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Heartbreak

Hello I like to learn how to feel emotions again.

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7 hours ago, RiverSnake said:

Welcome to TDB. I do a bit of Healing work. Lmk if you'd like any help.  

 

Hi I would like all the help I can get.

 

What information do I have to give you?

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Posted (edited)
On 1/1/2020 at 12:33 AM, Heartbreak said:

Hello I like to learn how to feel emotions again.

 

My name is heartbreak.

Oh, just fuck off.

 

<kidding> but if you felt something maybe its a step in the right direction.

 

There's a whole practice of Metta meditations that work on the heart area.  Google it.  Here's a link to one of my favorite meditation teachers doing one- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Jb72-QgXOc

 

Many teachers start big, loving everyone and everything.   Brahm starts small, opening your heart to anything you already have a connection to.  Like- https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/ajahn-brahm-metta-kitten/

 

Since emotions are 'in the mind' here's a fun talk he had, very humorous, and humor is one of most useful and pleasant forms of emotion.  http://podcast.bswa.org/e/smart-thinking-boy-wonder-ajahn-brahmavamso/  His dharma talk, Smart Thinking, Boy Wonder.  For some reason, Batman been on my mind alot.  An ultimate archetype for a man pulling himself up. 

Edited by thelerner
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On 12/31/2019 at 10:33 PM, Heartbreak said:

Hello I like to learn how to feel emotions again.

 

My name is heartbreak.

Welcome! Do yo have any dogs, cats, birds, etc?

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2 hours ago, moment said:

Welcome! Do yo have any dogs, cats, birds, etc?

 

No, I don’t like pets. I don’t like cleaning animals’ excretions.

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Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, Heartbreak said:

 

No, I don’t like pets. I don’t like cleaning animals’ excretions.

How about gardening or forestry work?  What type of meditation or martial experience do you have?

Edited by moment

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10 hours ago, Heartbreak said:

 

No, I don’t like pets. I don’t like cleaning animals’ excretions.

 

Would aversion be an emotion?

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6 hours ago, moment said:

How about gardening or forestry work?  What type of meditation or martial experience do you have?

 

I am trying to meditate right now every second on every activity which I do. I tried sitting up meditation but my back keeps giving me problems. Lying down meditation tends to make me fall asleep.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, ilumairen said:

 

Would aversion be an emotion?

 

It is more of a cleanliness thingy rather than an aversion to me. Otherwise I would be meditating in a pigs' farm long ago.

Edited by Heartbreak

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Your name suggests much feeling to me... a retreat from pain.  Though I place no value judgement on it and it is just my innate response on your presence here. 

 

Retreat in the presence of severe pain is a path to healing in my experience.  Isolation after trauima allows for assimilation and shift to occur in relative safety of the coccoon of withdrawal.  Time without more trauma is to me the surest path to recovery.  Withdrawal in this state, from contact with others and from our own emotional range is perfectly healthy and often I find in my own self... needed.

 

My life has followed a path of Tao as I look back on it from age 50, in that my participation in life and my withdrawal from it work like a bellows.

 

Periods of exuberant exploration and reaching out, exploring and discovering is followed by periods of withdrawal and isolation where what has been experienced is assimilated in solitude.  Inevitably there comes an unfolding and reaching out again.  A natural and healthful cycle that at times, was cause for concern, specifically for me, when I felt I'd been seculded and isolated for 'too long'.

 

Experience has allowed me to have more faith that instinctually, life responds to intention and all unfolds as its nature dictates.  You have set your intention and acted upon it and it will bear fruit.  Allow this to unfold, while nurturing it, but don't necessarily feel the need to 'always be doing something to it'.  I'm reminded of this in my own life, when I have an intention and then fret on it ceaselessly... like the farmer, who, tugging at the shoots of his crop in a desire to help them grow faster, harms their development.

 

I no longer seek joy or happiness, but contentment.  Happiness has been revealed to me as an unsustainable high, a matter of some mania, which requires investment to maintain.  One that will inevitably fall under its own weight, or cease when the conditions of life that bring its state, alter... dropping one into the flip side of happy which is despair.

 

Contentment I experience as not requiring upkeep and may be maintained indefinitely.  By centering in awareness where acknowledgement of what is, is at it is and that it will change no matter if it is pleasant or not.  I may act or not to influence this, and in this the unpleasant is rendered less unpleasant and in the midst of it, I still experience contentment.

 

Water is water.  As is our true nature.  Though the water may be turbulent, or serene, the nature of water is unchanged.

Emotions and thought attachment is like this for me... causing the water to appear smooth or choppy.  If i identify with the form of the waves, i seem to readily identify as happy and/or despairing...  like clouds in the sky... they may be wispy and white, or thunderous and black... yet the sky is unmarred by either.

 

Our true nature is like this to me... like sky. 

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17 hours ago, silent thunder said:

Your name suggests much feeling to me... a retreat from pain.  Though I place no value judgement on it and it is just my innate response on your presence here. 

 

Retreat in the presence of severe pain is a path to healing in my experience.  Isolation after trauima allows for assimilation and shift to occur in relative safety of the coccoon of withdrawal.  Time without more trauma is to me the surest path to recovery.  Withdrawal in this state, from contact with others and from our own emotional range is perfectly healthy and often I find in my own self... needed.

 

My life has followed a path of Tao as I look back on it from age 50, in that my participation in life and my withdrawal from it work like a bellows.

 

Periods of exuberant exploration and reaching out, exploring and discovering is followed by periods of withdrawal and isolation where what has been experienced is assimilated in solitude.  Inevitably there comes an unfolding and reaching out again.  A natural and healthful cycle that at times, was cause for concern, specifically for me, when I felt I'd been seculded and isolated for 'too long'.

 

Experience has allowed me to have more faith that instinctually, life responds to intention and all unfolds as its nature dictates.  You have set your intention and acted upon it and it will bear fruit.  Allow this to unfold, while nurturing it, but don't necessarily feel the need to 'always be doing something to it'.  I'm reminded of this in my own life, when I have an intention and then fret on it ceaselessly... like the farmer, who, tugging at the shoots of his crop in a desire to help them grow faster, harms their development.

 

I no longer seek joy or happiness, but contentment.  Happiness has been revealed to me as an unsustainable high, a matter of some mania, which requires investment to maintain.  One that will inevitably fall under its own weight, or cease when the conditions of life that bring its state, alter... dropping one into the flip side of happy which is despair.

 

Contentment I experience as not requiring upkeep and may be maintained indefinitely.  By centering in awareness where acknowledgement of what is, is at it is and that it will change no matter if it is pleasant or not.  I may act or not to influence this, and in this the unpleasant is rendered less unpleasant and in the midst of it, I still experience contentment.

 

Water is water.  As is our true nature.  Though the water may be turbulent, or serene, the nature of water is unchanged.

Emotions and thought attachment is like this for me... causing the water to appear smooth or choppy.  If i identify with the form of the waves, i seem to readily identify as happy and/or despairing...  like clouds in the sky... they may be wispy and white, or thunderous and black... yet the sky is unmarred by either.

 

Our true nature is like this to me... like sky. 

Kudos to you, my friend!

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Posted (edited)
18 hours ago, Heartbreak said:

 

I am trying to meditate right now every second on every activity which I do. I tried sitting up meditation but my back keeps giving me problems. Lying down meditation tends to make me fall asleep.

Maybe, if we are lucky here, we can address those back problems and meditate too.  I have used these often to a good end.

Lie face up on the floor and just let everything relax and slide into place.  Notice the natural aligning of your spine.  Do this for about five minutes or whatever fits your need.

Then get up and face a bare wall, put your toes about one inch from the wall, with your feet at shoulder width. Then have your knees,  crotch and nose barely touch the wall and then pull them back an inch away from the wall also.  Then put your arms straight out to the side at shoulder height for two minutes (use an internal count of 120).  Then take your arms down to the 8 and 4 position and repeat that for two minutes.  Always be aware of your toes, knees, crotch and nose almost touching the wall but, not quite. Then let your arms fall to a natural hanging position while sensing your LDT for about one minute. Do these while being relaxed. 

After two or three days, add the awareness of your breath sliding by the edges of your nostrils while doing the whole routine. Eventually increase the time as you are able.  Learn to use your intent to maintain structure instead of your muscles.  Eventually add the "Tigers Mouth" arm position (look it up) almost touching the wall (but not straight up). Always do the tigers mouth first after you add it.After awhile use your breath as your count instead of your seconds count (in a week or two), breathe relaxed and normal. Always finish with the minute or two in your LDT. Try this while looking at a dot directly in front of your face, then eyes 90% closed while looking at the tip of your nose and then with eyes closed.  Then use whichever one works best for you.

Micro-adjustments of your feet is allowed, if undue strain to your knees is felt ( but parallel as much as possible is best) There is almost infinite depth that can be added to this but, this should be a good start.

Edited by moment
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On 1/6/2020 at 1:04 AM, Heartbreak said:

 

I am trying to meditate right now every second on every activity which I do. I tried sitting up meditation but my back keeps giving me problems. Lying down meditation tends to make me fall asleep.

 

Buy a meditation stool/bench , best thing I bought this year ;)

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On 1/4/2020 at 8:36 PM, moment said:

Welcome! Do yo have any dogs, cats, birds, etc?

 

On 1/4/2020 at 10:57 PM, Heartbreak said:

 

No, I don’t like pets. I don’t like cleaning animals’ excretions.

Maybe this encapsulates the whole of human despair.

 

We want to have unconditional love and companionship but don't want the shit that comes with it.  The pet owners I know, the dog ones, no longer see the shit as so bad.  No emotion or judgement, they just clean it up when it comes along. 

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