Schizo-Finding the voices origin

[InfinityTruth]

A realization I had the other day while out in the woods.

 

 

One of the things I've battled with for the last 4 years (Only realizing this now after looking up the symptoms) has been schizophrenia. To what degree...I don't know. The voices have come in the last 2 years.

 

I've battled with voices as well as delusions (Delusions for at least 4 years...I know my delusions are false, but it's so hard to drop them) (I've never had visual hallucinations yet so far).

 

I noticed that the voices came when I first smoked weed and progressively got worse with time. They liked to disturb my mental states and would happen all the time at night. They had me crying at one point (Very low point in my life) because they wouldn't stop coming at me. Eventually they slowly reduced on their own accord after I quit allowing them to disturb my mental states.

 

I had months of freedom from the voices (I still had delusions when around people).

 

 

Then I got invited to a party and got completely hammered.

 

The next day BOOOOOM the voices and weird noise hallucinations were back and stronger than ever. Slowly though it began reducing again after weeks of this shit tormenting my head. About 3 weeks now.

 

 

Then I went into the woods the other day and was meditating(The voices were still there)....

 

I got an insight into what schizophrenia really is...it wasn't actually an insight. More of a feeling. I could FEEL what schizophrenia was like inside my brain.

 

As I was meditating I went inside my brain and I realized that it was a really uncontrolled/injured part of my brain that was causing these voices. I could FEEL the area that was causing this place.

 

I lost that control of that part of my brain after drinking alcohol because my brain/body was not used to it and it caused my brain to lose its function. I had realized that the alcohol had caused my schizo to come back, I knew that much(It was VERY strong at first), but I wasn't really sure at the time why it had come back.

 

After going inside my brain I realized that it was caused because my body/mind was not used to the dosage which was what was causing my schizo or loss of control over my mind. I had the exact same problem when I had first started smoking pot.

 

Which I have given up recently so my meditation can progress and so I don't have to worry about drug tests for jobs. Really a win-win situation. As time passed and my tolerance built up it stopped making me schizo.

 

Anyway, since I went inside my head I have not had any problems with hearing voices that are not there. I had a full day today without hearing any voices.

 

Meditation truly can heal schizophrenia, or at least that is my experience. I was NOT looking for an answer to the voices it just popped up on me randomly.

 

I couldn't settle down after that.

[Marblehead]

Nice.

 

You identified the effect, then you identified the cause.

 

You removed the cause and that eliminated the effect.

 

(I'm not sure meditation had anything to do with it though.)

 

So you know what to do in the future.

 

The next time you want to hear voices get your brain blasted.

[Audiohealing]

Hi,

 

As someone with severe bipolar disorder I would highly recommend you see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Schizophrenia is a neurodegenerative disease which means it will only get worse with time. Although there are cases in which meditation and other non-medical practices have curbed or even stopped symptoms, there is no guarantee that it will work forever (an environmental trigger might cause relapse), and when relapse occurs, there's no way to predict how severe it could be. Simply put- there's no "cure" for schizophrenia. Your brain was born predisposed at birth and will be for the rest of your life.

 

So go see a psych so you will at least have a plan B to fall back on in case things go haywire. FWIW yours seem like a mild case but I personally don't know of any schizophrenics that are living normal lives without being medicated. Good luck!

[steve]

Fascinating post. I appreciate you sharing that - I've never heard the experience described in that way.

 

I would echo Audio Healing's advice.

If you have suffered with delusions and auditory hallucinations for years, it would be prudent to connect with a mental health professional that can help guide you and monitor you. If you begin to get farther from reality at some point, you will not be aware of it and that's when there is real trouble. You're not crazy unless you think you're sane sort of thing...

 

Visual hallucinations are extremely rare in schizophrenia, most never experience them.

The issue is reality testing - you have been doing it effectively so far but if that ability suddenly is compromised, you're in trouble.

Schizophrenia generally starts in the late teens/early twenties but can be progressive and it's worth getting some attention now, while you are in a good place and your therapist can really get to know you for who you are, not just see your illness.... Having a safety net while you are controlling the issue through meditation can't hurt.

 

Just my $.02.

[fiveelementtao]

Thanks for your bravery in sharing your experience. Meditation is always a good idea. And while your experience with meditation helping your symptoms is indeed encouraging, I also have doubts that it will permanently cure your condition.

I also strongly urge you seek out professional help while you have some clarity. It is not advisable for you to be treating this by yourself. If, as you say, your thinking and perception are impaired, it only makes sense that you may not be qualified to use that same impaired thinking and perception to cure the problem. Make sense? A broken tool cannot fix itself. For that matter, a working tool cannot fix itself. You need objective help.

[Edward M]

I third that and agree you should get help.

 

I have had psychosis for ten years and if i had not gone on medication within a couple of months of it occurring i may not have been here today to write this.

 

Bear in mind though that your perception and judgment right now may have wrongly diagnosed yourself... we here in the UK recognise cannabis psychosis which most often goes away once use of cannabis is stopped.

 

Would you mind telling us a bit more about these 'delusions' you have when you are around other people? i have a few idea's... pm me if you want to?

 

Meditation is great for this condition, but i'd advise against energy meditations like micro - cosmic orbit as it may/probably will give you too much baggage to handle.

 

Also vippassana may be too much,, what did it for me and allowed me to come off medication was samatha. Start off with counting out breaths until you get to 10 then start back at 1 again. when you have mastered that and your mind doesn't keep forgetting to concentrate and remember the counting, then you are ready to just concentrate on the breath going in and out itself.

 

The reason for all this is the frontal lobes executive function is what is impaired or switched off like you say... specifically working memory which the counting relies on.

 

Try to do something everyday as a occupational therapy such as painting/drawing, anything creative allowing outlet...singing is great if you can join a group and do it in front of others. It opens up the heart and clears the solar plexus of excess emotion.

 

The key is not to let the mind wonder but to stay focused. Like it says in a certain book, idle minds attract the devil is the same meaning as what buddha tried to get across in his meditation teachings.... to a degree at least... you are not being attacked by literal devils, never think that! like you allready identified it is the mind, the thoughts that are the problem.

 

Do you know what the root of them are? where you in some kind of inner crisis about a particular theme/subject when this all occured? did you have preocupations? these are all clues that become keys to unlocking this disorder to create order

 

Someone to talk to is a must.. a proffesional and you must be honest with them and with yourself first.

 

The best of luck!!! hope it goes well for you..... this is your chance to bring out the warrior spirit within and defeat this disorder

 

PEace

Ed

[The Way Is Virtue]

Hi InfinityTruth. One should not try to self diagnose such things. If you were hearing voices and having delusions then you really should visit a psychiatrist to get a professional opinion on your situation, as others also mentioned. These types of problems can be triggered or enhanced by using certain types of drugs or when consuming alcohol, so it would probably be a good idea to completely avoid such things until you at least get a professional opinion of your situation. Regarding meditation, I know some teachers will not teach meditation to someone with such problems as it can potentially further the problems. Practice of meditation should be done with caution. I am not saying it can't help in some cases, just that caution is probably a good idea.

Best wishes...

Edited August 21, 2011 by The Way Is Virtue

[Seth Ananda]

Hi,

 

As someone with severe bipolar disorder I would highly recommend you see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Schizophrenia is a neurodegenerative disease which means it will only get worse with time. Although there are cases in which meditation and other non-medical practices have curbed or even stopped symptoms, there is no guarantee that it will work forever (an environmental trigger might cause relapse), and when relapse occurs, there's no way to predict how severe it could be. Simply put- there's no "cure" for schizophrenia. Your brain was born predisposed at birth and will be for the rest of your life.

 

So go see a psych so you will at least have a plan B to fall back on in case things go haywire. FWIW yours seem like a mild case but I personally don't know of any schizophrenics that are living normal lives without being medicated. Good luck!

I just wanted to address some underlying assumptions in this post.

First I totally agree that Infinity should seek professional guidance.

 

But, with mental Illness we must be very careful how we frame the experience.

Some of the best results in dealing with Psychosis/bipolar/Schizo disorders and eventually being able to help people come off their medication for good, are not coming from the CBT or psychiatric fields, but from the more transpersonal and process oriented fields of psychology. These fields have looked at different cultural methods for dealing with Mental conditions in great depth.

If you have a Mental 'event' or condition, and you go to someone who tells you that you are sick and will have it forever, and that it is pure pathology so 'here, take these for the rest of your life...' Thats a powerfully depressing frame that you then view yourself through. And remember there are close ties with depression and Mental illness. Deep depression has been shown to far increase the likelihood of psychosis or other mental problems...

 

This approach sees a 'problem' and tries to crush it, to bring about 'normalisation' by our standards. {which is not to suggest that it may not be a problem}

 

Then consider Shamanistic cultures who did almost the opposite. Someone has a breakdown or Psychosis or seems a bit 'touched' and they get taken by the Shaman, told they are breaking through into other worlds, or the voices they are hearing are possessing entities that the shaman will teach them how to fight, and which in the end may become powerful allies! They will end up being of great benefit to their community, because of their special gifts.

 

This approach, rather than seeking 'normalisation' instead seeks rectification and powerful coping strategy's. Many of the great Shaman began this way. That's a very different ending story for a person to being medicated heavily into old age, and dying in a commission house.

 

Now I don't want to fall into the trap of glorifying shamanistic cultures to much as they definitely had a host of problems as well {although I do Love them}.

 

But I suggest a middle way. Medication can be brilliant for a period, and for some maybe indefinitely, But modern process psychology's that have recourse to the pharmacy when necessary, are happy to put on the Shamanistic hat and play 'as if' its world view of animism and spirits possession was real. They are getting fantastic results, and thus more and more research is being done on the field.

 

 

I know that you stated examples of meditators becoming free but IMO it was a little bit to harsh to say:

Simply put- there's no "cure" for schizophrenia. Your brain was born predisposed at birth and will be for the rest of your life.

 

That is just not true, at least not always... Talk to SF Jane here for first hand...

Many many people have totally cured them selves, or rather than cured have turned their experience into something positive...

 

But still Infinity, see a prof.

 

Blessings on your Journey

[Seth Ananda]

Regarding meditation, I know some teachers will not teach meditation to someone with such problems as it can potentially further the problems. Practice of meditation should be done with caution. I am not saying it can't help in some cases, just that caution is probably a good idea.

Best wishes...

This is true. Light calm abiding meditation and Light Insight meditation and mindfulness practices get used a lot in wards as they Increase self awareness and autonomy.

But concentration practices {which easily lead to altered states}, nearly all visualisation practices and energy or breath control practices, can trigger deep delusional states, disassociation, and psychosis...

 

With a mental condition you must be very careful what kind of meditation you use, and only use red flag techniques under guidance of your Mental health specialist...

[Birch]

This is true. Light calm abiding meditation and Light Insight meditation and mindfulness practices get used a lot in wards as they Increase self awareness and autonomy.

But concentration practices {which easily lead to altered states}, nearly all visualisation practices and energy or breath control practices, can trigger deep delusional states, disassociation, and psychosis...

 

With a mental condition you must be very careful what kind of meditation you use, and only use red flag techniques under guidance of your Mental health specialist...

Finally! Someone that gets it! Seth, you're my new favourite person:-)

But what seems to be going on is that many people and "especially" folks who have a something here or there to fix or figure out come to meditative practices, culturally obliquely and end up DIY'ing it pretty much. IME/IMO that's sort of what TTB's is for :-) Because we simply (in many cases) don't have the right shamanic culture (my argument is we have one despite itself and it sucks) and so end up taking longer than necessary to heal or find their place. Now how did we fail collectively at this process of integration and what can be done?