Ruben_

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Hi

I was listening earlier to Alan Watts talking about how man in the old times, before gaining consciousness of responsibility, felt free to do whatever they felt like doing without being burdened by a sense of responsibility. Ate when felt hungry, drank when felt thirsty, etc. It sort of struck me in a way, i always felt burdened with being conscious. Like, and this is something very troublesome to me, when i accidentally/intentionally look at myself in the mirror, i don't recognize what i see. I feel strange. Stranger to what i see. 

 

I became wondering, what if i never knew what a mirrored image is, what if i never seen what me is looking like. Wouldn't i be more at peace? As in, i wouldn't feel confused. The name my father gave me feels alien to me, my image in the mirror feels strange. I feel more comfortable touching my left hand fingers with my right hand fingers, and vice versa, if that makes any sense. As in, i feel more comfortable being what i am than being conscious of what i am. Any one felt like this before?

 

I didn't know where to write this post, as it is my first, but i'm very troubled with this i felt i had to share it with someone and perhaps gain deeper understanding or at least feel more at ease if i'm not alone in it. I also feel urged to admit i'm an ex-muslim. My parents chose to make me Muslim, and i lived almost 30 years as such, only decided to "discretely" abandon that faith about 18 months ago and seek freedom of any such burdens. It's not easy, it's relieving at some times, but very confusing almost all the time. To be forced to become something you are not, when you are in need to find out what you are. It's so unfair.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening whoever read this. 

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Hello, Ruben_ and welcome.

 

Your membership is approved and we're happy you found your way to us. We look forward to accompanying you on some of the way that you still have to go.

 

Please take the time to read the post pinned at the top of this Welcome page and take a look at the forum Terms and Rules.   This covers all you need to know when getting started.

 

For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like.¬†Also, until you‚Äôve posted fifteen times in the forums, you‚Äôll be a ‚ÄúJunior Bum‚ÄĚ with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day.

 

Good luck in your pursuits and best wishes to you,

 

Marblehead and the TDB team

 

 

Hi Ruben,

 

Make sure you never let your screen name get associated with you, the person.  You know why.

 

Yes, I know what you are talking about.  The mirror is only a reflection, the viewer views with their own biases, etc.  And yes, what you are talking about is the will to find out your true nature.  There will be many places where you can talk about this and get feedback.

 

You are welcome to jump right in ongoing discussions, revive an older thread, start a new thread of your own, or start a discussion in the "Newcomer Corner" sub-forms to expand on your introduction or ask general questions to help you get started.

 

May you enjoy your time here.

 

Marblehead

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11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

 

I was listening earlier to Alan Watts talking about how man in the old times, before gaining consciousness of responsibility, felt free to do whatever they felt like doing without being burdened by a sense of responsibility. Ate when felt hungry, drank when felt thirsty, etc.

 

Hi Ruben_,

 

You were listening to Alan Watts thus?

 

The myths underlying our culture and underlying our common sense have not taught us to feel identical with the universe, but only parts of it, only in it, only confronting it - aliens.

Alan Watts

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

It sort of struck me in a way, i always felt burdened with being conscious.

 

How is it possible that a being with such sensitive jewels as the eyes, such enchanted musical instruments as the ears, and such fabulous arabesque of nerves as the brain can experience itself anything less than a god.

Alan Watts

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

Like, and this is something very troublesome to me, when i accidentally/intentionally look at myself in the mirror, i don't recognize what i see.

 

You mean you had never looked into a mirror before? No wonder - "I don't recognize what i see".

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

I feel strange. Stranger to what i see. 

 

Were you like a stranger on the shore ...

 

 

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

I became wondering, what if i never knew what a mirrored image is, what if i never seen what me is looking like. Wouldn't i be more at peace? As in, i wouldn't feel confused. 

 

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. - Alan Watts

 

And although our bodies are bounded with skin, and we can differentiate between outside and inside, they cannot exist except in a certain kind of natural environment.

Alan Watts. 

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

As in, i wouldn't feel confused. The name my father gave me feels alien to me, my image in the mirror feels strange.

 

Your alienation has nothing to with your Dad. Some fathers will layed down their lives ...

 

 

 

 

You are strange to yourself.

But you are not strange to your Dad.

Please send my regards to your Dad.

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

I feel more comfortable touching my left hand fingers with my right hand fingers, and vice versa, if that makes any sense.

 

Make no sense to me but very interesting.

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

As in, i feel more comfortable being what i am than being conscious of what i am. Any one felt like this before?

 

Yes I had. But I had since closed the gap.

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

I didn't know where to write this post, as it is my first, but i'm very troubled with this i felt i had to share it with someone and perhaps gain deeper understanding or at least feel more at ease if i'm not alone in it.

 

Now that you are at TDB, don't look back.

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

I also feel urged to admit i'm an ex-muslim. My parents chose to make me Muslim, and i lived almost 30 years as such, only decided to "discretely" abandon that faith about 18 months ago and seek freedom of any such burdens

 

It has nothing to do with religions ...

 

The style of God venerated in the church, mosque, or synagogue seems completely different from the style of the natural universe.

Alan Watts

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

It's not easy, it's relieving at some times, but very confusing almost all the time. To be forced to become something you are not, when you are in need to find out what you are.

 

Yes. I understand.

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

It's so unfair.

 

Sometimes, life is unfair, and you have to suck it up and move on and not

use it as an excuse.

Robert Kraft

 

11 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

Thanks for listening whoever read this.

 

I listened as you have come across as 'real'. Keep on reflecting ...

 

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. - Sydney J. Harris

 

 

A good weekend.

 

- LimA

Edited by Limahong
Enhancement of sentence.
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Thank you for your replies and warm welcome.

I'll try to write down under relevant threads, as I feel sort of embarrassed to have revealed my thoughts elaborately in a thread meant for otherwise.

Special thanks to Limahong for your beautiful and well thought reply. I'm looking forward to share thoughts with you and other members in TDB.

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17 hours ago, Ruben_ said:

I'll try to write down under relevant threads, as I feel sort of embarrassed to have revealed my thoughts elaborately in a thread meant for otherwise.

 

Hi Ruben_,

 

I feel there is nothing to be embarrassed about when I write honestly and respectfully with no intention of hurting anyone. But we are living in a 'real' world and I may get 'not so positive' responses. To these responses, I will only explain politely ONCE; and then I will move on. 

 

I have encountered some really great people at TDB. They outweigh all 'not so positive' considerations. These people are nurturing.

 

Come forward - take your first step purposefully and test yourself.

 

- LimA

Edited by Limahong
Correct errors.
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