having experienced it for myself so take it with a grain of salt

Edited by ezza
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How to Develop 1) Loving-Kindness / Benevolence (Metta) 2) Compassion (Karuna) 3) Empathetic Joy (Mudita) 4) Equanimity (Upekkha) towards your most hated enemies?

In many way you do not develop these states - you arrive back at them. 

 

YOU are these states - the “development” of them is the dissolution of rigidized patterns - constrictions - compression - fear.

 

In practing them in daily life you often find and bump up hard against the constant awareness that you are repeating the same behavior patterns over and over and over.

 

This is in fact much of the practice - to see this - that you are a bundle of positions and reactive springs. And that your willfulness has you constantly trying to force square pegs into round holes . Whether it is trying to hold on to the past or manipulate expectation to “reality”.

 

Take with you to your meditation those most pressing contractions - simply recognize them and then do not ponder on them - the practices will dissolve what you have brought to them in the moment and over time Self replaces the habituation of personal identification and robotic recoil and judgement.

 

 

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7 hours ago, 2ndchance said:

Please Share Your Stories of How You Cultivate Most Positive Emotions Towards Your Most Hated Enemies Who Hurt You The Most.

 

 

I understood that the people that hurt me the most are just people - with their own struggles. I looked at their struggles. For awhile I held what I knew of their struggles. And in the end, I wished them well and set them down. 

 

They're lives may be carrying on, while you're holding on to a specific point in time and ideas around it that are hurting you more than them. 

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The practice over time of lojong and the six paramitas.

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7 hours ago, 2ndchance said:

2) A baby shower invite arrives after another failed attempt to conceive.

 

The day after a mid-term miscarriage, my SO of the time invited his friend to the house. This friend brought his wife and their baby. 

 

There were many emotions I felt on that day, but hatred of the woman or the child at her breast were not among them. 

 

My suggestion would be to look deeper into what vulnerable feelings may be underlying the more powerful feeling sense of hatred. Generally I've found it to be a mask one hides vulnerabilities behind.

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When you are real you are not developing anything.   

Anything you hold to or are "trying to do" becomes fake.

If you proudly tell everyone how benevolent and nice you are they will like you (or at least they might say that) ... perhaps you are just trying to ingratiate yourself with them.

It's easy to talk about such things which is why people talk about such things.
But being real and coming out of ego-culture is not so easy.

Existence is just existence.

Sometimes it is sunny, sometimes it is rainy.

It's not for anyone to judge this to be wrong.

 

Buddha is not trying to be metta.

He says that when seeing is just seeing and hearing is just hearing then you are enlightened.

In other words you are real with no precepts.

 

Edited by rideforever
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2nd Chance,

 

It might help you to remember that people generally behave in a destructive manner because they lost their balance and are overtaken by strong negative emotions. They are not necessarily 'bad' people, this can also happen to 'good' people when they feel victim to circumstances beyond their control.

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Working with/for my dad for a decade + was problematic.  He was quite hard and demanding to work around, often setting up Catch 22's.   I'm sure I wasn't faultless either, but it was a cause of daily aggravation.  Nothing intellectual helped, but what did was Aikido.  Working out, punching and kicking, throwing hard and getting thrown hard, within a positive friendly space.

 

It was nice.  Most mental aggravation is you yelling at you.  Find something that tires out the body in a good way and you can break the cycle of thinking and being jealous/angry/whatever about other people.  Martial arts of any sort has good lessons on focusing on the now.  The person infront of you. 

 

Anything that gets you out of your own head and tires the body a bit is good.  Cause basically you are allowing thoughts that are driving you crazy, over and over.  So, practice getting out of your head.  Try to realize They are not hurting you, unless they're physically there pounding on you, you are hurting you. 

 

There's a yoga practice of (angry) Thought on, grrr,  Thought off (feel peace), go back and forth, over and over, til you realize, you're in control.  Might take days, weeks or months or never. 

 

The above isn't about 'Love', imo that's too high a goal.  We're not saints (or martyrs), its about gaining peace by focusing your mind elsewhere. Or when you do focus on the problem, its about finding possible solutions or learning to live better with it,  not letting it fester and circle in your head. 

Edited by thelerner
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11 hours ago, 2ndchance said:

Please Share Your Stories of How You Cultivate Most Positive Emotions Towards Your Most Hated Enemies Who Hurt You The Most.

 

In high school football, I was strong and silent. I led by example through prayer. I was 'programmed' to win by the head coach, whom I looked to as a father figure at the time. It's complicated, all I can reliably say is that we both share a love for Jesus Christ.

 

Winning isn't everything.There is wisdom in a loss.

Edited by whitesilk

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What are your advices towards any Tibetan Buddhist Monks who are extremely angry at the accomplishments of the Communist Chinese people who have invaded their homeland and totally destroyed their spiritual cultures of enlightenment?

 

If you are a Tibetan Buddhist Monk, wouldn't you be so angry at the accomplishments of the Communist Chinese people who have achieved so much material wealth and doesn't seem to suffer any bad karma at all for destroying Buddhism in Tibet?

 

The Communist Chinese government seem to be rabidly anti-religious and anti-spirituality at the same time which equates to anti-enlightenment. 

 

There have been two major purges against spirituality in Chinese history. One major purge by the Qin Emperor and another major purge by Mao ZeDong. 

 

Similarly the Roman Catholic Church also committed a major purge against Jesus Christ and the Essenes because Jesus wanted to prevent the teachings of the Enlightened Christ Light Body.

 

How would you feel if the teachings of Enlightenment and Spirituality and Healing are destroyed and made unavailable to humanity?

 

Wouldn't you feel extremely angry at those who tried to prevent the Spiritual Enlightenment of humanity with every fibre of their body?

 

Mods, if my words are wrong, please give me a warning and I will correct my words correspondingly to your instructions.

Edited by 2ndchance

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It's easier when they're long gone from your life so I usually just kill them.  :rolleyes:

 

About the buddhist: I'd think after so much time training they would be able to use their IMA black magick powers to launch everyone 500 feet in the air no? Why they don't use it?

If everything is destroyed or was never available? who knows, maybe you just be born elsewhere in the universe?  

Edited by King Jade

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1 hour ago, 2ndchance said:

What are your advices towards any Tibetan Buddhist Monks who are extremely angry at the accomplishments of the Communist Chinese people who have invaded their homeland and totally destroyed their spiritual cultures of enlightenment?

 

If you are a Tibetan Buddhist Monk, wouldn't you be so angry at the accomplishments of the Communist Chinese people who have achieved so much material wealth and doesn't seem to suffer any bad karma at all for destroying Buddhism in Tibet?

 

The Communist Chinese government seem to be rabidly anti-religious and anti-spirituality at the same time which equates to anti-enlightenment.

As I recall the Dalai Lama has been very forgiving or rather very practical given his limited means.  Seemingly he walks his saintly talk and doesn't give mind to negatives.  He's not happy but the.. Here's an interview on the subject: http://www.friendsoftibet.org/main/intervw.html

'..If you go to China for a visit, what would you discuss?

That is the key point (laughter). My stand until now is that I want to make clear that Tibet is a separate country from China. But the future is open and there are three different options. Regarding options, there is still a lot to be worked out, so I do not feel that I should reveal too much at this moment.

At the moment, my position is that I do not want to break my links with the Chinese Government, at the same time I cannot discuss certain things that may discourage the Tibetan will and determination. I am thinking that eventually some sort of referendum among the Tibetans should be carried out. Then try to get some suggestions and thoughts of what the Tibetans really feel. I also want to get as many views of the Tibetans inside Tibet.

At the same time, I do not want people to blindly follow my choice. I want people's real feelings. I do not want to be imposing my will on the people. In 1963, I made a draft Constitution and made it clear that the power of the Dalai Lama can be changed with a two-thirds majority of the National Assembly. So now, I really want to listen to the people's ideas. I prefer to make a number of options which I feel are possible, and to present them to the Tibetan people and listen to their wishes. It is my responsibility for the possibilities and the difficulties. This is my plan. In the near future, I think things will become clearer..'

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Dude, you're talking about jealousy?

 

I don't see any positive emotion here. At the very best, some resentment.

 

So you could meditate, and place your attention on something else, untill you feel very good, then look at those enemies you might say "uh, whatever, they're not bad." and on you go.

 

Otherwise, you could focus on support, or kindness, or care. For example, you say the baby shower is an enemy. But you can also focus on them being loving and caring, towards the baby, and also towards you as they invited you! They want to share their most precious thing in all of their entire life, their greatest happiness, with you! So how would you call that your enemy. But you cannot see it, unless you focus on kindness. Care, love, etc.

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12 hours ago, Everything said:

Dude, you're talking about jealousy?

 

I don't see any positive emotion here. At the very best, some resentment.

 

Maybe that's why he's asking how to cultivate?

 

In the Six Lokas practice jealousy is understood as the dominant hindered pattern of the human realm, which is released through openness.

 

The poster is human, and recognizing what is hindering him. This is something...

 

12 hours ago, Everything said:

So you could meditate, and place your attention on something else, untill you feel very good, then look at those enemies you might say "uh, whatever, they're not bad." and on you go.

 

Except in some cases this can be bypassing and a subtle form of repression or denial, and in those instances the underlying issue is likely to arise again at some future time, in some future scenario - with the added emotional baggage that has been avoided and not addressed. 

 

12 hours ago, Everything said:

 

Otherwise, you could focus on support, or kindness, or care. For example, you say the baby shower is an enemy. But you can also focus on them being loving and caring, towards the baby, and also towards you as they invited you! They want to share their most precious thing in all of their entire life, their greatest happiness, with you! So how would you call that your enemy. But you cannot see it, unless you focus on kindness. Care, love, etc.

 

This is rather lovely..

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16 hours ago, 2ndchance said:

How would you feel if the teachings of Enlightenment and Spirituality and Healing are destroyed and made unavailable to humanity?

 

Even if every word of teaching was destroyed, the answers within would still be available. And people would continue to discover..

Edited by ilumairen
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On 2/24/2019 at 8:05 AM, ilumairen said:

 

Even if every word of teaching was destroyed, the answers within would still be available. And people would continue to discover..

 

This is a great antidote to a certain kind of spiritual greed I`ve sometimes noticed in myself -- my feeling like I had to learn some certain practice.  There`s a saying that I`ve heard from Zapchen teachers that I like...everything is possible, nothing is necessary.

Edited by liminal_luke
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In my personal practice, I find that remembering that we're all One, all the same consciousness is a great benefit to staying non-judgmental toward people.  The reason we recognize shortfalls in each other is because we possess the same, otherwise we wouldn't be able to recognize them.  Remembering the Oneness also helpful in approaching new people and fearing no one.  I just look at the pupils of someone's eyes and remember that the eye-to-eye contact is merely a component of the great web of awareness....   and, when I'm in consciousness, remember that they too are 'god'.  Who's to hate?

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7 minutes ago, manitou said:

when I'm in consciousness, remember that they too are 'god'.

 

"Father Ab-ra-ham,

had many sons.

Many sons had

father Ab-ra-ham.

I am one of them,

and so are you.

So let's just praise the Lord."

Edited by whitesilk
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Posted (edited)

Hate is a negative feeling, generally brought about by feeling that one was wronged in someway by another. To feel that someone has done you wrong there is required a sense of a self to have been done wrong, IE; an ego that is being wronged.

 

There also requires a sort of an attachment from the person to the ego in someway, such as, your ex-wife, your ex-friend, your ex-coworker, all of these things you (ego) consider (s) (subconsciously) belonging to you (ego) in someway, such as the word "my" denotes a sort of ownership.

 

Generally, to feel so negatively about someone requires a strong attachment to that person that was somehow severed, such as through betrayal, which is perceived by the ego (subconsciously), as being betrayed by something you considered as belonging to you in some way.

 

So one of the easiest ways to not "feel" hate towards you enemies is not to have enemies in the first place. Another way is simply to see the attachments that the ego has made to the people considered as enemies, as repercussions of those attachments, which is also a repercussion of an ego. Selflessness or Anatta goes a long ways in eliminating the ideas of ownership and self (ego), and without such attachments there are no repercussions from those attachments.  

 

You can feel LOVE without such singular attachments and ownerships, which is really what it is all about. Instead of feeling hate, you feel love. The thoughts and idea's attached to the feelings are inconsequential, and you are free.

Edited by maheosphet
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I've had my share of conflict, much of what I set aside when I decided to follow the Dao. Only pride had kept me from realizing that I too was wrong. Even if they were wrong, so was I. I'd ignore the fact that often it was me who gave the reason and they were just responding to it. Then the circle of irrationality and immaturity would grow as we fed our comebacks and insults into it. If we are not the people who relieve their boredom and lack of enjoyment in life by conflict then why should we indulge those that are?

 

Do I see plenty of enemies and am I envious of them succeeding in something I am not successful in? Asking the question then should be directed to the one in the mirror. Could it be that it's me whose not living according to the Dao and attracting or even maintaining all the conflicts I find myself in?

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7 hours ago, kondensation said:

I've had my share of conflict, much of what I set aside when I decided to follow the Dao. Only pride had kept me from realizing that I too was wrong. Even if they were wrong, so was I. I'd ignore the fact that often it was me who gave the reason and they were just responding to it. Then the circle of irrationality and immaturity would grow as we fed our comebacks and insults into it. If we are not the people who relieve their boredom and lack of enjoyment in life by conflict then why should we indulge those that are?

 

Do I see plenty of enemies and am I envious of them succeeding in something I am not successful in? Asking the question then should be directed to the one in the mirror. Could it be that it's me whose not living according to the Dao and attracting or even maintaining all the conflicts I find myself in?

 

 

This, to me, is the essence of humility.  It's unusual in society to run into people who look within to find out 'why they've manifested this' because of their own character deficiencies.  The tendency, of course, is for people to place blame on others when things don't go our way.  As I see it, the only way to change the situation is to change ourselves.  Nice post, Kondensation!

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On 24.2.2019 at 4:56 PM, ilumairen said:

 

Maybe that's why he's asking how to cultivate?

 

In the Six Lokas practice jealousy is understood as the dominant hindered pattern of the human realm, which is released through openness.

 

The poster is human, and recognizing what is hindering him. This is something...

 

 

Except in some cases this can be bypassing and a subtle form of repression or denial, and in those instances the underlying issue is likely to arise again at some future time, in some future scenario - with the added emotional baggage that has been avoided and not addressed. 

 

 

This is rather lovely..

 

These are important issues...

 

Tantric Buddhism aims neither at repressing nor at prematurely releasing what can be seen as negative emotions. This is true at least on more advanced levels of practice. Rather, it teaches to accept those emotions as natural and to transform them eventually. The underlying understanding being that what is negative and destructive is just the distortion of something that is - essentially and potentially - positive and constructive.

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