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Listener, March 1, 2011 in General Discussion
Hi there, I usually don't post here either for the same reason as you. I don't have any big words for you, just want to say that you shouldn't view all alternatives as running away. sometimes "run" is what you're "supposed to do", instead of staying and torturing yourself in an unfruitful situation. View it as a chance to take a step away from where you are at, so that you can look back and review your situation from some distance. That way you may find some new alternatives, that may be obscured from you at the moment. Give yourself a break.
I feel for you, my brother... No judgement here. I can tell you from experience that there are alot of really loving women/men who don't care how much money you make. Just be honest and be yourself and you won't have to worry. If someone is turned off by lack of money, then you will know quickly and you can move on to the next. I am very happily married to an awesome woman and it ain't because I have money. She loves me because I listen to her and work hard to be a cooperative, loving partner... For many people, that is all that is necessary for a loving relationship...
It sounds like there is some pretty deep emotional wounds that would probably be helped by counseling. If that is not an option because of finances, there are alot of 12 step and self-help groups out there that can help. I would strongly suggest finding some type of group that you can share your feelings with...It's hard to heal when your all alone...
I don't know what your path is, but I do believe that it would be very healing for you to reach out in whatever way you can to find real live people to connect with... Perhaps there are people on this forum in your city or area that can direct you to different places or groups...
I am sending you love and good energy, my brother. I applaud your bravery in sharing here. I hope you find what you need...
How to start this?
No. That's not true. Life is wonderful.
Regrets? Ha! I wouldn't even be able to begin counting mine - just too many.
But we cannot let that get us down or stop us from going forward.
From what you said I see a young man who does not yet know his Self. That's nothing new. Some of us never find ourself and therefore never find 'meaning' in life.
The only advice I can offer is to get out there in the world and do things. Sure, some you won't like. Fine. Don't do them any more. Some things you will like. Those you can do over and over again.
The old saying, "Test and try before you buy." is a good saying. This applies to nearly every aspect of life.
Hey, I found out early in life that there are women who don't care for me. But that never stopped me from trying to find one who did. (And they exist for every man.)
Life doesn't last all that long. Youth lasts even shorter. Don't waste your youth on things you don't like. Go after the things you like. Of course, you have to find out what you like first. Trial and error worked for me.
Also, dont fret that you've wound up with a less than spectacular result with college - the bubble has been coming for a while now, the government decided that it could create more 'middle class outcomes' by subsidizing 'things' "middle and upper class" people did and really the end result was tuition rising at 4x the rate of inflation and a whole slew of "relatively worthless" pieces of paper conferred upon the recipient of huge debt.
My older brother did absolutely nothing with his college degree, and I left college after 2 years. My younger brother was a little smarter, took a year off then went and learned a skill (airplane mechanic, pilot.)
Regret is tricky. If you dont see the silver lining in the clouds passing over, stop focusing on the ground You will *always* be able to derive something positive. Look carefully enough and you may just find a hidden gem or two that may prove quite useful later on.
Dont put a relationship up on a ridiculously high pedestal - if you cant stand on your own two feet, leaning on somebody else constantly will only lead to a codependent situation, especially if the other has similar tendencies. You dont want to find a relationship, get all comfy, then wind up having to learn to stand on your own two feet and realize that you're looking for different things than when you started.
Go get *a* job. Something. Something to do, something that will put a few bucks in your pocket, which will help you get out of the house and out about doing things. Plenty of stuff to do absent money but it helps to have a little grease for the wheels, right?
Spend time meditating and you will eventually see the fallacy of self-pity. Been there done that, and only you are going to snap yourself out of it. Smile, life is good. Its tough and its a pain in the ass, but being alive is a great thing, why waste it feeling bad about the present situation?
Hey I feel for you, if you've read any of my posts you'll know I tend to approach things from an "energy first" perspective... take care of the energy, the problem takes care of itself. Taoists say our heart stores our shen (spirit) which is responsible for our direction in life, our zest for life, and for healthy loving relationships, all things you listed as an issue. If I were you therefore I would work on my heart/fire meridian. The inner smile and healing sounds can take one a long way in this regard. :-)
There are some wonderful thoughts on this thread.
I would just add that it would make sense to get out of yourself by doing for others. Even though it doesn't 'seem' to be directly in line with what you're going through, just the inner dynamic of changing from being furled inward to outwardly expressing in a more dynamic way.
Maybe get into the habit of doing something for someone else that they don't know about, and keeping it a secret. The feeling resulting from doing this will start to build up into an inner worth that will strengthen you. It's an easy trick and it works really well.
Also, Listener - aren't you the one that previously posted about your ability to place your hands on the piano keys and have the energy run up into you, enabling you to stylize in a completely different way? (Maybe I'm confusing you with someone else?) We seem to share the same talent - I discovered this same ability after becoming kundalini active. I was so surprised to hear someone else vocalize this...
My guess is that the Intelligence will lead you to what will fit you like a glove, if you stay open to each day and Be Here Now. You know it's worked in other areas of your life - certainly it will work in this area as well.
very best wishes to you,
Hi Listener. I'm sorry that life is so trying, at the moment.
Of course, you are not alone. There are many people in their 20s who have started one path, thinking it was what they were supposed to do, only to realize that it doesn't feed them.
The question I have for you is: have you explored your own passions? Do you yet have a sense for what turns you on, fires you up, makes you want to learn and be active, etc.?
If you have some sense of what engages you now, and you have the freedom to do so, may I recommend that you spend some time doing what you want to do, rather than what you think you should do? Even if it pays nothing, or doesn't sound immediately respectable, aiming toward your desire may very well help align other motivators in your system.
As long as you're only looking for the right thing to do, as opposed to what suits your heart, then your heart will probably not find its own way. But if you engage your heart in your activity, you may find that a lot of questions will answer themselves.
I would agree mostly with what joeblast said. The only thing i'd add is that we're all part of a failing system, a sinking ship. You may feel like going off to a monastery or commune is running away, but in reality this society is likely going to collapse anyway so really you'd probably just be ahead of the grain. Try to let go of any media created fantasies and focus on feelings and not situations. Don't look for a girlfriend or relationship, look for the feeling of completeness or love. If you limit feeling only to certain circumstances which may not even deliver what you're ACTUALLY looking for then you are likely setting yourself up for failure. Personally I suggest everyone get into permaculture, sustainable agriculture and find a place down south where it's warm.
Forget about your parents and their investments. This life is YOURS not theirs, they have no say in your life. It would be best if you let go of your attachment to their desires for you, stop trying to please them, stop seeking their approval and find your own way, live for your own happiness. Think of the Buddha. The Buddha had a wife, 2 kids, a whole kingdom....needless to say he had alot of people who invested in him, he had many things and he gave it all up for his own spiritual pursuit. How many people that you know would give up an entire kingdom, a wife and 2 kids to pursue a spiritual life? That's devotion if i've ever seen it.
As for what to do...well only you can decide that. I would say start meditating, reading, and searching yourself for what you really want out of life. Write it down if you have to. Ask "why" to everything, break it all down and simplify it. Find out how you want to live and starting living that way or find a group who is already living that way and try to join up.
You may have to "redefine" yourself and life, get rid of all the old programming you grew up with. For example alot of us feel we need to have a job and work in order to make money and have a place to live and buy food...thats ONE way of living. Another way is to live off the land. You could start learning about gardening and growing your own food and making shelters and such. You could create a small community of like minded people. Think about life and nature, forget about society for a bit and just think about life, think about what you want and try to think in terms of FEELING.
But honestly if you don't know what you want it's going to be hard to get anywhere. Honestly I would just spend time thinking about what you want FIRST, then spend time learning how to make it your reality.
Well thats my 2cents. It may also help to have a friend to talk it out with. I had a very good friend to talk shit out with when I was first starting to redefine/explore myself and it helped alot just to have someone to talk to. Sometimes even just talking to yourself, hearing your thoughts vocalized helps. It may also help to keep a "thought journal" to track the progress of your thoughts. It can be very insightful to look back and see how you were thinking and compare it to other times or now.
Best of luck
...Thanks for reading. I appreciate any thoughts you may have.
...Thanks for reading. I appreciate any thoughts you may have.
I feel for you sir. I can't say I can offer any wise words to help you on your path.
I would like to offer the following to do in the mean time. It will sound odd and has nothing to do with the details of the challenges a head of you but I truly believe this will help.
These will at least remove the physical effects of the long term stress you've been under. You might find after even just a week or two of some physical excercise and stretching, that your outlook begins to shift even just alittle - (remember a candle lit in a dark room cuts through the all the darkness effortlessly, regardless of how small the flame is).
Maybe chat with your folks about how you feel - reality test the foundation of that regret. My bet is - they are more concerned for your happines than seeing the investment being fruitful... this could at least get that one thing off of your back (and mind).