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Thank you for making this opportunity available for others to share their experience in the Chinese Internal arts. My name is Eric Wilson . . . I trained and taught Chinese Kung-fu, Tai-chi, and Qigong for more than 24 years. And while I did realize a great manifestation of "internal" power, I also experienced some very strong negative effects. I am sharing my story and these experiences at the links below, and it is my prayer that these will be of help to those who also have had questions about the spiritual source of Chi and "internal" power. Thank you, Eric Wilson and family
Josama posted a topic in General DiscussionHello Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to tell you a story, a story about myself. One, that may hopefully be of help to those who read it. Porn, Suicide Already as a kid, I had a very addictive personality. Certain events in my childhood made me want to seek escape in my thoughts. At home, I would sit for days on end on the home pc playing games. When I was in 4th grade school, I watched my first porn movie. I became hooked right away. It increased my sex-drive dramatically. From that day on I was masturbating for three times a day. That went on till the age of 16. At that time, I felt like I was in a coma. Life felt meaningless to me. That’s when I decided I had enough and tried to take my own life. Fortunately I didn’t succeed. When I was 17, I started taking Ritalin. At the beginning, there was a remarkable change. I was hyper attentive. School became a breeze and fun for the first time in my life. However, that also proved my first experience with a drug addiction. After that I started taking more everyday which increased the side effects greatly. Eight months later I tried to commit suicide again. This time however my family got to know about it. As long as I can remember I have always been sado-maso. At age 20 or 21, I watched some BDSM porn and thought it was a good idea to look on the Deep Web for real rape videos. However what I found was not what I was looking for. I downloaded a video and what I saw shocked me deeply. I saw a man raping a baby. After watching three seconds of the video, I swiftly closed and deleted it. I never touched that PC again and after thinking about it I realized that my download of the video might have actually gotten the guy off. When I think that maybe this download of mine made the guy rape one more baby it made me sick to my stomach. After that event I felt disgusted with myself. I hated myself even more than before. I wanted to see myself suffer. Please, please, I beg you, never make the same mistake. It will cost you dearly… Drugs When I was 18 years old I had my first experiences with legal highs, which I ordered myself over the Internet. At the time, Mephedrone was still legal and that was one of my first experiences with designer drugs. Unfortunately, this already turned out to be the worst choice for me. Mephedrone, just like Crystal Meth, makes you extremely horny. If you combine those drugs with sex or masturbation then you have the most fiendish combination ever. A study showed that 97% of Crystal addicts relapse because of the sexual factor. It’s the same for Mephedrone. Please do yourself a favour and avoid those two drugs at all cost. I was addicted to Mephedrone for 6 long years. Masturbating on it for hours at a time, seeking escape in my sexual fantasies. Most of these fantasies included intercourse with prostitutes. I found that there was something really alluring about the possibility to just get sex for money. However the real deal was never as good as the fantasy. Though I never had sex on Mephedrone and I am happy I didn’t. My desire to fulfill my fantasies went so far that I started selling drugs. I sold mdma for about 3 months. That didn’t make me enough money though. I nearly made no profit at all, so I thought of selling coke instead. However, this proved a moral dilemma for me. I don’t like the Mexican Drug since they kill so many innocent people out of greed. I knew that those guys controlled the majority of the coke trade. So selling coke meant supporting those guys. I was fighting with myself. A part of me was telling me that if I were to do this I would lose myself. I would not be the same person again. Just when I was actually about to go through with it, I got unexpected help. The previous three months I had been considering completely abstaining from drug use forever. I knew I had a big problem and that in time it would only land me in trouble. Just when I was about to get professional help, I got help from the higher levels. I realized that I was never going to be happy by satisfying the cravings of my ego. I knew that I had to transcend my ego. After that I halted my drug use and have not touched any more since. That is all thanks to meditation. Meditation is in my opinion the absolute best method to prevent or resolve any drug or other addiction. What I am sure of at least is that scare tactics don’t work. When I was in third grade the police held a conference for us where they told us a lot of lies about drug effects to scare us off. I still remember like it was yesterday. That time I asked them ‘Why do people take drugs if they only make you lose brain cells?’ They didn’t answer my question back then. So if you happen to be a parent reading this, then be sure to inform your kids about the effects of drugs truthfully and share my story with them. However, even that may not prove foolproof. Someone who is feeling suicidal won’t hesitate in most cases to take drugs. The absolute foolproof way to solve this is to teach them Self-Love. When I say Self-Love I don’t mean the narcissist kind where we are the victim of our delusions of grandeur and insecurity. Really loving ourselves mean that we accept ourselves as we are without criticizing ourselves. It’s like we ourselves become one of our best friends. Naturally, we wouldn’t want one of our dear friends to destroy his health with drugs. We would want to see him achieve his full potential without beating him down, just pointing his faults out for him so he may be able to correct them. Moreover, Self-Love is in my opinion the best preventive measure against demonic possession as true Self-Love massively increases our innate amount of Light. Light is made of joy and love. Demons can’t abide Light. Demonic Possession In this part I am going to tell you about my (ongoing) demonic possession, my experiences with it and the valuable lessons I learned from it. When I started meditating all I ever did was to focus on opening my eye. The reason for doing that however was very wrong. I thought that by opening my third eye and being able to see people aura’s I could determine girl’s thoughts and feelings, using it to my advantage when hitting on them. What followed is that when my third eye really started to open up, my desire for power attracted a demon. During the night I would wake up scared and feel something evil in my room even though I couldn’t see anything. The first few times I made it flee out of my room by imagining myself shooting golden light at it. However, later in a drunken stupor I invited the demon to possess me with the thought being: ’I want to be evil’ though what I had in mind was that I wanted to be a thug as thugs get all the girls. At the time I wasn’t aware yet what dire consequences that would have later on. From then on I started practicing different meditation systems, looking for ever more powerful ones. I now realize that was probably the demon beckoning me forward, hungry for power. That went on till I found Kunlun which left me finally satisfied. Kunlun produced massive amounts of energy for me. However, the energy generated was only always Yin in nature. I used this regularly for 3 years and started noticing strange things. Wherever I went, people would start sneezing and would let things fall or they would fall asleep after some time. I realized that I was attacking people around me with Yin Energy even though I didn’t want to. I now realize that all that energy cultivation made the demon exponentially stronger. As Sifu Jenny told me “who has entity issues should not do any type of Qigong or energetic practice. That is because people who are possessed by an entity or entities are normally dominated by it. The entity will channel your practice and results. The benefits will not be going to you but to it.” Also, because of this the demon became so strong that the healers I contacted before Sifu Jenny were not only unable to remove it, but couldn’t even see it. Moreover, ‘every failed removal will strengthen the entity’ is what Sifu told me. I experienced three failed removals so I can vouch for that. A way to determine if the person you have contacted will be able to help you is to see how you feel. With Sifu Jenny I just get this feeling that I can put my complete trust in her, there is a sense of absolute security. (I say that as someone who has a deep mistrust of human beings) There is just this knowingness that she can do it. It’s very subtle though and a demon will do whatever it can to spread doubts when you encounter the right person. One fateful day I came across Sifu Jenny Lamb’s website (http://www.easterninternalarts.com/). After reading her website carefully and reading her description of signs and symptoms of an entity possession I instantly realized that this was happening to me. After contacting her and sending her a couple of pictures of me, I scheduled an online consultation with her on October 2012. During the consultation, she told me that I definitely had an entity issue. She told me the entity had been with me for about three years or so, but didn’t tell me that it was a demon, though it was obvious to me, until she successfully removed them. Then she told me the entity issue was a demon issue. She said she did not specify before, because she didn’t want to scare me. Demon issues are much worse than normal entity issues. They come in a group and cause more harm, not only to the possessed but to people around him as well. After many failures of entity removal, I finally scheduled a 10 day entity removal treatment with Sifu Jenny in September 2013. It was a whole day long working process from early morning to the time I went to bed around 10:00pm, every day. With her hard work, she successfully removed my demonic entities. My body finally felt lighter on the ninth day. She said I should feel lighter as soon as all the entities were gone, which was on the fifth day. But because my physical damage was so severe my mental response was very slow. But I was certainly much happier. I even made my country meal for her and her husband for gratitude on the last night before I left. Before I left, she gave me instructions to strengthen my body. She instructed me to do both physical and mental recovery for a minimum three months to a year (as long as it takes), depending on my progress for the improvement of my health. I returned home safely. However I didn’t follow her aftercare advice at all. The year I went to see Sifu Jenny, I wasn’t taking any drugs at all. However, my sexual desire only got stronger. I decided that if I would not get back to normal again I would start taking drugs again. With being normal I mean living anchored in the world like before. It’s hard to explain. Actually, when I started meditating I concentrated so long on my third eye that it upset my whole energy system. I now see ethereal and astral energy at all times and can’t turn it off. It feels like I am caught in-between the mortal and the spirit world. My frustration of being unable to live a normal life and change myself made me dive head-long into drugs again. It was at the height of my sexual pleasure when I got possessed again. The reason why I got possessed gain was to either make my parents suffer or/and to be able to play the victim, so they pay more attention to me. I know that sounds ludicrous, but I think it's the truth I think one part of me may have just wanted to die and show my parents that demons are real by dying an early death or maybe I just wanted to punish my parents by dying early? I don't know, but it's annoying me mightily. Obviously, my psyche was already broken before I got possessed. All my life I blamed my problems on someone or something. I wasn’t even aware of this. Sifu Jenny made me realize this when I saw her, though very subtly so. She probably knew but didn’t tell me directly knowing that I would need to discover it myself. So, before my possession I blamed my problems on my family. During my possession I blamed the demon for my suffering. Thinking along the lines of ‘if only I was entity free’ everything would change. Then as it had to be, when I came back from Colorado, not even one month after my treatment, I was back to taking drugs and masturbating again. I was still beating myself up for what I had done a few years ago on the Deep Web. I wanted to see myself suffer for what I had done. I sought my own death. I thought that I could redeem myself with my suffering and/or death, however I now realize how very foolish this was. What my thought did was attract more demons that not only attacked me, but also my whole family. I brought a plague upon my family and now I am trying my best to try to remedy the problem. What I have been going through is because of ignorance. I want to ask you to please try not to blame anyone or anything else for your own problems like I did. Blaming another, which takes the form of anger, will only make you blind to the truth. Only the truth can set you free. Even if someone has done atrocious things to us that would per human definition warrant our hate, in the end it will only lead to our own demise. Only forgiveness can pave the way for healing. Meditation (Please note: This section is highly subjective.) I started meditating when I was 20 or 21 years old. What I discovered back then blew my mind. I found out that all drugs do is show us what we are able to achieve by meditating. However, while the effect of drugs gets weaker and weaker over time, the blissful effect from meditation only ever increases. However, back then I still had no clue why this was so. Now however I know and I am able to share the insights I have made so far. First what we all seek is our Higher Self. The Higher Self is our original identity. It is what is commonly known as Buddha Nature (Buddhism) or the Holy Spirit (Christianity). It is called Spirituality because it is meant to lead us back to our origin, which is the spirit. However, to do that, we need to stop feeding our ego and be willing to transcend it. (Which means to stop identifying with it) The moment we are able to stay in our Higher Self at all times is when we have reached what is commonly called enlightenment. The two main characteristics of our Higher Self are unconditional love and pure joy. For the people who have tried mdma : mdma puts us in our Higher Self, the feeling connected to people, the unconditional love and the euphoria are all characteristics of our Higher Self. However, be assured that the real deal is much more rewarding and that without any of the side effects. Moreover, taking drugs hems our spiritual evolution is what I have found. Every time we take drugs we are giving some of our power away. However when meditating we must be very careful what we seek for. Seeking for blissful effects or power will only lead us to possession. Seeking the truth about us or love and life/health however is the right way forward. In the following part I am going to share with you the meditation techniques that I found most effective in my endeavor to reach enlightenment without posing any risk to the user. Even if you are already possessed the following techniques will not worsen it. 1. Chanting “Namo Amituofo”. Amitabha Buddha made a vow before he died that ‘Whoever calls him to mind again and again, he will rescue from the cycle of birth and death’. He certainly kept it. One’s Karma determines one’s potential for enlightenment. This technique enables us to tap into Amitabha Buddha’s Karma. That means that with this EVERYONE is able to reach enlightenment in one lifetime. I found out that you can do the same by only thinking of him without the chanting. Well, for me at least it works, but I got a dream from him by chanting. It may only be possible after the dream or not. You have to test that. The chanting method surfaced after Buddha was long dead so I assume that it works without speaking. So if you feel that chanting isn’t for you or that it’s against your religious beliefs then give this a try. Just think of Buddha (made of pure shining gold) as if he were your best friend. It’s important that you feel trust or otherwise it won’t work as well. The good thing about this is that you can do it at all times, while sitting in school, while writing an essay etc… Also, this is the best possible protection against entity possession as it increases Light. 2) Letting go is the technique Gautama Buddha taught to his disciples. It’s an amazingly simple and effective technique once you get the hang of it. The technique is all about letting go of negative emotions and attachments, which make up the ego. For more information please read ‘Letting Go: The pathway of surrender’ by David R. Hawkins. This is by far the best-written and simplest explanation of the technique I have ever come across. 3) Virtues. I am sure you have heard that living a virtuous life is important, but were you also told why? First, being absolutely sincere with yourself, being able to look at your faults openly is important so you can use Vipassana to let go of them. Recognizing your faults and errors is the first step towards rectifying them. Moreover, being honest with yourself and your friends will open your Throat chakra and your Heart. The Throat Chakra is the chakra responsible for change while the Heart is the one for Love. What happens when you start being absolutely honest is that first you will feel more loving and secondly you will be able to change yourself for the better much more rapidly. Sincerity is the single most powerful spiritual amplifier. Secondly, helping others without expecting anything in return will strengthen your Higher Self. That’s the conclusion I have come to. (Just starting to get into it.) This means that every time you help someone your ego will weaken and you will be one step closer to enlightenment. Gandhi said ‘the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others’. There is God in every selfless act. Thirdly, it’s important to be humble. I am probably not the best person to tell you about this, but will anyways try to do my best. In most religions when people talk about being humble, they think of absolute humility, which means that they show meekness while praying and hoping that God will just change them for the better like casting a spell. Unfortunately that doesn’t work. What we actually need is radical humility. Radical humility is about accepting that we have faults and errors and be willing to surrender them to God. Or if that doesn’t work, to be willing to do everything in our power to change ourselves. ‘We must be the change we want the world to see’; Gandhi. Conclusion At this point I want to remark that my psyche is broken, my personality has become so warped through the use of drugs and my possession that it has become the most difficult task to understand myself. However, no matter how many drugs you take or how many more layers we put on our ego, our Higher Self remains unchanged. I only got to experience my Higher Self a handful of times by now and that was already enough to put me off an addiction that seemed impossible to solve. Feeling whole and complete again after not having felt like this for 20 years or maybe never, well that is truly wonderful! So if you feel that it is impossible for you to change, that you are too evil to change, be assured that EVERYONE can change as long as they will it. So please don’t give up, I definitely won’t. If you are a person considering suicide then please by all means don’t do it! There is true happiness/meaning in life you will be able to discover by meditating and helping people. If you really try it I assure you that not soon after you will be laughing at your previous problems and wondering how you could ever consider killing yourself and you will be laughing out of joy that you didn’t do it, just like I am doing right now J Finally, I want to try myself at a definition of Karma. Karma is a very misunderstood term for most people. That is very understandable as it is very hard to explain. However, I will try to do my best explaining it. Karma :the law of cause and effect. It means that every effect has a cause. The causes of these effects however are not only because of actions, but also thoughts. Yes, you heard me right. Thoughts have real power! We tend to manifest what we hold in mind. If we think ourselves evil then that is what we will get to experience. However, rest assured that even if we have evil thoughts, actions score much higher on the Karma scale than thoughts. This means that with one virtuous action you will be able to cancel out a hundred evil thoughts. ‘There is always someone who loses out’ is a good example of Karma. This is a commonly held belief, one that isn’t true however. In every situation we can find a solution that benefits everyone involved. We only need to manifest the will to find it. When we start thinking of solutions that benefit everyone, good things are going to happen to our lives because God starts to support us. That’s why I have taken the habit of asking myself in every situation now: ‘Does this benefit everyone involved, myself included, or does it only benefit myself?’ This is an essay I wrote last week, it's a truthful version about my life. It's something I wasn't planning on sharing with anyone. It was Sifu Jenny who convinced me. It still isn't finished yet though. For now I want to make a youtube video out of it, but to do that the textual version needs to be flawlessly engaging e.g. making it clearer, omitting unnecessary things, choosing better words. That's why I would like to ask you to please help me in refining the piece if you can spare the time. You would be able to help a lot of people with it.(hopefully) Questions about things that appear unclear are very welcome, too. Since I am possessed my ability to think clearly is limited.
DreamBliss posted a topic in General DiscussionThis questions comes after finding something I wrote not that long ago, inspired by Tolle's, "Power of Now", called, "Tar Pit." Essentially I had come to a number of realizations about my previous thoughts of suicide. I wrote this thing, never edited it, and forgot about it. Recently I found myself appraoching the same sort of terrain I was in before I wrote this. That is to be expected, the time after Christmas has been dark for me in the past, and that is a thought pattern which has to be replaced with a new way of thinking as much as anything else. This year however has already been different, I am not down at all. I don't know that I can say I am happy or joyful. But I am not unhappy or joyless. However if I were to continue to go deeper into this terrain, and appraoch the same sort of state I was in that I was writing about, then things could turn out quite differently. This year will be especially hard for me, as I approach 40, for reasons I do not care to go into. So if I were to allow myself to that particular place, mindset, way of thinking, then it is feasible I could do something that I have faced a few times before but never followed through with. Please note I am nowhere near that state, so if you are concerned, I appreciate it, but there is nothing to fear or worry about. In any case this brings me to my question... As I understand it the ego is concerned with self-preservation. The ego then, by nature, can not be suicidal. It can be self-destructive, but it can never seek to kill itself, as that would be against its nature. Yet it is the ego that is responsible, I am certain, for forgetting I wrote this, that I realized these things. It is the ego that wants me to forget these things I have realized reading Tolle's book. If I was in the wrong mindset, if I did not find these words, the ego may then find itself destroying itself. If I were to kill myself, I would kill my ego. My death is its own destruction. So why would my ego intefere with this? Why would it cause me to not remember what I wrote, the things I realized? How could I forget these important realizations? Remembering this is life, forgetting them is death. The ego seeks its own death in forgetting them. Because while I am not in that mindset right now, where I am is fragile and tenous at best. I can easily fall or slip down into that mindset, and this year, of all years, it could be fatal. Why would my ego risk that? Suicide is killing my self. Just wanted to get some thoughts on this. If the ego is going to do stuff like this (of course I presume it is my ego and I could be wrong, but assuming it is and I am right) understanding it will help me deal with it. I want to get to know this thing that, at this present moment, seems to be in control of me.. Specifically how come it would cause me to forget something at the risk of destroying itself. Whatever else this thread may be, it poses some interesting questions and ought to be an engaging conversation. Understanding that thing in us that we are trying to free oursleves from might make the task easier.