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About CarsonZi

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  1. Sounds like there could be a blockage in/at the Master Cerebral meridian/point:
  2. A decade later...

    Hi Centertime, Usually when I'm called to connect to my spirit guides it is because there is an inner knowing that there is something I need to become aware of or someone has asked for assistance with healing. Love, Carson
  3. A decade later...

    Hi Creation, thanks for the welcome back I've been practicing a Vipassana meditation that I was taught at my local Vipassana retreat center ( )... the ones started by Goenka. It's just a simple body scanning practice in which you become aware of blockages or dead spots in the body/energy body. I will usually start my practice with some light pranayama to "enliven" things a bit as I find it sort of turbo charges my meditation practice but that isn't something that was taught by Goenka and is something that I've just sort of done because it feels right for me. I will also sometimes forgo Vipassana and will instead meditate using a shaman's rattle and go more into a trance state than a meditative state, but I usually only do that when I'm feeling called to connect to my spirit guides for one reason or another and usually only do that in the evening... I usually practice Vipassana first thing in the morning. Love, Carson
  4. A decade later...

    Hi Mig, I haven't had much chance yet to get a feel for the new crowd here, but from what I've seen so far, much of the discussions are the same as before to be honest. My learning has dramatically changed since I was last here. Before, I was heavily indoctrinated into the AYP system of yoga practices, had been teaching them for quite a while and was pretty blind to the ways that that system falls short. I was pretty preachy about it and should probably apologize to more than a few of you here for how I conducted myself (sorry friends!). Since then I have had two daughters (now 11 and 9yrs old), gotten divorced, moved to a completely different area of Canada, and my practices have dramatically changed. I still do breathing and meditation practices every day, but I practice Vipassana now as I find it much more balancing than AYP, yet no less impactful. I also no longer smoke weed every day and instead use it as a sacrament on occasion, I'm no longer drinking alcohol daily (might have a couple beers a week at max), have been diagnosed with CPTSD and have gone through extensive therapy (several modalities including DBT, Breathwork, somatic experiencing, EMDR and more). I have spent much of the last decade working through childhood trauma and unlearning all the toxic relationship tendencies I had picked up in childhood and early adulthood. I went through a very difficult Dark Night of the Soul episode for a couple of years and just about committed suicide several times, I did an extended silent Vipassana retreat, have completed a Jungian shadow work program called "Conscious Relationship Training" and have a partner who has greatly stimulated my personal growth. I've also developed a relationship with a local shaman and have had a few "Soul Retrievals" and energy clearing sessions with her and I started a podcast with a friend 7 or 8 years ago to chronicle much of how things have unfolded on the path. At this point today, I would say that I have unlearned much of what I thought I knew and that unlearning process has set me free to really experience Life the way it is, in all it's messy glory. I no longer strive for specific states of being, I no longer reject any aspect of Life and instead I try to live a life of acceptance and non-resistance. It feels good. Thanks for asking Mig... pleasure to meet you. Love, Carson
  5. A decade later...

    Hi everyone Been away from here for pretty much a full decade I think, but felt called to return just now so here I am. Can't believe I remembered my old password... some miracles are real. Been an eventful last decade but I don't feel much desire to detail all that's happened and instead feel content to just browse and maybe chime in a bit here and there. Hope the last while has treated you all well, that you're all growing and learning and shifting, and I look forward to reading and interacting with you soon. Much love, Carson
  6. Patanjali's Sutras and Samyama questions

    Hi TI Not sure what I said that made you feel like I was attacking you, but I can assure you that there was no intention of attacking you at all in any of my posts. I apologize for writing in such as way so as to make it possible for you to interpret them as such. Unfortunately I think we both know that I can not give you any of the answers that you want. So this will be my last post to you here. I hope you find everything you are looking for in Life. I truly wish you the best on your path. Love, Carson
  7. Patanjali's Sutras and Samyama questions

    Hi TI Unfortunately I don't have the time (or the motivation to be honest) to go through everything you have posted and debate with you on each point. Especially since we both know you won't actually give anything I say a chance (you don't actually want my answers to your questions as you've told me straight up before). But I will say a couple of things about your post. When you asked about how one would answer the questions you posed about TM I would answer that in order to answer those questions, in order to *truly know* the answers, you would have to consistently practice TM, as prescribed, for a long enough period of time to be able to answer them from experience. You can't answer "Will TM meditation make me enlightened" by using analysis and reason... especially not without actually *doing* the practices consistently for a lengthy period of time. You can only know the answer to that question by *doing* TM consistently, as prescribed, for a long enough period of time that you could say from experience, "Yes it will" or "No it won't." And in my opinion, as indicated by your massive thread on the AYP forum "Where am I at now;" you haven't actually been doing AYP at all... at least not consistently for more than a few weeks at a time (anyone who reads through a couple of pages of your thread will easily see that you are constantly changing your practices and have been using variations of AYP almost the entire time). You said, "Budhha said, the cause of suffering is attachment. He did not say that the cause of suffering was analysis." Yes, for sure... but attachment to analysis is no different than attachment to anything else. ALL attachments must be let go of in order to release our suffering. Anyway, I really can't find the desire to read through and comment on the whole rest of your post... please forgive me. To me, it all comes down to the question, "Does AYP work?" For me, this is an absolute "Yes." But, as Yogani said in one of the quotes you posted of his, "AYP does not work for everyone." And it obviously doesn't work for you. I don't know what you are looking to get from your spiritual practices, but what I am looking for is simple.... I am looking to be able to enjoy my life as much as possible, to release as much suffering as I can, and to be able to be the best Dad, husband and friend I can be. Has AYP helped me to acheive (and continue to achieve) this? Hell yeah. Do I notice that my life gets messier when I don't do my practices? For sure. Have I found these kinds of results from the other kinds of spiritual practices I have done? No. I practiced Kriya Yoga consistently for a while, I practiced Kundalini Yoga consistently for a while, I was a Christian for well over a decade, and I have practiced shamanism for well over a decade as well. Have any of these other "modalities for transformation" helped me to notice even a shred of the benefits I have found with consistent long term AYP practice? Not even close. So, AYP does in fact work for me. I'm sorry it doesn't work for you. But don't you think that maybe, just maybe, instead of wasting all kinds of time and energy on crusading against AYP it would be much more advantageous to you and your path to spend that time and energy finding something that *does* work for you? I know it can be really easy to fall into the trap of wanting to "save others" from making the mistakes that we have on our paths, but really, we each have to learn our own lessons. I spent years trying to convince other Christians that Christianity didn't "work." It doesn't work for me, so it shouldn't for them right? And because I know it doesn't work I should warn others about falling into the trap of getting onto the Christian path right? Wrong. Christianity works for those it works for and who am I to tell another what kind of an approach they should use in order to connect to the Divine? That's all ego in my opinion. To me that is saying, "I know what is best for you... even better than you do." Which is not true and it is none of my business what methods another uses to better their lives.... whether it works for me or not. So, I (once again) suggest that you stop wasting so much time trying to understand, analyze and condemn a path that obviously doesn't work for you, stop trying to convince others that it would never work for them (when you obviously can't *KNOW* that) and spend some time finding something that *does* work for you and doing it. Wishing you all the best. Love! Carson
  8. Patanjali's Sutras and Samyama questions

    Obviously the thinking mind is needed and useful for being human, engaging in the world and interpretting and sharing ideas, concepts and philosophies. But if we could think ourselves into enlightenment, if we could think ourselves into a living experience of our true nature, there would be an awful lot more enlightened ones around (in my opinion). I know that personally, my mind and it's habitual patterns of thinking have been the source of a shit-load of suffering. And as (I believe it was) Einstein (who) said "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." So, in my experience, our rational, analytical mind can only take us so far. It cannot take us to a living experience of what is *beyond* the rational, analytical, sequential thinking mind. This is just *my* experience though and trying to use words to point to or even describe the experience of being beyond the thinking mind is pointless. As it says in ACIM "Words are but symbols of symbols thus twice removed from reality." So, obviously me *saying* that this is the way it is (for me) doesn't mean shit to anyone (but me). "Truth" can only be experienced and it doesn't appear that one person can "transfer" Truth to another. We all have to live our own experience and walk our own paths and trying to learn something or know something for another doesn't appear possible to me. All the best to each of you on your own paths. Love! Carson
  9. Patanjali's Sutras and Samyama questions

    continued.... I don't *need* to smoke pot and I never said I did. In fact, if you read my post linked above, I say; "....I went to a friend's house and purchased a single joint to smoke on my way home. I have the next few evenings off from teaching classes and I sometimes like to celebrate a successful retreat by partaking of "the herb."" The choice to smoke pot was for me, a celebration of a successful retreat and of Life in general. I rarely smoke anymore as some external conditions have to be just right in order for me to imbibe, but the situation was just right at that time so I made the decision to smoke. This was done with a similar attitude as a Catholic/Christian would have when partaking of the sacrament/communion (which in many churches is alcoholic FYI ). I'm conscious of the fact that I have a personal tendency towards enjoying the effects of smoking pot, just the same way that you are aware of the fact that you have a personal tendency towards enjoying the effects of cigarettes. I find that as long as I approach marijuana use with what I would determine as "right intention" (along with severe moderation), I don't have any issues with having a smoke (personally). We each have our own tendencies and things we enjoy. Bringing awareness to these tendencies is the first step towards being able to release them completely. This is just my opinion. Yoga to me is a set of tools that when utilized in an effective, stable and consistent way, create fertile ground for the realization of our fullest potential as human beings. It is not a trip for me. For me yoga is a way of life.... but not a way to escape life. So I do my yoga practices, twice a day, and then go do whatever it is that I am inclined to do. Which on occasion includes having a beer or smoking a joint if the situation feels right. Personally, I use marijuana for a few different reasons, but I personally never use it to enhance meditation (it makes me waaaaaay too sensitive to the internal energies to engage in any formal practices). The main reason I use marijuana is to induce a state of "forced inquiry." When I get stoned I am put into a state of mind where, when I look at myself (through a variety of techniques) I see "ego pockets" that I have previously been unconscious to. Then, I spend the next while working on loosening those pockets (again through a variety of techniques) and eventually releasing them completely. The only ill effects I find from the occasional use of marijuana is that if it is smoked late in the evening it can be challenging to get up the next morning for my practices (I sometimes just want to sleep). Other than that, it seems quite beneficial (for me) if I use it with awareness and proper intention and in moderation. To each their own right? So does walking down specific streets, seeing certain movies/commercials, and hanging around with certain friends, etc etc etc. Eventually we have to take responsibility for our own lives. I don't really care much about how people judge me (hence my ability to be brutally honest about myself with others). To me, it's all about how I feel about *myself*. I live my life based on my own set of values, not someone else's (this is why religion didn't work for me and part of the reason why AYP does). Think what you want about me TI, but ultimately, how I live and conduct my life is really only my business, not yours, not AYP's. One day you are going to have to point that laser at yourself and judge yourself using the same ruler you are using on everyone else. Not sure exactly what you mean by that, but sure. Happy to drop it whenever you wish. Love! Carson
  10. Patanjali's Sutras and Samyama questions

    Hi TI Interpretation is a funny thing. So is memory. Sounds about right. I remember being at a pre-retreat dinner with a bunch of fellow AYPers all enjoying some homecooked Indian food, a few desserts and some great company. There were all kinds of beverages available, some with alcohol, most without. This dinner had nothing to do with "AYP" and it was just a group of friends getting together for dinner before going to a retreat. So lets drop the insinuations that there was any drinking, by anyone, at an AYP retreat. Didn't happen. As far as trying to tie Yogani and/or the AYP system, (or AYP practitioners in general really) to recommending alcohol or drugs, well, that's a pretty hard sell considering Yogani takes a pretty firm public stance on it: Yup I remember ( ). The "realization" took place *before* the Checkstop incident, but, no-matter..... If you mean the comment would have been rejected, it may have been, it may not have been. I personally would have had no problem with you posting the below in that thread. If you meant that *you* would have been banned for the below comment, I can assure you that would not have happened. No one has ever been banned for a single comment, and I can promise that you would not have been the first. The reason I mentioned I was stoned was because I wanted to talk about the shift that had happened (which was to embody a knowing/seeing that all thought/emotion/sensations/etc are "objects" separate from "myself") but I wanted to be upfront about the catalyst for the event. Doesn't do anyone a service to lie by omission about that in my opinion. And, I have no "position" at AYP so I didn't feel like I was in jeopardy of tarnishing AYP's good name by sharing that I will still on occasion smoke pot. I'm not on any payroll for AYP, when I lead AYP retreats I only ask that my expenses are paid and that is done by the retreat organizer not AYP. And although I do teach the AYP system in a few yoga studios I'm paid by the studios not by AYP. And I'm upfront with everyone who is curious about my past and my current activities both in my classes and at the studio. I don't feel any desire to hide from anyone. continued below.....
  11. Patanjali's Sutras and Samyama questions

    Hi TI You sure are good at putting a specific "slant" on things! Hahaha. The "Satsang" you went to, was at my house (in 2008), and there were literally only 3 of us there including you and myself, and it was just us getting together to meditate. No "Satsang" involved. I offered you a beer (as well as a water, juice or tea if I remember correctly, it was so long ago I can't remember for sure if I even offered you a beer) as a mere courtesy, not as peer pressure. I do the same to anyone who comes into my home, whether they are coming for a meditation or for dinner... just a courtesy. AND, as many of the Taobums who've been around for a while may remember, back then (2008) I was still downdosing off of the methadone program and using marijuana regularly, so, offering someone a beer didn't seem like a big deal (it's not like I offered you some of my methadone). Just a formality. Oh, and just for the record, when you came over to meditate at my house I wasn't an "AYP Leader," I was just a guy opening his home to others who wanted to do AYP Deep Meditation with a few other people. Again, as many of the older Taobums members may remember, I was an active hallucinogen user for well over a decade. And I have had a large collection of Alexander Shulgin's psychoactive phenethylamines and tryptamines in my house for years.... still do in fact as throwing them in the garbage may result in some getting into an unsuspecting person or animal's system accidentally (through a variety of means). At no time did I ever OFFER you drugs, nor suggest to you that if you wanted them that I would make them available to you. Suggesting otherwise is a complete lie. Speaking of lying, this ^ is another. I have taught 6 AYP retreats over the past year or so and there has not once EVER been ANYONE who has drank alcohol during the retreat. There have been dinners *after* a retreat where some of the attendees may have had a beer or a glass of wine, but what someone does during their own time is of no consequence to me or to AYP. Hell, if someone *really* wanted to drink even while on an AYP retreat, if they had it (it's never been an option at any of the retreat centers I've taught at), they are more then welcome to do as they wish as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else's right to get as much from the retreat as they can. Well, considering you've never been to an AYP retreat, I don't think you are qualified to comment on the quality control standards AYP or it's leaders have. But you're right, everyone *does* have a great time! Anyway, I think you should go get a job at a mass media outlet somewhere TI... your ability to "put a specific spin" on things is really really incredible and I think you would do very good in that kind of an environment. And, while you're in the city looking for that job why don't you come over again and have a meditation with me! I promise I won't offer you a beer this time, and I'll put my box of leftover "goodies" in the shed too. Love! Carson
  12. The "i-thought"

    Hi Kate and All Liberate from suffering IMO. Just my opinion though. Sure there is the odd Buddhist here who would say "liberate from the cycle of death and rebirth". Love!