I have never felt LOVE before. Why ? Is there a fix ?

[Cheshire Cat]

I have to wonder though, why someone would do that. 99.9% of the people I meet feel fake, plastic, artificial, not genuine, etc. Why would I pick up someone that feels like a stranger and try and do nice things with them to build up empathy? Seems a little silly to me.

 

The "cultivation aspect" of a relationship should be to cultivate love: in neikung language should be something like "open the heart center/chakra".

 

The point is that with love, one shares many things on all levels: men of the past (in our culture) usually opted for a virgin/young partner for this very reason.... a lesser impact on the emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels from an individual with no business outside of the family.

[BaguaKicksAss]

I have to wonder though, why someone would do that. 99.9% of the people I meet feel fake, plastic, artificial, not genuine, etc. Why would I pick up someone that feels like a stranger and try and do nice things with them to build up empathy? Seems a little silly to me.

 

www.mopaidating.com

 

[Wells]

I don't think real love is what Hollywood sells us.

 

Romantic love as best I can tell is a sham, and exists only as something like a drug induced altered state of consciousness to ensure babies get made.

 

Most of the men I know personally that got married and had kids are now divorced or still together and miserable.

 

What good is trading a few years of bliss for a lifetime of misery with the wrong person?

 

I don't think I could ever be happy with anyone if we weren't on the same wavelength, working towards the same goals.

 

What is the point of being in a relationship if you have to change who you are, or compromise your life goals to make the relationship work?

 

For me any real love would have to be with someone who was on the same path I was, and wanted to team up to work towards that goal with me, otherwise they would just be a distraction holding me back.

 

I wanted to make a similar statement!

I agree 100% with all of your points and have nothing to add!

 

[BaguaKicksAss]

I think the folks who found themselves miserable after (both men and women) didn't choose the one they connected with the most in the first place. How many folks date or marry due to various superficial reasons, or what their parents wanted, or who their friends encouraged.

 

But also this brings up the argument... is it better to have loved and lost (or loved and realized that that person was horrid for you), or never loved in the first place?

[yabyum24]

But I've met a lot of classy girls recently with good backgrounds, and I can't snag any of them because I can't romance them. I can't romance them cause I am devoid of real feeling. Its frustrating as hell. I want to @#$ her brains out but it so much hard work getting there. Its so much easier to meet women online for casual flings, but quality, self respecting women do not prostitute themselves or do adult dating.

Wow, there are some very contradictory views there. You are attracted to classy girls because they don't jump into bed with you but all you want to do is to get them into bed. Thrill of the hunt thing.

 

On the other hand, if they did, then (in your view) they would be little better than a prostitute.

 

Looks like it's a no-win situation for yourself and the lady.

 

The classy girls sense the lack of empathy from your side and there is no way you can really fake empathy. They know that they would be just another notch on your bedpost and they don't want that.

 

And what about the prostitutes you visit, or the ladies you meet via dating sites. They're women too and don't deserve to be seen as worthless. And don't forget (from your power uber alles perspective) that they are using you every bit as much as you are using them.

 

Your division of women into virgins & whores is where the problem lies, neither category is genuine - people are more nuanced than that but if you are not prepared to get to know them, how will you understand that?

 

There has been some good advice given on this thread but perhaps the best mentioned just trying to help people and make a positive difference to their lives. You can give unconditionally and not be weak. You would be surprised.

[thelerner]

 

 

Your division of women into virgins & whores is where the problem lies, neither category is genuine - people are more nuanced than that but if you are not prepared to get to know them, how will you understand that?

yup, and not just specifically but generally too.. for all of us.

[mike 134]

I just wrote a huge response where I vented all of my frustration, but you know what I really shouldn't be doing that. So instead I deleted it and will just say that I appreciate the helpful insights and the discussion offered here. I don't quite understand everything written here and I'd hate to be the petulant dude who gets a ton of advice but doesn't follow it. Even if I didn't quote you I read everything and I will digest it bit by bit. It will take me a while to comprehend everything here and certainly it will come in stages. Thank you for all who have given me good advice.

 

"Friend", how do you know all that stuff I read your post like 10 times and my head is spinning. You should be some kind of love guru.

Edited December 9, 2013 by mike 134

[ganjaboy]

I'd like to say that I have felt the exact same way as the O.P. before. There was a time when I was only turned on by porn, or adult dating "hookup" sites. I was there on the interwebs looking for videos or pictures that i thought would bring me exactly what i was looking for in life.

 

the pinnacle moment came for me when i realized that slowly, i was losing interest in everything in life except the destruction cycle.

 

And, as hard as it is to spit out, that's the way it works. The female gender is made to endure, the male gender is made to do and create, then wither and die. Observe this in species of animals in their native habitat time and time again. I had gotten so low that the only thing I could be motivated by was my earthly nature to reproduce; I had, essentially, been hijacked by my own hormones. The cycle was --- use porn, get aroused, get off, feel shitty for awhile and accomplish nothing, rinse and repeat. at my lowest, i even went so far as to have a hookup with a girl i didnt even love. Inadvertently, I had given her my chi energy, as she left the encounter refreshed and energetic, and i was desolate, thinking that i would have gained something remarkable which was always out of reach.

 

I got irritable, frustrated, my life was empty. I was missing something. I treated others unkindly, with repressed frustration, and a hidden layer of insecurity. I didn't know what it was to love.

 

I don't like to admit it but drug use was what helped me to realize what I had been lacking. When I got high, I didn't feel horny and almost instinctively started to feel from the heart more. I rediscovered love for creativity, art, and even my parents. I recalled weeping when I reflected on the fact that they, as well as I, were growing older, having endured so much in life and seen me through everything. I attenuated the earthly realm just enough to allow myself to feel from the heart centers.

 

It was difficult but I eventually quit porn after a couple attempts. It did myself a big favor because my body in turn adapted; I started getting aroused by clothed woman in everday situations. In college I got heavily into meditation and the Jing-Qi-Shen relation, and have been working on that to this day.

 

I want to be a divine human, in essence, that is, male and female. i'm not just a sex robot, i'm an individual with an identity and a personality. i lost my personality for awhile, when i was acting more like an animal. But to live I need to actively practice and cultivate life to the best of my ability.

 

Cultivating with a partner is good, I have done it. It's tricky though, because most girls will not understand if you don't orgasm or waste seed on every encounter. if it's a girl of the wrong type, they will only be satisfied with that because that is where they draw their chi energy. Avoid this type at all possible, they are energy vampires

 

Chi energy CAN be felt in sex. but it's not sex of the animalistic type. it's sex that celebrates being human and actually celebrates love.

 

chi can be felt in other areas as well....music,art, literature, conversation

Edited December 9, 2013 by dhiggs

[Clarity]

Three pages of advice and not one mention of 'mother,' 'father,' or 'therapy'. Now that's pretty amazing.

 

The foundation for all of your relationships with women starts with the mother (and all mother's from the past).

 

The solution is to resolve your karma with your mother, all mothers, and all women, including all past wives, lovers, and friends.

 

As long as we are slaves to our past, we are doomed to repeat it.

 

Remember what Merlin said to King Arthur in Excalibur (the movie): "It is the doom of men that they forget."

 

Karma is meant to be resolved, not re-lived over and over again.

[RiverSnake]

It has been my long term observation that we tend to attract lovers whom are similar to us.

 

You have previously had a very superficial view of dating....ie....busting a nut as quickly as possible and if she doesn't give it to me soon then she is a waste of time. However, it seems like this kind of habit has run its course and you want a deeper relationship with deeper feelings of love, connection, romance.....etc

 

One might say you are likely in some kind of transition point in which you have outgrown one pattern of desire and release.....and are looking for other kinds of satisfaction which you think will fulfill you. When you have outgrown the idea that anything external can actually make you permanently satisfied and fulfilled then you will look to spirituality.....till that time comes this is my advice:

 

We attract people whom are similar to us....if you want deeper, more intimate and mature relationships then you need to become a deeper, more intimate and more mature person, which based on your post, you are not. There are many ways of approaching this....but internal work is the quickest way to achieve "depth"in ones life. Other ways is critical self analysis, look at your flaws and meditate on them without judgement, give them thanks for their service in protecting you and then pray for them to be healed and dissolved.

 

Expand your vision of life and what you really want in the long term instead of temporary and limited carnal desires which are highly transitory. What is your purpose in life, your dreams, passions....etc. Channel them into how you live your life and you will naturally grow as a person.

 

My 2 cents, Peace

Edited December 10, 2013 by OldChi

[thelerner]

I have to wonder though, why someone would do that. 99.9% of the people I meet feel fake, plastic, artificial, not genuine, etc. Why would I pick up someone that feels like a stranger and try and do nice things with them to build up empathy? Seems a little silly to me.

To me its the opposite. I've been traveling recently and generally I've been amazed at the kindness of strangers. You show a little respect, say a kind word, show a smile and you start out with the best of a person. They've lowered there shields and you can converse with them honestly. I've had good conversations whether its with leather clad Harley bikers, old rodeo hands or people waiting in the cold. Especially when traveling you gain knowledge and a friend when things go wrong, like a 5 hour plane delay.

The ordinary person is .. Us.. Real 3 dimensional people we can enjoy talking to and learning from. Secret of life, drop your prejudices, be interested in whats around you.

[ganjaboy]

 

To some extent, I think it's true, lol.

 

I'm not saying women are evil. But if you are the kind of guy who is physically addicted to sex, women of the sort who wish to take advantage of you (and essentially, steal your chi energy) will pick up on this very quickly. If you follow this road you'll just become emptier and emptier, and the women you give yourself to time and time again will become more powerful.

 

It works like this - the lower the jing and chi, the more you need (or at least think you need) sex.

 

I've concluded that, as a male, the secret is to cultivate your jing and thereby chi, ridding yourself of the NEED to have sex with women. Then any relationship you have with a woman will by default be founded on love and not lust, and you will probably be a more interesting person as well.

 

To the OP, If you are truly experiencing a lack of love, what you need is greater sensitivity. Lust blinds this sensitivity. You need to realize that sex encompasses only a part of what a relationship is; it's a flash in the pan. The older I've gotten I've felt this more and more. In greater sense it's about having a companion who cares about you, who makes you complete and who you complete, about having someone to spend time with and share life with. If you can't manually attenuate your hormones enough to feel this, do an experiment. For a week or so, eat modestly, and eat a diet that does little but cater to the very basic nutrient needs of the body, i.e. vegetables and fruit. At the same time, meditate and take note of all the evil and emptiness in the world, the cycles of destruction, hate, fear, intimidation. Are you really as strong as you think you are? Is your addiction to sex out of anything more than your own pleasure, are you in fact alone? You will fear a somewhat childlike need to cling to something, somebody, much as child clings to mother. THIS is an element of love - the warmth brought by companionship. Insensitivity tricks you into thinking that you don't have a heart and don't need anyone, anywhere, ever.

Edited December 10, 2013 by dhiggs