Earl Grey

Oh look, I got covid

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On 8/18/2021 at 12:52 AM, Earl Grey said:

you must accept there is a spiritual lesson involved with covid19, and it is only one of the many trials we are undergoing now as a collective species.

 

It is strange how those lessons can shift. Suffering is always a challenge. One of the reasons I got into Buddhism was that it was pretty up front with suffering--- it didn't try to explain it or sugar coat. It's right there, the very first Noble Truth--- the truth of suffering. It is so raw, so primal, so beyond comprehension. 

 

Initially, it was suffering that brought me to the path. Then, suffering was the motivation for practice. But currently, I have realized we are all suffering, just in different ways. And what really unites us is the wish to be free. And knowing these are universal experiences, this gives rise to universal compassion. It is really hard to hate anyone knowing that, like me, they suffer and wish to be free. And if they were really free from suffering, they would be so beautiful. 

 

May your suffering bear something useful for your path. 

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7 hours ago, Earl Grey said:

 


Going to respond to both of these later when I’m a little more awake because I was seriously questioning my sanity last night and pondering if I was approaching Sylvia Plath levels of despondence (no joke).

 

"If you find yourself going through hell, all you can do is keep going."

Winston Churchill

 

Good luck Earl Grey, it'll get better in time.

 

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I haven't forgotten to reply to the above messages. I'm  trying to get some practices in to keep recovering. The recovery process is a bit of a challenge, so I'm going to reply later when I'm a bit better. 

 

On a positive note, the landlady left some food at my door and might have given a silent rebuke to the neighbor downstairs for her pettiness.

 

Would love if someone were to help take the garbage for us though, which would be nice since I've always offered to take their garbage for them to the heap down the street whenever I toss mine before I got sick--and I did it a lot for that passive-aggressive neighbor, which is what makes her behavior all the more puzzling. 

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I've decided that some things are best shared by PM...so I'll prepare those messages sometime this week to a few who commented here.

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An update here on the way the government is not really sure about what it's doing and the hostile neighbor downstairs.

 

The doctor who came to test for covid19, his assistant, the local government unit for my community, and the national government are all saying different things about whether I am able to leave today. 

 

I have a certificate saying that last Friday that I could leave because I had already had covid19 for two weeks, and the doctor said that the virus is dead, no need to worry about spreading it. The assistant is giving different dates because he says it should be this coming Friday, which determines I've been in quarantine from the date of testing rather than when symptoms actually started, and even if I had a home antigen test before I took the PCR test. The Department of Health is changing their criteria almost weekly it seems, and the LGU is now saying that we need a certificate of clearance, not just a certificate of completing my two-week quarantine.

 

My nosy neighbor found out that our other neighbors got covid19, and they were taken to a facility to be quarantined for two weeks today. She is blaming me for infecting them--even though I have never even seen these people or interacted with them in my life. She also wants my roommate and me to be picked up right away to be isolated, not giving a crap that nobody is going to be here to take care of the dogs and cats and demanding that nobody endangers her or her right to leave her door open and not wear a mask when she wanders around the common area outside. 

 

I'll have been stuck in my house for over three weeks by this Friday, and if the neighbor has her way, I won't leave until next week. 

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Posted (edited)

Not sure if this is helpful/relevant  but doubt that it will hurt…

 

As someone who can relate to having suffered severe psychological anguish in isolation for extended periods of time, sometimes it’s more beneficial to surrender effortful practices that are aimed at fixing the temporarily Unfixable and turn the energy you have toward restorative practices, surrender, prayer (as you are doing appealing to the medicine Buddha). I’m not sure If that is already the approach you are taking or if you are trying to will your way to a sense of well being. Sometimes turning extreme adversity into an opportunity to cultivate forbearance is the best we can do.

 

I hope your despondence subsides, your ptsd heals in time, and that you get to reunite or stay United with your furry friends soon.

Edited by TranquilTurmoil
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36 minutes ago, TranquilTurmoil said:

I’m not sure If that is already the approach you are taking or if you are trying to will your way to a sense of well being. Sometimes turning extreme adversity into an opportunity to cultivate forbearance is the best we can do.

 

Force is never the way in anything I've learned. Try pushing a wall, and see how much pushback you get. 

 

It's a bit hard to push and will my way back to health even if I wanted to because I'm limited by my fatigue and brain fog. Today, for example, I did a warmup and could only do some slow movements for about 10 minutes before deciding I need to continue later as I am already tired and need to rest again. My warmup was about 20 minutes of stretching and Baduanjin, mind you. 

 

More rest is really what I'm going to be doing over the next six weeks, and breaking up my recovery macro into increments throughout the day when the body isn't begging to rest or avert my eyes from the computer screen. Even playing chess is at times a strain, but I still end up being stubborn when the creative mind is active rather than the quantitative mind, so sketching and creative writing is still something of an outlet for me. 

 

41 minutes ago, TranquilTurmoil said:

I hope your despondence subsides, your ptsd heals in time, and that you get to reunite or stay United with your furry friends soon.

 

Just to clarify, it's cPTSD. 

 

The good news is that the dogs and cats can touch me now, as they're sleeping in the bed with me most of the time. So even if the neighbor is basically treating me like I'm a plague rat of doom, I'm ignoring her while the dogs and cats all hog the bed and sandwich me between them. 

 

Thanks for the advice. 

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I am on the upwards part of recovery now. Mind recovering better thanks to support and good practice as detailed on my thread at AG.

 

As it’s been three weeks, today now marks the end of the first week of the recovery period and I have around five weeks to go before fully returning to my previous level of health.

 

The neighbors are still giving me dirty looks or ignoring me. I have ups and downs and am trying to focus on moving forward because I don’t have much time to rest due to my deadline to move out before the end of the year.

 

Wish me luck as I look for a way forward with my writing and teaching.

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23 hours ago, Earl Grey said:

I am on the upwards part of recovery now. Mind recovering better thanks to support and good practice as detailed on my thread at AG.

 

As it’s been three weeks, today now marks the end of the first week of the recovery period and I have around five weeks to go before fully returning to my previous level of health.

 

The neighbors are still giving me dirty looks or ignoring me. I have ups and downs and am trying to focus on moving forward because I don’t have much time to rest due to my deadline to move out before the end of the year.

 

Wish me luck as I look for a way forward with my writing and teaching.

 

In terms of the neighbours - if you are so inclined - I would recommend making rice and /or incense offerings to them as per harmful spirits and make prayers for their benefit.  They are possessed by fears and distrust and have forgotten kindness - which is more sad for them than it is for you.

 

I pray your recovery is quicker than you might think.

 

Best wishes.

 

 

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Anyone scrolled down the articles on Bloomberg.com lately?

 

you might think you’d stumbled onto an alt right conspiracy site.

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19 minutes ago, Apech said:

 

In terms of the neighbours - if you are so inclined - I would recommend making rice and /or incense offerings to them as per harmful spirits and make prayers for their benefit.  They are possessed by fears and distrust and have forgotten kindness - which is more sad for them than it is for you.

 

I pray your recovery is quicker than you might think.

 

Best wishes.

 

 

 

Thanks for the advice. I usually include them in my Medicine Buddha practice with incense I've restarted recently when I rebuilt some energy, so good to see we're on the same page.

 

Today when I walked past them though, several slammed the door shut or turned away from me, but one neighbor was very happy to see me and was jovial because he was worried about me. 

 

There are all sorts of people in the world...and covid has shown us who we are in the dark. 

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18 minutes ago, zerostao said:

Anyone scrolled down the articles on Bloomberg.com lately?

 

you might think you’d stumbled onto an alt right conspiracy site.

 

After getting sick, I have to choose how I use my time wisely...and I think I'd rather avoid getting upset. 

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2 hours ago, Apech said:

 

In terms of the neighbours - if you are so inclined - I would recommend making rice and /or incense offerings to them as per harmful spirits and make prayers for their benefit. 

 

At the height of the lockdown last year, I did think a neighbor of mine got possessed by a bona fide demon, or else flat out gone insane, which in many traditions is the same thing.  The demon was weird -- it had her talk to herself at the top of her voice outside my window, sing little children's songs (she was a kindergarten teacher and knew many), position herself across from my door and shriek in mock terror every time the door opened asserting I startled her -- or, alternatively, hide behind hers and jump out at me with a deafening "Hi!" startling me and then laughing like a lunatic, stuff like that.  She threw a birthday party when it was illegal in our parts, inviting everybody who believed in the cake more than in social distancing or masks, and chased me with a piece of that cake, which I imagined having been coughed and sneezed at by all the superspreaders -- I could practically see little spiky balls crawling all over it -- I had to slam my door in her face to avoid being forced to eat that cake.   In general, she insisted on doing me favors I didn't need -- offering things like planting pots or potted plants, or monstrously huge wind chimes she thought I would enjoy hanging over my door or "do whatever you want with it but make sure I don't hear it," and the like.  So, a demon with offerings, rather than in need of offerings.  What would you do about such entity?..

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I've been noticing and comparing notes lately w/ friends on the 'demon' of urinary track infections.  I'm in my late 50's, many friends are of similar age, w/ parents in their late 70s or 80s.  We all have stories of bizarre extreme behavior of our parents who were suffering urinary track infections.  Sometime paranoia, fear or off track thinking.  

 

I think what's worked best is to agree and postpone.  Like, yes there is a fire, but now it's out and we're safe.  Thank you for the..cake, I'll eat it later. 

 

In the short run, it's pointless to argue against an irrational mind**.  We can't win.  Rational argument will not make a dent, indeed it will inflame the situation.  So.. agree/lie, sooth, reframe the problem into the future. 

 

** in the long(er) run, maybe it is worthwhile, in an- each drip makes a tiny difference kind of way.  ie stating the truth, and the facts behind it, but that's assuming we'll be with the person in the long run.  on the third hand, sometimes having peace is better than being right or straightening out the other.     

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3 hours ago, Taomeow said:

 

At the height of the lockdown last year, I did think a neighbor of mine got possessed by a bona fide demon, or else flat out gone insane, which in many traditions is the same thing.  The demon was weird -- it had her talk to herself at the top of her voice outside my window, sing little children's songs (she was a kindergarten teacher and knew many), position herself across from my door and shriek in mock terror every time the door opened asserting I startled her -- or, alternatively, hide behind hers and jump out at me with a deafening "Hi!" startling me and then laughing like a lunatic, stuff like that.  She threw a birthday party when it was illegal in our parts, inviting everybody who believed in the cake more than in social distancing or masks, and chased me with a piece of that cake, which I imagined having been coughed and sneezed at by all the superspreaders -- I could practically see little spiky balls crawling all over it -- I had to slam my door in her face to avoid being forced to eat that cake.   In general, she insisted on doing me favors I didn't need -- offering things like planting pots or potted plants, or monstrously huge wind chimes she thought I would enjoy hanging over my door or "do whatever you want with it but make sure I don't hear it," and the like.  So, a demon with offerings, rather than in need of offerings.  What would you do about such entity?..

 

I'm sure you know full well how to deal with her :) but I would comment that neediness can express itself in a variety of ways - even the need to give is a form of want.

 

Personally I cultivate an air of polite distance tinged with sociopathy which comes naturally as I am English, if you know what I mean.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Apech said:

 

I'm sure you know full well how to deal with her :) but I would comment that neediness can express itself in a variety of ways - even the need to give is a form of want.

 

Personally I cultivate an air of polite distance tinged with sociopathy which comes naturally as I am English, if you know what I mean.

 

 

 

Luckily, she's back to her regular self since the lockdowns have been lifted.  All she needs in her regular state is a lot of yapping (she patrols the neighborhood for people to accost and engage in a conversation), and two hours daily of swimming in the swimming-pool -- at least on the surface of it, and I'm not qualified to address her deeper needs.  So, the demonic effects were all about being cut off from both opportunities.  

 

I know what you mean about being English.  My primal therapy guru Art Janov in LA used "your problem is, you're English" as one of his diagnostic verdicts for some of his patients (there was a good outcropping of your compatriots in that community).  They invariably came back with "your problem is, you're Jewish."  Which was one way to look away from their problem...  luckily, Art was many things but bashful wasn't one of them, so the disguise or blessing or blessing in disguise of being English would get addressed sooner or later.  

 

Apologies to the OP for the tangent.  

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1 hour ago, Taomeow said:

Apologies to the OP for the tangent.


Not a problem. Pleasant diversion and fun reading still.

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15 hours ago, Taomeow said:

 

Luckily, she's back to her regular self since the lockdowns have been lifted.  All she needs in her regular state is a lot of yapping (she patrols the neighborhood for people to accost and engage in a conversation), and two hours daily of swimming in the swimming-pool -- at least on the surface of it, and I'm not qualified to address her deeper needs.  So, the demonic effects were all about being cut off from both opportunities.  

 

I know what you mean about being English.  My primal therapy guru Art Janov in LA used "your problem is, you're English" as one of his diagnostic verdicts for some of his patients (there was a good outcropping of your compatriots in that community).  They invariably came back with "your problem is, you're Jewish."  Which was one way to look away from their problem...  luckily, Art was many things but bashful wasn't one of them, so the disguise or blessing or blessing in disguise of being English would get addressed sooner or later.  

 

Apologies to the OP for the tangent.  

 

 

Bearing in mind that English and Jewish are not mutually exclusive categories.

 

 

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Just to report that I'm in the 40% range of recovery, could be 50% on good days, but I'm going slowly and conservatively until my program macro ends at the start of October.

 

Special thanks to the following people:

 

 @freeform for his advice regarding how Spontaneous Five Animals while sick with covid19 probably isn't a good idea and led me to conclude that it is probably best for preventing it or doing so when the virus is completely purged and recovery is finished,

 

@Cleansox for his information on physiological effects for those with trauma affected by covid19 and the most proper scientific order for basic recovery that is thankfully system-agnostic and good news for people who know how to stretch their bodies or move slowly--otherwise known as Baduanjin and basic stretches plus Tai Chi,

 

@Taomeow for her greatly detailed information on recovery and the effects of the virus on individuals beyond what is currently on official record and helping me remember that the information changes almost daily,

 

@小梦想 for his stillness meditation that has helped bring together everything I'm doing and greatly reduce my stress, thereby increasing my recovery, 

 

@Zhongyongdaoist for his constant support always and for being a great font of wisdom, 

 

@zen-bear for his Flying Phoenix system and constant checking in to make sure I'm recovering well, 

 

and everyone else here on this thread who has commented or sent private messages for their support. 

 

Many thanks and blessings to you all. 

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