So I realized I'm a Satanist.

[Cadcam]

Ever since I was young, I've been a rebellious, and lawless person. This has changed, but as I reflected on my past, I had memories of different things. 

 

For instance, I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, standing in the middle of my bedroom and calling out "Satan be my god" around that same time I stopped going to church, totally refusing it. This drive my parents nuts.

 

I remember walking to school, and this spirit was giving me lessons on chaos and order, and I, not being happy with how things went, decided to cause chaos (not the right decision).

 

I used to harness this idea of chaos, as I would interact with others. It gave me a spiritual strength. Eventually I found myself manipulating energy with my mind. It was a form of magic. 

 

This all came back to bite me in the ass. 

[Cadcam]

Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. 

 

Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do. I've witnessed in my adult life that spirits interact with us, and can speak through our voices. It could be that I was simply chosen for these things. I really don't know how much we are actually responsible for. 

[Lairg]

Religious beliefs commonly  are binary - good and bad players.   It seems however that Reality is much more complex.

 

Thus rebellious children are often carrying trauma from long ago.  They are defending that trauma - in the instinctive hope that they will be free of it at some stage

 

The first step to freedom is to love oneself.  Most societies do not teach that - probably to encourage obedience.

 

Very few societies teach how to love oneself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cadcam]

It's difficult to imagine the personality of God. I believe we exist as toys, for what other purpose could there be than to give God company,  and something to do? And, being powerful enough to create such an enormous and intricate, complex system of life, what do you suppose a powerful and immortal being would do with this place?

 

We tend to imagine, in our supposed free will, that no one is watching or guiding us, but I can no longer live that way.

 

[Apotheose]

On 27/05/2025 at 5:01 PM, Cadcam said:

Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. 

 

Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do. I've witnessed in my adult life that spirits interact with us, and can speak through our voices. It could be that I was simply chosen for these things. I really don't know how much we are actually responsible for. 

 

“Making a pact with Satan” and other religious myths are a product of generational exposures to fear and dogma.

 

I wouldn’t recommend actually assuming such thing as true, because your assumptions have ultimate power over your interpretation of reality. You will witness what your mind assumes and accepts.

[Cadcam]

That's what I'm saying. I think that words and their meaning have subconscious power, and steer us in the direction of that meaning. So when the spirits took hold of me as a youth and had me say Satan be my god, I subconsciously became a Satanist, and my behavior followed along with that definition. 

 

Think about it: how many times can you say you've said or done something without conscious knowledge of where that choice came from? That could be the interaction of a spirit. In my adult life, I've seen this is true, and in reflection I realize that it happened as a child. 

 

I think there's a lot we don't know about the spiritual world. We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure.

[Lairg]

8 hours ago, Cadcam said:

We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure.

 

Long ago I was dealing with some cases of possession.  It seemed (and seems) to me that permission was being given for the possession to occur.  Thus there was some free will involved.

 

It turned out that the free will action can be passive - for example walking past wrong-doing without some internal rejection, emotional or mental.

 

Similarly living/working/relating where one knows one should not, is a free will choice that constitutes an invitation to any passing adverse intelligence

 

 

[Apotheose]

8 hours ago, Cadcam said:

That's what I'm saying. I think that words and their meaning have subconscious power, and steer us in the direction of that meaning. So when the spirits took hold of me as a youth and had me say Satan be my god, I subconsciously became a Satanist, and my behavior followed along with that definition. 

 

Think about it: how many times can you say you've said or done something without conscious knowledge of where that choice came from? That could be the interaction of a spirit. In my adult life, I've seen this is true, and in reflection I realize that it happened as a child. 

 

I think there's a lot we don't know about the spiritual world. We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure.

 

Having no judgment of value regarding your testimonial and your faith, I respectfully reckon this is improbable.

 

Notice how adults keep going deeper and deeper down their own web of rock solid beliefs. This is exactly the opposite of the first level of the alchemical transmutation (Nigredo) and, therefore, it produces heavily destructive results.

 

Why are old people generally so systematic and bitter? Because they have already drowned in their own beliefs and assumptions. That’s why they are more prone to getting “”possessed””.

 

The chances of it happening to a small child is incredibly (and I really mean incredibly!) low. Children are still more in contact with their subconsciousness rather than with the social axioms and demands. And that leads to the conclusion that a child who already has rock solid beliefs must have endured a highly traumatic parental environment. If that’s your case, I’m really sorry.

 

I feel like the highest probability would be the least surprising one. Children have fertile minds. It’s likely you said that out loud, out of curiosity, and the self-suggestion impregnated your perception of reality.

 

Use the mirror principle in your favor. Just fix your habits of thinking and you’ll stop being bothered by “demons” and “Satan”.

[silent thunder]

2 hours ago, Apotheose said:

Why are old people generally so systematic and bitter?

 

This is your sample, not others.  My experience is profoundly different regarding this aspect of society.

[Nungali]

Maybe its because we went through decades of not having a plan, method or system  and thinking just being positive would do the trick ? 

 

Old people are just young people that learnt stuff       .  

[Nungali]

5 hours ago, silent thunder said:

 

This is your sample, not others.  My experience is profoundly different regarding this aspect of society.

 

 

Time to quote Mark Twain ; 

 

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

[Nungali]

.... now of course a 21 yo is no where near as mature as they were back then ! 

[Salvijus]

On 2025-05-27 at 11:01 PM, Cadcam said:

Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do.  

 

It wasn't you who said those words really. You were under the influence that inspired you to think and do certain things. It's a form of channeling you could say. Such thoughts wouldn't enter your mind if you were under the influence of angelic grace.

 

On 2025-05-27 at 11:01 PM, Cadcam said:

Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. 

 

When you surrender to that influence and allow it to manifest through you, it does indeed enter deeper into your psych and from there its influence becomes more prominent. But the good thing is you can change company any time you want and there's nothing light cannot replace. You might even help the dark entities with the process of ascension as you illuminate your own psyche. Although convincing someone who's under the dark influence to turn to light can take a long time. The solution is simple but reluctance to apply it can take lifetimes. 

 

Btw, you're not even the only one like that. Probably 100% of the people conciously or unconsciously were under that influence at least once in their life. It's like a virus in the air. It's not a big deal as long as your immunity is okay. 

 

Edited June 4 by Salvijus

[liminal_luke]

On my next birthday I´ll be sixty.  I hope people don´t think of me as bitter, but won´t mind if I´m pigeonholed as systematic.  That would be quite nice, actually.

Edited June 4 by liminal_luke

[Nungali]

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

 

It wasn't you who said those words really. You were under the influence that inspired you to think and do certain things. It's a form of channeling you could say. Such thoughts wouldn't enter your mind if you were under the influence of angelic grace.

 

 

When you surrender to that influence and allow it to manifest through you, it does indeed enter deeper into your psych and from there its influence becomes more prominent. But the good thing is you can change company any time you want and there's nothing light cannot replace. You might even help the dark entities with the process of ascension as you illuminate your own psyche. Although convincing someone who's under the dark influence to turn to light can take a long time. The solution is simple but reluctance to apply it can take lifetimes. 

 

Btw, you're not even the only one like that. Probably 100% of the people conciously or unconsciously were under that influence at least once in their life. It's like a virus in the air. It's not a big deal as long as your immunity is okay. 

 

 

Bravo !   

 

An insight that explains a LOT of the  'why'  related to this subject matter . 

 

"We' are all 'in the same boat' after all .  Trouble with 'normal consciousness' is it assumes one is the Captain, the First Mate, the Bosun , the Deck Hands, the Cabin Boy .... 

 

When you get back to 'Port'  is the Captain the only one that disembarks ?  

 

Imagine if the crew knew that beforehand   -   I imagine they would be , at least, subversive . They might even want to take over control of the ship ! 

 

  

[Lala Nila]

This is interesting and I truly hope for you to find your way and forgive yourself for whatever transgressions you believe you have made as a child and thereafter.

 

Although I recognize many flavours of "Satanism," I think some concepts might empower you more than the others.

 

I suggest reading "Lord of the Left Hand Path" by Stephen E. Flowers, it might help reframe some concepts for you. Then I would watch Zeena's Schreck's most recent interview on Jordan Peterson's (gasp) YouTube channel, her story is inspiring and empowering. Balance in all things. 

 

Despite the many entities whisperings of sweet nothings in your ear, we always have a choice in this life- or perhaps it's precisely in spite of them. 

 

 

 

 

[BigSkyDiamond]

if you believe that you can destroy and do harm, then believe also that you can repair and flourish.

you can tell whatever it is to be gone.

 

"get thee hence"   "be gone, NOW"  "be thou dissolved"

say this forcefully whenever you feel that sort of stuff  around you.  

you have the authority to send it away.

if alone, say it out loud.  If with other people, ,then say it silently in your head.

this works even if awakened in the middle of the night with night paralysis unable to move and "something" in the room.  just shout it silently in your head.

 

in my experience this works wonders.

no need to dwell on it, or worry about it, or have fear around it.

just send it away forcefully.

 

Edited yesterday at 03:03 AM by BigSkyDiamond

[BigSkyDiamond]

put a bit of salt in each corner of your room.

put a line of salt across the threshold of your door.

[BigSkyDiamond]

On 6/4/2025 at 12:45 PM, liminal_luke said:

On my next birthday I´ll be sixty.  I hope people don´t think of me as bitter, but won´t mind if I´m pigeonholed as systematic.  That would be quite nice, actually.

 

yes i agree.  they pay me a lot at work for being systematic.

[Sanity Check]

Sometimes, I see "christians" proclaim: I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.

 

As if they will never be judged or held accountable for their choices by God.

 

I think to myself...  some of these "christians" sound more like satan worshippers than they do followers of Christ.

 

Its sad how many lack basic competency to recognize a difference.

[Lairg]

It seems to me that religious frameworks are quite narrow. 

 

Perhaps the cosmos is filled with adverse, neutral and beneficial beings.

 

Such beings may pretend to conform with human beliefs

 

I am reminded of Shakespeare:  There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy

 

It is still true 400 years later - but who will admit that?

 

 

 

 

[Nungali]

16 hours ago, Sanity Check said:

Sometimes, I see "christians" proclaim: I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.

 

As if they will never be judged or held accountable for their choices by God.

 

I think to myself...  some of these "christians" sound more like satan worshippers than they do followers of Christ.

 

Its sad how many lack basic competency to recognize a difference.

 

 

Hang on there ......   some Christians  CAN do whatever they want  and not be judged or held accountable by God ... what do you think Christ came for ?  Believe in him and sins are forgiven !    And that is all based on being followers of Christ , not Satan . 

 

get yer facts straight Homer  ;  

 

Evangelical Christians and some other Protestant denominations believe that all sins, including future sins, are forgiven through faith in Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross. This belief is rooted in the idea that Jesus' death fully atoned for all sins, past, present, and future, for those who believe in Him. 

 

Here's a more detailed explanation:

• Justification by Faith:

  Many Protestants believe that salvation is received through faith alone, meaning that a person is declared righteous in God's sight (justified) by believing in Jesus, not by their own works or merits. 

   
• Atonement for all sins:

  They believe that Christ's sacrifice on the cross was a complete and sufficient payment for all sins of humanity. 

   
• Future sins forgiven:

  Because of this belief in the completeness of Christ's atonement, they believe that future sins are also forgiven at the moment of faith. 

   
• Ongoing relationship with God:

  While future sins are believed to be forgiven, Christians are still encouraged to confess their sins and seek forgiveness for how they fail in this life, fostering a closer relationship with God. 

   
• Emphasis on grace:

  This perspective emphasizes God's grace and forgiveness, highlighting that salvation is a gift freely offered through faith. 

   

It's important to note that not all Christians share this view. Some, particularly within the Eastern Orthodox Church, believe that while Christ's sacrifice provides the possibility of forgiveness, believers must still actively strive for holiness and participate in sacraments like confession to receive forgiveness for sins. 

 

So in some cases , I can believe in Jesus and yes, do whatever I want , and not be judged at all as I am already saved . 

 

 

[Nungali]

15 hours ago, Lairg said:

It seems to me that religious frameworks are quite narrow. 

 

Perhaps the cosmos is filled with adverse, neutral and beneficial beings.

 

Such beings may pretend to conform with human beliefs

 

I am reminded of Shakespeare:  There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy

 

It is still true 400 years later - but who will admit that?

 

 

 

 

 

Anyone that has  read  Hamlet and understood the context of the often quoted line will admit it  .  Just about any  reader of Shakespeare  who has any  amount of intelligence will admit it as  well .   Horatio had a skeptical  philosophy  ( until he actually saw the ghost  .  )  

 

On another note  ( to dispel this false  claim and its wacky extension to the modern world   )  many scientists also admit it , in the macro and micro ; astro and quantum physics . Even magnetism ; I was referred to the current world expert and his excellent youtube on it , highly acclaimed , he starts off ; ''Magnetism ? What is it ? We really dont know ! '' 

 

[Sanity Check]

6 hours ago, Nungali said:

 

 

Hang on there ......   some Christians  CAN do whatever they want  and not be judged or held accountable by God ... what do you think Christ came for ?  Believe in him and sins are forgiven !    And that is all based on being followers of Christ , not Satan . 

 

get yer facts straight Homer  ;  

 

Evangelical Christians and some other Protestant denominations believe that all sins, including future sins, are forgiven through faith in Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross. This belief is rooted in the idea that Jesus' death fully atoned for all sins, past, present, and future, for those who believe in Him. 

 

Here's a more detailed explanation:

• Justification by Faith:

  Many Protestants believe that salvation is received through faith alone, meaning that a person is declared righteous in God's sight (justified) by believing in Jesus, not by their own works or merits. 

   
• Atonement for all sins:

  They believe that Christ's sacrifice on the cross was a complete and sufficient payment for all sins of humanity. 

   
• Future sins forgiven:

  Because of this belief in the completeness of Christ's atonement, they believe that future sins are also forgiven at the moment of faith. 

   
• Ongoing relationship with God:

  While future sins are believed to be forgiven, Christians are still encouraged to confess their sins and seek forgiveness for how they fail in this life, fostering a closer relationship with God. 

   
• Emphasis on grace:

  This perspective emphasizes God's grace and forgiveness, highlighting that salvation is a gift freely offered through faith. 

   

It's important to note that not all Christians share this view. Some, particularly within the Eastern Orthodox Church, believe that while Christ's sacrifice provides the possibility of forgiveness, believers must still actively strive for holiness and participate in sacraments like confession to receive forgiveness for sins. 

 

So in some cases , I can believe in Jesus and yes, do whatever I want , and not be judged at all as I am already saved . 

 

 

 

 

 

Just say his name.

 

Rasputin.