Patrick Brown

I stayed with my abusive girlfriend out of fear she would kill me

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Alex's partner was the first woman jailed for coercive and controlling behaviour in the UK. Now he's trying to fight the stigma around male domestic abuse

 

Alex Skeel, 22

I‚Äôll never forget the moment that my girlfriend, Jordan, first poured scalding water over me. She‚Äôd backed me into the corner of a room in the home we shared in Bedfordshire, holding a boiling kettle. We‚Äôd been together for three years, and what had started with small things ‚Äď her telling me not to wear the colour grey or that she didn‚Äôt like my hairstyle ‚Äď had turned into a nine-month campaign of physical abuse. I was very scared of her.

 

I can still see that first tiny drop of water falling onto my skin. It all happened in slow motion. Afterwards, my skin was curdling. The pain was like nothing I‚Äôd ever experienced. I begged her to let me get in a bath filled with cold water ‚Äď it was the only thing I could think of that would stop the burning. She allowed me to get in, and the relief was instant. You can't imagine how incredible it feels to sink your body into freezing water after that. It‚Äôs the nicest feeling in the world. Then she told me I had to get out ‚Äď or she‚Äôd do it all over again.

 

If I started moaning, saying that it hurt, she’d say, "Get back in the bath, then." Then she’d do exactly the same thing and make me get out. It was all about the mind games with her. She wanted control over all aspects of my life. I remember lying in the bath with no clothes on. It looked like I was in an oven, cooking. My skin was peeling off. It was absolutely horrible.

 

Read In Full: https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/81a8f303-5849-45b8-85a0-e8532b5d948b

 

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My point in the above post is that I am completely ignorant of the British social climate. The acceptable behavior where I live varies at time from block to block, yet alone cannot imagine the acceptable behavior there.

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19 minutes ago, whitesilk said:

Britain is a monarchy ruled by a woman.

 

Need I draw out further 'American' parallels.

 

I don't understand that at all unless in other cultures it's fine for women to abuse men and vice versa. I think you'll find that even in primitive cultures there's mutual respect between the sexes. 

 

16 minutes ago, whitesilk said:

My point in the above post is that I am completely ignorant of the British social climate. The acceptable behavior where I live varies at time from block to block, yet alone cannot imagine the acceptable behavior there.

 

I think the acceptable level is that of a civilised person. Just as men shouldn't abuse women in any way neither should women. If you read the whole article you will see she was basically an unrepentant psycho! This kind of extreme case is rare, I suspect, but has increased in recent years.

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5 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

I think the acceptable level is that of a civilised person. Just as men shouldn't abuse women in any way neither should women. If you read the whole article you will see she was basically an unrepentant psycho! This kind of extreme case is rare, I suspect, but has increased in recent years.

 

The problem is, @Patrick Brown, deranged psycos can hide behind civility. Look and watch the attacks in this film favorite that I've recently watch. The English crown is shedding blood in the name of it's culture. To me it is not a gender issue, yet a matter of social organization.

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The Man in the article could be a reincarnation of Jack the Ripper for all I know, and just because he has gained the Medias support to think that he is a victim, he is able to put that poor woman through hellish misery. The relationship dynamic does not make sense to me as a middle aged man who once has been in a young mans shoes.

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6 minutes ago, whitesilk said:

 

The problem is, @Patrick Brown, deranged psycos can hide behind civility. Look and watch the attacks in this film favorite that I've recently watch. The English crown is shedding blood in the name of it's culture. To me it is not a gender issue, yet a matter of social organization.

 

Link doesn't work on the post you've linked to!

 

1 minute ago, whitesilk said:

The Man in the article could be a reincarnation of Jack the Ripper for all I know, and just because he has gained the Medias support to think that he is a victim, he is able to put that poor woman through hellish misery. The relationship dynamic does not make sense to me as a middle aged man who once has been in a young mans shoes.

 

I doubt it, perhaps he should have considered getting out of the relationship before having children but hey who knows why he didn't leave her? Obviously once children became involved then as he say he felt he had to stick around to protect them. Obviously he also loved his children but maybe didn't think he could win custody if he outed her behaviour earlier? 

 

Hey she did get 7 years and she also admitted everything so basically she's a psycho. I feel sorry for the kids as for the guy well he should have asked for help sooner, but of course he did eventually. 

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5 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

Hey she did get 7 years and she also admitted everything so basically she's a psycho

 

It is assumptions like this that are exploited in this digital age. The causes of her behavior must be further taken into account in my opinion.

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3 minutes ago, whitesilk said:

 

go to https://www.tubitv.com and search for 'all for liberty'

 

It's seems that I need to create an account to use that site which I'm not prepared to do.

 

1 minute ago, whitesilk said:

 

It is assumptions like this that are exploited in this digital age. The causes of her behavior must be further taken into account in my opinion.

 

She was convicted! What more do we need to know? 

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10 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

She was convicted! What more do we need to know? 

 

I need to know nothing as I do not care for the issue.

 

I am skeptical by the very fact that I would never incite a Medea's rage upon my own Man Flesh. You should feel my sentiment if you have ever heard a Lorrena Bobbit joke.

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2 minutes ago, whitesilk said:

I need to know nothing as I do not care for the issue.

 

OK then please refrain from commenting on this thread?

 

 

2 minutes ago, whitesilk said:

I am skeptical by the very fact that I would never incite a Medea's rage upon my own Man Flesh. You should feel my sentiment if you have ever heard a Lorrena Bobbit joke.

 

Not sure what you're on about but as said the women was convicted by a court of law.

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13 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

I wonder why this was moved here, from General Discussion, and by whom? 

 

Reason? 

I moved it, because it is not practice or system related.

 

Please be advised that it can still find its way into off-grid or the pit. The subject matter is borderline appropriate for the rabbit hole but I thought would give it a shot and see how it evolves.

 

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3 minutes ago, Kar3n said:

I moved it, because it is not practice or system related.

 

Please be advised that it can still find its way into off-grid or the pit. The subject matter is borderline appropriate for the rabbit hole but I thought would give it a shot and see how it evolves.

 

 

While you're around can you explain why I can't add whitesilk to my ignore list? 

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4 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

 

While you're around can you explain why I can't add whitesilk to my ignore list? 

I've no clue. Could be a system glitch. You can try again later.

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1 minute ago, Kar3n said:

I've no clue. Could be a system glitch. You can try again later.

 

Well they could have admin status!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited by Patrick Brown

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3 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

 

Well they could have admin status!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They do not.

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17 minutes ago, Patrick Brown said:

Well not anymore! <_<

They have never had admin privileges. There have been other times that people have not been able to be ignored with no explaination. It just happens.

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When I was a live in property manager, we got a new female tenant...and within the first month, one night we all hear this wailing sound at 3 am. I roll over in my bed, try to wait for the ghost or whatever it is to shut the hell up so I can get my rest, but it keeps wailing, and then I get a knock at my door.

It's the new female tenant, and she asks me to help remove her abusive boyfriend from the premises. Oh, okay, the sound isn't a ghost I guess. Solves that mystery.

I go into her room to find the "abusive boyfriend" sobbing on the floor, with drool and snot dripping from his face into a puddle. He's incoherent, and I continually tell him that he's got to get out, as I'm under the impression that he hit my new tenant. It takes about half an hour to convince him, and we step outside to talk.

Anyway to shorten this up a bit...come to find out that she beat him. She had done it before, and it happens every once in a while if he doesn't appease her. He stays with her because he cares about her, even if it hurts him.

Men should never let their girlfriends or wives be abusive to them, just as it is vice versa, where women should leave their abusive male partners. People need to have some self respect.

Honestly, if a girlfriend is pouring boiling water on you, it's way past time to defend yourself and then leave her in the dust. How can someone be so weak and submissive, so as to let it happen to themselves?

They all need to practice some zhan zhuang and learn to stand on their own two feet!

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Why title a thread like this and then just  copy  and post a story about  an abusive girl friend  .... and just leave it hanging up there like a bad fart ?

 

After this , and other recent posts of yours, I sense an unresolved issue. 

 

Sure, some women oppress men, we know that,  but look at the stats ! .... Let's not loose focus about what we are trying to achieve in the area of domestic abuse  - at least here anyway ;

 

https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_Departments/Parliamentary_Library/pubs/BN/2011-2012/DVAustralia

 

that is ,  trying to get the number of women killed each year down a lot !

 

One woman a week murdered  !

 

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/facts-violence-women/domestic-violence-statistics/

 

Maybe get up and talk about your own real  unresolved  issues instead with a view to help and healing ?

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5 hours ago, Aetherous said:

...

Honestly, if a girlfriend is pouring boiling water on you, it's way past time to defend yourself and then leave her in the dust. How can someone be so weak and submissive, so as to let it happen to themselves?

They all need to practice some zhan zhuang and learn to stand on their own two feet!

 

Perhaps.  But reversed it can be a different situation.  Take my ex for example, before we got together, the father of her 3 children had her cornered in the kitchen, he had snatched some boiled milk off the stove in a saucepan and was about to throw it in her face - the screams of his own son stopped him.  It was an event in a long line of various abuses . Why was she putting up with  it ? 

 

Can you imagine what it would be like with 3 boys, 2 of them twins, all under 4 and trying to manage that and everything associated by yourself ?  All it takes is a bad day, or getting sick or injured. Plus a whole lot of other stuff going on, like the kids pining  for their father and being emotionally upset and developing psychological problems due to the behaviour and separations .

 

And  yes, I do realise the shoe can be on the other foot  - I also had a single father neighbour - with 4 kids !  all young .  Great kids and a great guy, but I sensed damage. After a while he told me , not long after the birth of their 4th child - she   killed herself .   Hard on all of them ... what a task he  had! 

 

But we cant ignore the stats ....... saying that more women are abused by men , does not in any way IMO negate the  fact that men get abused too .

 

So, what's you point Pat ?

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20 minutes ago, Nungali said:

Why title a thread like this and then just  copy  and post a story about  an abusive girl friend  .... and just leave it hanging up there like a bad fart ?

 

After this , and other recent posts of yours, I sense an unresolved issue. 

 

If I told you I just happened upon this on the BBC website this morning and after reading it thought OMG!

 

Perhaps it's synchronicity, fate or whatever you wish to call it but I though it would make for a good discussion?

 

As for my method of posting it's something I do due to time constraints but also to see what people have to say without a bias being installed from the get go.

 

Perhaps you've already labelled me but in my defence, I didn't realise it was the 'women's zone', the other day, but also I think the inception of that thread was on the 'Talk Trump' thread but I could be wrong. Oh and there's the IS girl which you may also take offence at but it's big news here in the UK and most people feel the same as me about it.

 

As for female murders in OZ perhaps start a thread about it and I may comment, or not? This thread is about something which is rarely talked about, at least here in the UK, so I think is deserves an airing.  

 

----------------------------------------

As for me, as you seem so keen to know me, no I've never experienced anything similar to that poor guy. In fact in many ways my relationships have been OK-ish. I'm maybe just not as robust as most modern people, you know I haven't had 30 to 40 plus partners and lots of one-night stands. And I didn't have friends that say 'forget-em' and there 'more fish in the sea' blah, blah, blah. I'm probably fairly old fashioned in many ways. 

 

No I'm no angel but I'm also not the promiscuous type either and I always held onto the dream of a, not perfect, but a good relationship which I never quite found. After being on my own now for almost 20 years I'm happy and don't feel the need or a desire for a partner. I often joke that I'm happily single.  

 

So nothing complicated, no hidden motive or agenda just some guy happy to exchange a few ideas and learn a few things and have a chat. 

 

 

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