Spaceofawareness

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About Spaceofawareness

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  1. What Exactly Is Chi?

    I’ve heard some people say it could be the nervous system, and or the endocrine system (hormones).
  2. What is Fear?

    I am wondering, were you lost in the fear, or did you remain present? I assume the latter, as you had the presence of mind to defuse the situation and not become reactive. Overall I’d say it was wise. When fear responses kick in, everything naturally becomes heightened, and our focus narrows naturally. Nature chooses for us, whether we can remain calm and collected or whether the bodies natural defences take over, but it seems altogether you remained true.
  3. Unable to just “observe” thoughts- tips?

    One thing I would ask, and it may be off base, but as these emotions are arising quite intrusively, and it seems you are averse to these emotions, are they attached to any current unfinished business? What I mean is, are you trying to escape from the emotions by using meditation as a means to “zap” the emotions? If these emotions are simply left over waves in your being which no longer serve any purpose, then disregard my question, but typically, emotions point to something which we aren’t addressing in our lives. In this way, no amount of observing would be able to disconnect you from an emotion with an active source or root. I am not saying, follow the emotion and allow it to dictate your life, but maybe if it continually arises, there might be something which needs dealing with. Alternatively, self inquiry could be useful. Asking yourself if there is emotion, and it is observed but with no distance, how is it this can be known. Could there be a deeper space of knowing in which this is appearing, and can you at least notice this space exists when the emotions subside? Try bringing yourself back to the senses, such as observing sight, allowing colour, shapes, movement to come to you without naming it. Sitting quietly maybe sounds also come to you, merely just observing the quality and character of each sense experience. And definitely grounding this all in the felt sensation of the breath, which is the key to all of this. Become intimately linked to your breath, even when not sitting. Notice your breathing throughout the day whenever possible. But don’t make this a forced thing, and don’t tell yourself “keep noticing the breath”. Be kind to yourself, and allow the sensation of breath to come to you, and stick with you like a shadow, like you always have one eye on the breath. This might all be obvious stuff, but it sounds like going back to basics and just grounding yourself in this could be useful. Additionally, it could be you have been trying too hard. You might be caught up in doing this so much that it has become effortful which is antiproductive to this. Don’t force the attention on the breath, attention is the intentional and wilful directing of our consciousness towards a target. This is the “active”, effortful way of observing, but is not what you want to use. You also have a “passive” way of observing, which although can be gently directed, normally just allows the senses, or even the mind to direct it. This is what you need to become more in touch with. Rest more in the passive form of observation, just noticing things. This passive observing is already more spacious and detached compared to active attention. That’s not to say that emotions won’t rattle it, those emotions can and will overshadow this briefly, but, just make sure you come back to this passive observing space. Emotions shouldn’t be the target for now. If they arise, try to notice them, and come back to the breath in this passive observing. And if you do get caught in the emotion, it’s okay. You might be lost in the emotion for a little while. What is most important, is noticing when this has happened, not that it happens or not. Then, once you see clearly you were caught in that emotion, come back to the breath. Another thing which might be useful is, instead of only doing this when doing sitting meditation, bring it into your day. For instance, when you are preparing dinner, observe the cutting, the actions, just notice that you are doing them. And all the while, link this noticing back to the breath. If you are putting our the washing, focus on the way your body moves, grabbing the wet clothes, grabbing a peg, etc. If you are picking up the coffee cup to take a sip, observe the movement of your hand to the cup, the sensation of of the cup touching your lips, the sensation of swallowing the coffee. Also notice, did you choose to pick up the coffee cup, or did it just happen? For all the mundane tasks in your life, do this. After a while it will become second nature, you will carry this mindfulness with you everywhere, like a shadow or an echo. But once again, don’t force any of this.
  4. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    It seems the saying “turning the light around” has pretty pervasive usage in eastern traditions, through Buddhism, Zen as well as daoism. It’s obvious that this term has been in wide usage throughout eastern spirituality, that’s not to say that this is what the golden flower is referring to though. The internal alchemy side of golden flower seems distinct from any awareness based practice, it’s purifying and merging, circulating, etc. It does seem much more bodily focussed, yet it does also seem to incorporate awareness to guide the process, to shed light on the process. Obviously one must utilise their internal sensations to conduct the process, which requires one to direct awareness into the body. The golden pill supposedly is formed in the body, but then must be finally brought back to the source to be ingested, or merged back into awareness so the inner child can be “born”. It seems light has long been associated with awareness, so SotGF would be a deviation from this traditional usage. What is interesting is, apparently the Chinese characters for golden and flower, when placed on top of one another, make together the symbol for light between them. I can’t confirm this as I can’t read such characters, but supposedly these kind of hidden meanings pervade much of the text. So maybe the actual secret is the secret of light, or maybe inner light.
  5. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    Okay, as I said, I like Cleary’s, going to give Jung and Wilhelm another go though, but I seem to remember it being a bit clunkier.
  6. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    Honestly not sure, Cleary talks himself up compared to Jung and Wilhelm. What would you suggest? I found it clearer than the Jung version, and without his aspects of the shadow being reflected in it, though I am probably partial to it due to it resonating with the more Xing related elements in my background. Though it seems much of the neidan is focussed on Ming aspects, I have also heard that the two are intertwined, or at least, work together and maybe lead to each other.
  7. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    From GF Cleary version, questions and answers section, pg 66. . This reminds me more of awareness, we have an inner eye, that is one way I conceptualise awareness. The elixir field. So it seems what this elixir is made of, is within awareness, or the mind’s eye, or is made OF awareness. Or maybe, by field, they mean the daoist usage of the term field, which refers to the ground of potential which contains everything required. So the elixir might not actually be just awareness, yet awareness or the mind’s eye is one ingredient, tool, or part, which is somehow manipulate, circulated, etc. when you can’t even trust the text it makes it is hard to interpret this stuff. But, surely what rings true, that which resonates with you, should be trusted and followed. There is just too much in the way of like freeform said, the inclusion of awareness based influences of thought, to just pass off as tampering. Yet, do we think maybe interventions and changes have been made to the text to the point where the main line has been altered beyond repair? Why include these awareness focussed references, throughout the text, if they aren’t essential to the practice? Just an attempt to change systems of spiritual influence?
  8. Oh Narrator, Where art thou?

    You feel like an observer of your thoughts? I remember about a year about when I had what could be called an awakening, the way I characterised it was, I had become the observer, which was distinct from the “narrator” (my words) which I could observe. It was more just the realisation of this. I had never really had an invasive inner voice, as some people do, like my wife, as she has told me, she is CONSTANTLY talking to herself. Yet now over a year later, the narrator seems to have almost vanished. For me, this hasn’t been a problem, due to it being closer to my nature. I can obviously still form thoughts, both internally and externally, but, I am very rarely dogged by them. I notice them when they arise, though not quite as quickly as when it first began. But it seems like you have a fondness for this inner voice which you have lost a connection with. It seems by your description that it was very much linked to your imagination. I used to have imaginary conversations, re-run scenarios in my head, even create non existent scenarios between myself and people in my life. It was less narration and more like a slide show with subtitles. But I would get lost in the imaginings, not always in a good way. It would sometimes affect my mood, and my relationships to people to which the imaginings were about. The mind is always wanting to know what is going to happen, trying to stay 1, 2, 10 steps ahead, and does this by literally projecting into possible futures. This can only happen when you are not present. You imagination “runs away”. So, on the one hand, you may have lost this connection to the inner voice which you have such fond memories of, yet, there must also be benefits to this.
  9. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    Just read through that thread above re MCO. Coming at this from a complete newbie to internal alchemy, qigong, or any kind of qi exercises, where would you suggest I start, I don’t necessarily have the ability to see a teacher in person at least for the next few years, due to family commitments, however, I do most of my practices while I work, which sounds unlikely, however I have found ways to integrate training into my work schedule due to its repetitive nature, which allows me a freedom of awareness. i know this stuff needs to be done while sitting, in a meditative setting, so I do have time in the evenings, though I have found meditation difficult at these hours due to falling into oblivion, which is why I have gravitated towards a more life integrated approach. i would appreciate your experience in these matters, is there any way a person can guide themselves in these practices with videos or text, or is it so esoteric and individual that a teacher is a must? I consider myself a fairly intuitive person, however my mind body connection isn’t as strong as it could be, I feel like that might be a good place to start. Any ideas? Thanks.
  10. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    Of course I respect your privacy on this matter, I come at this purely as a seeker. Thanks, I have heard of the mco, though I’m not sure I fully grasp it.
  11. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    Okay. As a long term practitioner of the golden flower method, can you share insights, developments, thoughts, feelings, gleanings etc? Where has this work taken you? What has it achieved for you?
  12. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    So in your opinion, does this working with inner light come with the same risks as kundalini type of work? Is kundalini awakening or experience necessary to do this neidan inner light work?
  13. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    What I don’t understand though, is much of the golden flower text actually mentions mindfulness, and thus the application of awareness to the mind. specific parts talk of “stopping and seeing” which quite obviously refer to the process of interrupting awareness from distraction and observing a distraction, unless my interpretation is way off. it’s pretty clear at least some part of GF is aimed at awareness practices, yet it also has the neidan side which you both mentioned. Yet it doesn’t specifically differentiate the two practices, even though they seem rather distinct, at least to me, though I know little of neidan directly. Not sure if it was intentional to make this vague on the part of the author, or maybe the text has been meddled with over time. here is an excerpt from chapter 3: It seems there are at least two interpretations of what turning the light around is focussed on in the GF.
  14. Golden Flower | Beginner Journey

    Thanks Creation, after delving further into this text and topic, it seems to be more clear to me that you are correct, though Thomas Cleary’s interpretation of GF seems more inline with an awareness interpretation, yet the unknown and more esoteric parts of the text still seem to allude to that which you mention.