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I have a deep lust for petite body types. My gf has gained quite a bit of weight over the years compared to when we first started dating 6 years ago. I'm not a big guy and there is something about smaller sized women that have always allured me. My gf is not petite but not naturally big either. I have been feeling severely depressed about this because I lack the attraction I once had to her. I still love her and her personality but I have a high sex drive and being attractive toward the opposite sex has always been a dominant motivating force for me. I know I'm objectifying and judging her based on materialistic viewpoints to which even if she had my ideal body type would not last in with age, but I'm struggling to stay interested. I feel depressed because I never feel sexually excited or motivated when I see her. My very nature is driven by self improvement and striving toward goals. Thus I'm very much into health and exercise and I've always sought out someone who shares that. She is interested in exercise and health but not driven like me and so nothing ever changes. We have talked about this over and over and it has hurt her very much knowing I'm concerned how she looks. This furthers my depression because I feel like it shouldn't bother me and I judge myself too. She is very self conscious of her body now and I feel talking about it has made it so much worse. I'm not sure how to let this go. Any suggestions or practices?
So I was watching a Youtube vid about the Prophecy of Maitreya's Future Buddhahood when there was a line translated in the vid that talked about cultivating the Four Dharmas of Attraction. For some reason that line popped out at me tonight like it never had before ( I really like that video as it always makes me feel so happy and delightful when I watch it - especially when Maitreya Buddha honors Mahakasyapa and is honored in return by Mahakasyapa). Anyway...I wondered what that meant - the Four Dharmas of Attraction as I'd never noticed them before so I ran a search on it and found some commentary by Master Hsuan Hua translated into English from the Avatamsaka Sutra (isn't that the same as the Flower Ornament Sutra?). There was a transcription of a small bit of the sutra followed by Master Hua's commentary and I noticed it was giving an exacting description of precisely the things one needs to put into practice daily to attain to the 4 Dharmas of Attraction. Those being 1. Attracting living beings 2. The power to use kind and loving words to inspire them and inspire joy 3. Beneficial Conduct 4. Similarity in Deeds Master Hua states the first two are the beginning practices on the path to being a Bodhisattva and it all starts with the daily mental practice of seeing yourself giving offerings to all the Buddhas of all the time periods and all directions. Then you immediately imagine any reciprocal benefit coming to you from the first step - you then turn around and imagine yourself giving that benefit to the ground of all-wisdom. I presume the all-wisdom is prajna wisdom, yes? the article never really states what is meant by "all-wisdom" I assume it means 'prajna' wisdom. To my great surprise I noticed this document was a description of some things I like to do. I did them just because it's to a point that envisioning such is simply expressing a true desire I have. I was not aware it is actually considered a real cultivation method for the mind but apparently it is. I just do it because I want to at that particular moment when it pops up. Was not aware there is any particular kind of fruit from that practice but it seems to be that there is. Now where I am somewhat perplexed is with the final 2 "practices". Beneficial Conduct and Similarity in Deeds. Master Hua says these are not quite the same as practicing the paramita of giving (ie generosity). Practicing giving is a practice of the first two but not completely of the last two. That is...it shows this person is a beginner, a white belt, a greenhorn on the path to becoming a Bodhisattva. Which made me laugh because now I can definitely state I am a noob - Mind-wise - on the path even according to other Buddhists. Back to the last 2 dharmas. They seem obvious at first glance. Until I really started to wonder what those 2 practices must actually consist of as a daily routine. And that I confess I don't know for sure. Beneficial Conduct seems kind of happenstance...maybe that day you'll be lucky enough to practice it if you're around enough people but if you live alone or for whatever reason don't have much daily contact with other people it might not pop up as an opportunity at all. Or perhaps it involves some kind of practice I'm not aware of. Nor did the article extract mention one. Similarity in Deeds is even more puzzling. About the only thing I can think of is that old saw some religious people ask themselves, "what would Jesus do in this situation?" or "what would the Buddha do in this situation?" and then hopefully intuit the answer (Buddha-dharma-compliant of course). I want to practice the other 2 dharmas as well. Does anyone know if the Avatamsaka Sutra itself explains those last two and gives examples? I don't own a copy so unfortunately can not read the source document. Is there anyone here who practices along these lines daily to cultivate the four dharmas of attraction? If so what do you do and what has been your experience of such? Here is the extract I found: http://www.drbachinese.org/vbs/1_100/vbs93/93_3.html The original Youtube vid I watched:
A lot of info in this Documentary- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HA6nBS-KHEc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_Ogfmo7_O8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dfTzwvQgKk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1daC6cpzzo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl9xpkxJ6lU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9wz_7e0w6M http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDxJxe1CUog http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHZAl2R_1lw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeDgLTN-BHU One thing I especially find interesting... is that you always hear preachy, unrealistic, or idealistic people complaining about how they don't like it when people are rated on their physical attractiveness based on a scale of 1 to 10. Yet, in reality, when scientists want to study attraction and sex appeal, and how they affect social dynamics, in the scientific studies they rate people's physical attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10.