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Inoran

Lust & Attraction leading to depression

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I have a deep lust for petite body types.  My gf has gained quite a bit of weight over the years compared to when we first started dating 6 years ago.  I'm not a big guy and there is something about smaller sized women that have always allured me.  My gf is not petite but not naturally big either.  I have been feeling severely depressed about this because I lack the attraction I once had to her.  I still love her and her personality but I have a high sex drive and being attractive toward the opposite sex has always been a dominant motivating force for me.  I know I'm objectifying and judging her based on materialistic viewpoints to which even if she had my ideal body type would not last in with age, but I'm struggling to stay interested.  I feel depressed because I never feel sexually excited or motivated when I see her.  

 

My very nature is driven by self improvement and striving toward goals.  Thus I'm very much into health and exercise and I've always sought out someone who shares that.  She is interested in exercise and health but not driven like me and so nothing ever changes.  

 

We have talked about this over and over and it has hurt her very much knowing I'm concerned how she looks.  This furthers my depression because I feel like it shouldn't bother me and I judge myself too.

 

She is very self conscious of her body now and I feel talking about it has made it so much worse. 

 

I'm not sure how to let this go.  Any suggestions or practices?  

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How do i let go, but to let go?

 

How does one drop a heavy bag when tired?

 

release

 

 

and when aware one has unwittingly picked it up again, then what?

 

open the hand holding on

drop it

 

release

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You've made it clear that this is a problem and that your losing attraction towards her....good....its good that you spoke up and made your feelings clear. 

 

Intermittent Fasting is a very useful and easy tool for losing weight....sell it to her as something that you can do "together" and that it can help bring you closer as a couple. Physical health and looks are important, if they weren't, then nature wouldn't have programmed us to seek out certain shapes, sizes and features.

 

If she gets on board with the regiment and starts losing weight (give it a few months) then thats great. If she does not do so....dump her and find a woman who is willing to go the distance to maintain a harmonious relationship....right now it seems like your the only dog pulling the sled. 

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Meditation in general is the practice that allows you to recognize your thoughts when they arise then let them be.

 

Anyway there are many other possible approaches to such a problem.  From dumping her, finding a lover, reprogramming your mind to develop passion for bigger sized women instead, to praying to a deity, some kind of loving kindness meditation, etc. etc.

 

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How old are you?  Is it too early in life to settle?  Love and sex can be two different things, which do you want or do you want them both?  Are you too young to settle?

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22 hours ago, Inoran said:

I feel depressed because I never feel sexually excited or motivated when I see her.  

 

Why should she be responsible for your own emotions?  

 

You should also ask yourself if it is healthy to want to feel lust every time you see her. 

 

Whatever is happening within you, your sexual motivation, is your own responsibility. Its not her fault and its nasty to try and blame her for this.

 

If you want your sexual motivation to come back, practice celibacy for awhile, meaning no sexual release. If your sexual energy is down, many things will not excite you as they used to because of this.

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Lust isn't exactly the name of your problem. If you cannot achieve excitation for other body types except the ones you like, then what you have is a form of sexual perversion (not judging, it is the term as it is).

 

This is very common, especially on young men of this day and age. You need to free your own sexual desire and impulses of the shackles you've put on them, which limit such urges to petite body types. Instead of supressing lust, what you need to do is to learn how to use the sexual impulses the correct way - by directing them towards healthy energy outlets.

 

That includes having a good, healthy excitatory response with most types of human bodies in erotic situation.

 

On another words: You don't get excited for your chubby girlfriend and that's normal. But not ideal. You need to liberate and allow for your sexual desires to flow the route of excitation for body types other than petite ones. That's an exercise of relaxation, acceptance, curiosity and breaking self-imposing limitations - not of repressing.

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