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It seems to me that a perfect God would know perfect order and want to see it fulfilled.  The animal God is a God of chaos, but a God of mind would know perfection.  Morality can be somewhat relative but I think there is an absolute out there.

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6 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

I actually believe that God did not create it, but somehow found us, and is trying to save it.

 

I think that's the way to see it.

 

Besides if you think about it. Your experiences haven't really moved you closer to God. On the contrary.

They've made you doubt him.

 

Now who does that?

 

The devil.

 

I don't believe in the devil but I do believe in devil forces and the undisputable result of your suffering has not been an undisputable faith towards God.

But a cynicism towards him.

 

He's making you believe that God.

And everything he stands for is stupid.

Just like the devil tempted Jesus Christ by making him believe that God had abandoned him, was cruel.

 

So that does what?

That reinforces the idea that in times of doubt and suffering you get the opportunity to return to God and reafirm your faith in him, but not through suffering in itself, but through it.

In and amongst suffering you will not be swayed - until you get better.

 

So God; because he's all-mighty. Uses the devil's will to his advantage to save you knowing it'll reinforce you, eventually.

 

It's a chess game between the devil and the all-mighty.

Where he uses him to get you closer to him, even though that couldn't be further from the intentions of the devil.

God is god.

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I've been asking myself why for a long time.  Why did this happen to me?  Why, in our enormous expanse of galaxies, did a God, or alien, or whatever it was, do this to me?  Why me?  I just cannot justify it.  It's no wonder people just say I am sick.  I wish with all my heart that I could believe that was all it was, an illness.  But, the things that happened to me happened, and whether anyone else believes it doesn't matter, because I know.  Even still, I just cannot justify it on any level.  

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Thank you for asking, and thank you everyone for entertaining this post.  I do feel better, I'm not hallucinating.  What makes it hard is the questions I have, and the fact that I have no interest in things anymore.  I'm like a zombie.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

Thank you for asking, and thank you everyone for entertaining this post.  I do feel better, I'm not hallucinating.  What makes it hard is the questions I have, and the fact that I have no interest in things anymore.  I'm like a zombie.

imo

It's not about knowing, or being 'right'.  It's about passion and resonating. 

 

It's important to find something you can believe in and be passionate about.  For some its religion, finding a niche, sometimes a re-evaluation of what they grew up with, but seen with new eyes or with a new dynamic modern leader.  Or the passion goes into a hobby.  From art to martial arts to nearly anything that has depth. 

 

Take time to see what's offered around you.  What might peak your interest.  Be open.  Give things an honest try. 

 

For me, the God stuff is mostly about noise and silence.  Trying to get quieter and quieter, so I can hear the universe better.  Or listening to silence after sacred sounds.  Course sacred is what we make sacred, still some sounds resonate.  So does some wisdom.  When you find that resonance, go deeper.  

 

I think we better when we have a prayer or chant.. even if its just so we can listen deeper to the silence after. 

 

 

Edited by thelerner
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It's difficult to get people to understand that my mind and my emotions are deadened and that I have no interest in anything, that I just want to sit in silence and do nothing.  It used to be that I didn't see the point in anything; it was more intellectual.  Now it is just a mood that I cannot exit.  At first it was a bother to feel this way, now it has become my normal.

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15 minutes ago, helpfuldemon said:

  Now it is just a mood that I cannot exit. 

 

Why would you give up your authority to an imposed mood?

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

It's difficult to get people to understand that my mind and my emotions are deadened and that I have no interest in anything, that I just want to sit in silence and do nothing.  It used to be that I didn't see the point in anything; it was more intellectual.  Now it is just a mood that I cannot exit.  At first it was a bother to feel this way, now it has become my normal.

Been there.  Called it Melancholy periods.  Weeks of feeling dull and listless, depression-light.  Covid has made things worse and limits possibilities, but for me, the solution was joining groups and showing up.  That's half of life's battle, showing up.  In College it was a service fraternity, afterwards a martial art, but it could have been any group that met weekly. 

 

The way out took momentum.  Going whether I felt like it or not.  It helped that the martial art had few members and there was pressure to show up, participate and eventually teach, to keep it alive.   Force yourself enough, with reminders and preparation, and it becomes habit and you end up looking forward to going, and reap the rewards. 

 

addon> course this lift yourself up by bootstraps can work with melancholy, but for full on depression, not so much.  Having a professional to talk to can be lifesaving.   The brain itself can get out of whack and the right medicine can be miraculous. 

Edited by thelerner
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I don't have any fight left in me.  Fighting off the voices and my ultimate defeat/submission left me depleted.  It's okay though. I've acclimated to this state.  I really don't see the point in doing anything anyway.

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On 5/13/2022 at 2:52 PM, helpfuldemon said:

I don't know what you people think we are... we're animals, playthings of the Gods.

Not me... Genesis 1:28

 

"And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and rule over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the sky and over all the beasts that tread upon the earth. "

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18 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

It's difficult to get people to understand that my mind and my emotions are deadened and that I have no interest in anything, that I just want to sit in silence and do nothing.  It used to be that I didn't see the point in anything; it was more intellectual.  Now it is just a mood that I cannot exit.  At first it was a bother to feel this way, now it has become my normal.

 

Could this be a side effect of medication?  

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3 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

I don't have any fight left in me

 

In God's hands.

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4 hours ago, Daniel said:

 

Could this be a side effect of medication?  

The meds do have a numbing effect but I think it is because I had to lower my thoughts to the ground and keep them low or the wires would go crazy on me.  This led me to a depression that lasted over a year.  During this time I gave myself some therapy and realized that most of what we do is unnecessary.  That realization, combined with my low mood and keeping my mind centered led me to this state.

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Not as much.  My thoughts are quiet now.  I centered my mind and I don't use the upper or outer parts of my brain.  I get tired a lot though.  Sometimes my head is so tight that I need to sleep to alter it.  I feel pretty good, just have no interest or enjoyment.  

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22 minutes ago, helpfuldemon said:

My thoughts are quiet now.

Not a small thing.

Considering your situation.

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3 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

... I had to lower my thoughts to the ground and keep them low or the wires would go crazy on me.

 

In my limited observation, the most important precondition to escape from the Oppression System is Anger.   Are you angry enough to fight back?

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On 5/15/2022 at 9:51 PM, dawn90 said:

Not a small thing.

Considering your situation.

You're right, it's a miracle that I am not psychotic and hallucinating.  

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You might wonder how I got into the occult.  I never paid it much mind before the god spoke.  I dabbled in tarot, and read some of the Golden Dawn manuscript, but other than that, and a book on Chakras being from another planet, I didn't get too far.  I always believed in creating your own self, and I was a liberated person.  I didn't have a religion, I figured God is God and if there is one, there's not much point in praying to Him because He already knows what needs to be done.  In fact, I never used the word God.  I never said Jesus in surprise or condemnation.  I wasn't an atheist, but I may as well have been.  I just never had much use for religion.  I figured, if I did a good job in life and got Heaven then good, and I tried to be good.  I had a long way to go, because I was a terrible child.  I feel like my adult life turned into a good life;  I was kind and compassionate and forgiving, but I can't say I was extremely generous or charitable, because I didn't have much.  I found it hard to finish school and I dropped out.  I was a painter for a few years and figured if I kept at it I might sell something.  I waited tables for money so I never worked full time.  I wasn't greedy or over indulgent, except for sex; I had a lot of it.  I started exercising and playing sports when I was 25 and I learned that having a nice body and feeling good about yourself got you attention.  I did do some drugs in my early 20's,. and then in my later 20's, but I never felt that connected to them as a lifestyle.  When I was 22 I chanted "Amon" and practiced some meditation from a book I read and my chakras all lit up and lined up, pulsating in rhythm up and down my body, which is why I looked for a book about them.  I wish I had known there was so much real information about them, it would have led me to Buddhism and Hinduism, and maybe I would have found some religion.  When I was going through confirmation in the Catholic Church I wasn't convinced that this was how the world worked and I said "Jesus, I'll get back to you".  I wish I would have known then that the world does'n't work that way, it's how we want it to work- and it takes discipline to get there.  I was a wanderer, and a single man, and I didn't have much direction.  When the spirit entered my body when I thought about good and evil, and drew out this symbol, I was stunned.  A few days after, having spent time thinking about God and religion and what I knew about it, I had a flash of me scanning the world, and I started to see things that I hadn't previously acknowledged; namely, greed and suffering.  I had always thought "God is love, God made the world, the world is love".  I realized I was wrong, there was more to this world than love, and I mistakenly blurted out "You're not the God of love!  Give me the power to bring love here!"  and that is when I heard the supernatural voice speak in a language I didn't know.  After that I thought "The world is order" while meditating, but then it occurred to me that "No!  The world is chaos!" and that's when my head cracked open.  I had a vision of an angel, and then saw a being on a throne say "I am the Sephiroth, I am all that is".  Then these wires started coming in, and my body was under attack.  They came from my groin and in my right ear, and overtook my genetalia and my brain.  I started having visions in dreams and hearing things.  I finally asked "What is happening to me?" and fell asleep.   When I started to awake the words AIWASS and WHITE BROTHERHOOD flashed in my mind.  That led me to Thelema.  I had thought after the God spoke that I would return to Christianity, so this all came as quite a surprise.

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2 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

saw a being on a throne say "I am the Sephiroth, I am all that is".  Then these wires started coming in, and my body was under attack.  They came from my groin and in my right ear, and overtook my genetalia and my brain.

 

So the entity that claimed to be the Sephiroth and "all that is" - quite different statements, one about Existence and the other about Beingness - takes charge of you through your genitals and brain.   What a degrading entry!

 

If I had such an entity hanging around I would immediately remove it from my light body 

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29 minutes ago, Lairg said:

 

 

If I had such an entity hanging around I would immediately remove it from my light body 

Funny, because when my head broke open at first it was just wires in my groin and my head turned on it's side and there was this little dot of an energy thing in my head.  It was like that for a couple of weeks and when I meditated I could feel it in my consciousness so I decided to try to remove it and cure myself.  It was my dinging with it that agitated it, and then it came alive one day and the wires came.

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Perhaps it is time to reclaim your thought-freedom.

 

If you call this entity "god" it seems you have given your intruder permission?   

 

Often there are passive/hidden permissions.  For example, walking past bullying without at least objecting emotionally, is a passive permission for the entry of adverse intelligences.   

 

Are you able to disable/repudiate all improper permissions?

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3 hours ago, helpfuldemon said:

I had thought after the God spoke that I would return to Christianity, so this all came as quite a surprise.

 

Could this be a test?

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