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What made YOU laugh today/tonight ?

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On 25/08/2020 at 5:55 AM, manitou said:

It took me forever to get that joke, Nungers.

 

 

You are the type of person I would luv to try that on !

 

< Why the hell is he marching around the room like that ? ! > 

 

I have a naive friend that I tease endlessly  (one would think she would be a wake up to me by now  ) .

 

A while back we stayed at a place up the mountain, it was on a hill and had a near by old style telecommunications reflector screen , not like the modern round ones but an old square one .

 

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and since it was on a hill, didnt need to be on a tower - just above the ground level.

 

Her ; "What's that ? "

 

Me;  " Drive in movie screen ."

 

Her; " What ? They dont have drive in movies way out here ! "

 

Me; ' They used to, but it closed down. Then they ripped up the parking lot and projector housing and turned it into cow paddocks, but left the screen there ."

 

Later I found out another friend asked her where she was staying  and she answered 'next to the old drive in movie theatre . "   :D  and they  ... WTF are you talking about . She explained my explanation to her and they cracked up .  her response was muttering 'Bastard! " under her breath .

 

I am waiting for the next one .  A male friend and  myself where talking about prostate problems  and she was listening in and then she ;

 

" Oh, I better  look out for that .... ummmmm , I mean ...... do I have a prostate ? "

 

Me ( quickly silencing male friend ) ; " Oh sure, and if you never had it checked, you better ask the doctor to check it out next time you go . "

 

- can't wait to get the 'feedback ' on that one    :) 

  • Haha 1

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Submarine races .

 

here is another one  (different woman ) .   Flatmate recently arrived from NZ so unfamilar with Oz and slang .

 

She sees this sign ;

 

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'Whats that mean?"

 

Me;  "  Its for the submarine races ."

 

"What ? "

 

" We have submarine races, they are pretty popular, people come and watch them in their cars , the cables are for pulling the subarines along the bottom ."

 

" What ! ?  Never heard of that ."

 

" Oh ? I will take you and you can see it . "

 

So about a week later I tell her the submarine races are on at the beach this tuesday night .  We go down to the beachfront car park and park, looking out over the ocean . She looks around . "There are  a fair few others here too ."

 

Me; " Yes, its very popular ."

 

wait ...

 

Her; "When do they start ? "

 

" Soon, just keep looking."

 

(I had an old Holden with a bench front seat )

 

... slide over next to her  , put my arm around her .

 

"What are you doing ? "

 

"keeping warm "

 

Then I start patting her leg   " What are you doing now ! ? "

 

Then she looks around at the other cars and sees all the couples are ' snogging '   ...... then she finally realises what 'going to watch the submarine races'  means  . . .  and cracks up

 

BUT THEN

 

" But why do they have those signs up about them ? "

 

 

deja_q_hd_046_resized_6484.jpg

 

 

  • Haha 2

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The web site you seek
Cannot be located,
but Countless more exist

Chaos reigns within
Reflect, repent and reboot
Order shall return

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, Taxes and Lost Data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Where is the printer?
The printer can not be found
Though it is next to me

 

     By various anonymous contributors

  • Haha 3

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For those of you who have always dreamed of doing this:

 

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  • Haha 2
  • Confused 2

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What a weird toy .   Its just a regular crochet horse with teeth drawn on it . 

 

lets get back to sensible, educational toys thanks .

 

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Erwin the patient .

 

 

images%252Fslides%252F1_Erwin_2.jpg

 

 

 

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  • Haha 2

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"  ...... and ,  cargo space  ?  "

 

 

 

buying-a-car1.jpg

 

 

" No .... car stay on road  . "

  • Like 1

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Damn .... I was really hoping to hear that in German and Russian accents   :( 

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Found in a church bathroom

 

nCsEotq.jpg

 

 

 

Edited by Taomeow
  • Haha 6

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That just makes it easier to offend him   :) 

 

 

n0yr3.jpg

 

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

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Dont shake hands !   Just touch elbows .

 

Dont cough in the air .... cough and sneeze in your elbow .

 

 

 

Errrrmmmm  .....

  • Like 2
  • Haha 2

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A redneck family from outside Little Rock was visiting a city in the North and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son decided to stroll around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy said, "Pa, What's'at?" Pa (never having seen an elevator) said, "Dunno, son. Ain't never seen nothing like 'at in my whole dang life. Ain't got no idea'r what 'tis."

Then, all of a sudden, while the two watched in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and she rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until the number at the top lit up. And then the small lights commenced to work their way down again.

When the walls opened the next time, out stepped a gorgeous, voluptuous, turbo 24-year-old blonde woman.

Reverently, and without taking his eyes off the babe, Pa said, quietly, "Boy . . . go . . . git . . . yo . . . Momma."

  • Haha 2

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