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Discovered TDB about six months ago, in the midst of a furious research in alchemy and esoterism.

There is no point in being just a spectator of this forum as I'm coming to conclusion that for the last six months all I've been doing was gathering tons of PDF's about everything and nothing, while at the same time just barely scratching the surface of perhaps already too many practices I wish to pursue. I feel writing may actually help settle my mind on a firm and stable path.

Surprised I was to find that Taoism had anything to do with magick, and my life's first real personal passion, the martial arts.

Don't know how to introduce myself. I'm a typical 21st century kid. I started training Karate Kyokushin at the age of 12 I think. Lost the drive after about 4 years, when playing drums and guitar had completely taken over my soul. At that time, my vitality also started to deteriorate. At age of 18 I stumbled upon Tao Te Cing and started listening to Alan Watts lectures for eons. My brain was undergoing a complete reprogramming and reconditioning.


A year later my health condition caused me to seek help in meditation and yoga. But these seemed so limited and subtle I couldn't stick with it. Then I took a yang style Tai Chi class and it had me. That one day I reconnected with the long lost feeling from childhood time, when I was running around the house concentrating and throwing chi balls everywhere all the time lol. Unfortunately I couldn't afford regular training at the time.

OK, what I really need to say is I am finally eager to join your courtyard for one reason primarily: I don't know.

I used to think I was indestructible, but now I'm doubting it.
I used to think everybody except me was a fool, now I feel it's the opposite.

I used to think music was the only thing worth living for, now I don't know.

I used to think psychodelics were the best way to understand the nature of reality, deal with my "depression", and "heal my traumas", and now I don't know.
I thought the answer lied in dreams and I needed to access the subconscious in order to realize what is hindering me from healing and enjoying life.

And I don't really know because the 45 day fast I did worked wonders on my psyche and my body. I feel now about 70% revitalized(meaning I feel more like I did at 13).
I was so sure the above things had a strong potential, but they seem minuscule now in comparison to fasting and keeping good diet, hydration, sleep and exercise.
And also I thought raw vegan fruit based diet was ideal(mainly because it's appealing to me and seems to be most natural), but again I'm not that sure right now...


I don't even know how to set an avatar on my profile haha.
I have like 20 tags of Bums topics opened in my browser and it's growing.
Too much! I'm overwhelmed!


For now there are only two things left I'm still fairly certain of are:

1. Change is the only constant.

2. Staying in the present works better for me than not staying in the present.

I am enthusiastic though. Eager to learn, and eager to take advice from the more experienced.

I feel I might also be able to contribute, once I finally decide what the hell do I want to explore.

Maybe one day I will talk like zen master everybody here reminds me of LOL :)


PS. Please please point out any English grammar and word misuses I might be making in my posts. It's not my native language though I care a lot to perfect it.

OK. I'm sleepy, time to bed.



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Hello Papayapple, and welcome.


Your membership is approved and we're happy you found your way to us. We look forward to accompanying you on some of the way that you still have to go.


Please take the time to read the two posts pinned at the top of this Welcome page and take a look at the forum terms and rules. This covers all you need to know when getting started.


For the first week you will be restricted to ten posts per day but after that you can post as much as you like. Also, until you’ve posted fifteen times in the forums, you’ll be a “Junior Bum” with somewhat restricted access and will be allowed only two private messages per day.


Good luck in your pursuits and best wishes to you,


Marblehead and the TDB team



Hi Papayapple,


Yeah, now that's an introduction.  Lots of experiences behind you.  Perhaps we can help to bring them all together for you.


You are welcome to jump right in ongoing discussions, revive an older thread, start a new thread of your own, or start a discussion in the "Newcomer Corner" sub-forms to expand on your introduction or ask general questions to help you get started.


May you enjoy your time here.



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Hi Papayapple - best avatar ever.  What it says to me:


You know you are a lion among men, you inhabit the space between heaven and earth.  The lion is flying, his feet not touching the ground.


You know you need grounding, as the lion does.


You desire starkness and definition; the lion emerges from the fuzzy background into distinctiveness.  As though looking to define himself.


The lion is currently racing, as you are.  So many ideas, so many directions.



There are no right or wrong answers here.  Just jump in, Lion.  Right where you are.  You're going to be fun to have around.  No need to collect stuff any more.  Time to find your own answers.  Be fearless but gentle.  You have much to gain from us, you have much to offer us.

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