Cadcam Posted May 25 Ever since I was young, I've been a rebellious, and lawless person. This has changed, but as I reflected on my past, I had memories of different things. For instance, I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, standing in the middle of my bedroom and calling out "Satan be my god" around that same time I stopped going to church, totally refusing it. This drive my parents nuts. I remember walking to school, and this spirit was giving me lessons on chaos and order, and I, not being happy with how things went, decided to cause chaos (not the right decision). I used to harness this idea of chaos, as I would interact with others. It gave me a spiritual strength. Eventually I found myself manipulating energy with my mind. It was a form of magic. This all came back to bite me in the ass. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cadcam Posted May 27 Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do. I've witnessed in my adult life that spirits interact with us, and can speak through our voices. It could be that I was simply chosen for these things. I really don't know how much we are actually responsible for. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lairg Posted May 27 Religious beliefs commonly are binary - good and bad players. It seems however that Reality is much more complex. Thus rebellious children are often carrying trauma from long ago. They are defending that trauma - in the instinctive hope that they will be free of it at some stage The first step to freedom is to love oneself. Most societies do not teach that - probably to encourage obedience. Very few societies teach how to love oneself. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cadcam Posted May 28 It's difficult to imagine the personality of God. I believe we exist as toys, for what other purpose could there be than to give God company, and something to do? And, being powerful enough to create such an enormous and intricate, complex system of life, what do you suppose a powerful and immortal being would do with this place? We tend to imagine, in our supposed free will, that no one is watching or guiding us, but I can no longer live that way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Apotheose Posted June 3 On 27/05/2025 at 5:01 PM, Cadcam said: Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do. I've witnessed in my adult life that spirits interact with us, and can speak through our voices. It could be that I was simply chosen for these things. I really don't know how much we are actually responsible for. “Making a pact with Satan” and other religious myths are a product of generational exposures to fear and dogma. I wouldn’t recommend actually assuming such thing as true, because your assumptions have ultimate power over your interpretation of reality. You will witness what your mind assumes and accepts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cadcam Posted June 3 That's what I'm saying. I think that words and their meaning have subconscious power, and steer us in the direction of that meaning. So when the spirits took hold of me as a youth and had me say Satan be my god, I subconsciously became a Satanist, and my behavior followed along with that definition. Think about it: how many times can you say you've said or done something without conscious knowledge of where that choice came from? That could be the interaction of a spirit. In my adult life, I've seen this is true, and in reflection I realize that it happened as a child. I think there's a lot we don't know about the spiritual world. We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lairg Posted June 3 8 hours ago, Cadcam said: We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure. Long ago I was dealing with some cases of possession. It seemed (and seems) to me that permission was being given for the possession to occur. Thus there was some free will involved. It turned out that the free will action can be passive - for example walking past wrong-doing without some internal rejection, emotional or mental. Similarly living/working/relating where one knows one should not, is a free will choice that constitutes an invitation to any passing adverse intelligence Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Apotheose Posted June 3 8 hours ago, Cadcam said: That's what I'm saying. I think that words and their meaning have subconscious power, and steer us in the direction of that meaning. So when the spirits took hold of me as a youth and had me say Satan be my god, I subconsciously became a Satanist, and my behavior followed along with that definition. Think about it: how many times can you say you've said or done something without conscious knowledge of where that choice came from? That could be the interaction of a spirit. In my adult life, I've seen this is true, and in reflection I realize that it happened as a child. I think there's a lot we don't know about the spiritual world. We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure. Having no judgment of value regarding your testimonial and your faith, I respectfully reckon this is improbable. Notice how adults keep going deeper and deeper down their own web of rock solid beliefs. This is exactly the opposite of the first level of the alchemical transmutation (Nigredo) and, therefore, it produces heavily destructive results. Why are old people generally so systematic and bitter? Because they have already drowned in their own beliefs and assumptions. That’s why they are more prone to getting “”possessed””. The chances of it happening to a small child is incredibly (and I really mean incredibly!) low. Children are still more in contact with their subconsciousness rather than with the social axioms and demands. And that leads to the conclusion that a child who already has rock solid beliefs must have endured a highly traumatic parental environment. If that’s your case, I’m really sorry. I feel like the highest probability would be the least surprising one. Children have fertile minds. It’s likely you said that out loud, out of curiosity, and the self-suggestion impregnated your perception of reality. Use the mirror principle in your favor. Just fix your habits of thinking and you’ll stop being bothered by “demons” and “Satan”. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent thunder Posted June 4 2 hours ago, Apotheose said: Why are old people generally so systematic and bitter? This is your sample, not others. My experience is profoundly different regarding this aspect of society. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted June 4 Maybe its because we went through decades of not having a plan, method or system and thinking just being positive would do the trick ? Old people are just young people that learnt stuff . 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted June 4 5 hours ago, silent thunder said: This is your sample, not others. My experience is profoundly different regarding this aspect of society. Time to quote Mark Twain ; “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted June 4 .... now of course a 21 yo is no where near as mature as they were back then ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salvijus Posted June 4 (edited) On 2025-05-27 at 11:01 PM, Cadcam said: Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do. It wasn't you who said those words really. You were under the influence that inspired you to think and do certain things. It's a form of channeling you could say. Such thoughts wouldn't enter your mind if you were under the influence of angelic grace. On 2025-05-27 at 11:01 PM, Cadcam said: Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. When you surrender to that influence and allow it to manifest through you, it does indeed enter deeper into your psych and from there its influence becomes more prominent. But the good thing is you can change company any time you want and there's nothing light cannot replace. You might even help the dark entities with the process of ascension as you illuminate your own psyche. Although convincing someone who's under the dark influence to turn to light can take a long time. The solution is simple but reluctance to apply it can take lifetimes. Btw, you're not even the only one like that. Probably 100% of the people conciously or unconsciously were under that influence at least once in their life. It's like a virus in the air. It's not a big deal as long as your immunity is okay. Edited June 4 by Salvijus 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
liminal_luke Posted June 4 (edited) On my next birthday I´ll be sixty. I hope people don´t think of me as bitter, but won´t mind if I´m pigeonholed as systematic. That would be quite nice, actually. Edited June 4 by liminal_luke Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nungali Posted June 4 5 hours ago, Salvijus said: It wasn't you who said those words really. You were under the influence that inspired you to think and do certain things. It's a form of channeling you could say. Such thoughts wouldn't enter your mind if you were under the influence of angelic grace. When you surrender to that influence and allow it to manifest through you, it does indeed enter deeper into your psych and from there its influence becomes more prominent. But the good thing is you can change company any time you want and there's nothing light cannot replace. You might even help the dark entities with the process of ascension as you illuminate your own psyche. Although convincing someone who's under the dark influence to turn to light can take a long time. The solution is simple but reluctance to apply it can take lifetimes. Btw, you're not even the only one like that. Probably 100% of the people conciously or unconsciously were under that influence at least once in their life. It's like a virus in the air. It's not a big deal as long as your immunity is okay. Bravo ! An insight that explains a LOT of the 'why' related to this subject matter . "We' are all 'in the same boat' after all . Trouble with 'normal consciousness' is it assumes one is the Captain, the First Mate, the Bosun , the Deck Hands, the Cabin Boy .... When you get back to 'Port' is the Captain the only one that disembarks ? Imagine if the crew knew that beforehand - I imagine they would be , at least, subversive . They might even want to take over control of the ship ! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
