How screwing around with spirituality in middle school continues to affect my life

[Rvel]

So um…tw suicide and schizophrenic style delusions, NSFW

Spoiler

When I was much younger (middle school), I started experimenting around with spirituality and got non-stop energetic attacks that led to multiple suicide attempts. It gave me a schizophrenic style delusion that a zombie apocalypse would start around me at any second. Every time my parents took a step in the house I would plan how to kill them and get to the nearest exit in case they had zombified, and I couldn’t tell my daily nightmares from reality (I often wanted to die rather than face another nightmare). It didn’t help that I also had developed a porn and video gaming addiction thanks to my low qi looking for artificial ways to boost it.

 

That experience has deeply influenced much of the rest of my life after that, and has led to chronicly low levels of qi. I got over that after 2 years through Christian prayer, the religon which I had grown up in, which I had overlooked recently in favor of taoism. I haven’t been having a daily practice or a teacher or anything, but I had started reading about it and making small lifestyle changes. I felt my qi rise to levels I’d never felt it at before middle school.

 

Well that all ended today, because I had a sexual leakage. Shortly after I took a nap, and I had an extremely realistic nightmare almost exactly like the nightmares I’d experienced in middle school, and woke up with an extremely hollow feeling of qi, and a slight comeback of that paranoid delusion.

I’m really weak right now, so please forgive my horrific writing, and have prayed to the Christian God and will take some traditional Chinese medicine later (bu zhong yi qi b/c i don't have anything better right now), but I wanted to share this account in case anyone finds it useful and in hopes that it will help me defend myself and recover. Also just some anecdotal evidence for the dangers of learning spirituality without a teacher (not to say it's impossible, just perilous).

[-ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ-]

What practices did you do back then?

[Sanity Check]

20 hours ago, Rvel said:

Also just some anecdotal evidence for the dangers of learning spirituality without a teacher (not to say it's impossible, just perilous).

 

 

Which came first, chicken or egg.

 

How did the 1st spiritualist learn despite having no teacher?

 

[Rvel]

Ok maybe not spriituality, i'm not sure how one defines that.

 

I screwed around with some stupid stuff and meditations i found online that claimed to teach you telekinesis through entering an almost comatose state so you could feel your aura and then use it to manipulate objects. Kinda similar to astral projection stuff but a bit more extreme ig. I had wanted to get superpowers lol.

 

I used the book Miracle Mastery by David Debold quite a bit. Not going to denounce the book, probably middle school me did not understand it well enough to practice it correctly, but that was the main guidelines I was going on.

[-ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ-]

On 04/05/2024 at 5:27 AM, Rvel said:

Ok maybe not spriituality, i'm not sure how one defines that.

 

I screwed around with some stupid stuff and meditations i found online that claimed to teach you telekinesis through entering an almost comatose state so you could feel your aura and then use it to manipulate objects. Kinda similar to astral projection stuff but a bit more extreme ig. I had wanted to get superpowers lol.

 

I used the book Miracle Mastery by David Debold quite a bit. Not going to denounce the book, probably middle school me did not understand it well enough to practice it correctly, but that was the main guidelines I was going on.

Well at least other people starting out now know what to avoid. Do you have a teacher now? What do you want to achieve from practice?

 

 

[Elysium]

Dude seek a professional for the love of God. This forum can not cover up all of them. There is still time!

[Nungali]

I would nit blame 'screwing around' with spirituality, or the other stuff you mentioned .  I would blame watching too many zombie apocalypse movies and gaming  plus a certain 'individual psychology' you seem to be running .

[Rvel]

21 hours ago, Nungali said:

I would nit blame 'screwing around' with spirituality, or the other stuff you mentioned .  I would blame watching too many zombie apocalypse movies and gaming  plus a certain 'individual psychology' you seem to be running .

What is an "individual psychology"? Self-centeredness? 

I would argue that the post is nescessarily somewhat self-centered due to it's content. If it is in excess, please let me know where so I can change it. I did not mean to sound as conceited, especially not in the realm of spirituality. I do not have firm proof of the connection, nor have I verified it with an expert on this subject. I am just saying what happened, and my personal take on it, and perhaps others will find it interesting or useful. Would it help if I added this into the original post?

 

That is a fair argument, however, I had never watched a zombie apocalypse movie (and still haven't) or played any videogame prior to this event.

My knowledge of zombies and minecraft came from youtube videos I'd randomly clicked on in 7th grade when I got my first personal computer.

This was after I had started attempting to learn telekinesis through unorthodox forms of meditation for over a year, and I feel that my strong reaction to the content was an effect of that.  

Edited May 7 by Rvel

[Rvel]

On 5/6/2024 at 5:18 AM, -ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ- said:

Well at least other people starting out now know what to avoid. Do you have a teacher now? What do you want to achieve from practice?

 

 

I do not have a teacher now, but I have also not started formal, deep practice. 

Personally, I hope to gain more energy. 

[Rvel]

On 5/6/2024 at 5:37 AM, Elysium said:

Dude seek a professional for the love of God. This forum can not cover up all of them. There is still time!

May I ask if there is a particular reason I should currently seek a professional? I have been fine for quite some time. Is this in line with the "individual psychology" issue that Nungali has picked up?

Edited May 7 by Rvel

[Nungali]

1 hour ago, Rvel said:

What is an "individual psychology"? Self-centeredness? 

 

'A certain ( meaning a particular one , not general but pertaining to you )  individual psychology' - manifesting in  things like " multiple suicide attempts.... schizophrenic style delusion ....Every time my parents took a step in the house I would plan how to kill them " .  Not everyone that 'screws around' with the stuff you did ends up like this , so I see it as aan individual psychological problem . That is  , it is not a normal reaction or response .

 

I would argue that the post is nescessarily somewhat self-centered due to it's content. If it is in excess, please let me know where so I can change it. I did not mean to sound as conceited, especially not in the realm of spirituality. I do not have firm proof of the connection, nor have I verified it with an expert on this subject. I am just saying what happened, and my personal take on it, and perhaps others will find it interesting or useful. Would it help if I added this into the original post?

 

No, you assumed the 'self centered part'  I suggested individual psychology .

 

That is a fair argument, however, I had never watched a zombie apocalypse movie (and still haven't) or played any videogame prior to this event.

 

So, how did you know or find out about zombies then ? Was thinking your parents or others where or immanently to become zombies  the first 'contact' you had with the concept ?  In any case I am suggesting you have / had a psychological problem and it was not generated by  'screwing around with spirituality' . It is not uncommon for someone that is having psychological difficulty to look outside themselves and see  or blame the issue on some stimulus that  was not the issue or stimulus , or it is, but it is masked or symbolic of that issue .

 

My knowledge of zombies and minecraft came from youtube videos I'd randomly clicked on in 7th grade when I got my first personal computer.

 

This was after I had started attempting to learn telekinesis through unorthodox forms of meditation for over a year, and I feel that my strong reaction to the content was an effect of that.  

 

So,  you attempted to learn telekinesis   then you watched zombies and then you had the psychosis reaction ?  If that is the case I suppose  ' Miracle Mastery by David Debold'  would have to be examined to see what the techniques actually where .

 

However , we would then have to check with other readers to see what their reaction to it was to gauge how much of it was just the practice and how much of it was your own psychological issues .

 

[Nungali]

2 hours ago, Rvel said:

May I ask if there is a particular reason I should currently seek a professional? I have been fine for quite some time. Is this in line with the "individual psychology" issue that Nungali has picked up?

 

Anyone with those thoughts is having an issue and needs help .  if its gone now and you just had a random dream about it ,  dont worry  about it . if it recurs and you start going back into that original state you described - get help .

[Tommy]

Sorry, what seems to be the problem? You tried suicide twice? Why? Because of your uncontrollable thoughts? True spiritual practice would never send one on a path such as the one you were on. Personally I would like to ask more questions but do not believe myself qualified to help. This one needs a person with more qualified training. Good luck.

[-ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ-]

15 hours ago, Rvel said:

I do not have a teacher now, but I have also not started formal, deep practice. 

Personally, I hope to gain more energy. 

Well first maybe see a therapist to sort out your issues. Then afterwards get a good teacher.

[Nungali]

Also, I fail to see how telekinesis  is  a form of 'spirituality ' .  There was talk of not having a teacher .... what ?  a teacher for telekinesis ?

 

Also it is not spiritual practice but  old school  ' psychic practice'   and new school   Quantum Superposition. 

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_superposition

 

- or ' an electron can exist in many places at once ' 

 

Spoiler

When you push or pull on an electron with an electric field,  the electron moves a little. When that happens to an electron that occupies many spaces at the same time, it will experience what physicists call a collapse.

 

Imagine you have an image that is refracted by a cut crystal, the same image  appears to be in different places at once . If you apply the right EMF  to one of the images, the crystal collapses and we see only one of the images .

 

This is what you do what you do to the many states of an electron when you generate an electric field with your thoughts: You cause multiple, simultaneous incarnations of that particle to “collapse” into occupying one particular place.... any place , anywhere .

 

Some particles that make up you are inside of you at the same time they exist on the opposite side of the universe.

So if something happens 'out there' , it can make a change 'in here'  (the EMF network of the brain ) and visa versa .  So if you can make a change 'in here' can it make a change 'out there' ? Theoretically, yes .

 

Practically ?   Well, no one has been able to demonstrate that yet

 

 

in a lab , guys ..... in a lab .      

 

( I know some of you think it can be done outside a lab, but inside a lab is the 'proof' , that is , this insane wacky theory , proved in a lab ,  allws youtr phone or computer to work

Your thoughts move the universe outside you—a little—and the universe moves you.

 

[-ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ-]

6 hours ago, Nungali said:

Also, I fail to see how telekinesis  is  a form of 'spirituality ' . 

It’s part of the Jedi religion 

[Sanity Check]

On 5/7/2024 at 10:49 AM, Rvel said:

Personally, I hope to gain more energy. 

 

 

If you had more energy, what would you do with it?

 

I think David Goggins has a good system for that.

 

[Nungali]

15 hours ago, -ꦥꦏ꧀ ꦱꦠꦿꦶꦪꦺꦴ- said:

It’s part of the Jedi religion 

 

Oh . okay I tried to get in to that religion but no go .... I was not fat enough and my sword was not made of plastic .