Is It Over? The Dao Bums Fall

[Lala Nila]

4 minutes ago, old3bob said:

 

knowledge of the head type only can be overrated so take it with a grain of salt, so to speak.  When or if a wild, wild west atmosphere develops here its really  just part of the big ball of wax that goes on with human beings interactions and I'd say not to be taken all that personally heart-wise or as the only standard of acting, reacting or judgement since such too will pass...or change

 

 

It's taken me a long time to learn to move from a place of equanimity and not to take things so personally. Thanks for the advice!

[old3bob]

1 hour ago, liminal_luke said:

@Nungali

 

It´s ironic that you´d suggest I get in touch with my assertive warrior side because the only Bum I´ve wanted to tell off lately is...you.  Casual readers likely don´t think you´ve said anything worthy of a finger, but somehow you´ve managed to get on my last nerves.  I´m tempted to throw my usual policy of maintaining forum decorum out the window and really let you have it.  Chances are the mods would suspend me, but would that really be so bad?  Everyone is thinking of quitting the board these days anyways.  Getting a suspension would be like being stopped by the cops on the highway, only instead of giving you a ticket for speeding they give you a coupon for all-you-can-eat breadsticks at the Olive Garden.  

 

Alas, I´m not going to do it.  Even though I don´t think you´d be offended; no, you´d probably think it was funny, or worse, congratulate yourself for helping my mental wellbeing.  Maybe someday.

 

umm, sounds like you still did it in a way.  

[BigSkyDiamond]

Every voice is welcome, and every voice has something to offer.

Welcome.

[old3bob]

 

I'm further reminded of that saying about if someone gives you a gift it doesn't mean you have to accept it.  If I remember correctly the historic Buddha said something like that?

 

 

[BigSkyDiamond]

23 hours ago, old3bob said:

I'm further reminded of that saying about if someone gives you a gift it doesn't mean you have to accept it.  If I remember correctly the historic Buddha said something like that?

 

yes that is one of my all time favorites.

the version i use is a bit more graphic, because internally for me graphic keeps me on track.

 

if someone has mud or poop and is attempting to smear it or sling it, then it comes from them and is generated by them and it belongs to them and it is owned by them.  It is theirs.   It is not mine.  I decline the gift they are offering.

 

 

 

Edited yesterday at 04:21 PM by BigSkyDiamond

[Apech]

1 hour ago, Lala Nila said:

I hope it's not over, I just got here. As an outsider and not aware of the inter-relationship drama between members I will say this (and hope I'm not reprimanded for it).

 

Often times this forum can appear to be a little snooty and highbrow, especially to people who are just beginning on whatever path they're on. This appearance is intimidating to beginner who, like myself, can be afraid to post things in fear of being banned, ridiculed or simply ignored. Forums like these-  group dynamics tend to wax and wane, lot's of people come and go. The core posters have obviously known each other for over a decade, which is awesome but also comes with some troubles, and can be intimidating when new here.

 

This is just my opinion as an introvert, who has to go over in her head several times prior to any statement I make. Maybe it's just me projecting my own insecurities of being less knowledgable than everyone else here. I don't know.

 

The lexicon of knowledge here is unmatched on the internet. So many opinions, ideas, paths and little tidbits to glean from. It's a gem. and shouldn't be taken for granted.

 

This forum is literally the only place that I'm aware of that discusses somewhat freely on many topics (reddit is terrible and a cesspool). Ive been lurking on here for many years, but too afraid to comment or ask questions. I'm older now so maybe I care less about what others think of me, which is why I decided to finally join. 

 

Just my 2 cents and a newcomer, who would be disappointed if this place disappeared for good. 

Lala,

 

Your presence on here is very welcome.  I hope you get as much from being on here as I have over the years.  Don’t be afraid to express yourself - it’s all good.  DaoBums has a long history now and at times it was far from being a sea of calm to say the least.  What keeps it going is the membership and a flow of new members.  Provided the tech doesn’t break down at some point I think we still have a long future of happy debate!

 

 

[Lala Nila]

1 minute ago, Apech said:

Lala,

 

Your presence on here is very welcome.  I hope you get as much from being on here as I have over the years.  Don’t be afraid to express yourself - it’s all good.  DaoBums has a long history now and at times it was far from being a sea of calm to say the least.  What keeps it going is the membership and a flow of new members.  Provided the tech doesn’t break down at some point I think we still have a long future of happy debate!

 

 

 

Thanks a bunch Apech, I've got a lot out of this forum over the years and decided that maybe as a form of proper exchange I should just bite the bullet and start to comment as well. I see from some of the older posts that yes things were pretty "lively" in the past. Calm is also good. Balance in all things and all that jazz.

[BigSkyDiamond]

I disagree with the view that "Dao Bums is falling."  

 

 I see that view as an expression of resistance or aversion to change.  or as a "nostalgia for the good old days" sort of like as people get older and this happens every single generation, they say that the good old days were better and the current world is going to hell in a handbasket.  only to have that younger generation say how great that very same world was when they get old.  and yet the world is still here with yes problems and yes progress.  that is the pattern i observe.   

 

Doom and gloom is in the eye of the beholder.  So is nostalgia.

[Cobie]

 

56 minutes ago, BigSkyDiamond said:

Every voice is welcome …

 

Not “every voice”, Jules the site owner has given clear restrictions; quite rightly so imo.
Quite a few people have been banned; again quite rightly so imo. Imo every system needs to set boundaries. 
Some voices will be more suited to another type of forum.

 

Quote

… every voice has something to offer. ….

Not true in my experience, some are just crap and best avoided.

 

 

 

Edited Friday at 05:22 PM by Cobie

[Apech]

4 minutes ago, Cobie said:

 

 

Not “every voice” Jules the site owner has given clear restrictions, quite rightly so imo.
Quite a few people have been banned. Again quite rightly so imo. Imo every system needs to set boundaries.

 

Not true in my experience, some are just crap and best avoided.

 

 

 

Yes Cobie we have all read your posts 😃

[BigSkyDiamond]

23 hours ago, Cobie said:

Not “every voice” Jules the site owner has given clear restrictions, quite rightly so imo. Imo every system needs to set boundaries.

 

that is true, absolutely.  thank you for the reminder. yes, voices that are compliant with the forum guidelines.

 

23 hours ago, Cobie said:

Not true in my experience, some are just crap and best avoided.

 

I agree.  The "something to offer" may be (as it is for me)  "oh this is something for me to entirely steer clear of" or yes  "oh this is crap that is best avoided."

  

i had a friend at work who used this for people she absolutely could not stand, "oh, they are showing me behaviors which i find appalling, this is helpful for me so I can avoid those behaviors myself.  I am learning who and what i never want to do, be or become."  Reframing works wonders for me.

 

Edited yesterday at 04:25 PM by BigSkyDiamond

[心神 ~]

46 minutes ago, BigSkyDiamond said:

had a friend at work who used this for people she absolutely could not stand, "oh, they are showing me behaviors which i find appalling, this is helpful for me so I can avoid those behaviors myself.  I am learning who and what i never want to be or become."  Reframing works wonders for me.

 

Agreed. What we dislike in others, we dislike in ourselves. Through interaction with some of the most hostile, self-righteous individuals, I've usually discovered a good amount of hostility and self-righteousness in myself. My perception of someone else's failing is an opportunity for my growth, and so I will always be grateful to said individuals for that reason.

 

"Apparent enemies become my friends golden links in the chain of my good. There is nothing to oppose my good."

Florence Scovel Shinn

[Nungali]

7 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

@Nungali

 

It´s ironic that you´d suggest I get in touch with my assertive warrior side because the only Bum I´ve wanted to tell off lately is...you.  Casual readers likely don´t think you´ve said anything worthy of a finger, but somehow you´ve managed to get on my last nerves. 

 

Remember this bit and see below  ....

 

 

7 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

 

 

 

 

I´m tempted to throw my usual policy of maintaining forum decorum out the window and really let you have it.  Chances are the mods would suspend me, but would that really be so bad?  Everyone is thinking of quitting the board these days anyways.  Getting a suspension would be like being stopped by the cops on the highway, only instead of giving you a ticket for speeding they give you a coupon for all-you-can-eat breadsticks at the Olive Garden.  

 

Alas, I´m not going to do it.  Even though I don´t think you´d be offended; no, you´d probably think it was funny, or worse, congratulate yourself for helping my mental wellbeing.  Maybe someday.

 

Do it in a Pm ... say whatever you want and whatever you need to ... but please address the above within it   ^  

 

that is   .... 'somehow ,  you managed to get on my nerves '    ...  if it isn't clear , 'explore' the somehow and say why  you think it is , in nay form or expression is acceptable .  

 

(I am really tempted to say something else here as well , but I don't want to influence this process  .... I'll log it elsewhere for a record .  ) 

[BigSkyDiamond]

.

 

Edited yesterday at 04:27 PM by BigSkyDiamond
duplicate

[BigSkyDiamond]

part of me wants to state firmly,  in ten-year-old fashion, "You are not the boss of Luke."

"You don't get to tell him what to do."  "He does not have to do what you tell him to."

 

 

And the grown-up part of me also notes, "you are not in charge of his process so leave him alone."  and this part below sounds ominous and vaguely menacing.   Send me a DM has overtones of meet me in a dark alley so we can settle this.   I don't like seeing people being badgered.

 

20 minutes ago, Nungali said:

(I am really tempted to say something else here as well , but I don't want to influence this process  .... I'll log it elsewhere for a record .  ) 

 

Edited Friday at 10:39 PM by BigSkyDiamond

[Nungali]

6 hours ago, old3bob said:

 

umm, sounds like you still did it in a way.  

 

 

Its a start . 

 

Even though it came after his likes and laughs on my posts before this .  

 

Something  has annoyed  him and I encourage him to 'get it up '  and 'get it out  ' . 

 

Of course its fiine !    It would be just words and expressions of feelings  .... I mean I come from an old school culture where friends might physically fight , and get injured and then ..... Oh well .... 'Mates ?' .....   grumble  ... 'yeah ,,, OK '  shake  . 

 

I know this horrifies some , including Americans , I know from working on mixed Aussie and American crews  in the film industry .  In the past *  not immune to the occasional 'punch - up ' 

 

* of course it's all got out of control the opposite way now  ... due to 'Harvey Weinstein'  blow back - with 'correct behavior ' inspectors on set .   

[Nungali]

5 hours ago, Apech said:

Yes Cobie we have all read your posts 😃

 

I am just wondering 

 

Is that the sort of thing I laugh at , but liminal luke gets upset at  ? 

[BigSkyDiamond]

6 minutes ago, Nungali said:

Its a start . 

Even though it came after his likes and laughs on my posts before this .  

Something  has annoyed  him and I encourage him to 'get it up '  and 'get it out  ' . 

Of course its fiine !    It would be just words and expressions of feelings  .... I mean I come from an old school culture where friends might physically fight , and get injured and then ..... Oh well .... 'Mates ?' .....   grumble  ... 'yeah ,,, OK '  shake  . 

 

I know this horrifies some , including Americans , I know from working on mixed Aussie and American crews  in the film industry .  In the past *  not immune to the occasional 'punch - up '  * of course it's all got out of control the opposite way now  ... due to 'Harvey Weinstein'  blow back - with 'correct behavior ' inspectors on set .   

 

and many people recognize that walking away from someone who is spoiling for a fight is a healthy behavior.

that pining for the good old days of bar room brawls on the work site (or the equivalent brawls on line)  might not be a behavior to (a) admire or (b) engage in or (c) seek to emulate.

 

Edited Friday at 10:46 PM by BigSkyDiamond

[Nungali]

13 minutes ago, BigSkyDiamond said:

part of me wants to state firmly,  in ten-year-old fashion, "You are not the boss of Luke."

"You don't get to tell him what to do."  "He does not have to do what you tell him to."

 

 

It is an offer 

 

Don't be ridiculous 

 

I cant 'make Luke do anything .   I think you misinterpret my offer . 

 

Looks like YOU are triggered too ?

[Apech]

4 minutes ago, Nungali said:

 

I am just wondering 

 

Is that the sort of thing I laugh at , but liminal luke gets upset at  ? 

I’m still in shock at the thought that anyone on here finds you annoying.

 

 

[Nungali]

11 minutes ago, BigSkyDiamond said:

part of me wants to state firmly,  in ten-year-old fashion, "You are not the boss of Luke."

"You don't get to tell him what to do."  "He does not have to do what you tell him to."

 

 

And the grown-up part of me also notes, "you are not in charge of his process so leave him alone."  and this part below sounds ominous and vaguely menacing.  

 

 

Its YOU ! 

 

It is NOT ominous    ... might I suggest you either grow up or mind your own business ?  

 

I offer to take this to my PM as I didn't want to make LUkes feelings a side issue topic of this thread and do it in public . HE can decide to do it privately, not at all or on the forum 

 

YOU have decided to drag the issue on in public for him ... maybe you should check with him first on how he feels about this ? 

 

[BigSkyDiamond]

2 minutes ago, Nungali said:

 

It is an offer 

Don't be ridiculous 

I cant 'make Luke do anything .   I think you misinterpret my offer . 

Looks like YOU are triggered too ?

 

my accurate observation is that you like to stir the pot.

 

[Nungali]

1 minute ago, Apech said:

I’m still in shock at the thought that anyone on here finds you annoying.

 

 

 

 

I didn't even 'goose' any one up the bottom ! 

[old3bob]

"...I know this horrifies some , including Americans , I know from working on mixed Aussie and American crews  in the film industry .  In the past *  not immune to the occasional 'punch - up '..."  Nungali excerpt

 

ah, I'd say that is similar to how many here are "horrified' or whatever  of political discussion's.

 

The dems and repubs could go at each other in the past and come out with half decent compromises but now the divide is so great that many want genocide for the other!

[Nungali]

6 minutes ago, BigSkyDiamond said:

 

and many people recognize that walking away from someone who is spoiling for a fight is a healthy behavior.

 

 

I don't want to walk away from Luke  and I don't want to fight him 

 

I want him to spit out that little bugger that's growing at his guts . 

 

YOu seem to misread' things according to whatever it is that's going on for you