silent thunder

A need to resolve this love of sinking... In this love, I exist and relish and perish. Sinking until settled. Constant dropping away. Sloughing off. Unused. muddiest water undisturbed by the process rests in clarity edit: word swap

http://warpweftandway.com/ ran across this today...

More rain talk.... I must bitch. Four months no rain... I blame myself for living in the desert...

I'm playing with awareness, and holding non-judgement in social perceptions. Truly an awesome challenge and a breathtaking result when 'successful'.

mmmm love me some meister...

Bookmarked that one, thanks.

My wife has trauma in her spine from breaking her t-7 and coccyx about 20 years ago. She had immense suffering from back pain, until she threw herself into ecstatic dance and yoga. Once her core was strengthened, all back pain diminished. These days she still practices Yoga, briefly each morning to maintain her flexibility and strength. She only notices pain return if she stops for a while.

I use a portable, one person sauna that has 3 far infrared panels along with a ceramic heater. http://www.healthandmed.com/p-2057-portable-far-infrared-sauna-with-ceramic-heater-carbon-fiber-panels.aspx?utm_source=CSE&utm_medium=Shopzilla&utm_campaign=CSEMGMT It has a fantastic affect on my joints and tendons in the morning especially. I use it before any qigong or cultivation now. I find it to be glorious. Deep penetrating subtle heat, no need for the ceramic air heater unless I want to get a heavy sweat going. It's remarkably effective at opening up meridians and loosening up the joints. The whole body smiles with delight.

I have a plan, but we'll need to gather some stuff...

I was finding that to be rather un-anarchistic of you, but supported your exploration of the dark side.

Wow liminal... thank you for sharing. *deep bow*

Suicide as the ultimate in short-sightedness... in the young certainly, but as you say, the elderly, infirm... so many facets to consider.

It's been interesting watching the pigeons jostle for position to get at the bread I throw out each morning. Self adjusting chaos. Wings fluttering, beaks snatching, bread crumbs flying all around. It's more akin to watching velociraptors deconstruct a corpse than vegetarians eating grain product.

I became lucid in Void once. In much the same way that I become lucid in the dream state; I became aware in Void while asleep one night. I suddenly became lucid. I was succinctly aware that there was nothing to be aware of... I had no body, there was no form and beyond the staggering fact that there was no form, I had an instinctive understanding that in this presence, form was impossible. Nothing I had ever known or would ever understand was anywhere in relation to this 'place'. Impossible Darkness, Utter Isolation. The magnitude of the thought was terrorizing and nauseating. I had no idea, no word for it. The only thought was that any reality I had ever associated with, was impossibly far away... unreachable. Panic ensued and I awoke. Much later I was reading a description of sonic models of dimensional travel that described the 'void' that exists between each note in a scale or each dimension in a reality and the resonance of that experience returned with full recall. I had a word for my experience. Void.

I echo this sentiment juliank! Deep resonance in gratitude.

I haven't seen Qi in waking life yet, but my son (seven) said something awesome a few months ago. Whether the following was him seeing it physically, or with his mind's eye is rather moot for me. He tuned in to the intention. My son and I were sitting in relative silence on the living room floor. He was playing quietly with his legos and I sat down nearby playing with breath; which led to playing around with energy, passing from one hand to another, running energy balls around various channels and hovering around organs etc. I then found myself then going into a portion of The Pillar of Light, a form which I use infrequently. Inhaling and drawing golden light from deep in the earth, through yong chuan to the heart, exhaling golden light out the lao gong in streams around the body, filling a bubble. Gradually, intensify and expand the bubble until filling the room you occupy. As I was taught, it's part of a process for sanctifying, clearing and charging space for meditation, cultivation, healing work, or in this case, a tuesday night of hanging out. C: Dad? D: Yea. C: You know there's golden light pouring out of your hands right? D: (pause) um... yea. You see that? C: mm hmm. D: (pause) so what is it doing? C: It's shooting all over the room. (waving his hands around) Like your favorite shape, spirals and spirals all over the room. It's awesome. He'd said similar once before, a year or more back, when we were sitting in the car. We were parked somewhere, waiting for Mom and I was breathing out through my lao gong. I had no intention and was not visualizing anything and he just blurted out. C: Cool Dad. The light from your hands is filling up the car. D: Wow, very cool.. what is it doing? C: Just flying around the car, but like all over it, up and around and under the seats. He then spent the remainder of the ride sending his action figures down the slides of light that were racing all around him. Love it.

I was raised Charismatic Lutheran. 10 commandments are fairly foundational to the paradigm. I bought all of it hook line and sinker, like I bought all things I was exposed to by the people I loved and trusted as a child. Until I reached the age of reason and read the bible cover to cover, twice. The contradictions and cognitive dissonance stacked into an un-ignorable heap until I found I had to move on. I was resentful and bitter toward the 'lies' I was fed for years and years. I am no longer bitter and have come full circle to revel in many of Christ's teachings. The Gnostics particularly resonate. But I had a moment I wanted to share, some time after I left the church, regarding the 10 commandments that was very powerful for me and helped me to release much of the pent up anger and resentment and it was a subtle change in perspective. The 10 commandments in my experience should be called the 10 path markers. They are not a list of 10 things you should never do, or you'll be punished for eternity, or punished at all perhaps... I don't know. They are a list of things that you would never do, were you to be walking the Path of love. They are a brief, incomplete list; clear road markers as to what path you are on. When I am keyed into divine love, it is not something outside of me. It emanates from my being. I can't call it God. I don't believe in that type of being. But I have definitely experienced divine love and that feeling is what the christians in my church called 'walking with god'. "He is so filled with love, he's really walking with God." As I said, I don't believe in God, but I experience a godly love in my Path in life. The tao of the ten commandments are really the 10 path markers that tell you whether you are on the path of divine love/tao/bliss/unity. When you are walking in love/unity/tao you simply will not be capable of killing, stealing, coveting... anything. It would be impossible to have any other gods above this, as this experience is transcendent even of the idea of a god. When man followed the Tao, no laws existed. sidenote: My mom got a call from my youth minister the night I asked him why 'Thou shalt not rape' was not a commandment. That one still bothers me.

I saw you on a horse, with big cowboy hat when I read that

This touches on one of my favorite TTC verses. I haven't shared this before, but this is my take on verse 31. 31 Weapons: tools of pain, used for violence and fear. Decent folk abhor. Yet in direst need and if compelled will use them, with utmost restraint. Peace, highest value. When the peace has been shattered who can be content? Glory in fighting? Those who delight in killing do not know true self. Your foes not demons. Simple beings like yourself. Sage desires no harm. No victory dance. Victory by force, no joy. How rejoice in this? Sage battles gravely with sorrow and compassion like tending a grave. I'm at a point in my life where I've spent considerable effort on the justified punishment of the wrongdoings against me. Quieting myself in recent years, I have discovered a sincerely sorrowful return on that investment. Each act of 'justified retribution' has been at its core, another dark act in a string of dark acts. Don't get me wrong, I am no doormat. But I no longer relish in the conflict against wrongdoing. In direst need I will protect the innocent/weak but I cannot take no joy in it. And my desire to seek out and punish after the fact is all but gone. My near complete focus is to heal.

All war is a crime. There are no degrees for me.

refining the self synthesize the breath and mind self dissolves in Tao

My work drew me out to the desert. I fantasize about heading up to Seattle or Vancouver often. I'd be broke, soggy and happy...