Transgender Q&A

[Maddie]

Hello

 

 I thought I would make a thread like this primarily because I don't think there has ever been one like this on TDB since its beginning.

 

So yes I am a transgendered woman (assigned male at birth, now female). You may have known me on here previously as dmattwads. Understandably there is some confusion on here when people see old posts of mine talking about male cultivation practices. 

 

I realize that the topic of transgenderism is very poorly understood by the general public and so I decided to make a Q&A post. I will NOT however answer super personal questions about my body so its not an AMA (ask me anything). I will though be happy to answer well intentioned questions about what it means to be transgendered because there may be those out there that are questioning for themselves, know someone that is transgendered, or just want to understand this topic better. 

 

Maddie :-)

[silent thunder]

Respect for reaching out Maddie and offering to enlighten folks, I hope those who will benefit most will be receptive.

 

My boss and dear friend of 20 years started her transition 2 years ago in her mid 50's.  Seeing her unfold into her whole self has been such a gift and awakening for me to  witness.

 

We're blessed to work in an industry that is more aware than most so it's been a blessing for her.

 

Peace!

[Maddie]

[liminal_luke]

Thank you for posting this Q&A. It might strike some people as odd that this topic confounds me a little.  As a gay man, part of the alphabet soup of LGBTQ blah blah blah, a person might think I´d have a good idea of what it means to be trans -- but I don´t.  Although we´re grouped together, I think gay people have as many questions about transgender topics as straight people do.  At least I do.

 

On the one hand: total respect.  Coming out as gay was hard for me, and coming out as trans -- and actually transitioning -- strikes me as exponentially harder.  It´s inspiring to see people summon the courage to be their authentic selves.  So kudos to you, Maddie.  

 

What hangs me up a little is some of the language some trans activists would have us use in the name of inclusivity -- pregnant people and so on.  Can men get pregnant?  Can women have prostate cancer?  I´ll admit: I struggle with this.  One of my core values is kindness and the last thing I want to do is make trans people, or anyone really, feel excluded.  So why do I have such a hard time accepting this new world where gender is completely divorced from physiology?  I´ve been told that I´m closed minded and that´s certainly possible.  Perhaps my future self will see things differently than I do now.

 

Anyway, thank you for providing this space for me to share my thoughts.  I welcome your response.

Edited April 12 by liminal_luke

[Apech]

46 minutes ago, Maddie said:

Maddie Yang- yin !

 

 Can you tell us about any internal psycho spiritual changes you went through - or are going through?

 

 

[Maddie]

3 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

What hangs me up a little is some of the language some trans activists would have as use in the name of inclusivity -- pregnant people and so on.  Can men get preganant?  Can women have prostate cancer?  I´ll admit: I struggle with this.  One of my core values is kindness and the last thing I want to do is make trans people, or anyone really, feel excluded.  So why do I have such a hard time accepting this new world where gender is completely divorced from physiology?  I´ve been told that I´m closed minded and that´s certainly possible.  Perhaps my future self will see things differently than I do now.

 

Yes I realize that a lot of this is very confusing, which is why I decided to make a post like this. 

 

Two important terms are "cis" and "trans". Cis is the Latin word for "same" while trans is the Latin word for "across".  The transatlantic cable goes across the Atlantic ocean. 

 

So a cis-gendered person is one that identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth, which is by far the majority. So a cis-man physiologically can not become pregnant. A cis-woman can not have prostate cancer. 

 

A pre-op (one that has had no gender affirming surgeries) trans-man can become pregnant since they were born with a vagina, uterus, and ovaries. A pre-op trans-woman can get prostate cancer. 

 

Also trans people like anyone else can be gay and straight. A trans-woman fore example can be attracted to either men, or women, or both or neither just like a cis-woman can. 

 

I hope this helps answer your question and helps to clarify some of the confusion you have on this rather confusing topic. If you have any additional questions please feel free to ask.  

[Maddie]

6 minutes ago, Apech said:

Maddie Yang- yin !

 

 Can you tell us about any internal psycho spiritual changes you went through - or are going through?

 

 

 

Yin/Yang indeed lol. 

 

There have actually been a number of psychological changes that have occurred since I began transitioning. When I began my medical transition I was put on a combination of testosterone blockers and estrogen pills. This completely changed my body chemistry from male to female. This had a dramatic effect on my emotional life and perceptions. 

 

For one thing I cry much  easier. Before as a man I would rarely cry, maybe once every few years. It wasn't that I was not trying to, it just didn't happen. Now I cry easily several times a week, and often for not obvious reason. This was one of the first changes I noticed. 

 

My sense of smell has become more sensitive as well. While many years of cultivation has made me sexually indifferent I perceive men differently than I used to. I used to be completely indifferent to a man's appearance aside from the obvious of realizing a well groomed in shape man was better looking than an unwashed bum (no offense Dao Bums). Now I find attractive men catching my eye in a way that they had not before. I am still not sexually attracted to them (nor am I to women) but I find them more aesthetically pleasing. 

 

Now here's one that I don't care for but you take the bad with the good. I have lost significant amounts of muscle strength, especially upper body strength. When I was in college I did jujitsu and did not find sparing with men to be difficult on a strength level, but now I am significantly overpowered when sparring with men. I guess the plus side is this forces me to rely on technique more, which is how its supposed to be in jujitsu lol. 

 

Those are a few of the more obvious changes that I was able to think of off the top of my head.  

[Maddie]

30 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

So why do I have such a hard time accepting this new world where gender is completely divorced from physiology?

 

I realized I kind of glossed over this part of what you said. 

 

Something really important to understand when it comes to transgender issues is the difference between the gender and sex.

 

Sex is a little more straightforward and it's based on physiology and genitalia. 

 

Gender is actually a cultural and psychological identification of the mind. 

 

The important thing to realize is that gender and sex are not synonymous and that the reason people who identify as a different gender than their sex transition is so that they can align their sex more correctly with the gender that they identify with. 

 

Another common misconception and important point to realize is that it's not a conscious choice just in the same way that sexual preference is not a conscious choice.

Edited April 12 by Maddie

[Maddie]

 

 

 

[snowymountains]

Did you always know inside you and eg had pushed away this part of you due to social pressure in the past or you were not aware?

 

Also what sort of behaviours do you see socially, because you are trans, that you wouldn't see if you weren't?

[Maddie]

23 minutes ago, snowymountains said:

Did you always know inside you and eg had pushed away this part of you due to social pressure in the past or you were not aware?

 

Also what sort of behaviours do you see socially, because you are trans, that you wouldn't see if you weren't?

 

After meditating and realizing I was trans I had a bunch of repressed memories come back from when I was little. I showed tendencies back then and then I was forced to repressive them the point that I did not even consciously realize this for a long time.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by behaviors that I see socially exactly but one thing I have noticed is the loss of male privilege. I do find that the difference of how I'm treated as a woman versus a man is pretty different sometimes for sure.

[snowymountains]

23 minutes ago, Maddie said:

 

After meditating and realizing I was trans I had a bunch of repressed memories come back from when I was little. I showed tendencies back then and then I was forced to repressive them the point that I did not even consciously realize this for a long time.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by behaviors that I see socially exactly but one thing I have noticed is the loss of male privilege. I do find that the difference of how I'm treated as a woman versus a man is pretty different sometimes for sure.

 

Thank you for this Maddie.

 

I was referring to discriminatory behaviours because of being trans, if they're common, how do they look like, how do they feel like.

[Maddie]

2 minutes ago, snowymountains said:

 

Thank you for this Maddie.

 

I was referring to discriminatory behaviours because of being trans, if they're common, how do they look like, how do they feel like.

 

Oh well fortunately after the early awkward phase most people don't realize I am trans in public so I get treated like any other woman. My family on the other hand for the most part has disowned me. 

[liminal_luke]

4 minutes ago, Maddie said:

 

My family on the other hand for the most part has disowned me. 

 

I´m so sorry to hear this.  My mom´s partner Skip has a child (well, an adult now) who is a transwoman.  Initially Skip had a very difficult time accepting his daughter Emily but my mom wasn´t having it.  She said that if he didn´t come around and accept his daughter that he wasn´t the man she thought he was and she would leave him.  He came round.

[snowymountains]

18 minutes ago, Maddie said:

 

Oh well fortunately after the early awkward phase most people don't realize I am trans in public so I get treated like any other woman. My family on the other hand for the most part has disowned me. 

 

The whole/most of the family, I hear you.. personally it's difficult to digest that as my child is very dear to me, I believe that if my child were trans I'd be there for it, even if there appeared eg guilt complexes pushing in the opposite direction.

I guess the part which is hard for me to digest is that doing otherwise would imply conditional love and a controlling relationship, instead of unconditional love, which is the single most liberating feeling a parent can ever feel.

 

I wish you full healing from that experience.

 

 

[Gerard]

Hi Maddie,

 

Knowing the past history of this forum being populated by really deluded individuals borderline pathological, I thought you were one of them too by posting photos of a friend, girlfriend or relative. 
 

Please take no offence, I had no idea you were a transgender.

 

All the best,

 

Gerard

[Maddie]

5 minutes ago, Gerard said:

Hi Maddie,

 

Knowing the past history of this forum being populated by really deluded individuals borderline pathological, I thought you were one of them too by posting photos of a friend, girlfriend or relative. 
 

Please take no offence, I had no idea you were a transgender.

 

All the best,

 

Gerard

 

You have been on this forum a long time and I didn't think you were being malicious. I could see how my old posts would be confusing in the light of current events which is one reason (amongst others) that I decided to just make a post about trans stuff to clear up any confusion and maybe answer questions about the topic. 

[Apech]

3 hours ago, Maddie said:

 

Yin/Yang indeed lol. 

 

There have actually been a number of psychological changes that have occurred since I began transitioning. When I began my medical transition I was put on a combination of testosterone blockers and estrogen pills. This completely changed my body chemistry from male to female. This had a dramatic effect on my emotional life and perceptions. 

 

For one thing I cry much  easier. Before as a man I would rarely cry, maybe once every few years. It wasn't that I was not trying to, it just didn't happen. Now I cry easily several times a week, and often for not obvious reason. This was one of the first changes I noticed. 

 

I wonder if this has to do with moving focus onto the heart centre - rather than head or belly (which is where most men dwell).

 

3 hours ago, Maddie said:

My sense of smell has become more sensitive as well. While many years of cultivation has made me sexually indifferent I perceive men differently than I used to. I used to be completely indifferent to a man's appearance aside from the obvious of realizing a well groomed in shape man was better looking than an unwashed bum (no offense Dao Bums). Now I find attractive men catching my eye in a way that they had not before. I am still not sexually attracted to them (nor am I to women) but I find them more aesthetically pleasing. 

 

Why did cultivation make you sexually indifferent.  This seems a strange thing to me - as most men get more sexually charged by working with jing/qi until it becomes a problem.

 

3 hours ago, Maddie said:

Now here's one that I don't care for but you take the bad with the good. I have lost significant amounts of muscle strength, especially upper body strength. When I was in college I did jujitsu and did not find sparing with men to be difficult on a strength level, but now I am significantly overpowered when sparring with men. I guess the plus side is this forces me to rely on technique more, which is how its supposed to be in jujitsu lol. 

 

Those are a few of the more obvious changes that I was able to think of off the top of my head.  

 

[Apech]

3 hours ago, Maddie said:

 

I realized I kind of glossed over this part of what you said. 

 

Something really important to understand when it comes to transgender issues is the difference between the gender and sex.

 

Sex is a little more straightforward and it's based on physiology and genitalia. 

 

Gender is actually a cultural and psychological identification of the mind. 

 

I'm not sure if this can actually be true.  I wonder if you could say why you think this.

 

3 hours ago, Maddie said:

The important thing to realize is that gender and sex are not synonymous and that the reason people who identify as a different gender than their sex transition is so that they can align their sex more correctly with the gender that they identify with. 

 

Another common misconception and important point to realize is that it's not a conscious choice just in the same way that sexual preference is not a conscious choice.

 

Yes.  Something deeper.  Spirit likes variety I think.  

[Maddie]

3 minutes ago, Apech said:

 

I wonder if this has to do with moving focus onto the heart centre - rather than head or belly (which is where most men dwell).

 

 

Why did cultivation make you sexually indifferent.  This seems a strange thing to me - as most men get more sexually charged by working with jing/qi until it becomes a problem.

 

 

 

I think cultivation made me asexual because I was doing Buddhist mindfulness meditation with an emphasis on observing craving and how that craving led to suffering. 

[Maddie]

1 minute ago, Apech said:

 

I'm not sure if this can actually be true.  I wonder if you could say why you think this.

 

 

Yes.  Something deeper.  Spirit likes variety I think.  

 

You should watch the youtube video that I posted, it speaks about this. Basically gender is a mental thing. If you look at cultures throughout history and around the world how they interpret gender varies greatly. Gender is an identity. Identities are of the mind. Sex is physiological. 

 

 

[Apech]

13 minutes ago, Maddie said:

 

You should watch the youtube video that I posted, it speaks about this. Basically gender is a mental thing. If you look at cultures throughout history and around the world how they interpret gender varies greatly. Gender is an identity. Identities are of the mind. Sex is physiological. 

 

 

 

I think there are deeper levels to what constitutes a person than body and mind.  I don't find the arguments made by these videos at all convincing - they seem very glib and superficial to me.  This is not a criticism of you and what you are doing by the way - just how I see these important issues being addressed.

 

 

[liminal_luke]

Throughout my childhood, my best friends were girls.  I liked reading and disliked cars and sports.  I was bullied a lot, mostly because my peers knew that I wouldn´t fight back.  And yet I always felt OK with my basic anatomy and felt like a "boy."

 

Back then, in the 80s, people weren´t talking about transgenderism so much and it never entered my head that I might be transgender.  I wonder what it´s like for less masculine boys today.  Does our new openness about gender lead some boys to wonder if they´re really girls when they´re actually just queeny gays (or effeminate straights)?  

[Maddie]

10 minutes ago, Apech said:

 

I think there are deeper levels to what constitutes a person than body and mind.  I don't find the arguments made by these videos at all convincing - they seem very glib and superficial to me.  This is not a criticism of you and what you are doing by the way - just how I see these important issues being addressed.

 

 

 

I suppose then we should define terms. What deeper level do you think exists and why? And what about the videos seems superficial and why?

 

 

[Maddie]

7 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

Throughout my childhood, my best friends were girls.  I liked reading and disliked cars and sports.  I was bullied a lot, mostly because my peers knew that I wouldn´t fight back.  And yet I always felt OK with my basic anatomy and felt like a "boy."

 

Back then, in the 80s, people weren´t talking about transgenderism so much and it never entered my head that I might be transgender.  I wonder what it´s like for less masculine boys today.  Does our new openness about gender lead some boys to wonder if they´re really girls when they´re actually just queeny gays (or effeminate straights)?  

 

I think the primary difference between a fem boy and a trans girl are still gender identification. A fem boy still identifies as a boy. Maybe a feminine boy but still a boy. While a trans girl identifies as a girl.