Material desire is Illusion

[Everything]

Maybe it is that I might be able to tune in on what Everything is saying...

 

Maybe its the same vibration

 

I am somewhat confident that Everything is not talking about getting gratification or happiness dependant upon others.

This person is psychic.

But then again... The words "happy" and "inside" is written all over my being. Anything related to this catches my attention.

[Everything]

@ Ambrose... Where then do you believe he is trying to get his happiness?

You might say outside or inside. I'm trying to make the the outside internal. So that everything becomes internal, and there is no more external. The guy who slaps me in my face is a projection of mine. Thats kinda an example of the concept.

 

You might say its not a projection of mine, but when you consider that you can choose not to become angry at him/her? Then suddenly you might not view thar reality in the same way, trough hate and darkness. You can also view this reality trough kindness and light. You might say that the guy touched you and that you feel priviliged to have your cheeck strengthened by this men. But you do not loose faith in his light. This strength of faith in light will illuminate darkness. Darkness cannot overcome the light.

 

That is how I try to translate everything into intetnal to hint at the Tao. But I can never truely name it...

[Everything]

I'll pass on the laptop sweetie. I mean it's very kind that you want to give one to everyone, mine really isn't cheap and crappy enough, I don't use or understand features I do have.

 

Umm...can I have a trampoline instead?

You'll have to buy that one yourself, if there is still an economy present... Most likely huge economic collapse taking place and I'm getting murdered while I try to buy all of the media.

 

Oh lord, a huge flaw in design. The dollar bills I conjured into existence lead to a series of blackholes being created! Quickly you must get out of my fantasy... Go on... I know its awesome in here but you must go... Its too late for me, I can never let go of my awesome mind... Go...

 

Will she leave this handsome young man on the brink of chaos and doom? Or will she stand by his side and inspire him with hope...

 

You'll see it all on the next episode of...

[Everything]

A comment I heard yesterday has a little to do with this topic.

 

"There are more kids who dress up as Bat Man than there are those who dress up as Robin."

 

It has been said that we all need a hero.

The hero inspires me to couragiously face death for the right cause. When I die, I simply meet my limit. Within these bounds I'm a warrior. Outside of it, I walk unexplored lands as a hero once again... On a quest to find myself.

 

In stories the hero has no identity, because he can not die and thus never become a warrior with knowledge of his limitations and a solid identity. This is why the love affairs of a hero are always so chaotic or non-existant. In mythology, the story ends when the hero slays the dragon and saves the princess. He doesn't know what to do with her, he has no "self" to relate to this princess.

[iamtheare]

[fiveelementtao]

I said that I would only want the laptop if the whole world could have one. Buyig the whole world a laptop is symbolic, like a goal to be achieved. As my serving to humanity in order to improve all of humanity

 

This is classic projection - wanting to give others what you want for yourself. They may not want what you want... What if people reject your gift? Will you then be unable to enjoy it by yourself?

 

I get it that the thought of sharing with others what you want makes you feel good. BUT... will that action make others feel good? Are you doing it to make make others feel better or to make yourself feel better?

 

Why must other people feel good before you can feel good?

 

How did I project my desires unto others?

Are you asking me this question because you want to know how you may be projecting onto others? I think it is a valuable discussion. But, if not, let me know... I don't want to do the typical forum dance of "Yes it is - No it isn't" Smiley face etc...

[fiveelementtao]

@ Ambrose... Where then do you believe he is trying to get his happiness?

 

You might say outside or inside. I'm trying to make the the outside internal. So that everything becomes internal, and there is no more external. The guy who slaps me in my face is a projection of mine. Thats kinda an example of the concept.

 

You might say its not a projection of mine, but when you consider that you can choose not to become angry at him/her? Then suddenly you might not view thar reality in the same way, trough hate and darkness. You can also view this reality trough kindness and light. You might say that the guy touched you and that you feel priviliged to have your cheeck strengthened by this men. But you do not loose faith in his light. This strength of faith in light will illuminate darkness. Darkness cannot overcome the light.

 

That is how I try to translate everything into intetnal to hint at the Tao. But I can never truely name it...

 

Everything... let Ambrose answer for himself. I was asking him because I wanted to hear his interpretation of your post. Taking responsibility for him and interpreting for him doesn't help me understand HIS perspective...

[Everything]

[Everything]

This is classic projection - wanting to give others what you want for yourself. They may not want what you want... What if people reject your gift? Will you then be unable to enjoy it by yourself?

 

I get it that the thought of sharing with others what you want makes you feel good. BUT... will that action make others feel good? Are you doing it to make make others feel better or to make yourself feel better?

 

Why must other people feel good before you can feel good?

 

 

Are you asking me this question because you want to know how you may be projecting onto others? I think it is a valuable discussion. But, if not, let me know... I don't want to do the typical forum dance of "Yes it is - No it isn't" Smiley face etc...

Man, when I feel cognitive dissonance I just know I'm wrong... So go ahead.

 

This is my current thought. I want a laptop for everyone so that mine doesn't get stolen. But that assumes in a way that there shall be people who will want a 10000 laptop... So it is like backward rationalization.

 

I'm willing to accept that alot of things out there are projections of mine. The thing I'm curious about: Do you recommend that I do not project my desires onto others? Why not?

[witch]

Personally I think people need to be more materialistic, just in a balanced, harmonious way. If people carefully pruned down their possessions to a minimum so they could truly focus on the things they owned and love those things, and they made sure that those things were top quality and fair trade and zero waste, etc. the world would be a much better place. There shouldn't be disposable ANYTHING, except for emergencies and medical usage.

 

And if people were focused on the finest quality foods, that everything be organic, fresh, local and fair trade, and that the foods themselves were worthwhile (there's a reason it's called "junk" food) that we would all be healthier, happier and live longer.

Edited September 16, 2011 by witch

[Everything]

Everything... let Ambrose answer for himself. I was asking him because I wanted to hear his interpretation of your post. Taking responsibility for him and interpreting for him doesn't help me understand HIS perspective...

I just wanted to add my opinion

 

I just wanted to say that even though he may be wrong, my desire to get happiness from the inside is huge and it is what lead me to Tao te Ching. So he hit something deep within me there with some random guess, or whatever ge did.

[Everything]

Personally I think people need to be more materialistic, just in a balanced, harmonious way. If people carefully pruned down their possessions to a minimum so they could truly focus on the things they owned and love those things, and they made sure that those things were top quality and fair trade and zero waste, etc. the world would be a much better place. There shouldn't be disposable ANYTHING, except for emergencies and medical usage.

 

And if people were focused on the finest quality foods, that everything be organic, fresh, local and fair trade, and that the foods themselves were worthwhile (there's a reason it's called "junk" food) that we would all be healthier, happier and live longer.

Sure, that would be a great ideal... How many people would agree with you at this moment? I don't think many. Very little even... So I think we should even appreciate the very quest of searching food. While we're at it anyway, why not? Always share your faith that there is already enough food on the planet for everyone. It will be contagious. People will fear a lack of food less this way. Instead of making war over a lack of resources, people might do more wise stuff with their faith in humanity, like switch to a resource based economy.

[Marblehead]

In stories the hero has no identity, because he can not die and thus never become a warrior with knowledge of his limitations and a solid identity. This is why the love affairs of a hero are always so chaotic or non-existant. In mythology, the story ends when the hero slays the dragon and saves the princess. He doesn't know what to do with her, he has no "self" to relate to this princess.

 

I guess I was never a hero. I always knew what to do with the princesses I saved. Hehehe.

 

No, I still haven't lost my materialistic inclinations.

[Marblehead]

I'm going on a deep end here but perhaps your illusion is that you have not already been enlightened and now you struggle to stay aware...

 

But on the other hand, perhaps he has attained enlightenment but is unable to realize the awareness of what has happened. There are, afterall, some things which we will never know or understand.

[Marblehead]

Do you recommend that I do not project my desires onto others? Why not?

 

I will take the liberty to respond to this question. I spoke to it in the "Love" thread.

 

We should never, ever, project our wants and desires on others. They are different people. They have different wants and desires than we do.

 

When we project our wants and desires on others we are only setting ourself up for disappointment because then, because they don't want or desire what you want and desire they are going to consider your worthless or of little value.

 

The best we can do, I think, is establish our own self-actualization and then, when we have enough, find out what the 'others' in our life want and desire and help them in attaining those things. Afterall, once we have 'enough' and then attain more we have the ability to help those others who do not have 'enough'.

[Marblehead]

Sure, that would be a great ideal... How many people would agree with you at this moment?

 

Well, I agree with her. Blah, blah, blah.

[zanshin]

...

Edited April 19, 2020 by zanshin

[Ambrose_Bierce]

Really, the princess will be fine.

 

Even treat others as you want to be treated, generally good advice, in extreme forms can be projection and a problem. I already said I don't want the laptop. And maybe something else brought you peace, joy and happiness, you found religion. Now you're going to proselytize, everyone should follow this religion so they too can be joyful, happy and peaceful. How noble and well wishing toward the universe. And then there's the drop off to- I got you this laptop, you're going to like and you'll learn how to use it or else!- no you can't keep your crappy laptop- I am a laptop expert and you must use this one- and the oh the horror to not want or have a laptop at all!

 

I do think there is a trend in our society that is even hipper and trendier than materialism, and that is the trend to analyze what is wrong with society and other people. Everybody is doing it!

 

Yes, it seems to be an increasing thing. People pointing out where we are wrong.

 

Most often times people have internal issues with things that makes it difficult for them to work through.

 

Sometimes, now it seems rare. Well actually I will say this is extinct now:

A person talking about an issue that they have with something without "making" other people wrong.

 

However, most often it is the most colorful of us that make ourselves wrong by pushing for dominance. That has to be just as bad if not equal to making people wrong, is it not?

[fiveelementtao]

Man, when I feel cognitive dissonance I just know I'm wrong... So go ahead.

 

This is my current thought. I want a laptop for everyone so that mine doesn't get stolen. But that assumes in a way that there shall be people who will want a 10000 laptop... So it is like backward rationalization.

 

I'm willing to accept that alot of things out there are projections of mine. The thing I'm curious about: Do you recommend that I do not project my desires onto others? Why not?

 

First, we all project onto others. It is a natural human defense mechanism. Nothing wrong with being human... ( Note: when I use the word "selfish" in this post. I do not mean it in a negative way. Part of what I want to convey is that there is nothing wrong with selfish desires. Self-judgement however is very destructive. So, my intent is to shed light on the destructiveness of self-judgement.)

 

Yes, I do recommend that you not project onto others, but more important is to know why you are projecting onto others... Once you know the source of your projection, you won't want to project.

 

Projection is usually an unconscious process meaning that one is not aware that they are doing it. Projection has it's roots in some kind of selfishness or fear. Most of us feel guilty when we have these kinds of feelings so our brains step in and convince us we are being unselfish so that we will feel justified in our projections. The reason not to project is because it disconnects us from others, is ultimately destructive to others and our own happiness.

 

You explained pretty clearly and bravely here that what you really want is not to have your laptop stolen from others who don't have one and may want to take yours out of jealousy. So, by giving everyone a laptop like yours, then no one will steal yours from you. Perfectly logical. But that is a very different motive than wanting to help the world through the symbology of giving everyone a laptop..

 

So, based on the information I read here from you,

Your first feeling was desire for your fantasy laptop, (nothing wrong there)

 

then you felt fearful that others were going to be jealous and steal it from you,

 

so then you decided to give everyone else the same laptop that way no one could steal it from you.

 

this made you feel guilty and selfish so THEN

 

your brain stepped in and created the "spiritually acceptable" false motive of wanting to share with everyone...

 

 

This indicates that you may feel unworthy to have nice material things. Hence the guilt.... IMO, the projection process started when you started feeling self-judgement about having your laptop. You judged yourself as being selfish and unspiritual, since your initial selfish desire for the laptop was stronger than your subsequent desire to abandon the laptop. This caused a moral conflict in you and then your brain stepped in and justified the desire by making up the story of wanting to help everyone. That sounded "spiritual" to your psyche, so you adopted the new justification of wanting to help others before yourself... This whole process happened in a nano-second.

 

So, the impetus is fear not generosity. But the mind is a powerful thing that does things like convince us we are being altruistic when we are really trying to protect our desires. The key (IMO) is being OK with our desires, then the other stuff won't happen.

 

I think a great meditation is to meditate on why you feel uncomfortable being the only person with your fantasy laptop.

 

A focal point for me here is allowing yourself to enjoy material things. Allowing yourself the right to have nice things and enjoy them by yourself is (IMO) a sign of enlightenment. It is a sign that you feel you are worthy to exist in this world. It is a sign that you trust the Unverse to take of everyone else. It's not your responsibility to fix anyone else before you can have your own experiences...

[fiveelementtao]

I just wanted to add my opinion

 

I just wanted to say that even though he may be wrong, my desire to get happiness from the inside is huge and it is what lead me to Tao te Ching. So he hit something deep within me there with some random guess, or whatever ge did.

 

First I don't think nor have I said that anybody is "right" or "wrong." (winks at Ambrose)

 

I support and share your desire to get happiness from the inside. My intent was to explore with you the possibility that you might have been unconsciously projecting and if so, how that was actually inhibiting your deep desire to get happiness from inside yourself... It has nothing to with who is "right" or "wrong" I see it as a process of discovery. When I become aware of patterns that are not serving me, it might be uncomfortable, but it is an opportunity to make my life better. I try not to judge myself as being right or wrong

 

So he hit something deep within me there with some random guess

Well, I don't think it was random... I think Ambrose very likely shares the same projection as you, which is why I believe he stepped in to defend you. ( I won't know for sure because he hasn't directly responded to my question to him) And I think this is why you felt such a deep bond with him. He connected with you on an unconscious level. I think you felt a deep bond because you both felt you were protecting yourselves from a percieved threat on your unconscious projection. I believe this gave you a feeling strength by not being alone..

 

However, most often it is the most colorful of us that make ourselves wrong by pushing for dominance. That has to be just as bad if not equal to making people wrong, is it not?

 

So, Ambrose... How can anyone make anyone else "wrong" unless they choose to accept that judgement? When someone challenges your conclusions are they "bad" people? That sounds very judgemental to me when what you seem to be saying is that people should not be judgemental... Do you see the irony in that statement?

 

 

IME, when I want explore someone's thinking process with them, because I sense unconscious conflict, if I am percieved as threatening their unconscious defense mechanisms, one of the first defenses I hear either directly or passive aggressively) is that I am trying to "make them wrong" It makes it difficult to have objective discussions when the main goal is just to defend being "right" or "wrong" or when people feel that any inquiry into their thinking is somehow a judgement on their spirituality.

 

This is why I don't believe in any idea of enlightenment. Because people get very touchy. I know that I am very flawed. So, if someone is able to approach me directly without defensiveness, aggressiveness or passive aggressiveness, ( or fake spirituality) I appreciate the opportunity to evaluate my behaviour. If they are able to bring something to my attention, then I am grateful. If I disagree, that's OK too... I think If we don't try and hold on to our own state of "enlightenment" and just accept that we are all unconscious and "unenlightened" in many ways, then it becomes easier to engage in honest direct discussions with each other.

 

So, Everything, I appreciate your generosity and bravery in engaging directly with me with your differing viewpoints and not in the usual forum tactic of anonymous defensive passive aggressive judgements... I think bravery, directness and honesty is a great way to make this forum a better place to learn and grow from one another... So, thanks for engaging with me...

Mike

Edited September 16, 2011 by fiveelementtao

[Everything]

Really, the princess will be fine.

 

Even treat others as you want to be treated, generally good advice, in extreme forms can be projection and a problem. I already said I don't want the laptop. And maybe something else brought you peace, joy and happiness, you found religion. Now you're going to proselytize, everyone should follow this religion so they too can be joyful, happy and peaceful. How noble and well wishing toward the universe. And then there's the drop off to- I got you this laptop, you're going to like and you'll learn how to use it or else!- no you can't keep your crappy laptop- I am a laptop expert and you must use this one- and the oh the horror to not want or have a laptop at all!

 

I do think there is a trend in our society that is even hipper and trendier than materialism, and that is the trend to analyze what is wrong with society and other people. Everybody is doing it!

Yeah, A friend of mine noticed this too. He said when a man has a girl, he will shut up. Because then everything will be alright xD

 

I want to solve my own problems, not that of other people. I could only aid someone solve his own problems.

[Everything]

First, we all project onto others. It is a natural human defense mechanism. Nothing wrong with being human... ( Note: when I use the word "selfish" in this post. I do not mean it in a negative way. Part of what I want to convey is that there is nothing wrong with selfish desires. Self-judgement however is very destructive. So, my intent is to shed light on the destructiveness of self-judgement.)

 

Yes, I do recommend that you not project onto others, but more important is to know why you are projecting onto others... Once you know the source of your projection, you won't want to project.

 

Projection is usually an unconscious process meaning that one is not aware that they are doing it. Projection has it's roots in some kind of selfishness or fear. Most of us feel guilty when we have these kinds of feelings so our brains step in and convince us we are being unselfish so that we will feel justified in our projections. The reason not to project is because it disconnects us from others, is ultimately destructive to others and our own happiness.

 

You explained pretty clearly and bravely here that what you really want is not to have your laptop stolen from others who don't have one and may want to take yours out of jealousy. So, by giving everyone a laptop like yours, then no one will steal yours from you. Perfectly logical. But that is a very different motive than wanting to help the world through the symbology of giving everyone a laptop..

 

So, based on the information I read here from you,

Your first feeling was desire for your fantasy laptop, (nothing wrong there)

 

then you felt fearful that others were going to be jealous and steal it from you,

 

so then you decided to give everyone else the same laptop that way no one could steal it from you.

 

this made you feel guilty and selfish so THEN

 

your brain stepped in and created the "spiritually acceptable" false motive of wanting to share with everyone...

 

 

This indicates that you may feel unworthy to have nice material things. Hence the guilt.... IMO, the projection process started when you started feeling self-judgement about having your laptop. You judged yourself as being selfish and unspiritual, since your initial selfish desire for the laptop was stronger than your subsequent desire to abandon the laptop. This caused a moral conflict in you and then your brain stepped in and justified the desire by making up the story of wanting to help everyone. That sounded "spiritual" to your psyche, so you adopted the new justification of wanting to help others before yourself... This whole process happened in a nano-second.

 

So, the impetus is fear not generosity. But the mind is a powerful thing that does things like convince us we are being altruistic when we are really trying to protect our desires. The key (IMO) is being OK with our desires, then the other stuff won't happen.

 

I think a great meditation is to meditate on why you feel uncomfortable being the only person with your fantasy laptop.

 

A focal point for me here is allowing yourself to enjoy material things. Allowing yourself the right to have nice things and enjoy them by yourself is (IMO) a sign of enlightenment. It is a sign that you feel you are worthy to exist in this world. It is a sign that you trust the Unverse to take of everyone else. It's not your responsibility to fix anyone else before you can have your own experiences...

In this excersize I was completely comfortable with my desires. I was even possesed by them. So excites, adding all the features to this laptop as if I'm realy going to get it. Then at the end, I always get this feeling that I do not deserve it... I can't take away this feeling, don't know how. My mind is like "your very life is a burden to this planet"

I do not see a great laptop that I can use. I see a great laptop that someone else wants more then me. It makes me feel guilty for even wanting the laptop because I care that much. I'm already egoless. I was born without an identity and I felt guilty even when I played with a little toy car. I always chose the worst toys on purpose. It is the only way I could play with a peace of mind. I guess I blamed my self for my parents fighting, and never developed an ego because any ego that came up I would murder instantly. I don't recall much from my childhood, but I can defenitely see how these things affected me. How playing with toys as a child already revealed my wish to not desire material things. I wanted to die, have no ego. But I was not allowed to kill my self, because my parents did not approve of this. So I spent years long killing my self while being alive. I attacked my identity and it was thus never developed. Still today I have no clear identity. Even though I overcame the harsh symptoms of borderline disorder, there are still remnant of it in my life. Yet I'm trying to figure out a treasure in this curse of having no self. I want to understand the Tao to be happy without an ego. I cannot enjoy outside things anymore, cause I no self have self. Moving trough life without having opinions. They call my mr "i don't know" i can now have much more opinions, but in the past I could not. Today I do have an ego, but I can't find peace with it. That why I felt the struggle at the end of eventually giving my ego such a hige gift. Those are my current thoughts.

 

Why would I buy a laptop? My mind asks. Why oh why, you unworthy petty human that you are! You should be happy with nothing! And my mind says to his self: I'm right! I'm going to be happy with nothing!

Edited September 17, 2011 by Everything

[fiveelementtao]

In this excersize I was completely comfortable with my desires. I was even possesed by them. So excites, adding all the features to this laptop as if I'm realy going to get it. Then at the end, I always get this feeling that I do not deserve it... I can't take away this feeling, don't know how.

I understand this feeling. I had to seek help from a counselor to find some practical ways through it. You probably won't be able to work through it alone...

I was born without an identity

Are you sure you were born without one or was it driven out of you? We all have identities even if that identity is to portray someone without an identity...

Today I do have an ego, but I can't find peace with it. That why I felt the struggle at the end of eventually giving my ego such a hige gift.

I understand. That sounds very painful. It's OK to have good things. I repeat my earlier recommendation to seek out the best things you want and meditate on the resultant discomfort. You are worth it...

Good luck...

Mike

[Everything]

First I don't think nor have I said that anybody is "right" or "wrong." (winks at Ambrose)

 

I support and share your desire to get happiness from the inside. My intent was to explore with you the possibility that you might have been unconsciously projecting and if so, how that was actually inhibiting your deep desire to get happiness from inside yourself... It has nothing to with who is "right" or "wrong" I see it as a process of discovery. When I become aware of patterns that are not serving me, it might be uncomfortable, but it is an opportunity to make my life better. I try not to judge myself as being right or wrong

 

 

Well, I don't think it was random... I think Ambrose very likely shares the same projection as you, which is why I believe he stepped in to defend you. ( I won't know for sure because he hasn't directly responded to my question to him) And I think this is why you felt such a deep bond with him. He connected with you on an unconscious level. I think you felt a deep bond because you both felt you were protecting yourselves from a percieved threat on your unconscious projection. I believe this gave you a feeling strength by not being alone..

 

 

 

So, Ambrose... How can anyone make anyone else "wrong" unless they choose to accept that judgement? When someone challenges your conclusions are they "bad" people? That sounds very judgemental to me when what you seem to be saying is that people should not be judgemental... Do you see the irony in that statement?

 

 

IME, when I want explore someone's thinking process with them, because I sense unconscious conflict, if I am percieved as threatening their unconscious defense mechanisms, one of the first defenses I hear either directly or passive aggressively) is that I am trying to "make them wrong" It makes it difficult to have objective discussions when the main goal is just to defend being "right" or "wrong" or when people feel that any inquiry into their thinking is somehow a judgement on their spirituality.

 

This is why I don't believe in any idea of enlightenment. Because people get very touchy. I know that I am very flawed. So, if someone is able to approach me directly without defensiveness, aggressiveness or passive aggressiveness, ( or fake spirituality) I appreciate the opportunity to evaluate my behaviour. If they are able to bring something to my attention, then I am grateful. If I disagree, that's OK too... I think If we don't try and hold on to our own state of "enlightenment" and just accept that we are all unconscious and "unenlightened" in many ways, then it becomes easier to engage in honest direct discussions with each other.

 

So, Everything, I appreciate your generosity and bravery in engaging directly with me with your differing viewpoints and not in the usual forum tactic of anonymous defensive passive aggressive judgements... I think bravery, directness and honesty is a great way to make this forum a better place to learn and grow from one another... So, thanks for engaging with me...

Mike

I tried your approach of analyzing how my subconscious effected my life in such profound and deceivingly ways. Just like you analyzing my thoughts. You really encouraged me to go deep into the subconscious, I thank you for that.

 

The thing is, I've already gone trough that and it didn't really have a lasting effect. It left me with a feeling of awe to the power of subconscious and hopelessness. Knowing the cause of disharmony doesn't really solve it?

[Everything]

I understand this feeling. I had to seek help from a counselor to find some practical ways through it. You probably won't be able to work through it alone...

 

Are you sure you were born without one or was it driven out of you? We all have identities even if that identity is to portray someone without an identity...

 

I understand. That sounds very painful. It's OK to have good things. I repeat my earlier recommendation to seek out the best things you want and meditate on the resultant discomfort. You are worth it...

Good luck...

Mike

Thanks.

 

It may seem like what other people want I deserve too. But I no longer view it that way. If someone gives me, it will not be a gift and I make it clear. To me, I only want other people to be happy and kind to me. The feeling of the heart in te moment. I stopped the whole desire to open up this pandora's box in my subconscious. I don't even recall why. I even let go of my memory at some point and my memory has become real vague. I can hardly remember what I did yesterday, I can't remember. I trained my mind to block the acces to the ability of recall. Perhaps because when memory no longer exists it becomes stored into just another fantasy of mine that is of little value. Even though alot of exciting things might have happened. I treat all experiences the same and give them equal value. This destroys my believe systems from the inside out and allows my emotions to flow freely and in moderation on every thought. I try to live more fully in the present everyday. Up to a point where time no longer exist and I just die. I this is all I want in life. To feel the fingers typing while I write this topic is the biggest privilige in my life. There is no memory of greater things. Its all gone. No memory of bad things. My memory becomes worse everyday. It feel tranquil and peaceful. Returning to innocence. I don't care if its considered wrong, I just live this way. I refuse to recall past experiences and denie there existance even. When people talk about the past I've come to accept it as some imaginary fantasy of his/her. This is a fantasy of mine. I like fantasies, but I always return to the moment where everything is equal.

 

I'm currently very happy, you must understand. My life is great. Those excersizes were fantasies. I love to dwell in my fantasies. Its fun from time to time. I just always return to this present moment where I live trough my heart instead of mind. I try to avoid thinking even. Its good to have your fantasies when surrounded by people.

Edited September 17, 2011 by Everything