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chaugnar

Dealing with my woman's crazy ex

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My woman has a narcissist,borderline personality disorder ex.he believes that he owns her permanently.he threatens all her male friends.i love her but feel threatened.how do I navigate and asess the danger someone poses.

 

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You meet the threat and stand up to him. Or report him to the authorities.  If enough people report him, his actions might get moderated externally.

 

When one 'merges' with another , one has to decide to accept them as they are , and their 'baggage' , or not .

 

I been through a few of these , including one that had been violent to my current then GF , and they had 3 kids together ... complex.

 

he went from wanting to fight me, stalk and kill me ... all the way through to crying and sobbing and tanking me for trying to help him repair the relationship with his children, to giving up and saying I should have that relationship with the kids as he was so fucked up ... to  trying to get better and failing ... to  ....

 

God I am glad I am single now ! 

 

Good luck with it all .

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This guy's video has a good take on the dynamic you are involved in. Much of it actually evolves around the woman you are dating, and her (perceived) lack of ability to put a stop to it. He's doing it because for years she's let it happen, and quite likely she's the type that was attracted to his type as much as his type is attracted to her type.

 

This then leads the question of 'what type are you?' although it doesn't necessarily mean you are the same as the other guy. My point is you won't be able to stop this guy with the dynamic between him and your girlfriend. She needs to change herself (usually through self-improvement which takes a LONG time) for that dynamic to change - he'll just keep coming back - see this sort of thing all the time. Until she is able to put her foot down you'll just be getting drawn into fights with her regarding him until one of you gets sick and tired and decide to end what you currently have. 

 

This guy wins either way. He'll label you an a-hole (when he speaks to her) because you're in his way. He'll label you an a-hole when you leave 'because he was right about you, since you left her'. My advice - cut bait and run. Work on yourself until you can recognize these traits in the women you are attracted to, and keep working on self until you are no longer attracted to that type of woman. (same advice goes to women that are dating a man with these attributes)

 

 

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