The Highly Sensitive Person

[skydog]

Top 10 Survival Tips for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Secrets to surviving a highly sensitive (HSP) life

Published on May 21, 2011 by Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. in Prescriptions for Life

 

I've written about being a Highly Sensitive Person on this blog several times now, and each time I'm amazed by the intensity with which people respond to this topic. There are always a few critics who belittle or question the HSP concept, yet based on the huge number of page reads and overwhelmingly positive (and often grateful) responses, there really does seem to be something to this HSP phenomenon.

 

I first learned of this relatively common but misunderstood trait - and recognized myself in it - via the work of psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron (for detailed info on her work in this area, as well as an HSP self-test, seewww.hsperson.com ). According to Aron's stats, HSPs make up 15-20 percent of the population yet often don't have a name for what has made them feel or seem "strange" or "overly sensitive" their entire life.

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HSPs are easily overwhelmed by stimuli, get stressed by loud noises and strong smells, are extremely perceptive, have rich and often intense internal lives, and need plenty of quiet and down time to maintain their equilibrium (and sanity, I would personally add).

It was a great relief to me to finally understand what was "wrong" with me. I now even had an explanation for why I find any kind of violence, even the fake Hollywood kind, so abhorrent. It's not easy to go to a epic action movie with friends and to be the only one sobbing after war scenes (despite having covered my eyes the whole time - having only two hands I'm not able to cover my ears and the battle sounds alone are usually enough to push me over the edge).

Knowing what I am has helped so much, especially when it comes to supporting myself through experiences that otherwise might overload my hypersensitive senses. Here, for you, are my top ten survival strategies:

1) Get enough sleep

Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours, for most people) is well known to produce irritability, moodiness, and decreased concentration andproductivity in the average person. Given our already ramped-up senses, I'm convinced that lack of sleep can make a highly sensitive life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes your senses and will help you cope with an already overwhelming world.

2) Eat healthy foods regularly throughout the day

Aron points out that extreme hunger can be disruptive to an HSP's mood or concentration. Keep your edgy nerves happy by maintaining a steady blood sugar level through regular healthy well-balanced meals and snacks. I also take fish oil (omega-3) supplements daily as the brain loves these, lots of studies support their beneficial cognitive and emotional effects.

3) Wear noise-reducing headphones

A boyfriend introduced Peltor ear protecting headphones (usually used by construction workers, not pre-med students) to me when I was 19 and studying for exams. No matter where I am in the world I have had a pair with me ever since. HSPs are highly sensitive to noise, especially the kind we can't control, and my beloved headphones give me control over my personal peace in what's all too often a noisy intrusive world.

4) Plan in decompression time

HSPs don't do well with an overly packed schedule or too much time in noisy, crowded or high pressure environments. If you know you're going to spend a few hours in a challenging environment - such as a concert, a parade, or a crowded mall at Christmas time - know that you're likely to be frazzled after and will need to decompress somewhere quiet and relaxing, on your own if possible.

5) Have at least one quiet room or space to retreat to in your home

If you live with others, create a quiet safe place you can retreat to when you need to get away from people and noise. This could be a bedroom, a study, or even just a candlelit bath (or shower if that's all you have!). I've found it often helps to listen to quiet relaxing music as well, this can even drown out more jarring external noise when you need it to.

6) Give yourself time and space to get things done

I mentioned above that HSPs don't do well with a packed schedule. I've managed to structure my work life so that I work afternoon/evening shifts the days I'm at the medical clinic. This way I'm able to get out of bed without an alarm, eat a calm unrushed breakfast and putter around before getting down to business. The calm this gives me carries through my whole day. Another strategy for those who work in the morning might be getting up extra early (after 8 hours sleep, of course) to enjoy the quiet before the rest of the household wakes up.

7) Limit caffeine

HSPs are sensitive to caffeine - I usually can't even handle the traces of caffeine found in decaf coffee. If you're a coffee drinker (or dark chocolate junkie) and identify with the HSP trait description, giving up the joe might be a big step towards feeling more collected and calm.

8) Keep the lights down low

I've never liked bright lights and learning about HSP helped me understand why. Minimizing light stimulation goes a long way: I only put on low lights in the evening, and prefer to shop in certain local grocery stores which have gentle mood lighting, avoiding the garishly lit, crowded "big box" stores whenever I can.

9) Get things done in off hours

To avoid crowds and the associated noise and stimulation, I've learned to live my life outside of the average person's schedule. I grocery shop late in the evenings, run errands during the week whenever I can, go to movies on weeknights, and go out for my walks before the rest of the world hits the jogging path. An added bonus: by avoiding the crowds I usually get things done faster , and almost always get a parking spot!

10) Surround yourself with beauty and nature

Since we HSPs are so sensitive and deeply affected by our surroundings, envelop yourself with beauty and calm whenever possible. I've decorated my home simply in a way that's very pleasing to my eye, with minimal clutter and chaos. I also spend as much time as I can walking in nature, enjoying the quiet and its naturally healing and calming beauty.

 

 

November 2012: Comfort Zone ONLINE
Four Words: Downtime, Solitude, Silence, and Loneliness

I want to praise the value of solitude, particularly for HSPs. We need our downtime and we usually take it alone, but solitude is a special form of being alone. Silence and loneliness deserve comment as well. These four are key to who we are.

Downtime

HSPs need lots of it. Of course too much downtime isn't good either. That would be isolating yourself due to fear or anxiety, and that needs to be worked on. But most of us have the other problem, in that the world expects us to live like non-HSPs, without much downtime. We, however, absolutely must, simply by our nature, have downtime to recover from overstimulation and digest our experiences, learn from them, and then move into the world again in order to reconnect with others and with our passion, our vocation.

Most of this digestion process goes on in the subconscious mind--thoughts, feelings, and images float by. It's easy and natural. Sometimes downtime is just watching a movie, listening to the radio, or doing some light reading, anything to stop our buzzing mind and distract ourselves for a while from the stuff that overwhelms us. But we need to leave time for that "digestion" process, too, and that is done better without distraction. Therefore, the quality of our non-distraction downtime is as important as how we use our "up" time.

I've always said meditation is good, especially the kind that "transcends itself" (like TM) rather than focusing the mind, which can feel like work. But twenty minutes twice a day of meditation, while very efficient, may not be enough. Sometimes we need something prolonged.

Solitude

I think of solitude as a special kind of downtime, in which we wait and prepare for the connection with "something deeper," whatever that is going to be for us right now. That seems to be the way the word is used most of the time. Monks and hermits seek connection with God. Yogis and Buddhists seek connection with the Absolute. Artists seek connection with their muse. Scientists seek connection with the as-yet-undiscovered fundamentals of nature. Many of us seek connection with nature itself, maybe as one way to all of these. Maybe we seek solitude because we have temporarily lost our connection. Maybe we lost it a few hours ago, a few days ago, or maybe we lost it in childhood. But we want it back. We sense that to do that we have to cut back on all the outer distractions, and so we seek solitude.

Deepest solitude takes place over an extended period, at least an entire evening. You probably will not sit and be "ready" all of that time, or contemplate or reflect even. You go on with your most mundane chores--fixing some simple food for yourself, cleaning up, taking a walk, straightening up your living space. But you are paying easy attention to the inner present, what is going on in your mind. It is a kind of active passivity, in which you stay ready, but that's all. Maybe you read something inspiring, but there is really no need to act or seek because what we are waiting for is already with us. Maybe it comes from within, or it is a response to something without. We only need to be ready to notice it. Perhaps some part of you already notices it, but you are not conscious of that. Perhaps you deny it or at least doubt it. But if you are very still, you will probably begin to know it is there. You might even speak to it, and it may even speak to you. Silence with it is just as good, however. Indeed, silence is probably the very best.

Silence

Silence is the ambrosia that nourishes solitude. That's why solitude means being alone. Words are necessary between humans, but when we are connecting to something deeper, it is deeper than words, so silence may be the only way. Silence gives the brain a rest. Your mind will go on chattering for awhile, quite a bit at times, but that's okay. That chatter is part of what you are attending to. You are still resting the brain areas that plan speech, respond to others, and formulate clear sentences.

In silence you can notice when something else has arrived. Maybe it arrived a while ago, but now you wonder, who or what is this with you, around you? Maybe you knew once and forgot it and now remember again. The main thing is that you have this "knowing" feeling, and you will know it again. The repetition of that knowing that comes in solitude begins to lay down a kind of confidence that it will always come back, each time more easily.

Of course solitude can also feel dry, sterile, or even depressing. Yet it continues to feel vital for some reason. As long as that is the case, it is worth continuing. The poet Rilke wrote,

 

"You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to move out of it. This very wish, if you use it calmly and prudently and like a tool, will help you spread out your solitude over a great distance. Most people have (with the help of conventions) turned their solutions toward what is easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must trust in what is difficult; everything alive trusts in it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself any way it can and is spontaneously itself, tries to be itself at all costs and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must trust in what is difficult is a certainty that will never abandon us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it."

Loneliness

This is a bigger subject, although hopefully it isn't relevant to most of you. Rilke is mostly right about sticking with solitude when it is difficult. Sometimes, however, we simply cannot tolerate much solitude. For a few people it feels almost like it will lead to insanity. It is feeling utterly alone in the universe. Lonely like someone disconnected from the mother ship, out of sight of anyone, floating in cold empty space, waiting for the oxygen to run out. Or marooned on an island and no one is searching for you, or searching in the wrong place and about to declare you dead. Worst of all, it can feel as though you have been exiled from the human race and even "beyond the reach of God."

That kind of utter loneliness is a frightening, horrible feeling, and when it happens, rest assured that this too is a feeling you have known before. It is an archetype, in that we all know how terrible it is to be that alone, but the archetype is activated only if you have experienced being alone too much in your past.

Let's face it: Solitude only feels good when you know you can end it when you choose to and return to being with someone who cares for you. If you can't exactly choose the moment, you at least need to know that it won't be long before the one who is not there chooses to be with you again. If you try to be in solitude but feel lonely even though others care about you, you are feeling something from the past, almost certainly from childhood.

Children need to know someone is available, and no one outgrows this, really. Even monks living in total solitude belong to a community. Our survival depends on being part of a group, beginning with the group of two, us and our first caregiver. But children are inevitably left alone, at least in Western culture. Being left for a while, for an age-appropriate length of time, and then calling out and having someone show up, can be a good experience. The child gains a sense of power and safety in that calling out and the reassuring response of someone coming. It builds security that is necessary for those times when children choose to go off with their friends or to be alone. But they need to know that this precious independence or alone time is not the moment when the one they depend on will choose to sneak away, abandoning them.

This learning that it is dangerous to choose to be alone happens so often to children. There are two periods when I think it is most difficult. Before children can walk and go find someone, they are especially helpless. But parents need their own alone time, and may just have to stop responding. The baby calls out and there's no one. A little of that with a tired child is fine, especially when the child knows someone is still there, but just providing some space for each other. When it goes on too long, however, the child feels his or her world falling apart. It is as though one's very self is disintegrating because there is no one to reflect back to the young, barely formed ego that it exists, and we all need that reflecting back throughout life. That is why solitary confinement can be so devastating. People who survive it find a way not to be alone, but keep in mind constantly someone they love. Some even say later that an angel or spiritual visitor kept them company.

Another vulnerable time is when a good child, an HSC for example, is prematurely declared to be old enough to stay alone. He or she is very responsible and is proud to be known as a child who will not get into trouble. But it's still too early to be left alone for more than a few hours. Parents may need to work, or want to get away, so there's always childcare. Alas, at the same time, the HSC may hate over stimulating group childcare or babysitters who seem unpredictable and weird, so being left alone can seem like the best option for both parent and child. However, it isn't. Too long is too long.

After several experiences of self-disintegration in childhood, being alone as an adult almost inevitably leads to horrible feelings that no one is there or no one wants to be with you. Even when caring people do exist, it is as if they do not. When home alone you may find ways to fill the void, by watching TV or engaging in some frenetic activity, but it is better to face the cause of this fear and work on it.

Overcoming Loneliness

I know I should suggest psychotherapy, but for some of you, that has its own problems, both financial and finding the right person. For a start, you might try telling someone who cares for you what you are going through--that you want to be able to enjoy some solitude, but you fall into loneliness instead. Tell that person when you will be spending a length of time alone, consciously and deliberately, and ask if you can call, text, or email. The other does not need to respond until later. The very young part of you just needs to know there will be a response.

Does it seem to you that there is no one who cares for you? That you are truly alone? Honestly, the world is full of people like you, wanting to be loved. Maybe you feel they will be bad company, but maybe that is because someone felt that way about you at one time and you learned that way of thinking about others. Try reaching out. True, if you are too desperate, people may back off, or maybe, unlike you, the person has all the friends he or she can manage. But keep looking for a friend, and someone else who needs a friend is the best bet. Look beneath appearances to the person's soul, and do not expect perfection. Learn how to deal with the difficulties of friendship that always erupt and bring personal growth. (More suggestions are in my book, The Undervalued Self.)

It's Worth It

The point is, you can grow out of this difficulty eventually (I did, so I know), and it is worth doing. Solitude is valuable for many reasons, one of which is that it prepares us to be with others in a more complete way. It also gives a more complete rest. It gives time for feelings to surface. Time for creative inspiration to arise. We may come to decisions in solitude, decisions that were bothering us while we were more actively struggling with the issue. Spiritual gifts often come in solitude. Even if nothing comes, solitude itself is a gift.

When Others Think Wanting Solitude is Weird

This is a time when solitude--withdrawing from the world, "doing nothing," staying in silence--may seem almost incomprehensible to non-HSPs. Everyone's texting and on Facebook, enjoying these new, easy ways to connect. So many people at each other's finger tips and that's fun. It's also a relief. We cannot be entirely abandoned, ever. Someone will always respond if we are responsive to others.

We hear also that the more connected we are to others, the healthier and happier we will be. And that's so very true, up to a point, and truer for some than for others. I don't think there are many studies being done right now, however, of whether some solitude planned into a life makes a person, or some people, healthier, happier, and ultimately more connected than others. Even Martin Buber, who contended that relationships are the true spiritual path, said "Solitude is the place of purification." There must be a whole, coherent "I" before it can enter into I-Thou.

So do the research on yourself. Does it help or not? If it does, then for those who find your wish for solitude rather perplexing, you will be a leader, a mentor, a role model. They will become curious about this being alone thing, as if you said, "Put down your cell phone and listen--there's a strange bird singing." They will want to know more. Just as anyone can be drawn back to nature, and especially to animals, once they stop and notice, so too will they be naturally drawn back to solitude sometime, once they become curious, settle down, and notice it.

It is not your job, however, to fix anyone else with your solitude. It is only up to you to be faithful to it when you need it, rather than feel there is something wrong with you for it. You are not alone in wanting to be alone sometimes. Here are some of my favorite mentors who cheer for me when I choose solitude.

Thomas Merton, a monk, is our solitude expert: First of all, "Solitude is a way to defend the spirit against the murderous din of our materialism." He also says, "I am not defending a phony 'hermit-mystique,' but some of us have to be alone to be ourselves. Call it privacy if you like. But we have thinking to do and work to do which demands a certain silence and aloneness. We need time to do our job of meditation and creation."

If someone says you are being a social isolate, remember these words of Merton: "It is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers. The more solitary I am the more affection I have for them.... Solitude and silence teach me to love my brothers for what they are, not for what they say."

Finally, he warns that "Solitude is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present you will never find it."

More from the poet Rilke: "One thing is necessary: solitude. To withdraw into oneself and not to meet anyone for hours - that is what we must arrive at. To be alone as a child is alone when grownups come and go." And again, "What is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude. To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hours — that is what you must be able to attain."

For your loved ones who don't quite understand, he says that "Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other."

Of course Carl Jung weighs in: "Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living."

And one of those very poetic poets, William Wordsworth, said it so sweetly: "When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is solitude."

Finally, I guess the point of this article is summed up by Honore de Balzac, "Solitude is fine, but you need someone to tell you that solitude is fine."

We do still, always, need each other.

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Am-I-Too-Sensitive-Highly-Sensitive-Person-Quiz

Your Result:

You're a Highly-Sensitive Person (HSP)

With your hyperawareness come many strengths. HSPs consider matters deeply and often have unique and interesting perspectives. You are intuitive and tend to be an emotional leader (the first to be outraged by injustice, for example). But because you're so tuned in to the subtleties of your surroundings, you can feel overwhelmed in chaotic environments. You're not necessarily shy or introverted; you simply think more clearly when you're not overstimulated—which is why navigating unfamiliar places and meeting many new people at once (think cocktail parties or client presentations) can be especially taxing. To avoid shutting down in such situations, it can help to prepare in advance. Rehearse what you want to say. Brainstorm conversation starters. Bring a friend for social support. Take frequent breaks. It's crucial for HSPs to build downtime into their lives. Make rest a priority at least one day a week. Take time off every three months. Learn to meditate. And try not to overextend yourself when it comes to family and friends. Thanks to their affinity for reading other people's emotions, HSPs frequently dole out more support than they can afford to give. To handle your physical sensitivities, choose decaf tea, coffee, and sodas. And carry a snack with you (preferably some form of protein) so you never get too hungry. Finally, keep in mind that HSPs tend to change careers several times. More than most people, you crave meaningful work—but a job that's too stressful won't make you happy. It may take several tries to find the right fit.

[skydog]

WebMD Feature from "Marie Claire" Magazine

By Helen Kirwan-Taylor

 

Many years ago I had a falling-out with a girlfriend that proved so painful, I can hardly talk about it today. My friend (let's call her Mary) was a colorful television personality and had the world at her feet. She was engaged to a handsome European, and her face was plastered across the newspapers. I was working for 60 Minutes at the time, and we often met for lunch. Then one day her show was canceled and she asked me - casually, as though it didn't really matter - if I'd put her forward as a reporter for 60 Minutes. Thinking she was as tough as she seemed and that she hardly needed my help anyway (I was certain she had many other job offers on the table), I answered that I was just a minion at 60 Minutes and that besides, they had millions of people hankering to work there. I suggested she instead call another friend of hers who I felt was in a much better position to make such a pitch.

Mary never spoke to me again. I called and called. I even sent her a present for I don't know what, but a wall had gone up. At the time, I remember being completely baffled - what, exactly, had I done? Today, I would have understood completely. Mary is an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), and was simply behaving in a way that's consistent with that personality's characteristics. Too emotionally cautious to come out and say she needed the job (lest I reject or judge her), she acted as though it didn't matter. Years later, I heard through friends that she thought I couldn't be bothered to help and that I hadn't cared how vulnerable she clearly felt. It was a complete misunderstanding, and it cost me that friendship.

Though I didn't know it then, I too am an HSP, and have since learned to identify a range of HSP behaviors and responses, both in myself and in others. What's more, people in general are becoming increasingly aware of this condition, allowing HSPs freedom from having to hide their sensitive natures behind a veneer of hostility or self-assurance. Elaine Aron, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist based in San Francisco and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, first identified what she calls the "Highly Sensitive Personality" in an academic paper in the early '90s. She spent the next two decades getting her message out. According to Aron, what all HSPs share is an uncommon ability to pick up on subtleties that others might miss - a look, a feeling, a message embedded in a seemingly straightforward statement. "It's like they're wearing an extra pair of glasses," she says.

HSPs are hardwired differently than the rest of the population. Researchers from Stony Brook University in New York and Southwest University in China have found that people with the trait take longer to make decisions, need more time alone to think, and are generally more conscientious about things like remembering birthdays. Their study, recently published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, also found that HSP subjects undergoing an MRI have greater activity in areas of the brain concerned with high-order visual processing, with participants spending longer examining photographs given to them while they underwent the test, and in general paying closer attention to detail than non-HSPs. What's more, a significant percentage of other species - including dogs, fish, and various primates - also display this sensitivity trait.

 

 

Do you take things too personally? Overanalyze the situation? Feel defensive? Then you are almost certainly among the group classified as Highly Sensitive People.

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Once upon a time, HSPs might have been written off as shy or even neurotic, but Aron believes these labels are demeaning and inaccurate. Shyness, she says, is a learned response; HSPs are born with a heightened sensitivity meter. She also points out that there are a lot of us (it's estimated that 15 to 20 percent of the population suffers from the condition, a percentage split equally between men and women). The trait shows up early on, with infants and children exhibiting signs - a possible explanation for why some babies tend to cry more than others.

I should confess that when I first heard about HSP, it reminded me of the first time I learned about ODD (oppositional defiance disorder), which I felt was just another way of saying "bratty child." This time, my thinking went something like, "They're trying to turn those irritating people who force others to walk on eggshells into bona fide victims." What does being an HSP entitle you to? Instant upgrades on airplanes? The corner office? Extra-kind report cards?

But I kept reading, and the more I read, the more I began to think that the HSP label explained a lot - about me, about my siblings, and about many of my friends. Aron's argument is that there are a lot of us whose feelings get hurt easily, and that this huge sector of the population is mistakenly being written off as weak and thin-skinned. But as with ADD (attention deficit disorder) and even ODD, sooner or later society catches up with science and accepts that these terms are more than a fashionable excuse for being difficult or neurotic. Though not currently classified as a disorder, HSP will, I suspect, soon become a part of the psychological lexicon.

Still, not everyone is buying. My personal physician, Dr. Martin Scurr, whose busy medical and psychological practice in London is filled with self-identified HSPs, is opposed to the new label. "It takes all sorts," he says. "Why should we have to label everyone who doesn't fit like clones into the mainstream? How do we define 'abnormality' or 'disorder' anyway? How many new words can we come up with for good old anxiety?"

Certainly anxiety is a big component of the HSP's experience. According to experts, HSPs suffer from what is called sensory-processing sensitivity and are more susceptible than ordinary people to both internal and external stimuli. "They have an innate tendency to process things more carefully," says Aron, who has devised a test to gauge where one falls on the sensitivity continuum. "They tend to be aware of subtleties and are therefore easily overwhelmed by their feelings." An HSP doesn't just cry while watching a film like The Notebook - she experiences actual grief symptoms. She also reacts strongly to things such as noise and light, and is particularly sensitive to stimulants such as coffee. Typically an HSP demonstrates greater caution and reluctance than the non-HSP population with things such as taking risks, trying new experiences, meeting new people, even venturing to unfamiliar places. Then there is the other extreme - roughly 30 percent of HSPs are thought to be extroverts and sensation seekers.

 

 

Ted Zeff, Ph.D., an HSP expert based in California and author of the recently published The Strong, Sensitive Boy, says the trait was previously linked with leadership. "Wild animals with HSP picked up the energy around them and headed for the hills, becoming the leaders of the pack. It's just in America where sensitivity is not valued and where we think of it as a weakness," he says.

Though HSPs are often intuitive and conscientious, the trait can come at a cost. Jill Capobianco, an art dealer living outside New York, recalls that when she was as young as 3, "I had trouble sleeping because I was always thinking about things. And because I was so sensitive to hurt, I closed off easily." As a result, her childhood was a lonely one. "I was never one of the gang," she says. Today, she acknowledges, her "brain is always looking for rejection." And, because she fears being "herself," relationships have proved difficult.

To protect themselves, HSPs often withdraw or attack. According to Aron, they have six main methods of self-protection: minimizing, blaming, overachieving, inflating, projecting, and choosing not to compete. All of these behaviors are defensive in nature and tend to exacerbate the condition further, as they often lead to an HSP's getting wounded twice - first when she feels the pain of a perceived slight (prompting her defensive response), and again when the other person responds aggressively to that reaction. "HSPs should carry a warning card," says Capobianco.

But HSPs are not just people who get their feelings hurt easily. Part of the condition is having a complex inner life and an active imagination. Viktor Frankl, author ofMan's Search for Meaning, found that during the Holocaust, sensitive people tended to fare better than their outwardly tougher counterparts. He writes, "Sensitive people ... may have suffered much pain (they were often of a delicate constitution) - but the damage to the inner self was less. How else to explain the paradox that prisoners of less hardy makeup were often able to survive life in the camps, whereas those of a more robust nature were not?" Given this, it's not surprising that HSPs tend to be creatively gifted, and that a large percentage have become famous because of their particular talents (many HSPs consider creative types as diverse as Michael Jackson, Johnny Depp, and Winona Ryder to be one of their kind). And given how beautifully they describe the pain that comes with feeling so intensely, both Marcel Proust and Virginia Woolf were almost certainly HSPs.

But the message that Aron is intent on sending to all HSPs is to "stop trying to pretend you're not an HSP." At times, of course, pretending not to feel so much may be necessary. But by being selective with our surroundings, minimizing stress, managing our nervous systems through things like yoga and exercise, and by carefully choosing whom we spend time with, HSPs can play to their strengths. Cognitive behavioral therapy (where you challenge your negative thoughts with logic), as well as antidepressants, can also help. What's more, when an incident occurs that you find hurtful, Aron suggests clearing the air by sharing your reaction

 

Fifty thousand years ago, an HSP would have been happily cocooned in her comfortably appointed cave (from which she ventured only when the coast was clear). Contemporary life, however, is all about being forced out of our caves, which means exposure to the elements. As a psychotherapist friend remarked to me recently, "Once upon a time, HSPs would have been the safest people on the planet, and now they have to see someone like me to deal with modern society."

[Gerard]

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Edited September 13, 2013 by Gerard

[skydog]

Work the root hard, like a robust beech and all that sensitivity should clear away. Too much 'heaven activity' will lead the mind astray.

 

Well actually heavenly energy makes me feel high going to work (in a busy restaurant) whereas things like horse stance zhan zhuang make me very aggressive in places like work and is the article/psychologists say doing many activities at once in pressured environments, being given a lot of orders is really quite tough for some people and being around stressed people for hours. What adds to it is when people say that the reason you cant handle it is because you have some kind of weakness which Im not saying your doing but a lot of people do. Like when they give pills to people with "ADHD"

[skydog]

Work the root hard, like a robust beech and all that sensitivity should clear away. Too much 'heaven activity' will lead the mind astray.

 

But maybe Ill spend some time on the root stuff without going to work at the same time.

 

2 days of work, 1 day I got high like I normally do, next day I feel extremely depressed and hateful. And am Quitting lol

[Gerard]

.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Gerard

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

yeah it'd be nice to afford the luxury, but HSP or not, reality isnt under my control to make room for that level of comfort and "sanity".


I know im insane. i knew it the whole way through going insane.


Still, i consider myself saner than most people.

[skydog]

Hmm...you are absorbing bad energy in that environment (via aura exchange) if your path is serious spiritual practice.

 

ZZ is not enough as it stagnates the Qi if your channels are not quite clean. Have you looked into a moving practice?

 

Ok

 

Well mostly Ive been doing Spontaneous movements (Rupan, Shaking Medicine etc)

 

Ive only done a little bit of Horse stance and Wall sits and Zhan ZHuang in the past few days

 

Trying to be more grounded. And good for not indulging in crappy emotions too much

 

But I think its somewhat unneccessary as my spontaneous movement sessions involve walking in circles, lunges, squats, balance movements, putting my hands on parts of my body that are sick etc. I guess Bagua would involve both.

 

Well I had one day of work I got high then a week later my next day of work, in that week gap I did some horse stance, zhan zuang etc, so this probably adds some aggressive feelings not too helpful for work in that environment.

 

I dont think Im going to work, going to uni soon and dont need the money too much, maybe some art.

Edited March 20, 2013 by sinansencer

[skydog]

yeah it'd be nice to afford the luxury, but HSP or not, reality isnt under my control to make room for that level of comfort and "sanity".

 

 

I know im insane. i knew it the whole way through going insane.

 

 

Still, i consider myself saner than most people.

 

Where theres a will there must be a way.

Edited March 20, 2013 by sinansencer

[Gerard]

.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Gerard

[skydog]

Bushwalking, climbing mountains is an excellent grounding activity. Perhaps you have access to either. Then with what you are doing already no need for the extra Bagua or any other internal art which is hard to come by, I mean finding a good instructor that doesn't teach useless gunk. Going for extended 'mindful' walks in the natural environment is so underrated! The power of Nature heals more than countless hours of work on a mentally polluted urban environment. I have gone past the fourth jhana when meditating in the rainforest just after 30 minutes of practice or so or while facing the ocean...I can't do the same when I meditate in my room even after a two days staying locked up here in a relatively tranquil Australian city, imagine if you tried meditation living in megalopolis ike New York, London or Milan. You simple can't.

 

Interesting yes I enjoy walks in nature/in general has been very cold recently but I guess time to wear more clothes/whatever.

[skydog]

Hmm...you are absorbing bad energy in that environment (via aura exchange) if your path is serious spiritual practice.

 

ZZ is not enough as it stagnates the Qi if your channels are not quite clean. Have you looked into a moving practice?

 

When I do spontaneous movement sessions/trance dance in a group I spontaneously move around the room and start healing other people,So I guess this osmosis is true then.

Edited March 20, 2013 by sinansencer

[zanshin]

It's amazing how sensitive most people really aren't. I can understand how you would feel bad after time working in the restaurant, what I can not understand is that people go to restaurants with loud music playing, weird lighting, tvs on the walls, mediocre overpriced food and they eat and try to talk to each other there and seem to find this enjoyable and there is a wait to get in and get a table.

[Birch]

"It's amazing how sensitive most people really aren't"

 

I've been consistently surprised at this too. Qi-gong also ramped up sensitivity for me.

[JustBHappy]

I agree.

 

It's important to really understand that there's nothing wrong with us. The majority of people in this rat race are zombies. Being sensitive, and intelligent enough to limit or avoid things that agitate the mind or take us away from our hearts is a positive thing. It's just that we live in an insane society, in which the sane will often appear insane.

 

Being disconnected from your heart is a sickness no matter what percentage of the population has it. Being addicted to stimulation, and deaf and blind to your surroundings is also a sickness. It's not easy, but we need to all be mindful that what society considers 'normal' is actually quite neurotic and the few that manage to stay awake are the healthy ones.

[Gerard]

.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Gerard

[Jetsun]

I'm not sure the Marie Claire article is a good example of a highly sensitive person, if you get mortally offended by someone over a trivial matter and can't forgive them even if they say sorry then you are unbalanced emotionally and you should try address that issue rather than rationalize it with a label.

[johndoe2012]

.

Edited August 18, 2013 by chris d

[Vanir Thunder Dojo Tan]

i am highly unbalanced emotionally. i know this, and know no solution, seek resolution where none can be found.


Though suicide might still "work" on the surface, it wont resolve jack shit... so stuck in turmoil with no way out to be seen by my eye...


Are you going to blame me? Am i at fault for being emotionally imbalanced? Did i choose this life? Shame on me had i done so, i would kill me for that level of innept stupidity and ignorance. so clearly enough t ome i could not be responsible for my emotional imbalance, even if YOU think that is a lie; i call you the liar.

[Birch]

The spring phase had a lot of liver chi in it.

[Birch]

Some interesting questions NAJA:

 

"Am i at fault for being emotionally imbalanced?"

"Did i choose this life?"

 

I've wondered about 'fault', 'choice' and 'blame' and 'responsability' quite some over the past few years. And it has only really been the last few years where I've noticed this 'choice' and 'responsability' thing getting amplified both for me and what I'd call the 'wider society' I live in. My take is it depends on who's telling me this stuff and why they're telling me (or why I'm telling myself, but that's a bit of a problem IMO/IME).

 

Anyway, I think I've 'grokked' that fault lies somewhere (and I certainly know where that is, no bones) and responsability is at my feet.

 

---opinion etc--

[hydrogen]

It's not easy for any type of person. Most people feel beeing short changed and deserve "better".

 

I don't know any good way out either. All I know is if I do the same thing, I'll get the same result.

[寒月 Hanyue]

Well actually heavenly energy makes me feel high going to work (in a busy restaurant) whereas things like horse stance zhan zhuang make me very aggressive in places like work and is the article/psychologists say doing many activities at once in pressured environments, being given a lot of orders is really quite tough for some people and being around stressed people for hours. What adds to it is when people say that the reason you cant handle it is because you have some kind of weakness which Im not saying your doing but a lot of people do. Like when they give pills to people with "ADHD"

 

Learning to find the boundaries of the layers of your energy body, and beginning to become aware of their fluctuations and how that relates to your habits may help. When your fields are very open but you have no sense of boundary you invite a lot in. Drawing the fields inwards and making them denser as in shielding can help. But this is not "contracting", meerly making something smaller. You don't want this all the time either, they need to "breathe".

 

I am no expert, still getting a handle on such things myself. I offer the above only as a pointer for looking into possibilities that may help.

 

Best,