2ndchance

How to Develop 1) Loving-Kindness / Benevolence (Metta) 2) Compassion (Karuna) 3) Empathetic Joy (Mudita) 4) Equanimity (Upekkha) towards your most hated enemies?

Recommended Posts

24 minutes ago, manitou said:

 

 

This, to me, is the essence of humility.  It's unusual in society to run into people who look within to find out 'why they've manifested this' because of their own character deficiencies.  The tendency, of course, is for people to place blame on others when things don't go our way.  As I see it, the only way to change the situation is to change ourselves.  Nice post, Kondensation!

 

So is yours, Manitou! :)

 

Yes, it is so much easier to blame others for what is not functioning in our lives than to look within ourselves for the roots of our negative experiences.

 

The 'trick' is, while we are seeking introspective insight, not to blame ourselves either for whatever we may find. That is, to apply the compassion and loving kindness that we hope to practice in our interactions with others also to ourselves.

 

This must be based on faith in the indestructible validity of our innate Buddha nature. It is a sign of maturity to attain to that level of understanding.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Armando said:

prematurely releasing

Expand more on this point please? 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Pilgrim said:

Expand more on this point please? 

 

This caught my attention too.

 

I can't imagine something *actually* releasing until it's ready to go. 

 

If it goes and comes back, it was never released in the first place.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Fa Xin said:

 

This caught my attention too.

 

I can't imagine something *actually* releasing until it's ready to go. 

 

If it goes and comes back, it was never released in the first place.

 

That's kinda the point.. there are many ways in which people can bypass and avoid issues - prematurely believing they have let something go. And even this aversion can become it's own seed.. ready to sprout when similar situations arise. 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
23 hours ago, Armando said:

 

 

The 'trick' is, while we are seeking introspective insight, not to blame ourselves either for whatever we may find. That is, to apply the compassion and loving kindness that we hope to practice in our interactions with others also to ourselves.

 

This must be based on faith in the indestructible validity of our innate Buddha nature. It is a sign of maturity to attain to that level of understanding.

 

 

Yes, I agree, that too is the trick.  We must remember that everything we have done has been part of our path - we wouldn't be what we are today unless we had gone through the very circumstances that may make us cringe today, LOL.  And, being a recovering alcoholic, I've got plenty to cringe about - but now the cringe turns to chuckles when I realize what a jerk I was....(Like for example when I was wearing a beautiful black gown on New Year Eve, but coming out of a blackout and finding myself kneeling on the floor barfing into a toilet in the men's room at some strange bowling alley - I had no idea how I got there---I mean things like this were not unusual at all).  All I can do now is give myself a break and laugh about it.

Edited by manitou
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Loving Kindness .... for who ?

Do you even know what you yourself want ?

 

We live on a planet of people rushing about. 

They wish to be loving, compassionate, and so on ... after all haven't we been taught that this is the thing to do ?

 

But do people know who they are ?
How can you be compassionate to anyone else, if you aren't to yourself.

If you don't know who you are.
Do you know even what you like to eat ... or do you just eat ?
If you could do anything ... do you know what you yourself want ?


Has anyone ever asked you, who you are, and what you want ?

 

There are 180,000 charities in this country.   

One should have been enough, except they do not understand.

 

Compassion is not when you give people dollars, nor when you give people "love".

Compassion is when you give people themselves.

Then they don't need you.

 

And you can't do that, unless you have given you yourself.

Unless you care about what you actually want, and feel, and think.

 

Unless you act upon what you yourself are, want, think and feel - then you cannot be a "good person".

As you turn away from truth of yourself.

 

Mankind does not need another 180,000 charities, nor the kind of "loving" that they have done in the past.

They need themselves.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3.3.2019 at 6:23 PM, Armando said:

 

These are important issues...

 

Tantric Buddhism aims neither at repressing nor at prematurely releasing what can be seen as negative emotions. This is true at least on more advanced levels of practice. Rather, it teaches to accept those emotions as natural and to transform them eventually. The underlying understanding being that what is negative and destructive is just the distortion of something that is - essentially and potentially - positive and constructive.

 

On 4.3.2019 at 3:49 PM, Pilgrim said:

Expand more on this point please? 

 

On 4.3.2019 at 3:54 PM, Fa Xin said:

 

This caught my attention too.

 

I can't imagine something *actually* releasing until it's ready to go. 

 

If it goes and comes back, it was never released in the first place.

 

On 4.3.2019 at 4:14 PM, ilumairen said:

 

That's kinda the point.. there are many ways in which people can bypass and avoid issues - prematurely believing they have let something go. And even this aversion can become it's own seed.. ready to sprout when similar situations arise. 

 

Thank you for answering that so aptly for me, Ilumairen. :)

 

There is really not very much to add to this, except perhaps that there will always be those in any system of cultivation (including Buddhism) trying to use their meditative practices to escape from their issues. And while we all should certainly integrate ample opportunities for levity into our lives, at the end of the day, our practices can and should have helped us confront and make progress with our issues - which they have the potential for doing in so many ways, especially when we are talking about Tantric Buddhism.

 

There truly isn't much chance to release any issues before it is ready to be released anyway - but there are plenty of ways to trick ourselves into believing we got over them and have attained a higher level now, when there is still so much we once decided to tuck away in our basement.

 

Yet there comes a time when, in order for true progress to take place, we need to bring that stuff back to the light of day, so we can apply awareness and come to terms with it. In some cases, this may mean that we let it go for good at last, in others we may decide to even put it back on that shelf in our living room, at least for the time being. :)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4.3.2019 at 6:01 PM, manitou said:

 

 

Yes, I agree, that too is the trick.  We must remember that everything we have done has been part of our path - we wouldn't be what we are today unless we had gone through the very circumstances that may make us cringe today, LOL.  And, being a recovering alcoholic, I've got plenty to cringe about - but now the cringe turns to chuckles when I realize what a jerk I was....(Like for example when I was wearing a beautiful black gown on New Year Eve, but coming out of a blackout and finding myself kneeling on the floor barfing into a toilet in the men's room at some strange bowling alley - I had no idea how I got there---I mean things like this were not unusual at all).  All I can do now is give myself a break and laugh about it.

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences. As a matter of fact, some of the wisest and most caring individuals I have met in my life have been through similar things and worse...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
41 minutes ago, Armando said:

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences. As a matter of fact, some of the wisest and most caring individuals I have met in my life have been through similar things and worse...

 

 

  I agree.  Many recovering ones go on to do incredible things.  It has to do with the 'fearless and thorough moral inventory' as described in Step 4 of the 12 steps.  Once this process of viewing ourselves (out of necessity!) begins, it continues throughout one's life.  When I first did that step, I made the assumption that I had every character defect I could think of, and then it was just a matter of figuring out to which degree it manifested within me.  Then there are remedies to remove it, or at least as much as we can at the time.  It also includes the humiliating process of making amends to those we had harmed.  As I see it now, after doing this in awareness for 38 years, the steps work as well as anything else to start the process toward self realization.

 

But nobody tells you that when you first walk in....:o

Edited by manitou
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, manitou said:

 

 

  I agree.  Many recovering ones go on to do incredible things.  It has to do with the 'fearless and thorough moral inventory' as described in Step 4 of the 12 steps.  Once this process of viewing ourselves (out of necessity!) begins, it continues throughout one's life.  When I first did that step, I made the assumption that I had every character defect I could think of, and then it was just a matter of figuring out to which degree it manifested within me.  Then there are remedies to remove it, or at least as much as we can at the time.  It also includes the humiliating process of making amends to those we had harmed.  As I see it now, after doing this in awareness for 38 years, the steps work as well as anything else to start the process toward self realization.

 

In fact, in Tantric Buddhism, there are practices of even amplifying a toxic behaviour temporarily as to really grasp its lesson. A way that is not without danger, obviously, and would best be done only under the guidance and supervision of a master, however, I observe that people will sometimes repeat destructive patterns of behaviour unwittingly until (as you indicated) they can take that next step on their journey, or else... Making you wonder if that is not what it was all aimed at in the first place.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Armando said:

 

In fact, in Tantric Buddhism, there are practices of even amplifying a toxic behaviour temporarily as to really grasp its lesson. 

 

 

 I like that.  Makes sense to me.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Daoist approach is generally never to single out a problem or emotional reaction and focus on fixing that. Anyone know why that is?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, freeform said:

 Anyone know why that is?

Root and branch? 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Mudfoot said:

Root and branch? 

 

Good one - that’s certainly an aspect of what I’m driving at.

 

Except the modern approach is to try to reach the root by following the branch... which is counter to the Daoist approach.

Edited by freeform
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, freeform said:

 

Good one - that’s certainly an aspect of what I’m driving at.

Are you going primordeal on me here? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Mudfoot said:

Are you going primordeal on me here? 

 

Nope :)

 

Well kind of :)

 

Ok ok I’ll explain. The original aim of Daoist medicine and internal arts is for aligning Xing and Ming in spiritual cultivation...

 

So the aim isn’t to turn a negative emotional reaction to positive - the aim is to get rid of them altogether - like peeling layers of an onion, instead of patching those layers up.

 

When you focus on fixing a problem, you create a new ‘layer’ around it - even if your intention is to get rid of it. Because by the very act of singling it out, you create aversion and you give it power (Qi follows Yi etc).

 

The same is the case for positive aspects... If you do a good deed and then focus on it and think how good you are for having done this, you create a new layer (not based in aversion but in clinging)...

 

Thus, the Sage governs:

He is empty of Heart, full of Belly and free from desire.

His resolve is strong.

He keeps his people free of scheming and desire; he does not allow them to be interfered with by the knowledgeable.

 

‘The people’ by the way, is one’s internal thoughts/emotions/mental aspects.

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites