My father (59) got cancer

[Surya]

During the last year or so, it started to dawn on me that my childhood and family situation might have been quite a bit harder than what I had been willing to admit. Three months ago, I told my parents that I needed sometime without contact. Today my mother called and told me that my father likely have cancer. Strange thing is, I didnt really feel anything at all the first hour, but sent him a message that id call him shortly. During the trip home, my perspective thankfully changed a little. He is a good man at heart, no doubt. And he wants the best for me. And he has had a really hard upbringing. I do love him, in the end. We all (the family) love each other, and do our best under the given circumstances, even tho we might not always know how to express that love. 

 

During the call, he told me that he did have cancer,  but didnt know that much more untill tommorow, when he will call me back. He seemed to be taking it in good spirit. Ofc it is not good news, but worrying about it will do no good, he told me, before saying that what was in store for me was more important (for him) than what was in store for himself. That is his character. 

 

 

What will I say when my kids ask me who my daddy was
I thought about it for a while and I'm at a loss
Knowing that I'm gonna live my whole life without him
I found out a lot of things I never knew about him
All I know is that I'll never really be alone
Cause we gotta lot of love and a happy home

 

I used to practice with my mommy on the piano
I still get nervous every time I know she's at a show
Now my family comes first before everyone
I had the perfect dad I wanna be the perfect son
Though I really feel sometimes I am on my own
I know I got a lot of love and a happy home

 

I hope this thread might help you in remembering what truly matters in life, and perhaps some of you might include him in your prayers.

Take care.

Edited yesterday at 03:54 PM by Surya

[forestofclarity]

Sorry to hear that and thanks for sharing. 

[liminal_luke]

Surya,

 

Best wishes for you and your dad and your entire family.  I think it says something good about you that you were willing to reach out and be in touch.

 

LL

[old3bob]

 

Best wishes for your Dad and family, I'd say MD Anderson in Houston,  Tx. has some of the best cancer care in the world, if you and your folks are in the process of looking for care options...

[Surya]

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Yesterday my cats, who are not in the process of pushing things over, pushed one of my statuets to the floor and it broke. Somethines I wonder if there is something symbolic in events like this:

 

My father

[Surya]

17 minutes ago, old3bob said:

MD Anderson in Houston,  Tx

Thanks a lot. My hunch is that they will put their faith in the public healthcare system of Norway, but as we get more information, I’ll give him a call and reach out to you on PM in case it get relevant.

Edited yesterday at 06:11 PM by Surya

[thelerner]

Cancer is very frightening but depending on the type and spread, it's not necessarily the monster it used to be.  It may be presumptuous of me to say but until you find out otherwise there is much room for hope.  

 

Yours 

Michael

[Nungali]

Condolences to you . I lost my father when I was 17 . 

 

I became  a bit estranged from my parents when I moved into adulthood ... my direction and life choice confounded them . I used to think they were   strangely 'bland' and had narrow interests .  later I realized that it was just total devotion and focus on the kids . 

 

That passed on to all their kids , who did great parenting . I havent had my own but have had to step in a bit and help with young ones at times .  Thanks to my parents , I am supposing . 

 

if we have not had abusive parents , we often are not aware of that , but if you didnt have abusive parents ; you got a BIG head start in life , and a seed was planted so we can find space to care for others . 

 

Some times its good to share that appreciation with them  .... their good works will pass on down through the generations  . 

[Sanity Check]

There is a famous podcast where it was recently discussed whether ivermectin can cure cancer.

 

I don't know if this can be useful or not, but if it might save someone from cancer 100% worth it, am I right.

[Cobie]

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Edited 11 hours ago by Cobie

[ChiDragon]

My condolences! 
My mother had a brain tumor at the age of 80. However, she took the Wu Wei approach. She knew how serious of her situation was by taken no action for treatment. She was just left it at that until the time comes. She was a real tough lady!

[Apech]

Sorry to hear about your father my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Tommy]

Sorry to hear about your father and Cancer. Cancer took my older sister when she was 43. I am now 66. So, it has been a few years. I still remember the time leading up to her death. It was not a good time especially with the Chemo treatments.

 

My parents have both passed away. So just thinking, ... 

there are some thing that should be addressed. Seems crude to think about those things now. But, must consider expenses. Where he wants to be. At a hospital or Home. Hospice. Those are some fantastic people who helped us. Also, do you want the hospital to take extraordinary steps to keep him alive. After seeing my mother with tubes down her throat, it was tough. When she became conscious, she tried pulling all those things out. They had to sedate her. After she was breathing on her own, they took the tubes out. Knowing the state she was in. Dementia and weak heart. Not able to stomach food. The family (brothers and my father) requested a DNR. To let her go peacefully. Then there is the financial side. Things cost money. Everyone chipped in to make it a bit easier. Funeral costs. Oh, Medicaid sent a demand letter requesting any of the assets to repay them back.

 

Anyway, sorry to hear the bad news. But, you still have some time to spend with him.

[Surya]

Once again, a big thanks to all of you. Met him today, and I do suspect that the well wishes of the wizard bums made a difference in him, truly.