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What helps me is to be aware of my natal chart. Not sure if you are into this. But it would be interesting to find out what your Venus is. 

This is in relation to romantic relationships.


If I may share my 2 cents - I feel it's important to have clear boundaries, even and especially when being in a relationship, because if not, it will build resentment. At the same time, there's this need/importance of opening up..not in a way that the other person is an "other" but to connect to the reality that we are all really part of one source, if that resonates with you. 


I don't think it helps to think that she's not the one just because of the hesitation. I think it's part of any relationship, when getting close to have those feelings. What helps is to have an honest conversation about feelings with one's partner. That's my thoughts. I'm far from being an expert but I can relate to hesitating to open up (even if I tend to think out loud). 

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Hey mate, thanks for sharing.  To share authentically, from our unguarded center is always for me an experience of vulnerability and often after doing so, I will have a bit of a 'sharing hangover' effect.  'oops I shared too much, i'm weakened and at risk'.  I have come to accept this is natural and not an indication that I have erred... but that I have allowed myself to move into the very blockages you speak of and begun to loosen the knots.  In the long view, it is recognized as beneficial.  In the moment, it often feels like a mistake.  So you're not alone.


As for committed relationships... I do not hold to the Western or Eastern ideals of marriage, never have.  I don't believe most mammals are monogamous for life.  So I never judge folks who leave a relationship, or eschew the 'normal' societal route of marriage, kids and retirement.  I don't find it teneble for most folks.


That said... I've been commited to building a life with my gal for over three decades now (33 years this last summer) and I can assure it is the greatest treasure I have found, in every aspect of life.  Energetically, physically and mentally.  To explore life through the union of loving kindness, and mutual exploration has expanded my path beyond my own boundaries in ways I don't expect I would have found by myself. 


But that is me.  Some others may not necessarily experience that and that is also natural, and wonderful.  Some folks need isolation and solitude.  And even in our own relationship, we have both always given each other what space we need to explore on our own.  A true union is two, complete and whole individuals, overlapping and uniting in communion, not dominance. 


Relationships (and all life) to me is a dance.  An unfoldingness.  To clutch, or control is to stagnate.


I can also assure you that there are periods throughout our life when it felt decidedly uncomfortable and unbeneficial to be together and was among the harshest and most difficult challenges of my life.  We may have broken our union several times and that would have been ok.  If she had ever approached me and said "I must leave.  For my own good." I would have wept and grieved, but in the end, I want what's best for her, because I love her without measure and want to see her flourish in the end.  Be that with me, or on her own, or with another.


When we first met, it was like lightning throughout my life.  It was unlike anything I have ever experienced aside from the birth of my son.  I was 19 when she walked through the stage door during an audition and the moment I saw her I was struck blind and dumb to all but her.  Love at first sight.  But I rejected it.  I was dedicated to a path of study and wanted no part of any relationship with anyone.  I had a plan at that time and I wanted to dedicate myself to it completely.   So I resisted her and the relationship for almost a year.  Looking back I'm reminded of the old adage... 'life is what happens while we're busy making other plans...' :P


Relationships (all relationships, friends, workmates) require cultivation, care, and nurturing.  They also require understanding, raw openness, forgiveness, willingness to recognize and accept one's own faults and those of their partner.  Willingness to bend at times (for the other), and a requirement to be able to hold fast, and be steadfast, to be a bed-rock for the other.  It is a constant give and take, a dance if you will, through life.


And I can say, through her and with her I have experienced aspects of myself I doubt I would have encountered on my own.  This is not to say this is the ultimate path.  But it has been my path and looking back, there were times when one or the other of us wanted to leave, found it too much to bear.  But in the moment of decision, we had the inertia to remain together and I recognize the benefit in my path after all this time. 


You are in one manner of speaking sacrificing yourself to a union beyond your individual self.  However, you are also gaining the energetic culmination of two individuals into a union that is greater than the sum of its parts.


I've rambled again and am going to stop now and go take a walk before I blather on more and before the desert sun rises for the day. 


I hope you get the sense of what I'm sharing.  Trust your own process and trust your ability to read the union and the flow of the energies you two generate together and know that you both have the source within you and are never separate from it.


We all are dancing through life, sometimes we're off-beat and that's perfectly ok.  There are harmonies even in dissonance on the greater scale.





Edited by silent thunder
added a few words to one sentence for clarity
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