cloud444

How my body decided to kill itself

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Awhile ago i wrote how i had a unwanted kundalini awakening, i could not face it because i had prior health issues for over nine years including epilepsy. i fought the kubdalini tooth and nail. anytime i did semen retention after this awakening i would have dreams of snakes and a strange ball would start flying up and down a central channel trying to blow my head off. alot of people told me to surrender but i was in such a weakened state i couldnt. at this time i could only masturbate once a week, then once every two weeks and eventually only once a month. i had extremely low back pains and eventually a shock sent up my body and i developed neuropathy everywhere. burning numbness and tingling in all my limbs. this kept going for two years. i couldnt move during this time but i hated kundalini energy so much because i didnt want to be controlled my entire life by it , and i didnt like it damaged me because i just wanted a break and to be free. regardless none of this story matters. where im at now is, i want to restore my jing and heal my body, so even if you dont believe this story so far or whats happened. here is my latest development and looking for advice. eventually the neuropathy got so bad it went into my colon, a bad shock sent down throughout there. the pudendal nerve was damaged. the nerve responsible for sexual function. the pain there got worse and worse, three times over a couple months. in the ayurvedic system they call this extreme vata imbalance and even on a more sub scale ( apana vata) because of this damage i will never be able to have sex again, or sit comfortable. i have laid in bed in incredible pain screaming everyday. here is the kicker. i cannot restore jing anymore because of this. since this damaged occured i am having nightly nocturnal emissions i couldnt understand because usually the only time that would happen to me is from extreme overwork or a day where i was overheated. then i finally read about how if the perineal nerves in the colon and pudendal area are weakened or destroyed you can have constant nocturnal emissions. as i lay in bed, everyday i have the classic signs of jing deficiency at only age 30 because of over 10 years of extreme extreme stress. i have deep pale circles under my eyes, a pale white complextion and can barely move , all my joints ache and crack and i get dizzy standing up longer then 10 minutes. i guess this is what happens when you fight a kundalini awakening. but from my guess now is, regardless if anyone believes that i think this is my soul or higher self finally trying to kill me. my jing is so low my back screams in pain, my nerves burn me on fire to the point im in agony and my asshole hurts so badly from the nerve damage there i cannot sit, and hurts to use the washroom. now what little jing i have left is being excreted through nocturnal emission and i have no control or way to stop it from the weakened area. as i look at myself in the mirror i look like a shell of myself. a desperate soul ready to part with this world. im assuming when my soul decided to damage the nerves down there it is my soul preparing for me to die

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13 hours ago, cloud444 said:

Awhile ago i wrote how i had a unwanted kundalini awakening, i could not face it because i had prior health issues for over nine years including epilepsy. i fought the kubdalini tooth and nail. anytime i did semen retention after this awakening i would have dreams of snakes and a strange ball would start flying up and down a central channel trying to blow my head off. alot of people told me to surrender but i was in such a weakened state i couldnt. at this time i could only masturbate once a week, then once every two weeks and eventually only once a month. i had extremely low back pains and eventually a shock sent up my body and i developed neuropathy everywhere. burning numbness and tingling in all my limbs. this kept going for two years. i couldnt move during this time but i hated kundalini energy so much because i didnt want to be controlled my entire life by it , and i didnt like it damaged me because i just wanted a break and to be free. regardless none of this story matters. where im at now is, i want to restore my jing and heal my body, so even if you dont believe this story so far or whats happened. here is my latest development and looking for advice. eventually the neuropathy got so bad it went into my colon, a bad shock sent down throughout there. the pudendal nerve was damaged. the nerve responsible for sexual function. the pain there got worse and worse, three times over a couple months. in the ayurvedic system they call this extreme vata imbalance and even on a more sub scale ( apana vata) because of this damage i will never be able to have sex again, or sit comfortable. i have laid in bed in incredible pain screaming everyday. here is the kicker. i cannot restore jing anymore because of this. since this damaged occured i am having nightly nocturnal emissions i couldnt understand because usually the only time that would happen to me is from extreme overwork or a day where i was overheated. then i finally read about how if the perineal nerves in the colon and pudendal area are weakened or destroyed you can have constant nocturnal emissions. as i lay in bed, everyday i have the classic signs of jing deficiency at only age 30 because of over 10 years of extreme extreme stress. i have deep pale circles under my eyes, a pale white complextion and can barely move , all my joints ache and crack and i get dizzy standing up longer then 10 minutes. i guess this is what happens when you fight a kundalini awakening. but from my guess now is, regardless if anyone believes that i think this is my soul or higher self finally trying to kill me. my jing is so low my back screams in pain, my nerves burn me on fire to the point im in agony and my asshole hurts so badly from the nerve damage there i cannot sit, and hurts to use the washroom. now what little jing i have left is being excreted through nocturnal emission and i have no control or way to stop it from the weakened area. as i look at myself in the mirror i look like a shell of myself. a desperate soul ready to part with this world. im assuming when my soul decided to damage the nerves down there it is my soul preparing for me to die

 

 

Have you consulted with a medical professional?

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26 minutes ago, ralis said:

 

 

Have you consulted with a medical professional?


Hi ralis, probably always good advice, but the subtle body is an amazing vehicle and not something on the radar yet with the medical profession IMO. 

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Yes, the subtle body is not on the radar, but as someone that has had kundalini awakening I can vouch for anti psychotic medicine helping me gain a hold over it.  

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3 hours ago, Bindi said:


Hi ralis, probably always good advice, but the subtle body is an amazing vehicle and not something on the radar yet with the medical profession IMO. 

 

I know, but there are persons that come on here looking for answers, or even help. As the OP stated he has problems with epilepsy and there may be associated disorders.

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@freeform: Can you take a look at this guys story please and give him your thoughts? The guy reached out personally and I thought he could use your trained eyes. Thanks in advance :) 

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29 minutes ago, anshino23 said:

@freeform: Can you take a look at this guys story please and give him your thoughts? The guy reached out personally and I thought he could use your trained eyes. Thanks in advance :) 


I think I’ve had an exchange with @cloud444 before…

 

My main advice is around adjusting lifestyle.

 

Firstly creating daily structure - wake up at the same time every morning… walk outside for at least 30 minutes every morning at the same time… eat at the same time daily… go to bed at the same time daily.

 

Sleep is important - get 8hrs - and again must be consistent time-wise… avoid screens and too much stimulation for a few hrs before bed.

 

Food - simple, nourishing home cooked food. Potatoes, beets, carrots, sweet potatoes, leafy greens… Meat - liver or beef once in a while (avoid lamb). Stop all refined sugar, stimulating drinks (coffee, alcohol etc) No more fruit juices or any sweet drinks.

 

Eat lots of nuts and seeds (walnuts, pumpkin seeds and almonds particularly good). Eggs/egg yolks are good

 

Steamed sweet potato with wilted spinach and a small bit of chicken liver and a couple of boiled eggs for example is a very good meal for nourishing yin.

 

don’t drink cold water - have warm water throughout the day.

 

Omega 3, vitamin d are good as supplements. Avoid taking lots of other supplements.

 

Mental state - that’s the most important - you basically have to get your mind off of your situation and focus on something else. No more research on kundalini or anything related. Even with your pain and discomfort you can find something you can do… stuff like volunteering is great, but also gardening, drawing puzzles, playing an instrument - anything that requires focus and using your hands…

 

relationships - talking to a friend (face to face)… hanging out with people that make you laugh etc.

 

This will be difficult because ingrained patterns will try to get you back to your habitual patterns. The easiest way to change is to have a friend be your ‚Äėcoach‚Äô - someone that ¬†holds you accountable to making these changes.

 

The issue is that when you’re really unwell it seems very difficult to make a change… when you feel very strongly about your affliction - when it becomes the central concern in life day after day, it’s like a huge, heavy flywheel spinning in one direction - and it’s got so much momentum that it’s difficult to not only stop it - but also start it moving in the other direction. The above advice might seem trivial and like it couldn’t possibly help… but it will if you really put it into practice.
 

You’ll need help and support from people around you.

 

Good luck!

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problem is im doing a lot of that, the main issue is the kundalini. keeps

tryi g to raise over and over, i made my self ill by doing masturbation to stop it. i hate everything about kundalini and dont want to face it and lose the next ten year sbeing controlled by it. i can do all the resting and eating healthy, the problem itself is the kundalini and i just dont want to do it. i want to be free. so i guess theres no escape for me

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Look for astral entities attached to your body - sucking out the life force

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14 minutes ago, Lairg said:

Look for astral entities attached to your body - sucking out the life force

i have health issues because of unwanted kundalini and fighting it, and extreme stress for many years. regardless even if i have these entities, i cant just " look for them" i cant see shit. i see a regular body just like everyone else. i have no magical power sorry

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9 minutes ago, cloud444 said:

i cant just " look for them"

 

Humans can develop a great range of non-standard skills.  Most skills require effort

 

 

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On 20/09/2022 at 1:05 AM, cloud444 said:

Awhile ago i wrote how i had a unwanted kundalini awakening, i could not face it because i had prior health issues for over nine years including epilepsy. i fought the kubdalini tooth and nail. anytime i did semen retention after this awakening i would have dreams of snakes and a strange ball would start flying up and down a central channel trying to blow my head off. alot of people told me to surrender but i was in such a weakened state i couldnt. at this time i could only masturbate once a week, then once every two weeks and eventually only once a month. i had extremely low back pains and eventually a shock sent up my body and i developed neuropathy everywhere. burning numbness and tingling in all my limbs. this kept going for two years. i couldnt move during this time but i hated kundalini energy so much because i didnt want to be controlled my entire life by it , and i didnt like it damaged me because i just wanted a break and to be free. regardless none of this story matters. where im at now is, i want to restore my jing and heal my body, so even if you dont believe this story so far or whats happened. here is my latest development and looking for advice. eventually the neuropathy got so bad it went into my colon, a bad shock sent down throughout there. the pudendal nerve was damaged. the nerve responsible for sexual function. the pain there got worse and worse, three times over a couple months. in the ayurvedic system they call this extreme vata imbalance and even on a more sub scale ( apana vata) because of this damage i will never be able to have sex again, or sit comfortable. i have laid in bed in incredible pain screaming everyday. here is the kicker. i cannot restore jing anymore because of this. since this damaged occured i am having nightly nocturnal emissions i couldnt understand because usually the only time that would happen to me is from extreme overwork or a day where i was overheated. then i finally read about how if the perineal nerves in the colon and pudendal area are weakened or destroyed you can have constant nocturnal emissions. as i lay in bed, everyday i have the classic signs of jing deficiency at only age 30 because of over 10 years of extreme extreme stress. i have deep pale circles under my eyes, a pale white complextion and can barely move , all my joints ache and crack and i get dizzy standing up longer then 10 minutes. i guess this is what happens when you fight a kundalini awakening. but from my guess now is, regardless if anyone believes that i think this is my soul or higher self finally trying to kill me. my jing is so low my back screams in pain, my nerves burn me on fire to the point im in agony and my asshole hurts so badly from the nerve damage there i cannot sit, and hurts to use the washroom. now what little jing i have left is being excreted through nocturnal emission and i have no control or way to stop it from the weakened area. as i look at myself in the mirror i look like a shell of myself. a desperate soul ready to part with this world. im assuming when my soul decided to damage the nerves down there it is my soul preparing for me to die

Its quite sad to hear you are suffering. I do hope you recover. 

 

Freeform gave you some really good advice 2 years ago, and again now. Have you been following it? 

 

However there are a few things I think we can discuss

 

For a start,  I'm not fully sure what makes you believe this is Kundalini.

 

I read your old posts and this one. This was all I could find as evidence

 

Quote

i talked to many gurus and energy experts who believed my tale as well and confirmed it was kundalini

 

 

Who exactly did you speak to. And how exactly did you assert they knew what they were talking about?

 

On another note...what medical tests have you had done? Be detailed here

 

Have you had MRIS/CT/MRE Nerve conduction studies? What medication are you now taking?

 

There's a reason I'm asking you that last question.

 

Weed, benzo, alcohol abuse, epilepsy...a very bad  head injury, improper practice. There are far too many variables here to just say " my kundalini did this"

 

Aside from the fact that there maybe a handful of people on the planet who have had a kundalini awakening, it takes a momentous effort to do it. The chances of it just "deciding to rise" because you did a bit of practice is highly unlikely

 

I think the label you are putting on this is quite damaging (psychologically), and not helping what you are going through physically.

 

This might be something else, and might be manageable. I would distance myself from the label for now if I were you. I'm not sure you see the damage its doing. You sound as if you are defeated by an opponent that may not actually be there.

 

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2 hours ago, Shadow_self said:

Its quite sad to hear you are suffering. I do hope you recover. 

 

Freeform gave you some really good advice 2 years ago, and again now. Have you been following it? 

 

However there are a few things I think we can discuss

 

For a start,  I'm not fully sure what makes you believe this is Kundalini.

 

I read your old posts and this one. This was all I could find as evidence

 

 

 

Who exactly did you speak to. And how exactly did you assert they knew what they were talking about?

 

On another note...what medical tests have you had done? Be detailed here

 

Have you had MRIS/CT/MRE Nerve conduction studies? What medication are you now taking?

 

There's a reason I'm asking you that last question.

 

Weed, benzo, alcohol abuse, epilepsy...a very bad  head injury, improper practice. There are far too many variables here to just say " my kundalini did this"

 

Aside from the fact that there maybe a handful of people on the planet who have had a kundalini awakening, it takes a momentous effort to do it. The chances of it just "deciding to rise" because you did a bit of practice is highly unlikely

 

I think the label you are putting on this is quite damaging (psychologically), and not helping what you are going through physically.

 

This might be something else, and might be manageable. I would distance myself from the label for now if I were you. I'm not sure you see the damage its doing. You sound as if you are defeated by an opponent that may not actually be there.

 

those things happened much earlier in my life and i was relatively healed from all, i only put those in to elaborate my frusteration how i was finally healed and then forced into a kundalini awakening. i was 90% healthy at that time. the more i fought the kundalini trying to raise the more issues developed the longer i fought it. first it was lower back pains, then it translated in neuropathy, then it damaged my colon area, everytime the kundalini tried to continously come up and i fought it i would end up with a new issue. i had mris in the past . but the point i was getting too is i was mostly healthy until i fought the kundalini, which i really hate. 

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"How my body decided to kill itself"

 

Which intelligence in/on your body decided that?

 

Perhaps you could ask it to change its decision

 

 

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1 hour ago, cloud444 said:

those things happened much earlier in my life and i was relatively healed from all, i only put those in to elaborate my frusteration how i was finally healed and then forced into a kundalini awakening. i was 90% healthy at that time. the more i fought the kundalini trying to raise the more issues developed the longer i fought it. first it was lower back pains, then it translated in neuropathy, then it damaged my colon area, everytime the kundalini tried to continously come up and i fought it i would end up with a new issue. i had mris in the past . but the point i was getting too is i was mostly healthy until i fought the kundalini, which i really hate. 

 

The issue is that, almost everyone who thinks they had an awakening did not. It is usually a movement of Yang Qi

 

See, the thing is, you have to go through a series of stages before you ever get near kundalini. These take years to do. Its not as simple as yogic breathing and so forth.

 

There are stages you need to pass through, and milestones you need to reach.

 

Based on what you are saying, if that was Yang Qi that was trying to move, and you were using intent trying to force it down, that can lead to some pretty bad outcomes.

 

This could be things like like nerve damage, stagnation and so forth.

 

If you pressurised the area using improper, contrived breathing practice, then that will also multiply the severity of it several times over, and could permanently damage nerves in the area via compressing it.

 

This is especially true if you just released a large latent pocket of energy. (and it could be worse, people have legitimately fried and killed themselves) 

 

But given the rest of the situation and head injury, its hard to say. You've got quite the list of things that preceded this...and the head injury is a lot more significant than you might think, especially if it gave rise to a form of epilepsy

 

This is what you need to do at this point.

 

Find a good neurologist

 

Arrange an MRI to see if the Pudendal nerve is trapped in the first instance. Following this, Id be requesting a nerve conduction study of that area, and the dorsal penile nerve also, and have your spinal reflexes tested.

 

Id drop the assumption this is a kundalini related issue until everything else is ruled out. You dont know that to be the case, and it sounds like even though its giving you a framework to work within, its destroying you psychologically.

 

Forget about kundalini, forget about being any spiritual/energetic phenomena for the time being. Start with this, and the advice freeform gave you. You can work backwards from that

 

(I would not worry about the snake dreams,feelings of moving energy or OBE's. There were several students on here who had those symptoms when training under Max Christensen, along with some other non favorable outcomes.) 

 

Im not trying to belittle your experience or anything, but for you own sake, you need to get your hands around the situation and grab hold of it.

 

That starts by dropping the external locus of control based upon supernatural phenomena, and taking charge of it

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My own observation over some decades and quite a lot of humans, is that when the human loves its body, the body works much better.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Shadow_self said:

 

The issue is that, almost everyone who thinks they had an awakening did not. It is usually a movement of Yang Qi

 

See, the thing is, you have to go through a series of stages before you ever get near kundalini. These take years to do. Its not as simple as yogic breathing and so forth.

 

There are stages you need to pass through, and milestones you need to reach.

 

Based on what you are saying, if that was Yang Qi that was trying to move, and you were using intent trying to force it down, that can lead to some pretty bad outcomes.

 

This could be things like like nerve damage, stagnation and so forth.

 

If you pressurised the area using improper, contrived breathing practice, then that will also multiply the severity of it several times over, and could permanently damage nerves in the area via compressing it.

 

This is especially true if you just released a large latent pocket of energy. (and it could be worse, people have legitimately fried and killed themselves) 

 

But given the rest of the situation and head injury, its hard to say. You've got quite the list of things that preceded this...and the head injury is a lot more significant than you might think, especially if it gave rise to a form of epilepsy

 

This is what you need to do at this point.

 

Find a good neurologist

 

Arrange an MRI to see if the Pudendal nerve is trapped in the first instance. Following this, Id be requesting a nerve conduction study of that area, and the dorsal penile nerve also, and have your spinal reflexes tested.

 

Id drop the assumption this is a kundalini related issue until everything else is ruled out. You dont know that to be the case, and it sounds like even though its giving you a framework to work within, its destroying you psychologically.

 

Forget about kundalini, forget about being any spiritual/energetic phenomena for the time being. Start with this, and the advice freeform gave you. You can work backwards from that

 

(I would not worry about the snake dreams,feelings of moving energy or OBE's. There were several students on here who had those symptoms when training under Max Christensen, along with some other non favorable outcomes.) 

 

Im not trying to belittle your experience or anything, but for you own sake, you need to get your hands around the situation and grab hold of it.

 

That starts by dropping the external locus of control based upon supernatural phenomena, and taking charge of it

all fun ans games but you arent understanding. if i stop masturbation and do semen retention which i need to do. i get bliss at the bottom of my spine and a ball of energy goes flying up and down a central channel trying to bust through my head. if it was yang qi it would have alleviated after four years. the semen retention gives the awakened kundalini the lighter fluid it needs to try and raise up again. most people will tell you dreams of snakes involve a kundalini awakening. im telling you, im one of the very few individuals who have this going on and have spoke to numerous kundalini gurus, other famous teachers who believe me. it doesnt matter what i do. it does NOT stop trying to raise up. thats the problem. it cannot be avoided anymore. im just going to have to let it raise. and No thats not true. plenty of people have spontaneous kundalini awakening just doing meditation deep breathing and yoga. mine first rose in one of the spiral paths after doing the breath of fire, it was an insanely blissful and sexual like energy like an orgasm raising up my spine. and since then it has continued to raise. it doesnt matter what i do. there is no " not focusing on it" you dont understand the more i keep fighting it from raising is what has made me more ill. regardless i guess ill just have to face it because nothing is keeping this piece of shit snake down anymore

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2 hours ago, Shadow_self said:

 

The issue is that, almost everyone who thinks they had an awakening did not. It is usually a movement of Yang Qi

 

See, the thing is, you have to go through a series of stages before you ever get near kundalini. These take years to do. Its not as simple as yogic breathing and so forth.

 

There are stages you need to pass through, and milestones you need to reach.

 

Based on what you are saying, if that was Yang Qi that was trying to move, and you were using intent trying to force it down, that can lead to some pretty bad outcomes.

 

This could be things like like nerve damage, stagnation and so forth.

 

If you pressurised the area using improper, contrived breathing practice, then that will also multiply the severity of it several times over, and could permanently damage nerves in the area via compressing it.

 

This is especially true if you just released a large latent pocket of energy. (and it could be worse, people have legitimately fried and killed themselves) 

 

But given the rest of the situation and head injury, its hard to say. You've got quite the list of things that preceded this...and the head injury is a lot more significant than you might think, especially if it gave rise to a form of epilepsy

 

This is what you need to do at this point.

 

Find a good neurologist

 

Arrange an MRI to see if the Pudendal nerve is trapped in the first instance. Following this, Id be requesting a nerve conduction study of that area, and the dorsal penile nerve also, and have your spinal reflexes tested.

 

Id drop the assumption this is a kundalini related issue until everything else is ruled out. You dont know that to be the case, and it sounds like even though its giving you a framework to work within, its destroying you psychologically.

 

Forget about kundalini, forget about being any spiritual/energetic phenomena for the time being. Start with this, and the advice freeform gave you. You can work backwards from that

 

(I would not worry about the snake dreams,feelings of moving energy or OBE's. There were several students on here who had those symptoms when training under Max Christensen, along with some other non favorable outcomes.) 

 

Im not trying to belittle your experience or anything, but for you own sake, you need to get your hands around the situation and grab hold of it.

 

That starts by dropping the external locus of control based upon supernatural phenomena, and taking charge of it

also no point in getting mri, the nerve is not trapped, it was burned like my neuropathy. more lime being zapped then being physically damaged i already seen my doctor about it. i have burning and numbness and tingling head to toe

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2 hours ago, Shadow_self said:

 

The issue is that, almost everyone who thinks they had an awakening did not. It is usually a movement of Yang Qi

 

See, the thing is, you have to go through a series of stages before you ever get near kundalini. These take years to do. Its not as simple as yogic breathing and so forth.

 

There are stages you need to pass through, and milestones you need to reach.

 

Based on what you are saying, if that was Yang Qi that was trying to move, and you were using intent trying to force it down, that can lead to some pretty bad outcomes.

 

This could be things like like nerve damage, stagnation and so forth.

 

If you pressurised the area using improper, contrived breathing practice, then that will also multiply the severity of it several times over, and could permanently damage nerves in the area via compressing it.

 

This is especially true if you just released a large latent pocket of energy. (and it could be worse, people have legitimately fried and killed themselves) 

 

But given the rest of the situation and head injury, its hard to say. You've got quite the list of things that preceded this...and the head injury is a lot more significant than you might think, especially if it gave rise to a form of epilepsy

 

This is what you need to do at this point.

 

Find a good neurologist

 

Arrange an MRI to see if the Pudendal nerve is trapped in the first instance. Following this, Id be requesting a nerve conduction study of that area, and the dorsal penile nerve also, and have your spinal reflexes tested.

 

Id drop the assumption this is a kundalini related issue until everything else is ruled out. You dont know that to be the case, and it sounds like even though its giving you a framework to work within, its destroying you psychologically.

 

Forget about kundalini, forget about being any spiritual/energetic phenomena for the time being. Start with this, and the advice freeform gave you. You can work backwards from that

 

(I would not worry about the snake dreams,feelings of moving energy or OBE's. There were several students on here who had those symptoms when training under Max Christensen, along with some other non favorable outcomes.) 

 

Im not trying to belittle your experience or anything, but for you own sake, you need to get your hands around the situation and grab hold of it.

 

That starts by dropping the external locus of control based upon supernatural phenomena, and taking charge of it

nerve damage isnt curable anyways so no point in finding out the logistics of it. its damaged and doesnt work due to neuropathy. neuropathy is uncurable. there is nothing else needed to know

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2 minutes ago, cloud444 said:

... i guess ill just have to face it because nothing is keeping this piece of shit snake down anymore

 

Guessing (hypothesis) is the start of experimental processes.  Still there may be other hypotheses available.

 

So I will suggest again that there is interference.  Surely amongst all the Daoist gurus there is one with at least astral sight.

 

 

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28 minutes ago, Lairg said:

 

Guessing (hypothesis) is the start of experimental processes.  Still there may be other hypotheses available.

 

So I will suggest again that there is interference.  Surely amongst all the Daoist gurus there is one with at least astral sight.

 

 

someone once told me i had two astral

entities but said the only way to remove is to change my " beliefs" just seems like a bunch of hearsay . no concrete evidence and no way to see when they are gone. 

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3 hours ago, cloud444 said:

someone once told me i had two astral entities

 

Now 2 people have said that.   

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27 minutes ago, Lairg said:

 

Now 2 people have said that.   

yes but my issues were related to practices i did, even if i do have them i dont know how to remove

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