Non

celibacy for 8 months...

89 posts in this topic

I've not "spilled my cup" at least through masturbation or intercourse now for 8 months. It did give me more energy at first but now it's really no biggie. In fact it can bother me at times as I feel castrated and I feel my sexuality diminishing one day (to a point that might be damaging), but the next if I give some thought of sex then it can awaken again.

 

There are times when my organ just becomes irritable even though I have no desire in my mind for sex, it tingles, it itches, and begs release. What can I do? Then I go into a cycle of sadness and frustration mixed with fantasy.

 

So far celibacy has done not much to help me with my energetic practice but it does give me some confidence, and a slight magnetism that I enjoy. An urge to unite rather than to just release, but much of that is centered in my organ but it's also more whole body oriented.

 

I know I can't "get" a woman because getting implies that she has no choice in the matter or I try to force her or impinge on her free will. Im not aggressive because sex is sacred to me, and in fact much to ask for, very personal. and no woman is ever going to be interested in me, at least now she won't and that's for sure. and even so anytime later I highly doubt it.

 

Im not going to release it because I'm afraid of what it will do. I guess the next step is another three months, but this time do it full out and not think of sex at all, regardless if I'm feeling castrated (always have anyway) and my sexuality and my organ retreats for longer than 'seems' right.

Edited by Non

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

I know I can't "get" a woman because getting implies that she has no choice in the matter or I try to force her or impinge on her free will. Im not aggressive because sex is sacred to me, and in fact much to ask for, very personal. and no woman is ever going to be interested in me, at least now she won't and that's for sure. and even so anytime later I highly doubt it.

 

Im not going to release it because I'm afraid of what it will do. I guess the next step is another three months, but this time do it full out and not think of sex at all, regardless if I'm feeling castrated (always have anyway) and my sexuality and my organ retreats for longer than 'seems' right.

 

 

One problem seems to be your idea on celibacy.. You have to set a particular reason/perspective for doing it. If you just repress an urge like that theres consequences. Manage your emotions and your sexual energy. If your just celibate for months without activating/transforming the energy I hear theres possible problems.

 

Having emissions every 3 weeks isn't so bad either.

 

Anyway main point, change your perspective on the matter, that seems to be where the problem lies.

1 person thanks this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nei Chuan is correct.

 

Its all about first having the right frame of mind.

 

Then follows the correct motivation.

 

With the correct motivation, your intent is aligned, so harmony is created.

 

When there is harmony, whatever arises will not impede the flow, and you can remain calm and centered most of the time.

 

I was totally celibate for nine years. You are right... after the first few months, it becomes a 'no biggie'.

 

But then i never experienced the issues you seem to be wrestling with. So i cant say if you are right or wrong in your understandings of celibacy and its usefulness.

 

(btw i returned to having a normal relationship, by choice, in March 2008. Any post-trauma? None.)

1 person thanks this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess it's conflicting desires. A part of me thinks that since I'm a virgin and never had a relationship, I shouldn't throw away any slight chance or opportunity, so if I happen to run across that in my goal of 3 months no orgasm, no mini orgasm, no nothing (except for the kundalini type which Im hoping for) I should take the chance. I dont want to kill my sexuality such that any woman will not like me because I am showing to be "asexual" or something else. At the same time I do want the benefits, and I know there are benefits to not orgasming. In fact even if I did find a woman I would want to just practice tantra or karezza and not ejaculate. I fear what passionate sex and ejaculation would do to the both of us, and make us into animals again caught in a coolidge effect, breaking my heart and then ending up alone again. Also having to deal with depletion and instability.

 

At thje same time I think approaching sexuality in this way means that the "game of attraction" changes, or that the rituals practiced to change a mate is different. Ie, that Im not to be too aggressive, and passionate, etc. but that may also mean that women will misinterpret me or think I'm just weird.

Edited by Non

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One problem seems to be your idea on celibacy.. You have to set a particular reason/perspective for doing it. If you just repress an urge like that theres consequences. Manage your emotions and your sexual energy. If your just celibate for months without activating/transforming the energy I hear theres possible problems.

 

Yeah I agree with this you need to make sure the energy is being transformed in the right way. Gurdjieff says some interesting things about celibacy saying that for some people it's useful and others it's not and some for only a period of time, but if you do go celibate you have to transform the energy or there are two consequences you can see in some Christian monks who practice it who don't have the correct exercises to deal with the energy and as a result they either go fat and lazy or thin and cruel/vindictive.

Edited by Jetsun

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ive tried microcosmic orbiting. It just doesn't work. For the time being the only thing that makes the irritation in my subconscious mind or organ go away is any other focus. But it's still running in the background.

 

the 6th tibetan rite doesn't work. Nothing works. It still comes back.

 

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.

 

I know my spirit is beyond all of this, but my physical body has not been. Do I need to spend countless hours meditating? only to be brought back to the body before it has gotten to change it's desires, or reprogram, or recondition itself to withstand celibacy for great periods of time?

 

or is dual cultivation the only way? I've got a life, and normal sexuality just doesn't cut it for me. It always creates more lack, and instability. It always comes from lack and longing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.

 

 

 

If you look at male and female as pure polarities (like + and - electric charge) as distinct to human genders, then we are all a ratio or proportion male and female. If you crave a feminine presence then your body is telling you that it wants to balance. Because you are slightly out of balance - especially if you feel unhappy. The best thing, since bodies are very wise, is to give it what it feels it needs. It would be theoretically possible to achieve this balance with inner alchemy but quite difficult. I think you need to go and be in the presence of women that you like. I don't mean sex - I mean genuine warmth, conversation and so on.

 

If you want kundalini arousal and so on - then the world can be a great teacher. If you interact with it with the right heart + spirit then it can provide a kind of wholeness in practice that is difficult in isolation.

 

These are my thoughts on reading your posts. Do with them as you see fit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you look at male and female as pure polarities (like + and - electric charge) as distinct to human genders, then we are all a ratio or proportion male and female. If you crave a feminine presence then your body is telling you that it wants to balance. Because you are slightly out of balance - especially if you feel unhappy. The best thing, since bodies are very wise, is to give it what it feels it needs. It would be theoretically possible to achieve this balance with inner alchemy but quite difficult. I think you need to go and be in the presence of women that you like. I don't mean sex - I mean genuine warmth, conversation and so on.

 

If you want kundalini arousal and so on - then the world can be a great teacher. If you interact with it with the right heart + spirit then it can provide a kind of wholeness in practice that is difficult in isolation.

 

These are my thoughts on reading your posts. Do with them as you see fit.

 

yea no there aren't any women that care to be in my presence so that isn't an option. any new ones too. in fact it's all predetermined it seems that they all will avoid me for some reason like I'm unfit for anything, for any feminine presence. not even Goddess.

Edited by Non

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ive tried microcosmic orbiting. It just doesn't work. For the time being the only thing that makes the irritation in my subconscious mind or organ go away is any other focus. But it's still running in the background.

 

the 6th tibetan rite doesn't work. Nothing works. It still comes back.

 

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.

 

I know my spirit is beyond all of this, but my physical body has not been. Do I need to spend countless hours meditating? only to be brought back to the body before it has gotten to change it's desires, or reprogram, or recondition itself to withstand celibacy for great periods of time?

 

or is dual cultivation the only way? I've got a life, and normal sexuality just doesn't cut it for me. It always creates more lack, and instability. It always comes from lack and longing.

 

 

 

Don't forget to give up all the theories and ideas you have about yourself and all the suffering you put yourself through, that's also a great 'practice'. You're actually progressing , get back into contact with me if you want to finish the process, ok? Paul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yea no there aren't any women that care to be in my presence so that isn't an option. any new ones too. in fact it's all predetermined it seems that they all will avoid me for some reason like I'm unfit for anything, for any feminine presence. not even Goddess.

 

Clearly I don't know you or your circumstances but these things are like a feedback loop. Its all about feeling ... if you feel good about yourself then people will tend to feel good about you ... ( I know this sounds like a cliche but its true).

1 person thanks this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Loneliness is IME something one can use. To go deep into the pain it causes to be lonely and to allow it to break your heart open. After that it's all "aloneness" with no emotion attached to it.

 

edit: Once you become a man of power there will probably be women wanting your company. Depending on your path you may want to spend time with them or you will simply direct them towards proper cultivation so they can also find they need nobody :)

Edited by King Kabalabhati

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yea no there aren't any women that care to be in my presence so that isn't an option. any new ones too. in fact it's all predetermined it seems that they all will avoid me for some reason like I'm unfit for anything, for any feminine presence. not even Goddess.

 

This is undobtably a self esteem problem. Listen , I get the impression we think alike, beside the female problem part. Don't get me wrong I'm into celibacy, I also think it's a great thing, but nothing is stoping me from getting to know women, flirt, date, it's all about the frame of mind that comes from self esteem. And it's enjoyable.

 

I confess that some time ago I also used to have self esteem problems, it's very common in today's society, sadly. The so called fix that I discovered is that "the little things make big things happen", look into yourself what is/are the root/roots of the problem.

 

The part with no girl wants to meet you is completely wrong, it's absolutely absurd. We are all great each and every one of us, that includes you. Confidence ... you got it when you aren't looking for it, don't doubt it you have it. Another thing, if you know you got some problems, beeing totally honest with yourself, don't delay getting them fixed.

 

Good luck

 

P.S. Such big changes don't happen over night, they are just like meditation, they require work. :)

Edited by DanTin
2 people thank this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Non you seem to be wanting to work against yourself. Theres nothing outside your comfort zone that could be worse then a lifetime of lonliness. And remember lonliness is different then solitude.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is undobtably a self esteem problem. Listen , I get the impression we think alike, beside the female problem part. Don't get me wrong I'm into celibacy, I also think it's a great thing, but nothing is stoping me from getting to know women, flirt, date, it's all about the frame of mind that comes from self esteem. And it's enjoyable.

 

I confess that some time ago I also used to have self esteem problems, it's very common in today's society, sadly. The so called fix that I discovered is that "the little things make big things happen", look into yourself what is/are the root/roots of the problem.

 

The part with no girl wants to meet you is completely wrong, it's absolutely absurd. We are all great each and every one of us, that includes you. Confidence ... you got it when you aren't looking for it, don't doubt it you have it. Another thing, if you know you got some problems, beeing totally honest with yourself, don't delay getting them fixed.

 

Good luck

 

P.S. Such big changes don't happen over night, they are just like meditation, they require work. :)

 

Everything's not always self esteem issues. It can be issues with esteem in others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everything's not always self esteem issues. It can be issues with esteem in others.

 

lay down and die

eye to I

me me me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You know I've sort of been pondering this topic from a slightly different angel. I am in a really bad relationship, and hope to get out of it in the not to distant future. Thing is I have been pondering what it is to be sociable. Ideal I do not want to go out and get in another relationship, but as I ponder being singel again it seems to have this very strong draw on me. I can't exactely explain why but I have begun to view needing/wanting to be in a relationship with someone as a "weakness", maybe its stupid, but it seems like a position of "lack". I guess I think that if something in me was not lacking that I would not desire another person, because I'd be content with in myself. Now I know the hermits and monks do not get into relationships for the most part, and if they do it all their life then they never do. So is this the highest ideal? Is wanting and needing someone else a sign of too much attachment, or neediness?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dmattwads wrote "I can't exactely explain why but I have begun to view needing/wanting to be in a relationship with someone as a "weakness"

 

Because thats the way it is. Need is weakness. Longing for another weak person to feel close to, which is beautiful but also very taxing from a spritual practicioner's point of view. OK you might get REALLY lucky and find a woman who is actually spiritual and has juice of her own but is not a complete mental case :D (holds true for a woman seeking a man too).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

dmattwads wrote "I can't exactely explain why but I have begun to view needing/wanting to be in a relationship with someone as a "weakness"

 

Because thats the way it is. Need is weakness. Longing for another weak person to feel close to, which is beautiful but also very taxing from a spritual practicioner's point of view. OK you might get REALLY lucky and find a woman who is actually spiritual and has juice of her own but is not a complete mental case :D (holds true for a woman seeking a man too).

 

 

That pretty much sums up my thoughts on this recently.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sexual alchemy makes celibacy obsolete. The main reason adepts abstain from sex is to preserve their kundalini energy for their spiritual disciplines and practices, which is understandable. But different strokes for different folks, if you find that this practice does not suit you, it would the definition of insanity to keep tying it again and hoping for a different result.

 

If you learn sexual alchemy, you can learn to orgasm without ejaculation to preserve your energy. Then you can use the alchemy to circulate and refine that energy into spiritual energy. I don't think there is really any point to doing the MCO while you're celibate, all that energy is TRAPPED! You need to orgasm and use the big draw to raise the energy up your spine; THEN, do the MCO.

 

As humans we ALL desire contact with other humans. I think that doing a 100 day celibacy discipline would be great for practice, but any thing after that will probably not offer you any other energetic benefits as your probably noticed.

 

I don't think you need to ejaculate, what you need to do is orgasm. You need to practice solo sexual alchemy, until you find a partner. This will release the pent up orgasmic energy in your chakra and allow you to refine it into shen. Orgasm is very healthy for the body, but ejaculation isn't.

 

As Marvin Gaye says, you need sexual healing. Spiritual practice is good, but all work and no play is bad. As Lao Tzu said, all things in moderation, even moderation.

 

To me there is no better medicine than orgasm and laughter. Not to pass judgment, but you sound depressed my friend. I suggest you do practices that engage you with the world like volunteering. Try and find a nice woman if you can and try and forge a relationship, life is too short to be unhappy and lonely my friend.

 

My suggestion is, follow your heart.

Edited by Immortal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Non ask the the powers that be for love,for a women.Make love with her,totally love her,feel every part of her,worship her as a Godess,give all of your being to her,if you can, completely immerse yourself within her.Relish each moment you are locked in her embrace,let love and lust fill every fibre of your being.Be open,be competely vulnerable.Thank the stars above that you have been given an opportunity to be a man on this earth,alive and whole.The rest will gladly follow you to be sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ive tried microcosmic orbiting. It just doesn't work. For the time being the only thing that makes the irritation in my subconscious mind or organ go away is any other focus. But it's still running in the background.

 

the 6th tibetan rite doesn't work. Nothing works. It still comes back.

 

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.

 

I know my spirit is beyond all of this, but my physical body has not been. Do I need to spend countless hours meditating? only to be brought back to the body before it has gotten to change it's desires, or reprogram, or recondition itself to withstand celibacy for great periods of time?

 

or is dual cultivation the only way? I've got a life, and normal sexuality just doesn't cut it for me. It always creates more lack, and instability. It always comes from lack and longing.

 

I think I understand you?? I have pretty much gotten the sexual urge part of this under control well by doing the cold draw/testicle breathing. What I'm finding to be a bit more tricky is getting the companionship thing under control. If I could learn an internal alchemy method to deal with that I'd be pretty pleased.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As you grow older, it will be more and more beneficial for health and longevity to have sex with a woman without spilling.. Not all will have the time or proper partner for practice though. Once you get your spirit into accord with your soul through emptiness of the Tao you should receive more guidance also for this matter. So your spirit really isn't beyond this, this problem is a spiritual one as much as emotional/physical. Your spirit isn't giving you a "clean signal" from your soul right now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everything's not always self esteem issues. It can be issues with esteem in others.

 

I'm sorry, I possibly dindn't understand well. The way you wrote it, made me think the problem may have been with you. Help me understand, why self esteem in others ?? :blink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You know I've sort of been pondering this topic from a slightly different angel. I am in a really bad relationship, and hope to get out of it in the not to distant future. Thing is I have been pondering what it is to be sociable. Ideal I do not want to go out and get in another relationship, but as I ponder being singel again it seems to have this very strong draw on me. I can't exactely explain why but I have begun to view needing/wanting to be in a relationship with someone as a "weakness", maybe its stupid, but it seems like a position of "lack". I guess I think that if something in me was not lacking that I would not desire another person, because I'd be content with in myself. Now I know the hermits and monks do not get into relationships for the most part, and if they do it all their life then they never do. So is this the highest ideal? Is wanting and needing someone else a sign of too much attachment, or neediness?

 

I think wanting is a different story.

 

Needing is when you cannot live without the other person in the sense that you depend on the person, you would be deprived without the person and physically could not stand it, not have the resources.

 

Though true love can also be described as feeling like not being able to live without the person, but that's more in the philosophical sense, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you'd be deprived if the person left. Since true love is unconditional.

Edited by Non

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites