Ruben_

Junior Bum
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About Ruben_

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    Dao Bum
  1. Mirrors

    Thank you for your replies and warm welcome. I'll try to write down under relevant threads, as I feel sort of embarrassed to have revealed my thoughts elaborately in a thread meant for otherwise. Special thanks to Limahong for your beautiful and well thought reply. I'm looking forward to share thoughts with you and other members in TDB.
  2. Mirrors

    Hi I was listening earlier to Alan Watts talking about how man in the old times, before gaining consciousness of responsibility, felt free to do whatever they felt like doing without being burdened by a sense of responsibility. Ate when felt hungry, drank when felt thirsty, etc. It sort of struck me in a way, i always felt burdened with being conscious. Like, and this is something very troublesome to me, when i accidentally/intentionally look at myself in the mirror, i don't recognize what i see. I feel strange. Stranger to what i see. I became wondering, what if i never knew what a mirrored image is, what if i never seen what me is looking like. Wouldn't i be more at peace? As in, i wouldn't feel confused. The name my father gave me feels alien to me, my image in the mirror feels strange. I feel more comfortable touching my left hand fingers with my right hand fingers, and vice versa, if that makes any sense. As in, i feel more comfortable being what i am than being conscious of what i am. Any one felt like this before? I didn't know where to write this post, as it is my first, but i'm very troubled with this i felt i had to share it with someone and perhaps gain deeper understanding or at least feel more at ease if i'm not alone in it. I also feel urged to admit i'm an ex-muslim. My parents chose to make me Muslim, and i lived almost 30 years as such, only decided to "discretely" abandon that faith about 18 months ago and seek freedom of any such burdens. It's not easy, it's relieving at some times, but very confusing almost all the time. To be forced to become something you are not, when you are in need to find out what you are. It's so unfair. Anyway, thanks for listening whoever read this.