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What made YOU laugh today/tonight ?

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Apech said:

Wine for the circumcised:

 

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When people from the US come to Australia they are often confused   .

 

 

 

 

because , back home ;

 

ac732082eba9bdcd9d1a6263e9658ec4--first-

 

 

and when they get here ;

 

 

 

Edited by Nungali
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So there's this wizened old guy who always walks past my house in the mornings.  He always stops to talk when he sees me.  He loves to go to movies, as I do.  So I called him just now to see if he wanted to go see Russell Crowe's new flick tomorrow.  Keep in mind he's in his 80's.  This was the conversation:

 

Me:    Vern, do you want to go to a movie tomorrow?

 

Him:  What shoes will you be wearing?

 

Me:   What?

 

Him:  What shoes will you be wearing?  The moccasins or the sandals?

 

Me:   Which ones should I wear?

 

Him:  The sandals, where your little pink toes stick out.

 

Me, laughing:  You know, I actually knew a toe sucker once.

 

Him:   Umm, maybe twice.

 

:lol:

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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, Nungali said:

...   and did you get a    ' toe job '  ?

 

Nah.  Opted for the hand instead.

 

 

 

Edited by manitou
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now I am wondering what you wrote  BEFORE  you edited that    ^_^

 

Here is one that totally cracked me up  ..... and caused extreme embarrassment for the perpetrator

 

Its a little  ' risqué ' 

 

 

 

Spoiler

I was picking people up from the train station and bringing them out to our place .  One  young lady  was from the city and obviously a stranger to   country life .   As we got closer to home and driving through farmland  , she is looking out the window and comments   " Oh gross !  Animals are disgusting  ! "

 

Me;  " Why do you say that ? "

 

"  That little cow over there is giving that big cow a blow job . "

 

:wacko:

 

I look over ....   "  Ummmm .... thats a calf getting milk from its mother .    And besides  ... all 'cows'  are female . "

 

  < silence >

 

I look in the rear view mirror as I am driving and see her sitting in the back seat , with red rising   up from her neck onto her cheeks and  making her ears  bright red .

 

....   'Awkies !     :D 

 

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Oh no !

 

Borat  

 

  p04dgkm4.jpg   

 

does USA  2     .... during Coronavirus   ! 

 

Spoiler

 

 

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3 hours ago, Apech said:

This is a real book apparently ...

 

 

 

Bums are like this.  They can be real contrarians.  I woke up this morning and mine had moved, so it's now in the front.  Using the commode will pose a bit of a challenge.  I wonder what his did?

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4 hours ago, manitou said:

 

 

Bums are like this.  They can be real contrarians.  I woke up this morning and mine had moved, so it's now in the front.  Using the commode will pose a bit of a challenge.  I wonder what his did?

 

 

Oh dear  ..... 

 

Its okay folks , I used to work n a hospital geriatric ward .... I'll handle this .

 

Its okay Mrs Manitou, your bum didnt move around to your front last night .... those things are your breasts . Now, would you like me to wheel you over near the window and I will bring you a nice cup of tea  ?

 

carer-hand-holding-elder-hand-768.jpg

 

 

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4 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

 

Oh dear  ..... 

 

Its okay folks , I used to work n a hospital geriatric ward .... I'll handle this .

 

Its okay Mrs Manitou, your bum didnt move around to your front last night .... those things are your breasts . Now, would you like me to wheel you over near the window and I will bring you a nice cup of tea  ?

 

carer-hand-holding-elder-hand-768.jpg

 

 

 

 

No thanks dearie.  I already drank the cup behind the bathroom mirror.  I had to nuke it for a few seconds.

 

You mean that's cleavage, not my butt?

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Why do women expose their cleavage ?  Undo the top buttons  ... pull the zipper down a bit  ?

 

I mean ... what if I walked around with my top button undone and my zipper half way down ? 

 

Sexual inequality , thats what is ! 

 

 

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55 minutes ago, Nungali said:

Why do women expose their cleavage ?  Undo the top buttons  ... pull the zipper down a bit  ?

Cuz it draws some of the boyz to the yard...

55 minutes ago, Nungali said:

 

I mean ... what if I walked around with my top button undone and my zipper half way down ? 

 

Sexual inequality , thats what is ! 

 

 

That may also draw some of the boyz to the yard...

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5 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

Never mind... 

 

Quote
Quote
Edited by ilumairen

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21 hours ago, Nungali said:

I mean ... what if I walked around with my top button undone and my zipper half way down ? 

 

If some cleavage can be seen, go for it.  I'm still stupefied that mine is so low now.

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No, its the opposite for men .

 

When the belt is done up .... '  hairy cleavage' above that ,

 

  hairy .......   cleavage         :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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That time in the Middle Ages when you realised that dragons are real and your wife is unfaithful ...

 

 

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4 minutes ago, Apech said:

 

That time in the Middle Ages when you realised that dragons are real and your wife is unfaithful ...

 

 

Ekj57gQXgAAOkfm.jpeg.19490c325fe6295066bf0713ab99dd5d.jpeg

 

 

I think it's something else.  I think the dragon is about to spirit her away because the wing is coming out of a door.  On the other hand, she doesn't look alarmed.  In fact.....  eh.  You're probably right.

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I looked up just now at the news which is on in the background, and I saw footage of a women’s rally and a woman holding up a placard on which was written “VIVA LA VULVA”. 
 

Well, it made me laugh. 

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18 hours ago, Bindi said:

I looked up just now at the news which is on in the background, and I saw footage of a women’s rally and a woman holding up a placard on which was written “VIVA LA VULVA”. 

 

 

It's about time.

 

 

Observed in a catalog, printed onto a pillow:

 

             Saying, "and shit" after anything can make it sound gangster.  For example, "I like to clip coupons and shit".

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22 hours ago, manitou said:

 

 

I think it's something else.  I think the dragon is about to spirit her away because the wing is coming out of a door.  On the other hand, she doesn't look alarmed.  In fact.....  eh.  You're probably right.

 

Nah.  I think thats just a picture of the King on the door .  The perverted dragon could not get it up without the  thrill of the risk of being caught .   or maybe he is a 'hopeful  voyeraphyle '  ?

 

I mean .... who on earth would put in a doggie door , that high up  ? 

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Look again.  Actually, it's not a doggie door or any type of door.  It's the top of the chair below.  Which really makes it interesting, because there are 2 arms on the chair, which means it's not merely steps up to the bed.  The fact that the pillow may be covering a toilet chamber occurs to me as a possibility.  If that were the case, I wonder if they were usually pushed up against the bed like that right next to the pillow?  There seem to be some inherent problems with that.  Maybe if it were more down toward the foot of the bed....

 

And who cuts a square hole into their bedroom door, anyway?

 

 

 

Edited by manitou
Needed a bit more inaneness
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