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DreamBliss

Sometime in the next 4 months I will be homeless

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Posted (edited)

No tear-jerking or trickery here. Just the facts as I currently understand them. Sometime in June or July, although it may happen before, we (all of us living here) are parting ways, and my parents as well as myself need another place to live.

 

I no longer wish to live with my parents. I wish to stand on my own, have my own space or place. And I wish to do this on my terms - not how society dictates. I know it can be done, but so far I have proven not up to the task.

 

I want to be sure my parents are settled somewhere nice, so I can feel free to worry about myself. Ideally I would get my own little house - just two bedrooms - one for sleeping and one for creating content for YouTube. I like what I am doing for YouTube right now. I know that it is not uncommon, once you get through all the hoops and hurtles, to earn $4,000 a video. It is just one unconventional way to do something you enjoy that others are willing to pay you for, and in that way you are of service.

 

My little house would have a well-drained, not mucky and private backyard with at least one old tree I could sit under and mediate. Room to do Tai-chi and yoga. Either easy access to transportation, funds to pay for a Lyft or something like that, or my own car. A hot tub I could use to heal my achy sore body.

 

Ideally I would have a $5,000 budget to build a new computer and get the gear I need to keep doing what I do. Anything left would pay for a physical trainer and a yoga teacher. That is a brief sketch of my dream. It's a nice looking future, but I can't see any way to it from here. Its like looking at a beautiful painting on the wall, wanting to go there, but of course you are unable to.

 

What my immediate future looks like to me is that either the computer I am currently using (that has parts from when I built it in 2012-2013) will give out, or I will give up on YouTube because I am struggling to get my subscriber count up, through no fault of my own, or simply because I will be homeless, and have no way to keep making content.

 

I have done all I know to do and tried all I know to try. I have been aware of the Universe speaking to me through coincidence, handing me two books that both essentially said the same thing about envisioning your ideal future and allowing the future to pull you towards it, instead of letting the past define your future, which is the default state we are all improperly raised to be in.

 

I worked my arse off these last few months at YouTube and am even trying to get a job in the local school district as a supplemental plan until I am doing better at YouTube, assuming I even manage to do better. And now I am dealing with these compounding health issues. There are darker and deeper aspects of this I might speak of later. But for now, this is what I perceive.

 

Just asking for your help, in whatever way you are willing to provide it. Prayers, sending energy - the usual. Tony Robbins tells how he used to be a janitor, and something like a month later, he flew over the building where he used to work in a private helicopter, headed to one of his events. Other accounts are littered throughout history, and there is just as much information on abundance and manifestation. I am well-versed and studied in these materials, yet I have been unable to achieve success.

 

Mastin Kipp talks about inflexible nervous systems as being one of the reasons people can't change. That is the next tangent I am chasing. But I have learned that looking at myself as if I am broken only creates more brokenness I need to fix. In other words, if I am searching for a problem in myself I will surly find it, and this will never end - the ouroboros eating its own tail. The trap of all self-help.

 

It is still difficult to tell myself that I am perfect as I am. That there is nothing broken, nothing wrong with me. That I just don't fit and there are simply adjustments I need to make. Then I recently realized that I don't need to pull out of this nose-dive that is my life, I just need to jump out of the plane and let it crash. The plane is my past, and by trying to do anything to correct my life based on the past I chain myself to it and all the ruts I have been mired in for years. Better to bail out and start over. But even these recent things I have learned have not been enough to help me take a single step towards any sort of desirable future or life I actually want to live.

 

I am posting this to "come out" as it were, to ask for help and let it be known I need it. To make my desires and needs known. To put them down here in black and white instead of letting them continue to clog up the inside my head while trying to do everything by myself. I am stuck, I need help, I do not know what to do.

 

Thank you for reading, and for your support.

Edited by DreamBliss

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You WILL get a nice house , you WILL find happiness  ... you  WILL have tree to sit under in your garden

 

 

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7a71O4A5luYo0qG3-x_M

 

 

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On 4/2/2022 at 5:31 AM, DreamBliss said:

But even these recent things I have learned have not been enough to help me take a single step towards any sort of desirable future or life I actually want to live.

I am currently reading a book called 'Mini Habits', by Stephen Guise, that I think you might find helpful with this particular issue, it is a short book

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Posted (edited)

A bit of an update... First thank you Nungali, I needed the smile that reply gave me.

 

So two things have changed:

1. I now have my application into the school district. No jobs at either of the locations I can walk to for which I wish to apply as yet.

2. My mom is dead-set against the idea I broached with here and dad, of offering the landlord $1,000 a month, $1,200 at most to stay here and see what he says. She says she feels intuitively that we need to move. I call bullshit. I don't think she is listening to her gut at all, and have good reason to say this. But it is what it is. When the lease expires, that's it, we're leaving, whether or not we have anywhere to go. That's the hand I have been dealt and must play.

 

I have more to say, but the community here, as good as it may be, is not equipped to handle that, so I'll carry that burden on my own.

Edited by DreamBliss

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On 4/2/2022 at 6:31 AM, DreamBliss said:

I wish to stand on my own, have my own space or place.

 

Best way to get on your way is to get a full time job. 

All the best. 

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8 hours ago, Iskote said:

 

Best way to get on your way is to get a full time job. 

All the best. 

 

Whaaaat ! 

 

 

421700034-Maynard_G_Krebs_zps150135f5.jp

 

If I had restricted myself to a full time job, I would NEVER have got all this stuff I have ,  be living in  virtual paradise , encountered all the wonderful things I did , nor probably be in the good  mental state I am in .

 

... of wait , you guys talking about USA aren't you  .

 

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Ah yes, the old Boomer notion that one has to be a wage slave to the man, to earn your right to live indoors and eat food.

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3 hours ago, silent thunder said:

Ah yes, the old Boomer notion that one has to be a wage slave to the man, to earn your right to live indoors and eat food.

And exactly is wrong with wanting to live indoors?

Much less the universal need to eat? 

LOL.

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either way; finding work, working, and/or being homeless have the potential to be marvelous adventures.

to quote the old duncan motto which has two versions, both being on the same coin---

savor the moment//learn to suffer

 

 Embrace it !! Own it!! 

I've been there

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, silent thunder said:

Ah yes, the old Boomer notion that one has to be a wage slave to the man, to earn your right to live indoors and eat food.

 

I was a born beatnik, boomer middle class generation, they (we, in my case) were in a unique advantaged US economy, those days are long gone.

No amount of nostalgia or angst will cause a return to that era.

Sell out to the corporate Industrial complex ?, just make sure you didn't sell yourself short, that still applies: I chose not to sell out, and in some instances, but not all, have limited financial returns due to my choice. I savor the most I had any choice, because far too many have none. I made the right choice for me. And the door is always? open, if I decided to strike some deal. So far, I haven't felt I needed to. 

Edited by zerostao
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8 hours ago, natural said:

And exactly is wrong with wanting to live indoors?

 

I've had times when I prefer to not be indoors, lighting at the same place. I've been in the wind element and it is healthy.

 

8 hours ago, natural said:

Much less the universal need to eat? 

LOL.

 

That eating thing, if it is not directly, can still lead to bad habits.

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Posted (edited)

@DreamBliss

 

Do stay in touch with us bums. I'm guessing you're some aspiring artist//creative minded bum ?

Foxes are cool and capable. Keep it light and playful.

You are only going to gain regardless how it goes. You're gonna be freed up, so to speak, to chose your own direction.

Edited by zerostao
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