the hidden meaning of relationships

[goldisheavy]

Many people have a perverted notion of what it means to be humble. I'd say almost everyone has this perverted notion. The perversion is an idea that to be humble means to lower oneself before others. To consider oneself more stupid and less worthy than others. To listen to others no matter what they say. To always be polite, so as to conventionally validate others' presence. And so forth.

 

This is not what it means to be humble. To be humble means to have little presumption. If we say it means to have no presumption at all, that itself becomes presumptuous, because how can one verify the absence of assumptions? One can only assume that one makes no assumptions, and that's a dangerous assumption to make. So instead, one simply is wary of assumptions and tries not to over-rely on them. What kind of assumptions? Assumptions like "he is better than me", or like "I know less than she does", or like "I am not worthy" or "comparing myself to others is very meaningful and useful", "life must be taken seriously at all times", "I must follow regulations if I know what's good for me". That's the kind of assumptions that must be questioned by anyone who tries to be humble.

 

So someone who bows a lot and is very polite, is actually a very arrogant individual. Very presumptuous, and all the sages avoid such one like the plague. At best, they'll take your money and let you go. At the worst, a sage might eat such one for dinner.

 

So what happens when such one tries to enter into a relationship with the master?

 

Here's what happens. The thought occurs, "I am not as smart as the master. I will venerate the master and learn everything I can." While this SEEMS good on the surface, the hidden meaning of this is, "I am only with the master because I am stupid. If I wasn't as stupid as I am now, I wouldn't be with this guy at all." That's not very pleasant, is it? It's very very dirty. Stinky. Filthy.

 

And the conscious mind may not notice the stench of such false humility, but the subconscious mind knows this right away and it cannot be fooled. The master feels this either subconsciously, if the master is a real master and not a fake one, then consciously as well, due to the real master's refined contact with the field of meanings. The master knows, "this guy doesn't give a rats ass about me or what I do.... he's only here because I can give him something... I am like a tool for this guy, and what's worse, when I teach what I know to this guy, he won't enjoy it, but he'll use it as a tool to get OTHER things that he REALLY enjoys for their own sake." So for example, the guy wants to live longer not for its own sake or for fun, but so the guy can get more money over time, or fuck more women, or become more important and indispensable to others, and so forth. So longevity instead of a beautiful ornament of awareness becomes a crutch for attaining the real ornaments. It's kind of like cleaning off your dirty shoes with the statue of Buddha or Laozi. The proper instrument for cleaning shoes is some kind of stick and cloth. You don't take bed sheets to clean off your shoes. So one doesn't take something beautiful and use it as a crutch to attain something far uglier. That's just retarded and demeaning.

 

So if you approach the master thinking you are more stupid, you are telling the master bad things. You are telling the master, "I am with you because I am a moron." Or, "I am with you because I lack discernment. If I had better taste, more discernment, I'd be either by myself or with another person." That's not very flattering, is it?

 

Look in your soul. Look for the very depth of your motivation. Find those dirty socks! Throw them out. If you don't respect yourself, the Universe, the Dao, will not respect you either. If you keep following masters, you'll keep getting rejected and not only will you never find a real master, but you won't even find a real friend. And that's a tragedy.

 

Enjoy life. Value yourself. Don't assume too much or too little. Have fun. Don't lick anyone's shoes thinking it ennobles that person. It doesn't. It debases the other person.

 

Reject false humility in favor of true humility.

Edited May 28, 2009 by goldisheavy

[Aetherous]

You bring up interesting points, but you're wrong. We don't know everything there is to know, and we haven't attained everything there is to attain. It's not about being stupid or trying to be humble when you make yourself as a student...we all have things we can learn. The smart people, in my opinion, never stop learning. They are always students.

 

The "stupid" ones, are those who think they know everything when they don't.

[Taiji Bum]

I think true humility is a mix of awe and fear, like looking up in the night sky and realizing how insignificant and vulnerable we are.

[goldisheavy]

and we haven't attained everything there is to attain.

 

How do you know this?

[Aetherous]

Because I've been shown to be lacking in knowledge and wisdom most of the time.

 

Because I've attained things through practice which I hadn't previously.

 

Because it makes sense that we aren't born knowing what 3 + 5 equals...that we have to learn.

[rain]

So what happens when such one tries to enter into a relationship with the master?

 

Here's what happens. The thought occurs, "I am not as smart as the master. I will venerate the master and learn everything I can." While this SEEMS good on the surface, the hidden meaning of this is, "I am only with the master because I am stupid. If I wasn't as stupid as I am now, I wouldn't be with this guy at all." That's not very pleasant, is it? It's very very dirty. Stinky. Filthy.

 

ahhh

[Taiji Bum]

I've always thought that, You cant put your master up on a pedestal, you can only put youself in a hole". I actually quit teaching taijiquan after my students started calling me "master". That made my skin crawl! I was trying to make taiji masters and all I got were students and wannabe disciples..... So I quit and went back to the drawing board.

 

P.S.

Goldisheavy.... while I agree with most of what you say, your preaching and crudeness is really beginning to put people off.

[松永道]

I'm glad my doctors felt stupid enough, long enough to learn from their teachers.

 

I'm glad our physicists have stenched of enough false humility to use Newton and Einstein as tools.

 

Drop the solipsism. The Dao is inside you and it's everywhere else too. The hidden meaning of relationships is finding the Dao in every single one of them.

[gendao]

I'm glad my doctors felt stupid enough, long enough to learn from their teachers.

 

I'm glad our physicists have stenched of enough false humility to use Newton and Einstein as tools.

 

Drop the solipsism. The Dao is inside you and it's everywhere else too. The hidden meaning of relationships is finding the Dao in every single one of them.

I agree. Relationships are also about reconnecting with other parts of Ourself, no?

 

Although, life is an inkblot test, so everyone sees something different in the same thing. Subjective meanings are all in the eye of the beholder...

[steve]

Good points from multiple sources here.

 

I also think that humility can be born of compassion and civility.

 

GIH - be careful of projecting your personal lessons onto everyone around you.

When you realize things, try to recognize that you are recognizing traits within yourself or traits that you project through the image you've created for others. You often have some very good ideas to share but there is something to be said for civility and seeing yourself in the mirror around you that is relationship.

 

You must first have a true relationship with another (that is, a relationship absent of images) before you can really know their motivation and intent. That is a rare thing to occur between two people. First we must drop all images and that takes enormous work and discipline. It's easy to think we know others' intent, sometimes we guess right, sometimes wrong. It's extremely difficult to even know our own intent at a deep and meaningful level.

[Ramon25]

What is true humilty anyway? Are we just going to assume we know?

[Meson]

[Epicurious]

shit...you younguns...ya aint very bright are yeh...damn answers easy...humility is bein yourself without the bullshit n posturin n seein shit the way it is n not bein opinionated bout it...damn...means shit aint right nor wrong just is...ha...n yall call yourself taoists...shit...

[solxyz]

hahaha. right on.