involuntary celibacy and isolation

[Lucky7Strikes]

I think Non knows what to do.

Edited January 18, 2010 by Lucky7Strikes

[Non]

so just cuz I'm vegan I lack jing and male sexual essence that makes women not want to talk to me?

 

wow. That's really shallow and has nothing to do with real attraction.

 

I dont even eat soy. in fact lately I've had to eat soy because I felt too stimulated.

 

yea.. so maybe that's why I dont get women. because the majority of society are meat eaters and I'm not. finding a vegan chick that can understand that is hopeless.

 

I've always wondered about that too , since meat can cause heavy emotions and agression, which perhaps women can sense, but not in vegans.

 

anyways, it's about assertiveness not agression but I guess poeple dont know the difference.

Edited January 18, 2010 by Non

[Guest paul walter]

well, if that's what you all think of my honesty and frustration.

 

 

You've just squandered another oppurtunity to be understood and helped. Over and out. Paul

[Non]

says you paul.

 

man you people don't know how to handle me without getting insulting. And I'm being "negative".

 

So I'm just like one of those "homeless dudes" that dress up in raggedy clothes and begs for money. And then it's used to buy drugs or something.

 

Or like.. one of those people in india that break their childrens bones to get more money to bring home from the tourists they beg.

 

So i'm just like one of those people who put drain all your energy and then use it all for evil.

 

Sometimes poeple are just viscious.

 

I'm sorry. Oh wait, I can't say I'm sorry.

 

Oh and I can't show emotions or have pain, or be honest because that's fake.

 

so I apologize. Oh wait I can't do that either i'm just tryin to gain sympathy.

Edited January 18, 2010 by Non

[fiveelementtao]

My suggestion non, is to copy your last post and save it. After you have been in regular therapy for 1 year, take it out and read it... You will laugh...

[Sunya]

edit: actually it has nothing to do with natural selection. It's all about sexual selection. And women are in control of that, since I can't force a woman to do anything. I don't choose, they do. They have all the rights. I have none.

 

Man... you are so wrong! hahahaha!!! I laugh not at you.. but because I know how you feel! Man i've been there! Many of us have. I used to think the same way, that my looks defined me and since I wasn't Brad Pitt I was shit outta luck. But then I decided to take matters into my own hands, after isolating myself I learned the 'PUA' arts, which only did one thing: gave me confidence. And now I can tell you very easily that you are wrong. I think Kate, or another female (I can't think of any others so Kate is our designated female) will agree.. it's NOT about looks, it's ALL about confidence. it's about your energy, it's how you present yourself, it's how you act, its how you react, it's about your vibe, your PRESENCE. After I realized I can bed any girl I want I sort of lost that desire for a while. Isolation is only worthwhile when its a choice, not when its forced. When you know you can get sex you kind of don't need it anymore,.... well actually I had sex last week and it was great, but it wasn't out of comfort, it wasn't out of need, and that makes it SO much more enjoyable.

 

Get in touch with yourself, your presence, let go of self-defeating thought patterns. Be aware of these patterns as they unfold your mind, they always carry a certain negativity and underlying emotion of fear and unworthiness. Go out and socialize, talk to guys first.. talk to old ladies! talk to anyone! Read stuff by Juggler. He taught me how to be a great conversationalist.. and actually got me into Buddhism suprisingly. He's the one 'pick up artist' that I know that teaches you to be genuine, honest, and yourself... others may teach you how to be cocky and memorize lines but Juggler teaches you how to be you.

 

Meditating is important... I think you should do that. but you can't repress your needs. You gotta get laid, brother. Talk to people, gain confidence, meet girls and befriend them. Don't hit on them but be genuine and honest and if they attract you: tell them that, and tell them why. Make the move; don't expect the girl to. You're the man and you have the power, if you like a girl you can get her. If you walk and breath with that power then any girl will fall for you because women are naturally passive. It is in their nature to yearn for a man that knows what he wants. Create values with your actions, set values for yourself and LIVE those values. Don't live your life based on values created by society or the media. Don't become a slave to self-defeating values. Just do it man, stop making excuses. We're all with you.

[thelerner]

None of us have any magic words, new concepts or startling ideas that can help you. 5Elements is right when he said "celibacy and isolation are not the root or cause of your problems it is the result of your problems. If you work on the true causes of your real issues, the result (involuntary celibacy and isolation) will take care of itself."

 

You've got body, mind and spirit. Your mind is a hornet's nest (we've all been there) and spirit is hard to work with. That leaves your body. Forget woman, let your celibacy work for you and progress slowly. Each morning and night for a week 5 pushups, 5 squats. Thats it. Next week move on to sets of 10 etc., see if there are elements of your diet you can improve, maybe more protein or things that build up Jing.

 

Set up an easy physical program, find a book, progress slowly. You'll start feeling better and learn to trust yourself. Try it, work on developing healthy habits, from the body you'll get to the mind and straighten it out.

 

My 2 cents (though like the others have said, an expert therapist will get you better faster)

 

 

Good Luck

Michael

[Guest paul walter]

says you paul.

 

man you people don't know how to handle me without getting insulting. And I'm being "negative".

 

So I'm just like one of those "homeless dudes" that dress up in raggedy clothes and begs for money. And then it's used to buy drugs or something.

 

Or like.. one of those people in india that break their childrens bones to get more money to bring home from the tourists they beg.

 

So i'm just like one of those people who put drain all your energy and then use it all for evil.

 

Sometimes poeple are just viscious.

 

I'm sorry. Oh wait, I can't say I'm sorry.

 

Oh and I can't show emotions or have pain, or be honest because that's fake.

 

 

 

 

so I apologize. Oh wait I can't do that either i'm just tryin to gain sympathy.

 

 

 

 

Non, you ARE trying to gain sympathy and you have every right to. The problem is that when it is offered you have the obligation to ACCEPT that sympathy. No-one seems to be able to do this in the contemporary world, for lack of trust obviously, but also for out and out stupid egocentric reasons, so beware . You are simply replicating what you are so against. The world operates on holographic principles: the self mirrors the religions mirrors the economic system mirrors the society mirrors the family through the indoctrination that is everywhere... I see 'you' as not so different from the alienation/lack of communication that is rife in society, so be careful and don't make the fatal mistake i have made in thinking that you are so very different in all ways. At least you are feeling the pain. Now as you have so perceptively stated:you have a serious problem. So how to get out of it? If you have made your mind up that there is no hope,there is no hope. If you think you will only 'move' on your problems when people are listening to how bad off you are then now is the time to start, since people have been listening. I'm not being harsh here (internet tone problems!) since I know your condition recoils at such a perception--so I'll apologise for anything that seemed judgemental and too demanding. Most people who have replied to your posts see your pain very clearly Non, it's just that they are too selfish to be able to accomodate it at this stage in their life. Perhaps they are in denial about their own pain (this has been my experience with people big time--just when you need them they go AWOL on you!). Like a nasty Zen teacher I can't take the 'soft' option with peoples' indulgence in their problems (I know you don't see it that way though). Since my own IMMENSE suffering has momentarily tipped the balance on the accommodating-pain scale I'll be careful what I say in future . As I said in another post I recommend homeopathy as a first stop in alleviating the immedate pain you are going through. If you really want relief from suffering then go for it. I'd recommend it to everyone but most people don't believe in/want the self to change no matter how bad off they are. Am presently changing my mother with it after 60 years of undiagnosed mental illness--she's like a new person already. Paul.

[voidisyinyang]

Non if you feel too stimulated whatever you do don't whack your soy dog man. Just use your mind to focus on creating light energy in your brain -- you need something that interests your mind -- then that increase in electromagnetic energy will make you a chick magnet.

 

That's why chicks like nerds -- Geeks rule the world as it is said because they create big phallic missiles, etc. haha.

 

So stop being a perv -- you've done this before on Taobums -- gone on and on collecting as much jing energy as you could -- so you can what -- get lucky with your hand?

 

That's sick man.

 

so just cuz I'm vegan I lack jing and male sexual essence that makes women not want to talk to me?

 

wow. That's really shallow and has nothing to do with real attraction.

 

I dont even eat soy. in fact lately I've had to eat soy because I felt too stimulated.

 

yea.. so maybe that's why I dont get women. because the majority of society are meat eaters and I'm not. finding a vegan chick that can understand that is hopeless.

 

I've always wondered about that too , since meat can cause heavy emotions and agression, which perhaps women can sense, but not in vegans.

 

anyways, it's about assertiveness not agression but I guess poeple dont know the difference.

[Mal]

[kosem]

There's nothing I can do.

 

There's no hope for me.

 

If you say so, then its true. Fact is, you create your own reality. You are continually programming and enforcing your beliefs with your words and attitude. Try saying, "There is hope for me" or "I can do anything that I want"... and then take action. Don't "think" about it, just do it. Just because the voice of Mr. Hyde is there in your head, belittling you, doesn't mean that you have to follow its orders.

 

You might be thinking, "That's easy for you to say, you aren't me, you don't understand". I used to say the same things too, until I got off my ass and created my own reality, becoming 100% responsible for my experience. What I say or what you say doesn't mean a whole lot when compared to with actions. Just simply act, regardless if you disagree with the actions, and your beliefs, attitudes, energy, etc. will follow those actions, even if you have to fake it until you make it. Perseverence and repetition creates change. It might take a while, but so what, that's how the game goes. Make it happen.

[RyanO]

There's been some very good advice here. Non, I can empathize with your situation.

 

I think it's useless to try to curb desire without knowing the pleasure of obtaining that desire. It is defeatist and the mind knows that.

 

But...there is a consciousness within us that knows what it is to be fulfilled. We do not need anything to access it. To me, that is what meditation does. It gets us in touch with fulfillment consciousness. So there is nothing that needs to be fulfilled outside in order to experience fulfillment consciousness.

 

For me, the Inner Smile is a good way to access it. When the Smile contacts despair, suddenly despair is loved, and is transformed.

 

So you will continue to have desires, but you will cease to have an existential need for them to be fulfilled. You will go about pursuing their goal, but without desperation.

 

Then you will get what you desire.

 

But even if you don't, you will be Smiling.

[Pero]

Ok. Blasto! You know stuff about this. Pero, where's a PUA when we need one;-) ?

 

I think you mean Pietro.

 

I don't know what it is, in the last 6 or so months I can remember we've been confused at least 3 times, while in the 4 or so years before that never.

[~jK~]

I know most of you won't take this seriously.

 

I'm a male, and I'm also very different from all of you. I also have other problems that go beyond the scope of this topic/thread or at the very least do not contribute to my getting better. Ie, that I have other problems which do cause problems but the root is definitely involuntary celibacy and extreme isolation. It causes most of my problems and contributes to most of my problems.

 

Don't talk to me if you're already healthy, and think this is an easy thing to overcome when you yourself are already healthy from the start and mentally healthy or perhaps never experienced ill health due to involuntary celibacy and isolation.

 

Unless of course you have something positive to say. And positive means helpful.

 

This is only for those who can understand that I'm already at the extreme depths of unhealthiness caused by the following.

 

I've been an involuntary celibate for a very long time. My whole life in fact, and I'm 23 years old. i've also been extremely lonely for a very long time.

 

I feel it has led to major depression and mental ill as well as physical ill.

 

I dont want to go to a psychiatrist that doesn't treat me for the root of my problem, first off. And second off the majority of the psychiatric drugs mess you up if taken in the long run.

 

You have to understand it's very hard for me to do normal things due to this depression and lack of self esteem, that simply does not go away no matter how hard I tried.

 

It blocks all sort of avenues and opportunity to get better, especially in regards to getting sex, and away from isolation.

 

Is there anything a person like me can do?

 

Going to the gym and exercising doesn't help, although I still do it but I oftentimes lack motivation. But this is besides the point. It doesn't treat my illness.

 

My illness can only be treated by getting that which I need.

 

But that illness keeps me from getting what I need, and it's not simply dependent on myself (ie others have to accept who I am).

The Chinese Lunar calendar is largely about the timing of mating.

It hasn't been updated for the past 2 years - but what the heck - it is a 160 year calendar program: http://www.lunarcal.org/

 

A bit on the psycology of Nurses - they prefer mates with disability problems. Many actually marry law enforcement officers as they have a very high rate of becoming disabled through wounds and addiction to alcohol etc. - In your case - you are a ready made - for 'their' needs... A little known point of history is Florence Nightingale was a nymphomaniac - and her sexual needs actually gave her patients a better survival rate over the others... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nurse_stereotypes#Nymphomaniac

Edited January 19, 2010 by ~jK~

[Aetherous]

Kate,

 

Help a little bro out.

 

He needs to go to a psychiatrist, because there are very deep issues which can't be worked out by any of us here. He keeps putting it off, but it really is the key for him.

[freeform]

Non - would it seem weird to you if I said that to me, you are confident? - in fact you're so confident you're actually rather arrogant.

 

I know you don't see it that way, and probably many of the concerned Bums don't see it that way either, but I do.

 

You have unshakable confidence in yourself as a hopeless case... arrogance involves ignoring everyone and their opinions and sticking to yours. Confidence involves being certain. Being certain and ignoring everyone is what you do here... by denying our attempts to help, you're bolstering your own self image as someone special - someone so unique that no one even understands you, let alone has enough insight to help...

 

What you're doing here is nothing more than re-asserting that you are who you 'are' - and you're not going to change and the world is a shithole coz it won't change to how you want it to be.

 

From deep inside, though, there is an honest, vulnerable part of you that's hoping and wishing that your ego lets go for just a fraction of a second so that you can feel real intimacy - not contrived, controlled intimacy that's been forced through the tiny mold that your ego has built for you.

 

The way to progress is to drop this idea that you're unique and special and like no other... because once you do, reality will come flooding in, energising your spirit and you'll discover your true uniqueness that you've not even began to experience yet - a part of you that is far greater and more magnificent than you can imagine. Let go of your certainty, your arrogance - put your opinions, beliefs and ideas to one side then smile at a stranger - not because you want something from them, not because it will prove something about you, not expecting them to even notice - but smile coz you feel like smiling.

 

Get this CD (Jack Elias is great - he's even written an article for us TBs) and listen to it daily for at least a month - it will help release the stuckness around being with people.

[Jack Runner]

Non - would it seem weird to you if I said that to me, you are confident? - in fact you're so confident you're actually rather arrogant.

 

I know you don't see it that way, and probably many of the concerned Bums don't see it that way either, but I do.

 

You have unshakable confidence in yourself as a hopeless case... arrogance involves ignoring everyone and their opinions and sticking to yours. Confidence involves being certain. Being certain and ignoring everyone is what you do here... by denying our attempts to help, you're bolstering your own self image as someone special - someone so unique that no one even understands you, let alone has enough insight to help...

 

What you're doing here is nothing more than re-asserting that you are who you 'are' - and you're not going to change and the world is a shithole coz it won't change to how you want it to be.

 

From deep inside, though, there is an honest, vulnerable part of you that's hoping and wishing that your ego lets go for just a fraction of a second so that you can feel real intimacy - not contrived, controlled intimacy that's been forced through the tiny mold that your ego has built for you.

 

The way to progress is to drop this idea that you're unique and special and like no other... because once you do, reality will come flooding in, energising your spirit and you'll discover your true uniqueness that you've not even began to experience yet - a part of you that is far greater and more magnificent than you can imagine. Let go of your certainty, your arrogance - put your opinions, beliefs and ideas to one side then smile at a stranger - not because you want something from them, not because it will prove something about you, not expecting them to even notice - but smile coz you feel like smiling.

 

Get this CD (Jack Elias is great - he's even written an article for us TBs) and listen to it daily for at least a month - it will help release the stuckness around being with people.

 

 

Wow, massive big ups on this post. I know its in no way directed at me, but there have been moments in my life (maybe due to me being a Leo) that I have allowed my confidence to ride high enough to greet arrogance. I'm not about to bust out and have a moment or anything, but man was that a well timed thing to read, you struck some cords here with that man, and I thank you for it.

 

Many blessings to you my brother, and I hope whomever that is directed at, is able to place their ego aside and just listen, because I can see how a post like that could/would hurt someone's pride if they left it unchecked, but otherwise man........ya thanks for that.

 

-J

[freeform]

Many blessings to you my brother, and I hope whomever that is directed at, is able to place their ego aside and just listen

 

Thank you Jack - I hope he does too.

 

The post is directed at me as much as it is directed at Non or anyone else who might resonate with it.

[SarahMoriko]

Non do you live in a place with LOTS OF SMOKE -- because sadness is from too much smoke -- causing a lung blockage. Also if you are vegetarian then your jing energy will be weak. Just a couple things to keep in mind. If your jing energy increases from meat then females will pick up on that and hit on you to get your jing energy. If that seems fake to you -- well most people just do not know better. If you want real love then focus on your chi energy -- what ever you do -- keep your hands off your weiner unless you're pissing. If you're masturbating then you're not going to attract females.

 

 

I agree with this advice, but I am sure it won't be that simple. If the place does have lots of smoke what should he do to fix it?

My advice is stop being your own worst enemy and don't focus on all these negative things. Do you really want a girlfriend right now or are you just feeling the pressure from society? Were you sexually molested? Do you have family issues? Am overbearing mother? An absent father? Start asking questions and you will be able to get to the root of your problem, these things are manifestations of a much larger issue.

[Guest paul walter]

Hey, Non. I notice you o AWOL everytime practical advice is offered. In which case I'll just add that the feeling of not having control and of being controlled sounds like the effect of too little protein and the attendant hig carb intake of the average vegan. I've had this same feeling at times until I worked out what was 'controlling' me. So all the talk of demons and stuff is right but the demons are in the pancreas, brain etc. Your life would probably change overnight if you act on this (if it is indeed the main problem). There could b b12 issues too which ar enot pretty to live through. All of this is able to be stabilised fairly easily. Your vegan brother of 19 years, Paul.

[Non]

well I was going to reply back, I just hadn't read every reply yet.

 

yea lately I haven't been getting much protein. well compared to what I usd to get, which was around 120 grams a day, at least on the days I workout, and 80 on the days that I don't.

 

Is that really too little?

 

Yesterday I got around, 150 grams.

 

I dont eat much sometimes either, because of lack of time or whatever. And just bad time organization.

 

But trust me I don't eat soy that much. Only lately because I've been having inflammation in my prostate and needed to cool down the sexual energies from too much stimulation.

 

So yea...

[Non]

"You have unshakable confidence in yourself as a hopeless case... arrogance involves ignoring everyone and their opinions and sticking to yours. Confidence involves being certain. Being certain and ignoring everyone is what you do here... by denying our attempts to help, you're bolstering your own self image as someone special - someone so unique that no one even understands you, let alone has enough insight to help..."

 

yea that is true.

 

But I am different.. and I believe I am so. I went through some situations perhaps nobody would understand, unless they at least really tried to.

 

Also, much of the advice given does not work for someone who has extreme social anxiety and extreme lack of skills and knowledge due to social anxiety and etc.

 

That, and I have extreme differing opinions. For example I don't agree with being a jack-ass and a jerk like how most people seem to think its good. And to be very extremely dominating and overpowering, and taking advantage of others, mocking, etc. I'm also not too much into the overly-macho kinda thing. Oh yea and you know my problem with women and how it seems they like only the jerks.

 

Im an adult also, so if I do go out in the 'real world' I am often ridiculed, and looked down upon. Now tell me how is it that I can better myself in such in environment when I can't even be myself around people without causing myself and others enough stress to block me from improving myself, AND helping others?

Edited January 20, 2010 by Non

[Non]

and that's also pretty cool that you got that I was an extremely socially anxious person from the CD you recommended.

 

I mean, dont get me wrong. At times, I dont have much social anxiety.. but when it comes to being leisure, and "social", having leisurely social fun.. I just can't do that. Especially by myself. No, not at this time. I've tried, and trust me, alone, I am my own worst enemy.

[Non]

Kate, don't bother. Non knows exactly what he wants and is staying put. Non, you forgot to mention that you suffer mostly from arrogance and from a mind that is firmly fixed at the navel. I have been like you, I am like you and will perhaps be like you for a long time ( god help me! ). You posted for 'help' last week also and were given it and now you're back grand-standing about your pain. Some of us UNDERSTAND you and have been 'there' ourselves. Unfortunately, the corrollary of being in such a state for so long is that you loose context-you think nothing will change, you think everything is doomed and you think YOU are everything. Can't you make a MOVE on advice offered? Perhaps not. But don't worry-that too is a symptom of being in your condition. It is a symptom, a learned behaviour, not a death sentence.

Hey, I didn't have any relation with a girl til I was 21, I was born quite UGLY but when I got 'enlightened' by forgetting myself at age 20 I could have just about ANY girl I wanted because of the 'aura' I gave off (and still could, so get to work,bro ), though like yourself I consider that sort of relating abhorrent. It's not hard to see Bi-polar or Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms in your posts and if that's the case i feel for you and know the hell it must be. Try to remember EVERYTHING changes depending on the direction we put our minds--what seems like a suicide day can turn to a joy day IF we let ourselves out of our own self-defeat now and then. I understand that if you can't trust yourself there is no way you can trust others-that's just the territory we're dealing with. You have to make a supreme effort to let yourself have the courage to want to change. If you don't cheer up you will force me to tell you what happened to me in the last five years and then you'll see who the real loser is!! Paul P.S. Remember the internet is a perfect 'Twilight Zone' for you're 'type', in that it just feeds the illusion of anonymous voices crying in the dark. Do you have trouble talking like you do in the flesh and blood world? I suppose you don't confide in 'real' people in which case perhaps all you need is validation from like-minded types? Write back, Non.

 

 

Oh yeah.. isn't the navel the dan-tian? Aren't there numerous sources saying to keep the focus On the navel, ie dan-tian?

[Non]

Non, stop with the same thing over and over. GET SOME THERAPY... People are getting tired of you saying the same. You need counseling....

 

I am, I already found a therapist. My first session was last week, the intake.

 

She decided I wasn't going to benefit much from a social anxiety group therapy, and that I should just do solo for now. At least, her excuse was that I'd just not benefit as much from it rather than seeing a psychologist solo.