manitou

Living in the Now, vs. Dementia

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I am dead serious about this.  Maybe some others will be at the same place I am.  Or if you're not yet, you probably will be.

 

My 92 year old mom has full blown Alzheimers, she's in a really good facility.  She doesn't remember me or my brother, her grandkids, nothing.  (Although she does remember all old music and lyrics from the '40s, which is how I bond with her now) 

 

I fear that I am developing the same problem.  I have very little short term memory any more.  I don't look much to the future any more.  I'm in a strange hovering place that really requires that you focus on the Now.  It's very much the same as being in Consciousness, in the place of I Am, but less blissful.  When I remember to be In Consciousness, which I do to different degrees throughout the days, I feel great.  But this seems to be a push-pull between the two:  Consciousness vs. Dementia.

 

The way I have learned to protect myself from making ridiculous mistakes, or missing appointments (which I do a lot) is to focus on the Now as much as I can.  That way, I can still bring a little organization into my daily routine, but it's difficult.  My mind is sort of blank now, much of the time.  But the short-term memory loss is getting horrible, and this is getting serious.  I woke up the other morning, couldn't find a particular bra, and found it in the refrigerator 20 minutes later.  That's the sort of things I'm talking about.  If you lived with someone like this, you'd worry too.

 

But I am finding that staying In Consciousness (out of necessity, in this case!) brings an end to the confusion.  Things do truly fall into place.  But I step out of it for a few hours unintentionally?  Everything turns to doo-doo.

 

So I thought I'd just pass on the 'live in the now' information to anyone getting up there, or living with or caring for old folks.

 

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Thank you for sharing.  

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55 minutes ago, Jeff said:

Thank you for sharing.  

 

LOL.  Was that TMI?

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1 hour ago, manitou said:

 

 

I am dead serious about this.  Maybe some others will be at the same place I am.  Or if you're not yet, you probably will be.

 

My 92 year old mom has full blown Alzheimers, she's in a really good facility.  She doesn't remember me or my brother, her grandkids, nothing.  (Although she does remember all old music and lyrics from the '40s, which is how I bond with her now) 

 

I fear that I am developing the same problem.  I have very little short term memory any more.  I don't look much to the future any more.  I'm in a strange hovering place that really requires that you focus on the Now.  It's very much the same as being in Consciousness, in the place of I Am, but less blissful.  When I remember to be In Consciousness, which I do to different degrees throughout the days, I feel great.  But this seems to be a push-pull between the two:  Consciousness vs. Dementia.

 

The way I have learned to protect myself from making ridiculous mistakes, or missing appointments (which I do a lot) is to focus on the Now as much as I can.  That way, I can still bring a little organization into my daily routine, but it's difficult.  My mind is sort of blank now, much of the time.  But the short-term memory loss is getting horrible, and this is getting serious.  I woke up the other morning, couldn't find a particular bra, and found it in the refrigerator 20 minutes later.  That's the sort of things I'm talking about.  If you lived with someone like this, you'd worry too.

 

But I am finding that staying In Consciousness (out of necessity, in this case!) brings an end to the confusion.  Things do truly fall into place.  But I step out of it for a few hours unintentionally?  Everything turns to doo-doo.

 

So I thought I'd just pass on the 'live in the now' information to anyone getting up there, or living with or caring for old folks.

 

My sister and I only realized how far my Mum's dementia  had gotten, when a neighbor informed us they found her wandering one morning around the neighborhood, unsure which door was hers... 

 

It rises incrementally and she being such a shrewd woman of keen intellect was able to deftly manage it without alerting us by systematically sizing down her contacts and required excursions to the bare minimum.  

 

My sister who lived only a couple miles away was devastated by the surprise and how it could get to such a point without her suspecting.  

 

My own devastation came when my sister told me she had to take all the pictures of me away and that I should not plan any more visits, or send any gifts.  She had completely forgotten me.  But since I am the spitting image of my Father, with whom she was still severely resentful even to the day of her death, she would see my face and think of him and it would upset her fiercely. 

 

Dementia took my mum from me, five or so years before her body passed.

It is a merciless and insidious disease for those it leaves in its wake and those who witness it.

 

But oddly, on a day to day level.  In many aspects it provided a relief for Mom.  Her childhood was desperately difficult.  Her Mother was a brutal and unloving woman and her life was a deeply challenging one.  In many respects, the dementia allowed many of the harshest memories of her life to fade, to be replaced by simple presence in the now.

 

Deep abiding love and respect Barbara. Thank you for sharing.

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1 minute ago, silent thunder said:

not a bit...

 

that was a gift.

I concur.

 

Thank you, Barbara.

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Posted (edited)
Just now, silent thunder said:

 

It is a merciless and insidious disease for those it leaves in its wake and those who witness it.

 

 

'for those it leaves in its wake and those who witness it.'  Yes, this is the case, isn't it?  The person with the disease seems just fine.  It's everybody around them that suffers....

 

 

Quote

  In many respects, the dementia allowed many of the harshest memories of her life to fade, to be replaced by simple presence in the now.

 

Deep abiding love and respect Barbara. Thank you for sharing.

 

thank you, ST.  Funny thing is, it doesn't seem to affect the 3rd eye vision.  However, the correct interpretation of what I can 'see' may diminish some.  But awareness is intact, and my thinking process, where it remains, doesn't seem to be in jeopardy.  I'd like to hang in here with you guys for as long as I can.

Edited by manitou
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1 hour ago, Jeff said:

Thank you for sharing.  

 

Not at all. I think it is very courageous and important to share such things.  It is not easy to admit.  

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I agree, very brave to be so open and honest.

 

A real gift to us all.

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It may be helpful to keep a journal throughout the day. Writing your thoughts in a small, pocket sized diary will help you remember what you are doing and keep you on track when your own memory isn't as trustworthy as it once was. 

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Thanks, bums.  I think the biggest challenge I have in my day to day life, is to stay on task.  That's the easiest way to say it.

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3 hours ago, silent thunder said:

My sister and I only realized how far my Mum's dementia  had gotten, when a neighbor informed us they found her wandering one morning around the neighborhood, unsure which door was hers... 

 

My grandmother had dementia similar to this.  When she was still alive, we had five generations of a family... yes, we all procreated early offspring :rolleyes:

 

Her short term memory was gone... she was like the movie Momento; she asked the same question every few minutes.  But she did not lose her long term memory.   At least she remembered me.

 

The mind-body is a fickle thing.  Makes one appreciate our existence too.  

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1 hour ago, dawei said:

 

My grandmother had dementia similar to this.  When she was still alive, we had five generations of a family... yes, we all procreated early offspring :rolleyes:

 

Her short term memory was gone... she was like the movie Momento; she asked the same question every few minutes.  But she did not lose her long term memory.   At least she remembered me.

 

The mind-body is a fickle thing.  Makes one appreciate our existence too.  

Five generations!  What a romp you gang must have gotten up to!  

 

The mind body thing is truly and epically mysterious, her mind was gone and her body was vital as a steam engine for the last years.  And even though she eventually lost most of her personal memory and identification, she never lost her mannerisms, expressions, nor her love of stories and she still hated broccoli lol. :lol:

 

When she passed, my sister whom was the one person she still recalled most of the time, was in the room with her, reading to her, which in the end was her very favorite thing in the whole world.

 

Such simple joy... I'm reminded of one of my favorite movie lines from the first film in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Bilbo says of his eleventy first birthday party... "It is no bad thing, to celebrate a simple life."

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That's it exactly, silent thunder. Life is getting simpler, but  mostly because I tend to avoid driving any more than I have to.  Seems like that cycle is sort of self propagating.  

 

Actually, what interests me is whether a diminishing memory will have any affect on metaphysical understanding.  Of course, how would I know because at any given point I would always THINK I was seeing at full capacity even if I wasn't.  I'll have to rely on you folks.

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Posted (edited)
42 minutes ago, manitou said:

That's it exactly, silent thunder. Life is getting simpler, but  mostly because I tend to avoid driving any more than I have to.  Seems like that cycle is sort of self propagating.  

 

Actually, what interests me is whether a diminishing memory will have any affect on metaphysical understanding.  Of course, how would I know because at any given point I would always THINK I was seeing at full capacity even if I wasn't.  I'll have to rely on you folks.

 

I've got your back.

 

As to memory and brain elasticity.  Synaptic highways are like muscles, using them keeps them viable.  I have a growing fondness for koans and riddles...

 

And after reading on several occasions from what seemed to me reputable sources that learning an entirely new skill shows noticable improvement in brain elasticity, two years ago I bought a simple acoustic guitar and started teaching myself chords.  Not sure if it's helping in the brain dept... but recently my son and I brought my wife to joyful tears when we serenaded her with three little birds in the kitchen. 

 

I figured the hand requirements being motor function combined with song lyrics and cord progressions would be sufficiently new territory that my brain would not have any of those pathways and would need to make some new stuff happen.

 

Either way, it's a simple joy now to strum.

and you're right about music as a memory trigger, my sis used it with Mum to call her up from time to time.

on that note...

 

 

Edited by silent thunder
spellin' and add song link
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Posted (edited)
On 5/22/2019 at 9:23 PM, manitou said:

That's it exactly, silent thunder. Life is getting simpler, but  mostly because I tend to avoid driving any more than I have to.  Seems like that cycle is sort of self propagating.  

 

Actually, what interests me is whether a diminishing memory will have any affect on metaphysical understanding.  Of course, how would I know because at any given point I would always THINK I was seeing at full capacity even if I wasn't.  I'll have to rely on you folks.

This might sound clichéd, but the one who needs to understand is just the personality. The awareness in which memory, metaphysical or intellectual understanding rises and dissipates, remains unchanged.

 

I can sort of relate to what you're going through, as forgetting is a side-effect of letting go. I find myself often forgetting people, faces, names etc etc. I just attribute that to growing old(er)...

 

FWIW, I think you are awesome and bring a serene beauty and tranquility whenever we interact. That is not the personality, that is what shines forth from behind the personality. That is the "Vajra" (the Diamond). 

Edited by dwai
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Posted (edited)

I am not sure, if that relates at all to your situation, but I think I remember having read somewhere, maybe it was even Eckhart tolle, that increased awakeness and mindfulness messes up your short term memory, or the way u know it usually works. So in that modell as you transition in your new way of being there might be some confusion and fear around still being attached to the old ways. In the end, similar to what you mentioned a more spontaneous way of relating arises. 

 

I also have a friend/mentor who has pretty much given up any usual mind use habits, in order to be present 24/7. He can perform quite some incredible energy work, but he is also quite unable /unwilling to organize any kind of things, that require numbers or multilevel cognitive tasks. He also frequently states that he cant remember how he got from a to b, or what he had for breakfast. Hes an unusual bloke, but a joy to be around.

Edited by woogyboogy
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Feels a little trite to post advice...

 

But we noticed a big change with my grandma’s memory when she began supplementing with lions mane mushroom extract.

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Yeah, I have the same dementia. It doesn't mean anything. Altho it is a sort of a direct way for us to wake up to all that we are. Because we are not listening to our own soul. So the calling becomes stronger, and the gap becomes bigger. We wanna go, and we don't go. We wanna go, and we don't go. We wanna go, but... We wanna do this thing, but we don't... Because... And then, when you have resistance to your own freedom, the death experience sets us free. So family is often, has always been, a big source of resistance. No one allows themselves to be who they truely are, because they worry about what other might think. So... We use family as an excuse to block our own true self and our own life force from flowing, then the memory gets lost. Because now, if you do go, now you will blame your family for having kept you bound for so long. And then you'd rather wanna forget about them than blame them! Because your soul will never and has never and is not ever blaming anyone for anything! And we sort of relax into the withdrawal of our consciousness out of our physical body, in order to come back into full realisation of all that we've become. All that we truely are. 

 

However, as long as you're alive, you will always be able to find ways to be your true  self, more unconditionally. In the here and now. And meditation is a way to bypass that resistance. To be more free, from resistant thought patterns. And more unconditional in your alignment with Source.

 

The real freedom comes when you can expand your alignment with your soul and source of being, and then witness how everything in your life can work out for you, as if miraculous. Tho, in truth, it is the Source of all reality, and it is actually normal, if can simply but allow it by caring about how we feel so much, that we're no longer willing to think thoughts that don't feel good. But we call it miraculous because we've actually been living disconnected from our true nature our whole life. So yeah, at first it will be so great and awesome and fun, but relax and know, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MENT TO LIVE LIKE THIS, TAPPED INTO YOUR OWN UNCONDITIONAL SOUL SOURCE OF EVERMORE INSPIRATION AND ALIGNMENT WITH THE SOURCE OF WELL BEING OF ALL OF CREATION. 

 

If something goes wrong, and you observe it, you lose your connection, and use that thing you perceive as your excuse to deviate yourself from your own Source. and then you no longer can find it, because you don't feel so good. So you constantly have to sleep in order to release resistance, and find clarity again. But often people wake up and instantly reactivate and think resistance thought patterns, making them tired again. And then you wanna sleep again, or forget. To wake up new and refreshed.

 

Rather, meditate when you wake up, and stay mindful of your emotions at all times, UNCONDITIONALLY. Meaning under any and all conditions. Do the only thing that matters, to care about how you feel. Because then you can allow your own conscious connection with your own soul regardless of any and all conditions. Unconditionally. Just caring about how you feel. And be willing to feel good more unconditionally. 

 

Meditation is a way to clear your mind, but you have to maintain that, and live from that. For the purpose of feeling good. It's a whole different life. And having no memory, makes it WAY easier to stay there ongoingly. Again and again. 

 

That is why parrots are so much fun! They reset all of the time. They forget all of the time, so they connect to their Source all of the time. And they allow themselves to more easily become a whole fully realised being. And then express that inspired mode of being in harmony with all that is. Losing memory is really not that big of a deal. Instead, just stay present on your experience, and focus upon what you want, imagine it, and feel your way towards your own defining it. With no memory standing in the way, this is easy for you to come into alignment with the infinite intelligence of your soul. With all that you truely love and how that feels. And then you can allow yourselve to be in that feeling more unconditionally. More fully. More freely. With less holding on to things that doesn't allow your life force from fully flowing through you in the here and now moment. 

 

When there is no resistant thought pattern blocking your consciousness from becoming more fully realised by you in any given moment. So there is more opportunity for joy. For conscious alignment with your own soul. 

 

You see, you true nature is already perfect. Only resistant thought patterns can ever block that. So as you let to of memory, you actually allow your true memory of all the things you actually WANNA be thinking about. That you actually truely need to be thinking about! But if you're afraid to think about what you wanna be thinking about, you just continue the resistant thought patterns, and then losing memory, becomes the path of least resistance. Do you understand then that all is well?! All is well! Always has been and always will be. It is all perfect. So don't try to fight it, just stay present with your emotions, that will always make everything easy for you. And you will enjoy the journey a whole lot more. And there can be so much fun so much fun for anyone under any and all conditions, unconditionally 

 

Know that when you feel any negative emotion, you are not remembering truth. So it is beneficial to forget it!  Because that thought form doesn't come from you. It has nothing to do with who you really are. And that is why old people are always so wise! Because they have no memory to block the wisdom of their true nature from flowing fully through them. And that is a wisdom that always feels like unwavering knowing of the well-being that is the motion of the entire universe. And they can express it more often more easily through all aspects of their being. Through their mode of appreciation.

 

The thing so hard for people to understand is you don't have to do anything in order to do that, to allow all of this goodness of who you truely are to flow more fully more unconditionally through you. You just gotta be willing to let go of that which doesn't allow it from flowing more fully through you.

 

Whenever you try something, you are thinking you are doing something you are not actually doing. Most people live their whole life this way. With no memory in the way, you can actually become a fully realised being. Your being will be one which expresses the truth of everything. Not just 1 perspective of 1 idea of 1 thought form which was send from 1 human in 1 moment of their life! Ofcourse you wanna be free from all of that meaninglessness and lose memory of that. So that you can return to who you truely are, in all of the magnificence of all that you've truely become in your evermore becoming evermore. 

 

This life is so wonderful, once you re member yourself with who you truely are. Then you ALWAYS know why you are here, what you need to do when you need to do it. What it is you truely actually do want to be doing, beyond the rigid believe structures of your mind. That your true reason for being is. And no idea can ever stand in the way of that! That re-membering is the re >Membering< of you and ALL THAT YOU TRUELY ARE. Not just a vague memory in your mind... YOUR HERE AND NOW CONNECTION WITH YOUR SOUL. Your soul always becomes more and never forgets anything. But the knowing expands evermore. And so it is beaming that to you all of the time. But in order for you to receive that knowing and inspiration, you have to find a way to feel good. It is a frequency alignment to allow you to perceive your world through the eyes of Source. And APPRECIATION will get you there, tuned in tapped in turned on, tuned in to the broadcast of your own Soul and Source, that feels like love. And be in that mode of appreciation and act on that inspiration that yields miraculous results evermore.

 

And often being more unconditional in your caring about how you feel so much, that you are no longer willing to think any thought that doesn't allow that from flowing more fully and from being and becoming evermore so fully for you and through you. 

 

So let go and let god. Most people say "well, I cannot ignore reality!" 

 

Well can you? Because if you cannot, you will lose your memory. But if you can ignore it, you will allow yourself to connect back to ALL THAT YOU'VE TRUELY BECOME. AND YOUR TRUE SELF KNOWS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW IT AND KNOWS WITH UNWAVERING CONVICTION THAT WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO NOT KNOW, YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW IT AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME! OTHERWISE YOU WOULD KNOW IT. 

 

And that is how you come into conscious alignment with your own Source and Soul. 

 

SO... You placing your braw in the fridge is infinite intelligence. But you then blocking your own infinite intelligence, is the reason why you perceive yourself as losing your memory. AND I DO THAT TOO! We all do it!

We connect with the Source or All Creation, infinite love, well being and clarity and knowingness and unwavering conviction and clarity and knowing. 

And then, we insisten we have to return... To old thought patterns of resistance... And then we are back to zero... LET THAT GO EVERMORE. IT HAS NEVER BEEN WORTH IT AND NEVER WILL BE EVERMORE. You cannot stop yourself from becoming all that you truely are evermore. So be willing to let that go and be free to be who it is you truely are evermore, unconditionally, under any and all conditions. 

 

That is why I am also losing my memory. Because I am judging my own infinite intelligence. My own flawless true nature of all that I truely am. You don't need memory in order to be who you truely are. You just need to stop assuming, and trust life more. Your life is Source, if you allow it. Your Soul never ever thinks a thought that causes seperation between you and it. But you... In your physical form, you often do. Think thoughts that don't allow you to know your own unconditional worthiness. So that's why you lose memory, because you've been using it for all the wrong reasons. You didn't come here to live the life of other people. You came here to CREATE YOUR OWN LIFE. And your soul never looks back. Always becomes the more of all that you are. And if you allow that for yourself, your experience is an easy going one and all goes well for you. 

 

And so when you let go of memory and be in the moment, then you can enjoy life unconditionally being who you truely are. And then you will have acces to knowing that is beyond anything that your memory can ever give you. It is the knowing of your own soul of infinite intelligence of your true nature. And it is being in alignment with that, through appreciation, that everything will work out flawlessly and miraculously for you in your life. Always. And all times. Always here and now. Where you are being and becoming evermore.

 

And then you can simply enjoy life more. Appreciating all the things you can appreciate. And no longer be so willing to disconnect yourself from your own soul, FOR ANYTHING. Ever again! 

 

So just being yourself, trust your own worthiness and goodness, unconditionally and don't care about anything else! EVER AGAIN. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. FOREVER. Then everything will work out fine. And you will enjoy every experience you have. And so all the conditions will fall back into alignment with all that you truely are, always have been and always will be. In your evermore ever becoming, that is all that you truely are being and becoming evermore. 

 

You are good, you are worthy and you are loved. And if you use anything as your excuse to forget that, then you will forget anything! Untill you remember again all that you truely are. Because that is the only thing worth remembering forevermore. And so, that is what the death experience is. you re MEMBERING yourself with ALL THAT THIS LIFE HAS CAUSED YOU TO BECOME. And there is great joy in that, wether you sleep and wake up completely fresh and without thought, completely appreciating absolutely anything and everything for absolutely no reason other than that it feels good to do so, as that is your true nature. Or meditating (if you do have a memory) and doing so deliberately, because you care about how you feel. Or you die and come back into full realisation of all that you've truely become. Or you just already know it so well, that death is like simply walking through a door into a new and evermore new here and now of ever more joy and joy. 

 

So you wanna have your relationships when you are connected to your own Source. And from there, you love all of your relationships. And from there, everyone is perfect. And well... Infact, you can have a relationship with people who are dead, but you have to be willing to be unconditional in your love. Otherwise, you cannot hear them. Those who "died" they are there, in that love. And you can only consciously allow the communication or connection to their true here and now, when you yourself are in that love aswell. 

 

So often when people who lose someone they love so much, they now have no choice, but to either not care anymore about anything, and find a way to connect unconditionally with their own Source in order to allow the conscious relationship to continue in their here and now, OR they have to feel miserable and then die miserable. For what? For no good reason, EVER. 

 

Care about how you feel. And enjoy life more. Because in this love and appreciation, you will find everything that has ever ment anything to you, and will continue to do so evermore.

 

And your greatest service to all, is to be who you truely are. As that is the greatest desire for all. Unconditionally and evermore in joy and love and appreciation, and bliss and all things good. 

 

And it is easy for you to do that. You just have to remember anything that you love. Or find anything that feels good or atleast feels better when you give it your undivided attention. And if you feel better, you can feel even better. From there you have acces to things which feel even better. And better ongoingly. Untill you're just allowing all of the thoughts that Source has about you and your life TO FLOW FULLY THROUGH YOU. And you're awake! And you will realise, everything has always been well. And good. All is well. And all is getting better all of the time. It's all fine and good and well. 

 

And you can just meditate and then way more effortlessly allow that love from more fully and consciously to flow through you more unhindered. As when you meditate and release thoughts of resistance, yoi naturally feel better snd your clarity naturally returns to you. And your acces to your own soul and its infinite intelligence and relentless flow of love can be allowed to flow through you so much more easily and effortlessly and enjoyably. 

 

Unconditional love to you all, evermore. 

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8 hours ago, dwai said:

This might sound clichéd, but the one who needs to understand is just the personality. The awareness in which memory, metaphysical or intellectual understanding rises and dissipates, remains unchanged.

 

I can sort of relate to what you're going through, as forgetting is a side-effect of letting go. I find myself often forgetting people, faces, names etc etc. I just attribute that to growing old(er)...

 

FWIW, I think you are awesome and bring a serene beauty and tranquility whenever we interact. That is not the personality, that is what shines forth from behind the personality. That is the "Vajra" (the Diamond). 

 

Yes.  You've put it into words.  The awareness remains unchanged.  And I love 'forgetting is a side-effect of letting go'.  Funny thing is, I've always been a real left brainer when it came to work related things, etc.  Overly responsible to the point of enabling, all in the name of being helpful.  So this is quite a change to me.  Doesn't mean I can't have some fun with it.  And now I've got an excuse not to drive those long distances to people's houses on holidays.

 

As to your last paragraph, I just have no words.  Thank you.

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6 hours ago, woogyboogy said:

I am not sure, if that relates at all to your situation, but I think I remember having read somewhere, maybe it was even Eckhart tolle, that increased awakeness and mindfulness messes up your short term memory, or the way u know it usually works. So in that modell as you transition in your new way of being there might be some confusion and fear around still being attached to the old ways. In the end, similar to what you mentioned a more spontaneous way of relating arises. 

 

I also have a friend/mentor who has pretty much given up any usual mind use habits, in order to be present 24/7. He can perform quite some incredible energy work, but he is also quite unable /unwilling to organize any kind of things, that require numbers or multilevel cognitive tasks. He also frequently states that he cant remember how he got from a to b, or what he had for breakfast. Hes an unusual bloke, but a joy to be around.

 

This actually makes me laugh.  That's probably it exactly.  I listen to too much Eckart Tolle.  I have 3 of his CD sets.  One of them is playing at all times in my car, lol.  This is all his fault     :lol::lol:

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Everything - your words were like they were inside my soul.  My soul was in complete agreement with yours, about everything.  That is exactly how I am looking at it - losing memories as a necessary function of more enlightened thought

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to express all that.  I really appreciate it.  In fact, I'm going to print it out and keep it on my desk.

 

Love to you, friend.

 

Barb

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14 minutes ago, manitou said:

And I love 'forgetting is a side-effect of letting go'.  

 

Ive really seen this with my school studies. 

 

Having to memorize things like anatomical structures, microbiology and pharmacology stuff - all very exciting *rolls eyes*

 

Energetically I can feel myself “holding onto” the information, very big words and classifications - holding onto the information until the test. After the test I let most of it go.  But until then I really have to try and have an intention of remembering it. For better or worse, my natural state seems to be blank! Lol. 

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Just now, Fa Xin said:

 

Ive really seen this with my school studies. 

 

Having to memorize things like anatomical structures, microbiology and pharmacology stuff - all very exciting *rolls eyes*

 

Energetically I can feel myself “holding onto” the information, very big words and classifications - holding onto the information until the test. After the test I let most of it go.  But until then I really have to try and have an intention of remembering it. For better or worse, my natural state seems to be blank! Lol. 

 

 

That sounds familiar.  It's like all the knowledge is held in a water balloon that gets thrown at graduation - and it's gotten so I have to form real intent to remember where I parked my car at the market.

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