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neimad, May 25, 2006 in General Discussion
Finally had a chance to read this. Nice article neimad. I've been going through something very similar recently. Opening up into the present. Even when the present involves something like the pressure of a deadline, allowing myself to stay open and grounded in the now and flow through the pressure as a present moment-to-moment experience. This is in contrast to having my energy do something like contract up into my head into a mental projection of time as being a real, linear force outside of myself and imposed upon "poor little me". In this scenario I am left struggling against a mental illusion of a past and future sandwich. Now, when I notice I am doing this I continue my work without stopping while simultaneously allowing myself to recognize the inescapably true and real felt connection with Now as all I can really know. In this Now-space there is only sensation floating in an infinite, timeless moment. I notice what eventually pulls me from continuing to open into this space is basically fear. My mind fears how infinitely open this space is, there is literally nothing to stand on or hold on to, even the feeling that I have my feet on the ground or my fingers are typing are just sensations arising in a mysterious sea without boundaries.
opening up more to the present changes EVERYTHING huh?
perspective is entirely changed and all those silly little things we spend most of our time dwelling on dissapear. life becomes easier and more enjoyable.
however i think there are degrees of presence... like i am still at a fairly superficial level of presence, i am aware that i can only deepen this presence further and further. there is no end point until we are once again one with the universe.
i understand about the fear, fear is really and truly our only limiting factor.... but i think it's also such a useful thing. it gives us an opprtunity to have this journey..... we are all trying so hard to get to the end point (whatever we want to call it, enlightnement, etc) yet the journey is what gives us that oppurtunity.
deepening presence only makes it so much more enjoyable.
i have found for myself that my emotions have become so stable. i used to be some kind of depressive... i would be really depressed for a week or two, then all of a sudden i would be high for a week, then low again.... this was continous.
now i'm just at the same place all the time. you'd think it would get boring, but it doesn't. it's like i can have emotions, but i am watching them from a place of stability (although when i feel happiness or joy, i let myself enter into that... but when i feel angry, frustrated or sad... i just observe that and don't even go into it). like there is some disconnection between the emotions (which i have come to realise are entirely biochemical... these simple emotions are just part of the physical body, hormones etc... which is why diet is so important in regards to state of well-being) and this thing i identify with as being "me". i understand that the body is a part of me, but it's only a part.
neimad - well written dude! enjoyable, and something that i too can relate to.
I think you'd be very interested in the book by Christopher Hansard - The Tibetan Art of Serenity. It gives meditations with the sole purpose of dissolving fear. They've worked wonders for me... He describes the choice you highlighted into unskillful and skillful thinking, this is gone into more depth in another of his - Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking.
He gives you the tools to tackle all your perceived fears and patterns of habitual thinking. As you progress you notice an increase in energy as blockages are removed. Thus it improves traditional Taoist cultivation methods such as Qigong. My progress has been constant since discovering these books... enjoy
You might find the following article of interest. It was basically an experiment to put one of the world's greatest violonist in a subway to see if people would notice the quality of his music.
Not surprisingly, very few people stopped.