Can't get over my EX

[Maddie]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up about two and half months ago, and yet it feels like it was only yesterday. I don't understand why I can not get over her? I have tried everything, meditation, qigong, natural cures and the like. I am tired of pat answers from people saying "just don't think about her" or "don't worry about it". I mean if that was so simple to do, I would not be having this problem in the first place. The bigger thing is, I don't understand why I would even miss her at all, as she was horrible to me and treated my like shit. A few years ago I left my now ex wife and that was a relief, it was wonderful to get away from her, and she treated me like shit too, so I don't understand why I'm so hung up on this one.

 

I believe with all my heart that she has borderline personality disorder, and now she acts as though I'm evil and won't even speak a word to me, and tries to pretend she does not even see me if she has to walk by, and I just don't get it, as I had never tried harder to be there for anyone. I meditate several times a day, take herbs, do acupuncture, take Bach flower remedies, crystal elixirs, and homeopathic cures, but it seems as if nothing works. I might go a few days where I think I'm doing better, and then BAM I fall right back into feeling hurt, and missing her. Why on earth would anyone miss someone so badly, who treated them so horribly?? She would hit, bite, scratch, and scream at me, and yet I just kept taking it and being kind to her back, and now she acts like I'm the devil? I just don't get it.

 

Anyways if anyone really is in the know about how to get over something like this I would really like to hear about it. What I really don't want to hear are things like "just don't think about her" or pat answers like that. I will appreciate any help.

[eye_of_the_storm]

Can you go under or around her?

 

Imagine cutting away the emotional connections etc with a sword... or scissor // whatever you prefer.

 

Either you enjoyed the abuse

 

or she has hexed you...

 

Maybe a psychopath / energetic vampire

 

what do you like about her?

 

or maybe you are an unconscious vampire and they are acting in defense unconsciously too.

 

Maybe you're trying too hard... clinging too much... smothering them...being obsessive // feeding off their attention / reactions etc

 

let them breathe?

Edited September 14, 2012 by White Wolf Running On Air

[skydog]

EFT Matrix Reimprinting can be powerful for negative memories and removing the strength of beliefs.

Edited September 15, 2012 by sinansencer

[Aetherous]

It takes time. For me it took a few years to really get over one of my serious girlfriends. But then just 10 years after the fact (or about 5 years after getting over her), the other night I found myself having a dream about being with her. lol, wtf, get out of my head!

 

At least now I don't feel suicidal about not being able to be with her, as I did right after she broke it off with me. Breaking someone's heart is bad karma! Giving your heart completely to someone who will probably break it, is worse karma.

 

It gets easier as time goes by. The first months are supremely hard, but then it's not as bad. Really. Be with friends...it won't make the memories and feelings go away completely like some magical solution, but it helps a lot. Most important is that you've got to move on completely, and have no desire for her to take you back. If she did, you need to be in a place where you would never accept her back. As long as you have such low self esteem which causes you to possibly want to be with her (which is where the bad feelings come from), you're going to not be "over her". I mean, look at her behavior...she actually does not deserve you.

 

You might want to talk to a counselor until you get normal again. I wish you the best of luck.

[Boy]

...

Edited October 11, 2012 by Boy

[Ish]

Yeah i have to agree you seem to be relying too much on these random practices rather than just working on the root of the problem - Mind. Time will also heal but having reasonable and effective thought patterns with constant awareness will speed up the process.

[paulno]

It takes time. Bad relationships can be a beast on the emotions. I had a bad breakup a number of years ago and for months it haunted me. I tried prayer and meditation and it really didn't help.

 

What I found helped the most? Distraction. Especially, at night. Don't let yourself get too bored. You'll just sit there and marinate in your thoughts. Video games, thought provoking movies and or books, go out dancing, a sport you love etc. etc. Try to stay active as you can for a month. I promise you'll feel better.

 

Now will it be 100% better? Certainly not. But, you'll be further along. That's the key. Time will take care of the wound. You just need to redirect yourself from the monkey mind in the meantime.

[skydog]

You will not like this, so be warned.. I mean it.

 

I'm in the know. Your ex is just another symptom of your actual problem, and you should be thankful for having met her. You are living in a dream world where flowers and herbs and elixirs and meditation and acupunture take precedence over the psychology of the human mind. Some see this and use it to exploit you. I wish for your sake that this pain that you are now experiencing will stay with you and torment you mercilessly until you wake up to the real world.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

 

Yes nice answer, pain and suffering which is often extreme when it comes to situations with women can really motivate one to change ones life, behaviour, goals, values. Also I think Stillness Movement or Taoism is great because there is less ego going on and thus less identification with these kind of issues..

Edited September 15, 2012 by sinansencer

[et-thoughts]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up about two and half months ago, and yet it feels like it was only yesterday. I don't understand why I can not get over her? I have tried everything, meditation, qigong, natural cures and the like. I am tired of pat answers from people saying "just don't think about her" or "don't worry about it". I mean if that was so simple to do, I would not be having this problem in the first place. The bigger thing is, I don't understand why I would even miss her at all, as she was horrible to me and treated my like shit. A few years ago I left my now ex wife and that was a relief, it was wonderful to get away from her, and she treated me like shit too, so I don't understand why I'm so hung up on this one.

 

I believe with all my heart that she has borderline personality disorder, and now she acts as though I'm evil and won't even speak a word to me, and tries to pretend she does not even see me if she has to walk by, and I just don't get it, as I had never tried harder to be there for anyone. I meditate several times a day, take herbs, do acupuncture, take Bach flower remedies, crystal elixirs, and homeopathic cures, but it seems as if nothing works. I might go a few days where I think I'm doing better, and then BAM I fall right back into feeling hurt, and missing her. Why on earth would anyone miss someone so badly, who treated them so horribly?? She would hit, bite, scratch, and scream at me, and yet I just kept taking it and being kind to her back, and now she acts like I'm the devil? I just don't get it.

 

Anyways if anyone really is in the know about how to get over something like this I would really like to hear about it. What I really don't want to hear are things like "just don't think about her" or pat answers like that. I will appreciate any help.

 

OBTW Why do you have the expectation that she will actually speak and recognize you... Why do you keep trying harder to be there for her, especially in light of the horrible treatments? That you keep something in mind means that there is still some lessons that you have to learn from such stuff... learn it ... and move on--- Oh always focus and think about what you do want!

 

In other words '"just do think about ..." whatever it is you do want to think about!

[Boy]

...

Edited October 11, 2012 by Boy

[Maddie]

I thought I would clarify a few things, and give some feed back...

 

Can you go under or around her?

Imagine cutting away the emotional connections etc with a sword... or scissor // whatever you prefer.

Either you enjoyed the abuse

or she has hexed you...

Maybe a psychopath / energetic vampire

what do you like about her?

or maybe you are an unconscious vampire and they are acting in defense unconsciously too.

Maybe you're trying too hard... clinging too much... smothering them...being obsessive // feeding off their attention / reactions etc

let them breathe?

 

I have tried the cord cutting thing a little.

 

I hated the abuse, it sucked.

 

She's breathing all she wants know as we don't even speak to each other. Before when we were together she would freak out if I was not around her all the time.

 

I felt bad about a girl last year and it lasted a while...was doing a lot of eft matrix reimprinting for memories at one point when i joined this site 10 months ago... i did the eft matrix reimprinting on one specific memory and came to see like a million faulty beliefs and truck loads of pain went away..it took 5 hours but I actually felt like a completely different person after..

Also perhaps you are in a situation where you believe you have a lack of chance in meeting women

 

What is EFT Matrix Re-imprinting? If it helped you that much I would be interested in knowing more about it. I'm not worried about meeting women, just trying to get over this one.

 

To Turtle Shell thanks for your advice and input. I have been thinking about seeing a councilor and prolly will do it here soon. ;-)

 

To Boy, actually I am very much into psych and the mind, I just use those other tools to help with it.

 

OBTW Why do you have the expectation that she will actually speak and recognize you... Why do you keep trying harder to be there for her, especially in light of the horrible treatments? That you keep something in mind means that there is still some lessons that you have to learn from such stuff... learn it ... and move on--- Oh always focus and think about what you do want!

 

I don't keep trying to be there for her now. What I was saying is when I did try to be there for her, I got no credit for it. The fear of your partner "not being there" is a classic Borderline Personality Disorder symptom (see I am into psych), which is what I'm convinced she is.

[Clarity]

You have both direct and indirect karma with your ex-girlfiend (both from the present and from other time and space). The only reason you even dated was to resolve that karma. None of the things you mentioned will help resolve it because they don't address the real causes.

 

It's really more of a spiritual problem, not psychological. Although, the spirit can weaken the mind and create the appearance of a psychological problem while the root lies elsewhere.

 

People suffer enough as it is, there's no need to wallow in pain. Knowledge without compassion can lead to cruelty.

 

You keep 'taking it' because you 'dished it out' once in a big away. PM me if you want some specific corrections for the karma with her and your spiritual experiences around trauma.

[Maddie]

You have both direct and indirect karma with your ex-girlfiend (both from the present and from other time and space). The only reason you even dated was to resolve that karma. None of the things you mentioned will help resolve it because they don't address the real causes.

 

It's really more of a spiritual problem, not psychological. Although, the spirit can weaken the mind and create the appearance of a psychological problem while the root lies elsewhere.

 

People suffer enough as it is, there's no need to wallow in pain. Knowledge without compassion can lead to cruelty.

 

You keep 'taking it' because you 'dished it out' once in a big away. PM me if you want some specific corrections for the karma with her and your spiritual experiences around trauma.

 

This answer seems to make more sense than any so far. I have been pondering this explanation quite a bit lately.

[Mal]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up about two and half months ago, and yet it feels like it was only yesterday. I don't understand why I can not get over her?

 

When we are not talking about "a simple school crush" but an actual relationship, 2 1/2 months ago IS only yesterday.

 

I recently apologized to an ex-girlfriend over something I felt was "unresolved" She replied "Mal, that was over 20 years ago!"

 

Don't be so hard on yourself

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” Lao Tzu

[Boy]

...

Edited October 11, 2012 by Boy

[skydog]

search amazon.com for emotional freedom techniques matrix reimprinting,

Edited September 15, 2012 by sinansencer

[et-thoughts]

if you want some specific corrections for the karma with her and your spiritual experiences around trauma.

 

Consider elaborating on this particular topic here or in a new thread (and link it here) I consider that many will benefit from what you have to share...

[et-thoughts]

well It may be of use to also try looking at yuen method/other related things..

 

I can tell you what emotional freedom techniques matrix reimprinting is..Its like tapping self acpuncture without needles for feelings, coming from memories, you notice the beliefs and all of a sudden other memories and beliefs heal.

for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques®) see http://www.garythink.com/

 

Aside from the tapping sequence the claims construction be important... it recognizes the situation, accept it and moves on...

Even though ... ( recognizes the situation: I feel that...)

I love and accept myself... ( accept it : the way I am right now)

I now choose to... embrace ... (peace, understanding, freedom, happiness)

[oildrops]

I think this is something a lot of people go through. It's one of the rare situations where acknowledging time helps. Sometimes when you are suffering it seems like one eternal moment of suffering. It will pass and you will find those breaks of lightness in your life again. I am sometimes tormented by an ex, and still learning from the life changing effects of my own behavior.

 

Relationships change you. You are going through a big change now and with the trauma of this recent violent relationship it might be very helpful to talk to a counselor. That will accomplish a few things, not least of which is it gives you an opportunity to hash things out and hear yourself and then save lighter conversation for friends.

 

It can be uncomfortable, but when you start to see the lightness in the world again you will see it through a new lens. The recent past is hard to learn from sometimes, and I think women process emotions faster than men sometimes. I am not a fan of western psychology but I have been thinking about my childhood and the way my mother and sister raised me, and I am starting to see abuse patterns in my relationships.

 

Lastly, stand up for yourself. No one deserves to be hit or mistreated and if someone is not going to be careful with your emotions, take your emotions back. Soon the physical/chemical addiction will wear off and you will then have to work through some of the emotional stuff.

 

Peace

[RiverSnake]

I have tried the cord cutting thing a little.

 

 

My understanding based on my readings (not experience) is that you should cut it every single day for 3 days....and at the same time not think about that person or you can risk getting it re-attached.

 

If you already tried this and it didn't help then the only other advice i can offer is to give it time. Also based on your post it seems that you have a habit of attracting these kind of destructive relationship partner's to you...that's probably something you should investigate for yourself and your future relationships

 

In regards to handling women and yourself in relationships.....one of my favorite books is Way of the Superior Man. I highly reccomend it.

 

-My 2 cents, Peace

Edited September 15, 2012 by OldGreen

[Bum Grasshopper]

Forget the accupuncture and herbs. Get drunk and pick up a hooker.

[eye_of_the_storm]

or that ^ haha

[johndoe2012]

.

Edited August 18, 2013 by chris d

[skydog]

for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques®) see http://www.garythink.com/

 

Aside from the tapping sequence the claims construction be important... it recognizes the situation, accept it and moves on...

Even though ... ( recognizes the situation: I feel that...)

I love and accept myself... ( accept it : the way I am right now)

I now choose to... embrace ... (peace, understanding, freedom, happiness)

 

Personally I think eft matrix reimprinting is far superior to regular eft.Although even then clarity mentioned something about wallowing in pain, while this could be true for eft, I didnt mind it and saw it have some effects, however I am also open to the view that there are more gentle ways of healing but all I know is for one memory I worked on there was ana amazing release.

Edited September 15, 2012 by sinansencer

[ronko]

I split with my ex on valentines day 2012 ,

was supposed to be moving into a new house and starting a whole new life ,

split with her and lost the house , totally wrecked me.

 

For months i have basicaly drowned my sorrows , spent all my savings on drink ,

practically becoming a recluse , i live in an isolated village where i dont know anyone ,

i made the mistake of letting her life become mine , i have no family so hers became mine ,

once she took it all away i was left totally stripped of a life that was never really mine ,

and i have never been hurt so much even though i have had my fair shair of tragedy.

 

She moved on really quickly and her life blossomed

where as i was totally stuck in the past , suicidal ,

even tried it once and set it up another time ,

im just starting to come round abit now , after the worst 7 months of my life ,

to make it worse she stopped letting me speak to the kids who i miss so badly ,

we where actually friends after the spilt and it was alot easier to deal with

then she read a book about female empowerment and it was like her personality totally changed

from the nicest woman you could meet to the nastiest.

 

I know we are linked , karma wise , past life wise , she says its all been resolved but i know there is so much left

un resolved.

I find myself dreaming of her and the kids all the time , even had a full on vision of her in my bed !

 

I also understand and believe this was meant to happen to allow me to gain compassion and understanding of

other peoples feelings as what happened to me was almost a mirror image of what i did to one of my other partners,

 

 

2012 is certainly a year of change !

Edited September 15, 2012 by ronko