stasia

kundalini crisis, maybe

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Hello, all. I should start by saying that these topics are foreign territory to me, for the most part, but I am here seeking some guidance and, hopefully, some relief. A little over a year ago, I underwent Ibogaine treatment for methadone dependence, and I have not been the same since. In fact, I have hardly any sense of of who or what I used to be. I feel like my personality has been displaced, and my experience of reality is one of anxiety, pain, and a variety of frankly freakish sensations that evidently make no sense from a medical perspective. Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. 

 

It so happens that my brother mentioned some of my symptoms to a friend of his who has studied buddhism, and this friend passed on some info to me about awakening kundalini and how that can go wrong. 

 

Some of my more conspicuous symptoms include an intense inner burning sensation, like I am literally on fire from the inside out; the feeling of being electrocuted or volts of electricity running through my limbs; a buzzing sensation throughout my body but especially in my head, notably on the ride side toward the front; an intense sensation of hot and cold pressure building up in my spine; an intense and sometimes terrifying sensation of pressure or energy building up in my chest and throat, as if it is trying to move up, but getting stuck there (this can sometimes feel like being choked or strangled, or like my heart is about to explode); an intense pressure in my head, as if it is about to cave in or combust. I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours.

 

These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. 

 

There is also a host of weird psychological symptoms that I won't go into here, but they mostly involve this unbearable feeling of otherness, of being disconnected completely from humanity and an unnerving sense of unity with the universe, but not in a beautiful or transcendent way. It is almost like a kind of existential displacement, if you will. I feel as if I exist in a different dimension.     

 

At the beginning of my sickness, I completely altered everything about my lifestyle to try to get well. I had just abruptly discontinued a fairly heavy dose of daily opiates, but I also quit smoking, began a strict organic, whole foods diet, started taking whole foods supplements to support liver detox, heal the gut, all that jazz. None of this made much difference. Months and months went by. Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. 

 

So I guess my question is, simply, could this be related to a kundalini awakening gone wrong, perhaps brought on by the ibogaine trip (which was terribly painful and horrifying in and of itself)? It's also worth noting, I guess, that I had an energy-healing session just hours before my ibogaine experience. The energy healing itself was a pretty intense experience and a first for me. I definitely felt a ball of heat move down my spine and explode at the base of my spine. I was told that my throat chakra had been completely closed. The woman who did the Reike also told me that my energy had moved up her arm and choked her at one point, which was evidently unusual, but I don't really know anything about it.

 

At this point I am not jumping to conclusions. I'm just trying to gather insight and information. If there is some merit in investigating this path, or if there is any probable explanation to be found here, I have to try to discover it. I feel like my life is on the line.

 

Thank you all in advance for reading this and for any wisdom you are able to share. 

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If you'd like some help i can make a few energetic adjustments from a distance to help smooth out the flow of energy in your body. Let me know. 

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Thank you, WayofChi. I'm not sure I know enough about what that means to be totally comfortable with it just yet, but thank you just the same. 

 

The truth is I don't know anything about any of this. I don't even really understand what kundalini is, much less how it works or why. I certainly don't know what to do about what is happening to me. If there is some kind of technique I can implement, some kind of spiritual or emotional work I need to do, some way I should be eating or some set of questions I should be asking... This is what I am trying to discover because‚Äď‚Äď and I'll be very honest‚Äď‚ÄstI just want the pain and panic to stop. I am in a constant state of agony and desperation. If kundalini can be awakened, can it not also be slowed down? I have read here and there that meditation can make it worse. Actually, just thinking about it or talking about it much makes it worse. One book that my brother's friend passed along was Living With Kundalini,¬†the autobiography of Gopi Krishna. I read the chapter in which he describes his awakening and I had to put the book down because it resonated so much with me that it actually seemed to catalyze something, so that the more I read the more¬†intensely I felt the pressure and buzzing building up in my head and I couldn't handle it.¬†

 

Also, why does energy feel like it gets stuck in various parts of my body? Is it actually getting stuck, and if so, how can I help it to flow or release more effectively? I was previously jogging, stretching, and doing a bit of yoga, but since all the bizarre stuff began I barely have the strength to stay out of bed during the day. I am sometimes able to walk a mile or two, but I have to be very careful because too much physical exertion also makes everything worse. 

 

Again, thank you all in advance. 

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Hi Stasia,

 

Kundalini isn`t really my area, but if this was happening to me I`d look into KAP https://www.kundaliniawakeningprocess.com/blog/.  They have a program designed to help people awaken kundalini and might have some expertise in dealing with the ways that process can go awry.  I think TheLerner (another Bum) went through the program or knows more about it.  Might be a place to start.

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you might have your brother or a buddy copy parts of the Gopi Krishna book about certain of his painful symptoms which also match yours and how he  moderated them, then carefully consider all that information and if any of it would be safe and useful for yourself?...If I remember correctly a lot of the info. about food sounded pretty safe like drinking a certain amount of or combinations of milk, a little rice, almonds and certain fruits at timed intervals - but I haven't read that book in 30 years so I'm not sure on any details.  Good luck, btw. there are a few true Kundalini masters (who are not in every street corner kundalini yoga studio in the US)  that might be able to help you besides any Deity that you may be asking for help, but that is another major subject of its own.  

Edited by 3bob
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Hi Stasia,

 

Your energy flows (or Kundalini) is open to the 5th chakra (throat). You have reached the point where you are subconsciously feeling energy flowing in from other people and your broader environment. This ‚Äúoutside‚ÄĚ energy is sort of overwhelming you and you are kind of stuck in a hyper receptive mode. At your body level it is like the outside energy is ‚Äúhitting‚ÄĚ stored issues and fears in your energy body and you are not releasing them (hence the pain and issues). At a mind level, it is like you are touching on aspects of more universal mind/consciousness and your are not accepting it at a conscious level. Sort of like you are subconsciously¬†freaked out about the idea and ‚Äúrejecting it‚ÄĚ.¬†

 

In more taoist terms, you are taking in the energy, but not transmitting it back out. This leads to a buildup that gives you the problems that you describe. Things like diet and exercise are unlikely to have a major impact regarding your problems as you are ‚Äúbeyond‚ÄĚ local body stuff and in the realm of more advanced energy stuff. Do you have any tradition or practices that you follow? May be able to offer some suggestions in your current framework.

 

Best,

Jeff

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15 hours ago, stasia said:

Doctors have dismissed my condition as being purely psychological (and recommended antidepressants), but I have a hard time imagining a more "real" experience of pain or physiological crisis. 

 

yes, doctors do say that, but your pains and all the other things you mention are very true, very physical and almost nobody can believe it or understand it. Except those who have been there. This is a nce description of me about two and a half years ago.

If it is what I think it is it s called ME, myalgic encefalomyelitis.

Besides your purelyly physical problems your energybody seems pretty much out of whack.

 

15 hours ago, stasia said:

I also feel this sense of relentless energy/pressure trapped in my ears, sort of similar to gaining or losing altitude in an airplane, along with ringing and buzzing in my ears. Sometimes the buzzing in my head is so intense that it keeps me awake for hours.

 

is called tinnitus, probably a sign of too much NMDA in your body.

 

15 hours ago, stasia said:

Instead things seemed to get worse, culminating in one horrific incident that occurred in the middle of the night around the end of September, at which time all of the more freakish symptoms I listed manifested for the first time. They have been with me ever since, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I don't know how long any human being could be expected to continue to endure this. 

 

this was the ' flip moment"

 

15 hours ago, stasia said:

These are some of the freakish symptoms that began manifesting about three months ago. Before that, and for the past fourteen months, I have been completely debilitated by a persistent sickness consisting of constant extreme fatigue, severe nerve pain, muscle pain, chronic gastrointestinal issues, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression, to name not all but the big ones. 

 

 

yes, there are many more, maybe nausea, dizziness, peeing very often, having problems focussing your eyes, brainfog as problems concentrating  and keeping it. The ability to digest information at al.

 

You might want to look up ME/CFS and see what you find. It's an illness that is not well understood by the medical world. One could say that it manifests when the body has taken more stressors then it can take. And then it sort of ' flips' into the state your in.

 

There are some doctors who recognize it for what it is but there is no medical cure for it.

 

My take on it is a slowly helping the body to get out of it.

 

first aid by ME

 

do not ever do more then you're able to

do not do anything that can stress you up ( including wellmeaning energyworkers that you do not know personally. If you try ,explain and ask to do something minimal and see how it goes)

keep away from people that suck

 

magnesium, the very first. Stress eats lots of magnesium. I use these https://nl.iherb.com/pr/Bluebonnet-Nutrition-Chelated-Magnesium-120-Veggie-Caps/63681

twice a day, 

quit sugar/gluten/ cowdairy /cheese ( all kinds of) and soy

Take antioxidants ( being the natural variants of A/D/E in normal daily doses + 3 grams of vitamin C. When you have diarrhea take it as ascorbylpalmitate. Then very carefully try ALA ( alpha Liponic Acid. the combination of these 5 together acts as a strong antioxidant, if your lucky it relieves the pain somewhat. When you have  too much toxic metals in your body the ALA will make you very ill some hours after you've taken it. When there are no toxic metals then it works fine.

Let measure your B12 and start taking it as lozenges. Start with Methylcobalamine. Is also a strong antioxidant but does other things also. 

 

you can try Glycine, this is an aminoacid that reduces stresslevels in the body.

 

do this all one by one, so that you can feel what things do to your body. and do not listen to people who tell you that it is psychosomatic, it isn't

 

much love from BES

 

Edited by blue eyed snake
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I'd recommend standing in basic wuji posture every day, starting with 3-5 minutes and building it up week to week by extra 5 minutes. So by the end of one month you should be able to stand for 20 minutes. In two months, 40 minutes or so. You don't need to do more than that. 

 

As you start doing the wuji posture, your energy will drop down to your lower abdomen (lower Dan tien) and start balancing out. It will help you relax and calm the mind.

 

The following url has a good explanation and description of it. 

http://developyourenergy.net/zhang-zhuang-chi-kung/wu-chi-the-first-position/

 

 

Good luck.

 

Best,

 

Dwai

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I have cfs/me and I agree with what Blue eyed snake says..many of these symptoms can overlap with so called "kundalini syndrome".Ive experienced most the things you described. I also think there is a lot of "stuff"stored in the body as trauma etc that has weird ways of showing itself and can definitely contribute..but there are powerful ways of releasing these which have helped me immensely.Personally Id forget the concept that kundalini even exists, in the end its just a word to describe sensations.. but you can trick yourself into making it way more than it probably is-and therefore end up attributing things to this idea that in reality dont have much correlation.

Edited by bax44

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Healing takes time, so don't expect a self healing lifestyle to be a quick fix...more like gradual improvement over seasons and years.

I recommend all of the following:
- Go on walks in nature each day...bundle up if it's cold.

- Do some simple body movements to warm up the muscles (indoors if cold out), too. It's best to do exercises before noon, but is okay if done in the evening.

- Go to sleep by 10 pm. Have no electronics or lights for an hour before that, which tend to keep us awake. Reading a fiction story in low light (get candles), or listening to calming music can be good the hour before sleep. Connecting with nature, such as being outside, in the evening can help us get to sleep. Getting enough exercise with walking will greatly help the body be ready for sleep. Sleep is underestimated, but it's the key to self healing from these problems.

- Have breakfast within the first hour of waking up, and chew it very slowly so that the food liquifies. It's good to have meat in your diet, and have some form of protein at each meal. A burrito with steak is a healing lunch, for example (it has beans, cheese, maybe sour cream and guac, as well as meat...definitely getting good protein with that). 3 meals a day is the key...don't skip any. Try your best not to overeat or undereat, and not do any extreme diets (even if they're purported to be healthy).
- Twice a day, do "calm abiding with external support" meditation. The external support means that you look at something and pay attention to it in order to meditate...it's best to use a plant, a leaf, or perhaps a picture of mountains or some other detailed natural thing. It can also be good to gaze into the distance, if you have a good view where you live. Calm abiding means that you calm the mind by paying attention only to the object of meditation, the plant or whatever else it is. When thoughts or feelings come, you just let them be and refocus your attention on the object. This will help calm your mind and nervous system. Do it just 5 minutes at a time, morning and evening. There's no need to sit in any kind of posture for this meditation, just have the body be natural.

- Whatever helps you relax and forget about your stresses, do it. If that means watching a marathon of the TV show Psych, go for it.

If it's drugs that help you relax, do NOT do it. Don't do any mind altering stuff. It's better to achieve no-mind by calm abiding and whatever lifestyle relaxes you.

In my opinion and experience, doing all of the above helps the body normalize...a normal body can handle greater energy, and of course, a normal body doesn't experience weird symptoms. Normal is great.

Here are a couple of other suggestions that I don't have personal experience with, but I think would help:
- When it's warm out (in the late spring or summer), find a place that has good dark dirt that's kind of moist...dig it up a bit, and lay in it, even putting the dirt on top of your body. That will help connect you to the Earth's energetic field, which normalizes electrical problems in the body.

- Make bone broth for soups, or else make homemade jello with fruit juice and grass fed beef gelatin. That provides more yin for the body.

There's also a chance that seeing a Chinese Medicine practitioner would help. It's good to see them once or twice a week, for at least a month.

Finally...symptoms can be alarming, but feeling alarmed all of the time isn't a good state to be in for self healing. Remember to do the things that relax you, or make you forget your problems, and do the calm abiding meditation (which does the same thing). For the health of the body, remember to get some movement, go to bed early every night, and get the nutrition you need. You'll be fine. It's my opinion that half of the symptoms are caused by trying to find what's wrong and feeling overwhelmed and alarmed by assuming there's a problem...remember that the doctors said you're healthy. Focus on what's right, and forget about there being something wrong. You'll be well on your way to feeling normal.

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